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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457942">paradise lost (and found)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/avatricefeels/pseuds/avatricefeels'>avatricefeels</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Warrior Nun (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Pre-Canon, a study of how s1 and 2 would play out if ava and bea already dated, after that its angsty, also kind of how ava would be if she had a loving upbringing, ava's mum is awesome by the way and we love her, did I mention found family, the first half is mostly fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:15:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>89,095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27457942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/avatricefeels/pseuds/avatricefeels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As the blinding light of the Halo dimmed, the Halo-Bearer turned to face them, and the truth hit Beatrice like a punch to the gut. She had refused to believe it, told herself it wasn't possible. For standing before her was the girl, now a young woman, who had once been hers. It was the pain of losing her, and everything that followed that forged her into a sister warrior. </p><p>Or: It's the boarding school roommates to friends to lovers pre-canon AU that no one asked for, which spiralled into a season two take. Ava is part of the reason why Beatrice finds her way to the OCS, although it's not that simple, and pain made me a sister warrior takes on a whole new meaning.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sister Beatrice &amp; Ava Silva, Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>394</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>655</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/slythleo/gifts">slythleo</a>.</li>



    </ul><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The song for the first scene is Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Sloan. You can find my playlist for the fic on Spotify <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the back rooms of ArqTech, Beatrice’s heart hammered inside her chest, beads of sweat clinging to her forehead. She told herself that this physical response was expected, normal, given the circumstances. She, her sister warriors and Father Vincent had broken into the technology company after receiving word from Mary that she had spotted the Halo-Bearer at the party. Jillian Salvius had revealed to the world that she had created a doorway to a quantum realm, by melting down holy relics of Divinium to stabilise the Higgs field. As if that wasn't enough, they had then been ambushed by Tarask, the first confirmed sighting of a higher order demon in over a century, thirsting for the new Halo-Bearer's blood, but one hit from her had caused it to vanish. </p><p>As the blinding light of the Halo dimmed, the Halo-Bearer turned to face them, and the truth hit Beatrice like a punch to the gut. Her heart skipped several beats, and she inhaled sharply like someone had plunged a blade into her chest. She had refused to believe it when she was shown the CCTV images from the church, told herself it wasn't possible. Convinced herself that there were plenty of girls called Ava Silva, plenty of girls with those mesmerising eyes, like the deep browns of autumn. </p><p>But God works in funny ways. </p><p>Somehow, Beatrice remained standing, and the unexpected change in her demeanour caused her fellow sister warriors to exchange puzzled looks, but in that moment she broke all over again. The bonds between those shattered parts of herself she had pieced together, crying herself to sleep in the dark corner of her dorm room at a remote Catholic boarding school in Switzerland three years ago, crumbled into dust. </p><p>She knew this was no strange dream, or cruel nightmare. Not even her brilliant mind could conjure something of this magnitude. Something this painful. For the past few days she had been grieving over the loss of their Warrior Nun, of Sister Shannon, as they all had been, but this revelation added another crushing weight to her shoulders. She felt the bones in her knees weaken, ready to buckle. </p><p>Because standing before her was the girl, now a young woman, who had once been <em>hers</em>. It was the pain of losing her, and everything that followed that forged her into a sister warrior. </p><p>Before her, Ava looked terrified, bewildered, a deer caught in headlights, but when she met Beatrice's eyes there was a flicker of recognition and she froze for a moment. Her name was razor sharp on the tip of her tongue, but ultimately the word was left unspoken. It was heavy between Ava’s teeth, those three letters carrying the weight of a different lifetime. She convinced herself that this young woman, this <em>nun, </em>only looked like her. There had to be a line for how much shit one person could have thrown at them in just a few days, even by God's standards. </p><p>At night sometimes, in the quiet at Cat's Cradle, Beatrice had imagined how their paths might cross again, fruitlessly entertaining herself with a pipedream. But every time she would ultimately come to the same conclusion. It was impossible. Of course it was. Yet, fate sometimes has a fucked up way of making your wishes come true. </p><p>Now Ava Silva had crashed into her life for a second time, and Beatrice was certain that her soul could not take the pain of what all of this could mean. </p><p>The moment broke when Ava said something about <em>the goddamn door</em>, and oh her <em>voice. </em>The way the words spilled from her lips was almost completely alien to her; Beatrice had never heard her sound quite like this, not in all the moments they shared. This was not the voice of the confident, good humoured and funny girl she had fallen in love with. This was the voice of a stranger, someone who had been beaten down into the earth by life; harsh and unforgiving. </p><p>As Ava brushed past, Beatrice reacted on instinct, pressing a tranquilliser into her neck. She tried not to feel the warmth of her skin as her fingertips brushed her neck, albeit for a fleeting moment. </p><p>"I thought she would be a handful," she shrugged as Mary looked at her, impressed. But, there was something else in that look too, as if she saw through Beatrice's collected facade like her walls are made of glass. </p><p>As Beatrice looked down at Ava's unconscious face, her body limp in Father Vincent's arms, she was reminded of how at peace she has once been, in another life a world away, waking up next to that sleeping face. That's when the flashback started, washing over her like a tide rolling over the sand. Whether it would drown her or her allow her to swim, remained to be seen. </p><hr/><p>
  <strong> <em>Three years ago.</em> </strong>
</p><p>When there was a knock at the door, she groaned. She had forgotten that she was going to be unfortunate enough to have a roommate this year, as much as she had protested to the Head Mistress herself. She <em>did </em>tolerate a handful of other students at Darlington School for Girls, but that was out of necessity rather than any desire for genuine human connection. When she didn’t move to answer, the door opened anyway and the familiar voice of Ms Gransom, head of housekeeping, filled the silence of the room.</p><p>"This is your room," the woman said, and soon she laid eyes on her roommate for the first time. </p><p>Her roommate was petite, easily half a head shorter than herself, dressed in blue jeans and a NASA t-shirt. Her eyes were deep brown, alert and excited as she scanned the room, though nothing much met her gaze. The room was sparsely decorated, and even that was being generous. The walls were painted a light blue like the other rooms, and the wooden floor creaked a little under foot. The only thing that gave her side of the room away was the lack of a made bed. Otherwise, even the side occupied by her roommate hardly looked lived in.</p><p>"And this is your roommate, Beatrice." </p><p>"Hi, Beatrice!" the girl chirped. "Nice to meet you, I'm Ava. Ava Silva."</p><p>Beatrice just nodded in greeting, pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose and focused back on her reading, spinning a fountain pen through her fingers. </p><p>"I'll leave you to get settled, Ava," Ms Gransom told her. "Someone from housekeeping will bring up your sheets shortly, but if they don't appear or you need anything just pop down to the office, okay?" </p><p>Ava nodded. "Sure, will do, Ms Gransom. Thanks for showing me up here, I definitely would've got lost otherwise."</p><p>Ava spoke English with a soft American edge, though her accent did not give any indication of where exactly in the States she may have heralded from. Considering this, Beatrice wondered if she had perhaps learned English as a second language, noting that her name seemed to have Spanish origins. </p><p>And with that the head of housekeeping closed the door behind her, leaving Ava and Beatrice to themselves. Ava carried her things to her side of the room, surveying the identical and simple layout. They each had a desk with shelves on the wall above, a single bed and an old pinboard, which Ava could not wait to adorn with photos and postcards, and a bedside table with a lamp. There was a small wardrobe combined with several drawers, and a double window in the middle of the back wall that was pushed up a little, allowing the fresh air to chase away the slightly lingering smell of a room shut up for the summer months. Ava thought that the windowsill would be a perfect spot for the only plant she was able to bring with her, a small succulent, but knew she'd be buying more at the first opportunity. </p><p>"You know classes haven't started yet, right?" Ava attempted to make conversation, although she quickly mentally kicked herself.  <em>What sort of a conversation starter is that, Ava? Congrats, you dipshit, the award for best lame first conversation goes to you! </em></p><p>"Preparation is mandatory," Beatrice replied, before looking up and turning to face her new roommate. "You'd know that if you'd actually read the syllabus handbook."</p><p>Ava was almost surprised and taken aback by the assumption that she had not taken heed of the pages and pages of preterm reading. Was she that predictable already? She'd barely known this girl for five minutes. She regarded Beatrice for a few moments, taking in the exasperated look in her eyes. Her round rimmed glasses lent a timeless youthfulness to her countenance, and her dark hair was tied up haphazardly. </p><p>"Wait, that was serious?" </p><p>"Of course. Why would it be a joke?"</p><p>Ava's brow furrowed as she bit her lip, an expression that Beatrice couldn’t help but find endearing, although she quickly quieted that thought and maintained her composure. </p><p>"Ah, fuck. What are the chances of me being able to get away with it?" Ava questioned, sounding almost hopeful. </p><p>"Almost none."</p><p>"Well, you're certainly honest I'll give you that. Um, do you know where I might find a copy of this handbook? I definitely did not think to bring the one they mailed me."</p><p>Beatrice sighed. "Here," she said, reaching up onto her bookshelf above the desk. "You can borrow mine." Part of her hoped that Ava would stop talking now, and leave her to her prep.</p><p>"You might have just saved my ass, thank you."</p><p>"I wouldn't be thanking me just yet, you're going to have <em>a lot</em> of material to get through before classes start on Monday."</p><p>"Well, thank you anyway, Beatrice. At least you'll be able to laugh at my misfortune before too long."</p><p>"I don't see how that would be a laughing matter."</p><p>"Alright, jeez. This British sense of humour is going to take some getting used to, huh."</p><p>When Beatrice did not reply, Ava retreated to her side of the room and began to empty her suitcase, which consisted of tipping everything out onto the bed and staring at the resulting chaos for a few minutes. The clatter made Beatrice startle, causing her to turn around and grimace at the disruption to the previously spotless room. She rubbed her temples and closed her eyes, as if not seeing Ava would make the reality of the current situation evaporate. It didn’t work, obviously, and Beatrice’s peace and quiet was soon disrupted again by a knock at the door. Ava moved to answer it, gesturing for her to continue with her prep. On the other side Ava was met by a tall grey-eyed blonde, already dressed in her school uniform like the others, and without a single seam out of place. The grey blazer fitted her physique perfectly, and there was not a crease to be seen on her blouse. There was something about her posture that exuded a nonchalant arrogance, and Ava couldn’t help but notice how the other girls skirted around her up against the opposite wall as if she were a lioness prowling her queendom. </p><p>"Hello," the blonde said. "You must be the new girl. I just wanted to swing by and introduce myself, my name is Millicent Claremont, head girl, but you call me Millie."</p><p>"Hello Millicent Claremont Head Girl But Call Me Millie, nice to meet you," Ava grinned. </p><p>Millie's nostrils flared at Ava's teasing and she looked startled, as if she'd never had anyone poke fun at her before. </p><p><em>Bloody hell, what is it gonna take to crack a smile out of these girls? </em>Ava thought, although instead she said, "I'm Ava, but I'm guessing you already knew that."</p><p>"Well of course, it's my job to know all the ins and outs of this place. Do you not have head girls where you're from?" </p><p>"Hm, they do but clearly we don't take it as seriously as you do."</p><p>Millie rolled her eyes. "Evidently not. Have you met your roommate yet?" </p><p>"Beatrice? Yeah, she seems nice."</p><p>Ava could think of a hundred words to describe the other girl already, studious, stoic, but she didn’t voice these. She also got the sense that this wasn't the response Millie had been hoping for. </p><p>"I just wouldn't want you getting involved with the wrong sort, Ava. I can help you with that."</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck is that meant to mean? </em>
</p><p>Hidden behind the wall, Beatrice’s face reddened. She was mortified. She was all too aware of the whispers that followed her around, the assumptions, the harsh words. She tried not to listen, not to take it to heart. She had built up fortifications that would put a medieval castle to shame just to be able to get through the days, and often walked around with noise cancelling headphones for this very reason. But to hear it <em>again, </em>so clearly and so close made tears prick in her eyes and her thoughts spiral. She heard her parents' voices echoing against her skull: <em>Who you are is unnatural, Beatrice, can't you see that? </em></p><p>Millie extended her hand, although Ava did not accept the gesture. Instead she narrowed her eyes and said, "I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks," and shut the door in Millie's face. The head girl was stunned to silence, and soon stormed off in a huff when she realised that several younger girls had witnessed what had just happened.</p><p>Beatrice didn’t meet Ava's eyes when she stepped back into the room, and there was a heavy silence for a few heartbeats. She half expected Ava to demand a sort of explanation, but what she said next genuinely surprised her. </p><p>"I'm sorry you had to hear that. That Millie girl is clearly a bitch."</p><p>Seeing Beatrice distraught, although she could see that the girl was doing her best to conceal it, Ava dug a tissue out of her pocket and passed it to her wordlessly. Beatrice was hesitant to take it at first, embarrassed by the fact that Ava has already seen her cry and they had barely known each other an hour, but took it anyway. </p><p>"Thank you," she sniffled, her voice quiet. </p><p>Had Ava known the girl longer, she would've pulled her into a hug, but suspected that this would cross her boundaries. Instead, she just said <em>you’re welcome </em>and headed back to unpacking her things, trying to be as quiet as possible. A few hours passed, and Ava changed into the school uniform after learning that such attire was required for mealtimes during the week, even though the teaching weeks had not started. A little before six, the bell rung to indicate that the girls should start to file into the dinner hall. </p><p>"Could we go to dinner together?" Ava asked, somewhat sheepishly. "I don't know anyone and I'm beginning to think that there are more piranhas here than I thought. I honestly feel like Poppy Moore from Wild Child."</p><p>"It would make sense for us to go down together, yes," Beatrice acknowledged, the pop culture reference going way over her head. </p><p>"Wait, have you not seen that movie?" </p><p>Beatrice shook her head. "No," she replied flatly, expecting a judgemental retort. She didn't waste her time on things that did give her value. Her parents had no care for pop culture. Only that she appeared normal… Or at least acceptable. </p><p>"Then I'm going to make it my mission to give you a movi-cation," Ava grinned as they stepped out into the corridor. </p><p>"A movi-cation?" </p><p>"Yeah! A movie education. Movi-cation. You can't be a young woman in this world without having watched the classics. Heck, they might even make you laugh."</p><p>At this, Beatrice smiled. She knew it already; somehow Ava Silva was going to be the death of her. </p><p>They walked to the end of the corridor and, at the top of the central staircase, met a handful of other girls. Beatrice introduced Ava to her sister, Nancy, and her friends, who were in the year below. She noticed that they all called her roommate Bea, but decided that this was a nickname that came with the badge of friendship she was yet to earn. </p><p>"Wait, are you the girl who shut the door in Millie Claremont's face?" Nancy asked. </p><p>"Unless there is someone else Millie has gone all Draco Malfoy on, then yeah I suppose so!" Ava shrugged and laughed. </p><p>The younger girls erupted in laughter. </p><p>"Oh my god I wish I had seen that!"</p><p>"I bet her face afterwards was a sight to behold."</p><p>"How on earth did you hear about that already?" Ava asked.</p><p>"Rule One of Darlington," Seren, the Welsh girl, chimed in. "Don't ever say or do anything that you wouldn't want the whole school to know."</p><p>Nancy nodded in agreement. "Gossip spreads here like wildfire."</p><p>
  <em>At least in that way this place doesn't seem so different from home. </em>
</p><p>After that they reached the dinner hall and sat themselves on a long table towards the back. High above their heads, large wooden beams stretched across the expanse of the room and formed the backbone of the roof. Braziers cradling light bulbs lined the stone walls, probably once holding real coals, Ava thought, and an ornate chandelier hung in the centre of the hall, casting a soft glow. The ensuing welcome speech, for it seemed now that all the girls had returned, was mundane enough, until the Headmistress singled Ava out as the only new girl in the upper years. The Head called out for Ava to give them all a wave, to which she obliged humbly. There were a few whispers and craning of heads after the Head had resumed her speech, and when Ava caught Millie's eye from across the hall she could see, even from this distance, that the older girl was glaring at her with a look of thunder. </p><p>
  <em>Jesus Christ, if looks could kill that bitch would've mounted my head on the battlements already. If there were battlements. Are the battlements here? I wouldn't be surprised. </em>
</p><p>The speech soon finished and they tucked into their dinner. The food was not what Ava was used to, to be frank she'd been living off of fast food as of late, but it was nice enough and she had no real complaints. She found herself getting on well with Nancy and her friends, although Beatrice largely kept to herself and let the other girls catch up on their summers uninterrupted. </p><p>Ava on the other hand, soaked everything up like a sponge. She learnt that Nancy and Beatrice spent the summer in various countries in Asia this year, that their parents were diplomats and they were super strict. Seren hailed from a town in south Wales called Abergavenny, at the foot of the Blorenge mountain, and her mother was the editor-in-chief for a newspaper that Ava hadn’t heard of, but thought it sounded fancy. Nellie divided her time between her home in Portsmouth and Gibraltar, where her dad was high up in the navy, and got kicks out of stealing and smoking his cigars. </p><p>"What about you, Ava? Tell us about yourself," Seren invited. </p><p>"That's a big question," Ava laughed. "What would you like to know? I'm an open book."</p><p>Beatrice surprised herself when she asked the first question. "Where did you grow up? Your accent sounds American."</p><p>Ava shook her head with a mouth full of food, swallowing before answering. </p><p>"Sorta," she replied. "I'm actually Portuguese. I was born in a small town on the border with Spain, so I grew up speaking a mix of Portuguese and Spanish. Mãe and I moved to the States for her job when I was about seven, so I learnt English there. We moved around a lot though, hence why I don't have much of a regional accent."</p><p>"And you lived there since, until now?" Nellie asked. </p><p>"Yeah. Mãe wanted me to have a safer education, so when her new company offered to cover the majority of my school fees she leapt at the chance to send me here. Darlington’s reputation speaks for itself. Plus, boarding means she won't have to worry about uprooting me every time she is sent somewhere new."</p><p>"That makes sense," Nellie said, nodding.</p><p>"What does your mum do?" Nancy wondered.</p><p>"She's head of public relations for some biotech company."</p><p>"That sounds really cool!" Nancy exclaimed.</p><p>"Yeah, she loves it. I'm very proud of her actually," Ava beamed. "She's worked her way up from the bottom to get to where she is."</p><p>Beatrice caught herself wondering what it would feel like to be proud of your parents, and, in meeting Nancy's eyes, she could tell her sister was thinking the same thing. </p><p>"And your dad?" </p><p>Ava shrugged. "Dunno, I never knew him."</p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry," Seren quickly apologised. </p><p>Ava shook her head. "Don't be, he's just never been in our lives. He and Mãe weren't married when she got pregnant with me, and it sounds like he wasn't the paternal type. Fine by me really, I took Mãe's name and have never known anything different."</p><p>"Well, we are certainly glad that you ended up here!" </p><p><em>Me too, </em>Ava thought.</p><p>"I would like to propose a toast," Seren added, raising her glass of water. "To Ava!" </p><p>"To Ava!" the rest of them echoed. </p><p>The conversation flowed after that until they decided to retire for the evening. Beatrice and Ava said bye to the others before the two groups divided, but stopped off at housekeeping for Ava’s sheets. When back at the room, she quickly made her bed, and Ava peeled off her itchy uniform. She didn’t seem to have any issues changing in front of Beatrice, who quickly turned around when she realised what was happening. </p><p>"Sorry!" Ava exclaimed, pulling her blouse back across her chest. "I didn't think getting changed might make you uncomfortable. My bad."</p><p>"Don't worry about it," Beatrice spluttered in response, unsure where to look so she sat down at her desk. </p><p>“I’ll make sure to change in the bathroom from now on,” Ava promised. After that, wrapped in her towel and grabbing her PJs, she slipped into the bathroom. </p><p>Only when Beatrice could hear the jet of the shower did she feel like she could breathe again. That was until she heard Ava shriek and the water suddenly being shut off. She dashed to the closed door and knocked, concerned that Ava may have slipped and hurt herself. </p><p><em>It’s a genuine enough concern, </em>Beatrice reasoned with herself. <em>Emilie Gauvin two years below did trip coming out of the shower once and cracked her head open on the sink. </em></p><p>“Are you alright, Ava?”</p><p>The door unlocked and Ava was standing on the other side, clad only in her towel and hair dripping over the floor. Beatrice raised a quizzical eyebrow before her glasses steamed up. </p><p>“There’s a spider!”</p><p>“Are you joking?”</p><p>“No!” Ava insisted, refusing to look in the direction of the shower. “Humour may be my default setting but I would never joke about a spider.”</p><p>“You don’t like spiders?”</p><p>“No shit, Beatrice, I screamed because I <em>love them so much.</em>”</p><p>Beatrice couldn’t help but laugh lightly. “Would you like me to remove this terrifying arachnid?”</p><p>Ava nodded, jutting out her bottom lip. “Yes please.” </p><p>Beatrice rolled her eyes and pushed her glasses onto her head before stepping into the spider’s lair. When she saw the beast in question, she actually laughed. There was indeed a spider in the bottom corner of the shower, but it was <em>tiny. </em></p><p>“This is what you’re so scared of? Ava, it looks like a baby.”</p><p>“Exactly! Small enough to scuttle over my feet without me noticing!”</p><p>“Ava,” she reasoned, cupping the little spider with her bare hands. “It is probably more afraid of you than you are of it. You are a giant in comparison.”</p><p>Ava shook her head. “Nuh-uh. I am definitely more scared.”</p><p>In the interest of not prolonging the ordeal any further, Beatrice quickly slipped past the other girl and popped the spider out of the window. </p><p>“There,” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “All sorted.” </p><p>Ava beamed. “Thank you, you’re my hero!”</p><p>There was a pause and Ava still hadn’t shut the door. In fact, Beatrice was pretty certain that they were staring at each other. </p><p>Beatrice cleared her throat. “Unless there are any more?”</p><p>“Oh, no. I’ll just…” Ava didn’t finish her sentence, gesturing vaguely to the room behind her. </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Okay. </p><p>And with that, Ava shut the door before Beatrice could see the tips of her ears turn pink. </p><p><em>Get it together, Ava,</em> she thought from the other side of the door, stepping into the shower. </p><p>Beatrice quickly learnt that Ava took long showers. She soon gave up the idea of showering that evening, and vowed to ensure that she went first next time. Whilst Ava was cleaning her teeth, Beatrice changed and sat down on her bed, scribbling down what she needed to get down the next day in a notebook. <em>Shower </em>was circled several times at the top of the list. </p><p>The sun had long since set by the time Ava finally reappeared. She wore an oversized t-shirt of some sports team that Beatrice didn’t recognise, which reached her mid-thigh, and seemingly nothing else. As if reading Beatrice’s thoughts, she reassured her that she was wearing shorts underneath, lifting the hem of the shirt up to prove her point, revealing a pair of black close-fitting bike-like shorts.</p><p>Beatrice then paid a short trip to the bathroom to clean her teeth before returning to bed and climbing under the duvet.</p><p>“Are you not going to have a shower?” Ava asked. </p><p>“I prefer to shower in the morning,” Beatrice lied. </p><p>“Oh, okay. Well, if you’d rather go ahead of me next time just say the word.”</p><p>“Are you going to stay up?” Beatrice asked shortly after, seeing that Ava had not switched off her bedside light, scrolling through her phone.</p><p>“Would you prefer it if I turned off the light?” </p><p>Beatrice hesitated for a moment before saying yes. </p><p>“If I’m ever doing something that bothers you, you can just tell me,” Ava assured her. “I don’t mind. We’re going to need to be considerate of each other if we’re gonna be roomies for the rest of the year.”</p><p>“Okay,” Beatrice replied simply, before turning over so that her back was facing Ava just as she turned the light off. Beatrice was certainly not used to having someone asking what <em>she </em>wanted. </p><p>"Goodnight, Beatrice."</p><p>"Goodnight, Ava. Sleep well."</p><p>"You too."</p><p>Ava didn’t sleep well that night; she tossed and turned restlessly more times than she could count. Meanwhile, across the room, Beatrice snored lightly, but this didn’t bother her. If anything, she found it cute. Eventually, Ava kicked off the covers and quietly padded towards the window, creaking it open just wide enough to climb through onto the fire escape. From there Ava climbed up towards the roof and sat cross legged on a small section that was smooth rather than tiled. She gazed up into the night sky, her face framed by silver moonbeams, the inky blackness dusted with stars like the cakes her mãe baked. She could make out the red glimmer of Mars, the brightness of the North star and the shape of her favourite constellation, Ursa Major, and watched a satellite zoom across the sky between them all. It wasn’t a shooting star, but she made a wish on it anyway.</p><p><em>Close enough, </em>she thought. <em>I hope I can be happy here. </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for getting to the end! A bit of a monster first chapter I know, but I hope you all enjoyed it. I would love to hear your thoughts below! Alternatively, you can find over on <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a> if you wanna cry about Avatrice (because same) or yell at me. Updates will be every Wednesday! </p><p>I also want to say the biggest of thank yous to @slythleo for being the best beta anyone could ask for and hyping this up for the last few months as I've been writing. You have all my uwus, as always!</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p><p>Lastly, if you do spot any errors do let me know. Have a good one!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Back in the past, Beatrice and Ava get to know each other a little better and begin to make some memories.</p><p>The song for this chapter, if you're into that, is Tidal by Noah Kahan. You can find this on the Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>To Beatrice’s surprise, Ava was already gone by the time she woke the next day for her early morning run. She shrugged this off, grateful to have the room to herself, though with Ava’s things adorning the other side of the room it almost felt strange without her there. She also saw an acoustic guitar at the foot of Ava’s bed that she had not noticed before.</p><p>Beatrice’s run took her into the forest at the fringe of the school grounds and into the surrounding fields, which were popular with local dog walkers and hikers, though she rarely saw another soul at that time. The cool air rushed past her as weaved between the hornbeam trees, the early fallen leaves of autumn crunching underfoot. A wise and towering oak tree marked the entrance to the fields, largely bare now and dotted with hay bales, where she startled a squirrel with an acorn in its mouth. The sides of the fields were lined with wild hedgerows that are decorated with spiders’ webs bejewelled with dew,  the bramble heavy with blackberries. Soon she reached the top of a grassy hill, and stopped to admire the view. Beyond, the hills of Cornwall rolled towards the nearby town, with the morning sun slowly dispelling the mist caressing the earth, and she could see an abandoned copper mine to the west. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply and grounding herself. She spent a little time there, embracing the calm as it washed over her before running back to the school, downhill this time. </p><p>When she returned to their room, Ava was still nowhere to be seen. Beatrice felt her absence more keenly now, assuming the worst when she did not show for breakfast either. Perhaps Ava was avoiding her after all. Perhaps she had heard the rumours by now. After eating with the others, Beatrice donned her headphones and took her preterm reading to her favourite study spot; a long-forgotten attic room with skylight windows looking out into the country beyond. However, when she got there she was shocked to see the back of someone slumped across the table. She’d never seen anyone else in there, in all her years at Darlington. Unsure what to do, she approached the girl cautiously, knowing that a single creak from the floorboards could wake her, but was also annoyed that her sanctuary had been compromised. She was even more surprised when she realised that said sleeping girl was Ava. </p><p><em> Maybe she hasn’t been avoiding me after all. </em> </p><p>Ava had a grey hoodie pulled over her head, and was surrounded by what Beatrice could only describe as an organised sort of chaos. There were two piles of books next to Ava’s chair, a number of which she recognised from the required prep material, and the larger of the two looked like it might topple over at any moment. On the desk, there were several folders and open ring bound notebook, the pages filled with a scrawled hand that she could barely read. Ava’s pillow appeared to be a chemistry textbook, and at this Beatrice grimaced. No wonder she fell asleep. </p><p>“Ava?” she said quietly, trying to wake her. Nothing. She then tapped her shoulder, which didn’t work either. Finally, she squatted down and, deciding to have some fun with her roommate, said at full volume next to her ear: “You drool in your sleep.”</p><p>Ava jolted upright, a crease from the fold of the textbook trailing across her cheek. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the daylight before Beatrice came into focus.</p><p>“Beatrice?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s my name,” she laughed.</p><p>“What are you doing here?”</p><p>“To study, same as you by the looks of things. Were you here all night?”</p><p>Ava rubbed her eyes. “I guess so. Wait, what time is it?”</p><p>Beatrice checked her watch. “It’s half ten.”</p><p>Ava buried her face in her hands and groaned. “I need…” she began after sitting back up, looking around her, appearing bemused. </p><p>“You need?” Beatrice prompted, taking the only other chair at the opposite end of the table.</p><p>“Coffee. I need coffee. Preferably several shots of espresso straight into my veins.”</p><p>“I don’t think that’s been invented yet,” Beatrice chuckled.</p><p>“Damn. Well, they should, you know.” Ava wagged her finger knowingly. “Clearly a gap in the market there.”</p><p>Ava stood up, stretching unceremoniously and rubbing the back of her neck. Sleeping in that position was not conducive to comfort. She moved towards the door, hood still up and mind set on tracking down caffeine in any form, she was not picky at this point, before turning back around.</p><p>“Will you be here when I get back?”</p><p>Beatrice looked up from arranging her things and nodded. “Of course.”</p><p>“Okay. Try not to miss me too much,” she grinned. “I won’t be long.”</p><p>And with that Ava slipped into the corridor, wiping the corners of her mouth when she was out of Beatrice’s sight. She grimaced. <em> I can’t believe she saw me drooling. Embarrassment: 1, Ava: 0. </em></p><p>Beatrice and Ava ended up studying for the rest of the day. Ava took more breaks than her roommate, getting jittery when she has been sitting still for too long, but respected Beatrice’s apparent desire for quiet. She found that the other girl’s hard work ethic induced her own productivity. When the bell went for lunch, Beatrice didn’t hear it through her headphones, spilling classical violin symphonies into her ears. Ava didn’t want to disturb her at first, but then had an idea. She tore a page from her notebook and folded it into a paper aeroplane, writing the word <em> lunch? </em>before gently throwing it to land on the pages of Beatrice’s notebook. Her face turned puzzled at first, but pulled her headphones off after she read it. </p><p>“No, thank you. I’ve got some snacks to keep me going.” She pulled several things out of her bag, and Ava was horrified to discover that her idea of <em> snacks </em>consisted of granola bars and fruit. </p><p>“Oh, okay. I’ll probably just go and grab something and bring it back here then.”</p><p>“You don’t have to come back on my account, the others will still be there I’m sure.”</p><p>"Why would I want to eat without you?” Ava asked, as if Beatrice had entirely missed the point.  “Where's the fun in that?" </p><p>"You think I'm fun?" </p><p>"Well, jury is still out on that one," Ava confessed with a laugh, "but I'm certain you've got some fun tucked away in there somewhere. Speaking of, do you fancy watching that movie I mentioned this evening?" Seeing the hesitation in Beatrice’s face she added, "We wouldn't be up late or anything. I just think the back wall over there would work great with a projector. There's one in the library I reckon that I can get working, and I promise that if you hate it then we never have to do it again. Think of it as a reward for a day’s hard work."</p><p>Beatrice eventually gave in, if only hanging onto Ava's promise. But, to her surprise, she found herself enjoying the film immensely. </p><p><em> This isn’t so bad after all, </em>Beatrice caught herself thinking with a smile, enamoured at how engrossed Ava became in the story, despite having clearly seen it a number of times. After that, Saturday night movies became their thing and, to her surprise, Beatrice found herself enjoying the chick-flicks Ava recommended (the company having nothing to do with it, of course).</p><p>As the weeks passed, Ava made friends in all her classes, a number of which she shared with Beatrice, including English Literature. They were studying comedy that term, an understanding of which was not something that came to Beatrice easily, but that all changed when Ava volunteered for the role of Lady Bracknell when reading The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde. Ava's rendition of the old woman had the class in stitches, and she soaked it all in, not because she enjoyed being the centre of attention but because she simply liked making other people laugh. God knows that Darlington could be a dreary place sometimes, but Ava had a smile that lit up the room and a laugh so loud and ridiculous that it was infectious, something that even Beatrice couldn't escape. Somehow, Beatrice’s world was just a little brighter with Ava in it. </p><p>Everywhere Ava went she waved or said hi to another new friend, but she never left Beatrice behind. Instead of moving away at mealtimes, she invited her new friends to sit with their pre-established group, including Nancy and her friends. Before Beatrice knew it, she was greeted in the corridors as much on her own as she was with Ava. It took a little while, but she began to feel relaxed among these girls and considered them her friends, too. She wore her headphones less between classes. She hadn't thought that there were any students in the school that didn't partake in the chatter behind her back, but they did more than just accept her into their circle; they actively welcomed her. They didn’t ask obscene questions or judge her, they took her at face value and treated her like one of their own, not because it was a façade, but because she <em> was </em>one of them. In fact, the rumours never even came up in conversation.</p><p>As autumn closed in, the extended friendship group went pumpkin picking. Ava had donned wellies, black corduroy dungarees and a pumpkin coloured sweater that brought out the warm hues in her skin. They spent the day in the fields of a nearby farm, picking out pumpkins of all shapes and sizes and getting stuck in the mud. At one point Ava climbed into one of the wheelbarrows, lay among the fruits of their labour and demanded that Beatrice push her down the hill. How could she say no to those eyes? Of course the idea ended badly, Beatrice slipped and Ava toppled into the mud, shortly followed by Beatrice and a number of pumpkins and gourds rolled down the hill. Everyone bent over in fits of laughter, and Beatrice didn’t even mind being covered in mud for the way Ava laughed; it was ambrosia to her. They helped each other up, and Erin captured a perfect picture of the pair laughing.</p><p>It became Beatrice’s favourite picture of them, and was the first of her new group of friends to be put up on her pinboard. She didn’t let on that this is the first photo of friends she had ever put up in her room<em>.  </em></p><p>Several weeks later, despite Ava's warnings that she was working herself too hard, Beatrice caught a cold that gripped her like an iron fist. Her sinuses were so blocked that she could only just breathe out of one nostril, and her head pounded like an incessant drum. She missed a week of classes, and, as much as she protested, when Ava forced her to stay in bed to recover she obliged. Ava perched on the edge of Beatrice bed, pressing a cold flannel to her forehead whilst she sweated out the fever, and made sure that meals were brought to the room when she was too weak to make it to the dinner hall. </p><p>"You shouldn't be near me," Beatrice grumbled at some point, her head foggy. "You might get sick."</p><p>"If you seriously think I'm going to leave you to suffer in the off chance you might give this to me then you're more stupid than you look," Ava said seriously.</p><p>"Am not stupid," Beatrice whined. </p><p>"No, you're bloody smart but lack complete common sense when it comes to self-care. You look like a hot mess right now."</p><p>"You think I’m hot?" </p><p>"Beatrice, you have a fever. Of course you're hot."</p><p>When she recovered, she thanked Ava for looking after her, and for putting up with her incoherent ramblings. </p><p>"You're welcome, you would've done the same for me. Besides, that's what friends do, right?" </p><p>
  <em> Friends.  </em>
</p><p>Later that week, in their study room, Beatrice found something wedged into her notebook. She found that Ava had taken the time to painstakingly collect notes for all the classes that she’d missed, including those that they didn't share. It would save her hours, if not days of work. When Beatrice looked up and their eyes met, Ava just smiled and never in the days that followed did she seek any credit for it. What Beatrice did notice, however, was how Ava's smile was always the brightest when she smiled at <em> her. </em>Beatrice wondered what she did to deserve that. </p><p>As they approached the half-term break in mid-October, Charlie invited Ava and Beatrice to join the group on a short camping and surfing trip. The five of them, Ava, Beatrice, Charlie, Erin and Heidi, drove a beaten up rented camper van to a glorified cliffside near Perranporth beach, where they camped for several days and luckily the weather held off. It quickly became clear that surfing was the only thing that Beatrice and Ava were equals in, as Beatrice trumped her every time academically. They were as bad as each other, spending more time falling off their boards than on them, let alone successfully riding a wave, to the endless amusement of the others. More than once Beatrice actually fell straight into Ava's arms (<em>did she stand there deliberately? </em>Beatrice wondered every time), but as long as they were together, Beatrice found that, for once in her life, she was okay sucking at something. </p><p>It was the last night when Ava bolted upright from sleep at some ungodly time in the morning, breathing heavily, waking Beatrice up in their two-person tent. It took her saying Ava’s name several times for her to even register that the other girl was there with her. Beatrice wanted to reach out her hand to give Ava something to hold on to, but restrained herself, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. Over the passing weeks Beatrice had witnessed the vast breadth of Ava's expressions, from the way a crease formed between her eyebrows when she was concentrating to half closed eyes still heavy with sleep in the morning, but she'd never seen her like this. Ava was not one to cower from others, nor one to be afraid of showing how she felt, but in that moment Beatrice saw a sheen of fear across her face as she tried to remain hidden in the shadows of the tent, pulling her knees to her chest to take up as little space as possible. </p><p>"Could you put the torch on?" she asked, her voice small. "I think it's on your side somewhere."</p><p>"Of course," Beatrice obliged. "There. Ava?" </p><p>Ava met her eyes, the strain in her cheekbones softening at the concern she saw in them. </p><p>"You're okay," Beatrice soothed her. "You're safe."</p><p>"I know. Thank you."</p><p>There was a pause. "Do you want to talk about it?" </p><p>Ava looked like she was about to say no, but she changed her mind at the last minute.</p><p>"It's going to sound really stupid," she began. "But I've been having this recurring nightmare for as long as I can remember. I dream... about being dead. I leave my body, and see myself from above. I’m in a morgue. My eyes are still open, but I'm not old. I look like how I do now. And there's no one there with me. I'm completely alone."</p><p>Now Beatrice reached out and took her friend's hand. "You're not alone," Beatrice told her. "You have us. And we'll never let anything bad happen to you."</p><p>(It was a big promise to make, and one that, as fate would have it, Beatrice would end up breaking.)</p><p>When Ava finally felt okay to turn the torch off, she said Beatrice’s name only a few moments later. </p><p>"Yeah?" </p><p>"Can we sleep a little closer together? I'm freezing. If you'd be okay with that, of course,” Ava added hurriedly. “I don't know where my jumper is and I kinda can't be bothered to dig around for it." The truth was that she could very much be bothered if the need arose, but she really just wanted the comfort of Beatrice’s presence, and couldn’t think of a better way to ask. </p><p>"Are you sure it's not because you don't have Barney?" Beatrice teased, beckoning Ava to come closer. Barney was the soft toy bear that Ava slept with at night, though she had made Beatrice swear to secrecy about him. </p><p>Ava scoffed. "Okay, you got me. He is the one true love of my life, and being separated from him is a horrifying ordeal. You'll just have to do.”</p><p>They were not quite touching when they settled, but they were close enough that Beatrice could feel Ava's warm breath on her cheek. </p><p>"You're such a dork."</p><p>"I think you like me anyway," Ava mumbled just as sleep took her, though she hadn't intended to say that out loud. Yet, it didn’t alarm Beatrice in the way that it should have, because she could only think <em> I think I like you, too.  </em></p><p>The following morning, they were very much touching. In fact, Beatrice woke to find that they had moulded into one another like origami. Ava's head was tucked under her chin with her nose buried in the nook between the base of her neck and collarbone. Their legs were intertwined like ivy, with one of Ava's arms snaking under Beatrice’s neck, whilst Beatrice held her head against her, hand woven into her hair. There was only one word, in English that is, that came to mind when they both woke, lying still and thinking the other was still asleep. <em> Bliss.  </em></p><hr/><p>After they returned, they had a test that Beatrice flunked. At least that is how Beatrice saw it, getting a B rather than an A. In her mind this was a complete failure, hearing her father’s harsh words as clear as if he were standing next to her: <em> first is last, second is nowhere. </em> She could trace her perfectionism back to the moment she first heard those words, something that a therapist would have a <em> lot </em>to say about, planting the seed, the notion that only the best was good enough. Anything below was an embarrassment, and simply not an option. </p><p>Spiralling, she couldn’t take another person trying to get her to see reason. She sought refuge in one of the few places that had never failed to give her comfort, a little chapel away from the main building of the school. It was quaint, and in need of a few repairs, but there was something about the way the sunlight spilled through the stained glass, casting a kaleidoscope of colour across the stone floor, that calmed the hurricane raging in her mind. Muscle memory guided her to the piano, where she glided her fingers over the ivory keys that had long since seen better days. She breathed life into the music without realising she had begun to play. It came to her like a second nature, as if the piano was an extension of herself. In time, her parents’ words grew quieter and faded into the background, as the notes wound themselves into wordless stories and danced among the pews.</p><p>At some point during all this, Ava entered the chapel, knowing that Beatrice would likely come here. Part of her knew that Beatrice sought solitude, but the pull to comfort her was too strong for Ava to ignore. She had never seen Beatrice like this, never thought her resolve and faith in her own academic capabilities could dissolve so quickly. She always seemed so sure, but Ava was beginning to wonder just how much of that was a façade. </p><p>“That was beautiful,” Ava said when the song came to an end. Beatrice jolted at the sound of her voice, not realising she wasn’t alone. She turned around wordlessly, the peace she had felt a few moments before pushed aside and replaced with irritation.</p><p>“Not in the mood to accept compliments?” Ava laughed lightly as she approached.</p><p>“Far from it,” Beatrice sighed.</p><p>“Why is the test bothering you so much?”</p><p>“I failed!” Beatrice exclaimed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.</p><p>Ava scowled at her. “You didn’t fail, Beatrice, you got a B. A very respectable B, I might add.” She crossed her arms. “You wouldn’t say that to me or any of the others, either, so why are you saying that to yourself?” </p><p>“You don’t understand,” Beatrice dismissed, looking away as pressure built in her temples. </p><p>“Then help me understand,” Ava told her, her voice soft.</p><p>"It's none of your business," Beatrice snapped.</p><p>Ava pushed away from the piano and threw her hands up. "Jeez, alright! Message received loud and clear.” She took a few steps back, wounded. “I'll leave you to your… Whatever this is." </p><p>True to her word, Ava walked away a second later without looking back. Beatrice watched her go with a prang in her chest, searching desperately for the words to call her back, to say sorry, but her brain short-circuited, her tongue wound in knots of her own making.</p><p>Some hours passed before she finally worked up the courage to return to their room. Ava, who was sitting up in bed reading, didn’t meet her eyes when she finally opened the door, although it was clear from the way her jaw clenched that she was fully aware of Beatrice’s presence. There was a heavy silence for a few minutes whilst Beatrice searched for the right words. </p><p>"I'm sorry for snapping at you," Beatrice said finally. "I took out my frustration on you and that wasn't fair."</p><p>"No, it wasn't," Ava replied, sitting up and resting the book on her stomach. "Look, Beatrice. You hold yourself to such high standards that they are almost unattainable. I may not get what that feels like, or even begin to understand why, but… perhaps you need to learn that you deserve to be treated with the same kindness that you treat others. And, I’m here for you. Just please don't snap at me like that. If you want space, you only need to say so."</p><p>"Thank you," are the only words Beatrice could say before Ava crossed the room and pulled her into a hug. Ava half expected Beatrice to jerk out of her embrace at any moment, but instead she buried her head into Ava’s shoulder. They melted into each other, their hearts humming. Beatrice could feel Ava’s warm breath against her ear, the rise and fall of her chest against her, and breathed her in like she was the anchor that kept her ship tethered from drifting into the vast expanse of the ocean. It was trust that bound them, allowing them to feel vulnerable with each other in those quiet moments, something that Ava suspected that Beatrice did not share with many other people. To be frank, she was  honoured that Beatrice had let her in, because behind that collected visage was a warm light that made even the sun seem dim by comparison. Ava was just glad that she was able to comfort her friend, and coax that light out of her. </p><p>There was that tricky word again. <em> Friend. </em>When they finally pulled away from each other, Ava couldn’t help but notice the way something inside her chest fluttered when Beatrice met her eyes. There was a depth to them that she’d only caught glimpses of up until now. Ava studied the way the late-afternoon light refracted off her irises, which were lighter now, like amber, her almond-shaped eyes framed by a splattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Ava wanted to count them, the way she counted the stars, to trace patterns between them. </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks again for reading! I know I said updates on Wednesdays, but here we are *shrugs*. Updates will still be weekly, just trying to figure out which day works best with my schedule. Hope you don't mind! Thank you to everyone who commented last chapter and showed their love over on Twitter, wasn't expecting such a good response and it truly made my week :)</p><p>Anyways, this wasn't a particularly plot-heavy chapter per say, but I hope you enjoyed this little exploration of Ava and Beatrice's blossoming "friendship". We'll be hopping back into the present briefly next chapter, to keep you on your toes ;) Would love to hear your thoughts below, or you can find me over on <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a> where I am seriously spending too much of my time currently. </p><p>A note on the playlist: each chapter has at least one song, but usually there's others as well and the playlist is now in chronological order so you could pretty much play it from start to finish and it would suit the vibe. Enjoy.</p><p>Take care, be safe and love yourselves!</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the present, Ava and Beatrice exchange actual words and Ava meets another nun who seems hellbent taking this new lease of life away from her. </p><p>In the past, Ava finally manages to bring out Beatrice's fun side, and, when Beatrice opens up to her, Ava begins to understand why she is the way she is.</p><p>The song for this chapter is Machine by Scott Helman. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p><p>(Just a little heads up for some implicit internalised homophobia towards the end of the chapter as well.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Ava slowly slipped back into consciousness, she heard two voices. The first was wholly unfamiliar; words clipped and cold. </p><p>“She was dead.”</p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>Amidst the fog still clustered behind her closed eyelids, a long since slumbering synapse in Ava’s brain fired. Her senses began to heighten. She recognised that second voice, somehow. She struggled to focus, her eyes flickering open and wincing at the light.</p><p>“So, she’d go back to being dead.” It was a statement, an almost hopeful one, rather than a question.</p><p>“There’s no way of knowing.”</p><p>
  <em> I can’t move. Well, that was no fun while it lasted.  </em>
</p><p>“The Halo chose her.” There it was again, that second voice. It was familiar, but in a way that she couldn’t quite place. Familiar in the same way that a loved one’s visage may be if you were to see them as a ghost. A recognition of something long past now ricocheted into the present. </p><p>“It doesn’t belong to her. I say we take it out.”</p><p>“And if she dies?” </p><p>“That’s up to God.”</p><p>The rumbling started then, and in that moment Ava zapped out of her drug-induced haze as if she had been shocked back into life like Frankenstein’s monster. The light above her buzzed, flickering out momentarily, before she heard the ringing again. An intense heat rippled over the skin of her back, down her limbs. Before she could begin to comprehend what was happening, the pressure of the bed fell away as she floated upwards, stopped only by the restraints bound to her wrists, tying her down to the now rattling bed frame.</p><p>“Did you ever see Shannon do that?” the first voice asked. </p><p> “No.” </p><p>Ava thought she heard panic in the second voice, but perhaps it was her own fear distorting her brain’s processing. Adrenaline roared through her veins like a wildfire. </p><p>“What’s happening?”</p><p>Then she was falling. She fell <em> through </em> the bed like it wasn’t there, pain bolting through her wrists and knees as she hit the floor. She wasted no time scrambling to her feet, and even though she saw the door as she got up, every instinct telling her to <em> run </em>, she turned to face the voices.</p><p>“I understand that you’re scared, but you need to calm down.”</p><p>Seeing who had spoken did anything <em> but </em> calm Ava down. The ringing behind her ears grew more intense. Even though she gasped for air, the oxygen she <em> knew </em>must be entering her system did nothing to alleviate her burning lungs. She started backing away, but the other woman followed her. </p><p>
  <em> This can’t be happening. It can’t be you.  </em>
</p><p>“It’s reacting to your emotions.”</p><p>A thousand questions flew through Ava’s mind, but she asked the most obvious of them, her voice shaking. </p><p>“What is?”</p><p>“The Halo,” the nun said, as if that was meant to mean something to her. </p><p>“What halo?” </p><p>The ringing got louder still. Tears pooled in Ava’s eyes, the muscles of her jaw clenching.</p><p>“What the <em> hell </em>is going on?”</p><p>The other girl, who had remained silent up until now finally spoke again. “This is going to be a long day.”</p><p>She barely got her words out before a blast of energy, seemingly from the epicentre of <em> Ava, </em>flung them in opposite directions across the room. Ava heard her skull hitting the stone wall and was unconscious again before she could register the pain, and found herself pulled into a riptide of memories, with one word like an anchor dragging her down to the sea floor. </p><p>
  <em> Bea.  </em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <b> <em>Three years ago. </em> </b>
</p><p>It was an unassuming Wednesday lunchtime in early November when Ava suggested that the group enter the upcoming winter talent show. Beatrice choked on her food at the prospect. Whilst she recovered, Erin slapping her back as she coughed, Charlie questioned what Ava had in mind, intrigued by this ridiculous idea. </p><p>"We could start a band!" Ava exclaimed, her eyes bright.</p><p>Charlie laughed. "Do we even have a shred of talent between us? Besides Erin, of course."</p><p>“I wouldn’t call my violin playing <em> talent, </em>Charlie,” Erin told her. </p><p>“But, you are the only one here in the school orchestra.”</p><p>“You make a good point.”</p><p>“I actually played drums when I was a kid,” Charlie then revealed. “Well, that was until my parents got fed up with a seven-year old crashing and bashing about in the garage and calling it music.”</p><p>“Avoid any songs with a complex drum part then,” Ava reasoned, to which Charlie nodded in agreement.</p><p>“I’ve always fancied giving bass a go, too,” Heidi added. “It’s only got four strings, how hard can it be?”</p><p>At this, Beatrice closed her eyes and buried her head into her palm, trying to suppress a soft laugh of despair. Heidi slapped her shoulder.</p><p>“Come <em> on, </em>Beatrice, it’s not like we’d be doing this to win.” She looked around to the rest of them for confirmation. “Right?”</p><p>“Definitely not,” Ava reassured her. “I had zero intention of us taking this seriously. I just thought it could be something fun to do together!”</p><p>“I agree,” Charlie said with enthusiasm. She brought her fingers together in front of her, putting on a stern face as if she was analysing Ava’s skills for entry into a top secret society. “And what do you intend to bring to the table, Ava?” </p><p>"I can play guitar and carry a tune somewhat,” Ava answered. “And Bea is a master of the piano…" she trailed off, looking at the other girl expectantly, knowing that her roommate was yet to contribute to the idea. </p><p>"Oh really? I didn't know you played, Beatrice," Erin said, surprised.</p><p>“Yes… I can play,” she replied sheepishly. </p><p>“Bullshit, Bea, you can do more than just <em> play. </em>You’re amazing,” Ava insisted, and Beatrice did not protest the fact any further. </p><p>Beatrice started to formulate her excuses. She thought about all the extra-curricular activities she did, aikido, kendo, archery, and how those things used to bring her pleasure, used to be <em> fun, </em> before they became means of demonstrating her worth. She could not see any immediate benefit of what Ava was suggesting, could not quite fathom the idea of doing something just for <em> fun. </em>But, instead of voicing these concerns, Beatrice continued to contemplate. These were her friends, and she didn’t want to disappoint them. Ava most of all, she knew underneath it all, although she would never allow herself to admit it out loud. Part of her wondered what on earth her parents would make of it all, entering a tacky talent show no less.</p><p>Eventually, she decided she didn’t care. “I say we go for it. What have we got to lose?”</p><p>“Yes!” Ava bashed her fist against the table in glee, causing a few glances their way from the opposite end of their usual table. Nancy caught Beatrice’s eye from a little way down, wondering what the fuss was all about. Beatrice waved a hand dismissively, <em> I’ll tell you later.  </em></p><p>"First order of business,” Heidi announced, “is a band name. Does anyone have any ideas?”</p><p>The group sat in silence for a few minutes, contemplating. It didn’t seem that they could come up with anything until Erin suddenly snapped her fingers. </p><p>"I've got it," she exclaimed. "The Rolling Pumpkins, after that day on the farm!"</p><p>Ava snorted mid-drink, causing everyone to laugh at her. "It's so ridiculous, I love it!"</p><p>And that was that. </p><p>Later, when Beatrice revealed to Nancy that she was now in a band, her sister stared at her dumbfounded. </p><p>“I’m sorry, you’re entering the <em> talent </em> show? You? My sister, Beatrice, is entering a <em> talent show? </em>”</p><p>“Not in a serious sense.”</p><p>“Even so, consider me shocked to my core.”</p><p>Beatrice’s brow furrowed, doubt seeping in. “Do you not think it’s a good idea?”</p><p>Nancy quickly backpedalled. “No, Bea, that’s not what I think at all. I think it’s a brilliant idea. I’m just surprised, that’s all.”</p><p>From across the hall, Ava bounced over to them. She bumped into Beatrice deliberately, grinning wildly. </p><p>“Has Bea told you we’ve formed a band?” she asked excitedly.</p><p>“I’ve just been hearing all about it! Tell me, what’s your secret?”</p><p>Ava’s expression turned confused. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I mean how did you manage to convince <em> my sister </em> to form a band?”</p><p>Ava shrugged, before smiling again and slinging her arm over Beatrice’s shoulders, although she had to stand on tiptoes to do so. “It must just be my natural irresistible charm. Am I right, Bea?”</p><p>Beatrice thanked God that she was wearing her hair down, feeling the tips of her ears burn red. She made a short laugh, hoping that the nervousness didn’t show. When she met Nancy’s eyes, however, she could see that her sister would not be so easily deceived. </p><p>“Something like that,” Beatrice said quickly. </p><p>“Uh-huh,” Ava grinned back knowingly, pulling her arm back to her side. “Anyway, I’ve got to go and grab my guitar. I’ll meet you at the practice rooms in say… ten minutes?” </p><p>It took a few moments for Beatrice to register that she had been asked a question.  “Oh! Yes, sure. See you there.”</p><p>“Okay, bye!” </p><p>And with that Ava skipped off again. In her absence, understanding registered on Nancy’s face, as if a lightbulb had lit up. For a moment Beatrice feared the worst, her brain running a thousand miles an hour with all the hurtful things her sister could say at this moment, they’d never really spoken about <em> that, </em> although Beatrice knew that she <em> knew. </em>Her parents’ scathing comments were hard to miss. But, none of it came. Instead, Nancy’s pursed lips broke out into one of the widest smiles Beatrice had seen on her sister in a long time. </p><p>“What?” Beatrice asked, not understanding. </p><p>“Nothing, Bea,” her sister replied. “I haven’t seen you like this in a long time. Happiness looks good on you.”</p><hr/><p>In those early practice sessions, not a lot of actual <em> practising </em>occurred. Instead, they bounced song ideas back and forth, struggling to find something that suited the sound that they wanted to create. They wanted something fun, something upbeat, but nothing felt quite right at first. Beatrice mostly stayed quiet, contributing occasionally, whilst the others discussed songs and bands that she had never heard of. It wasn’t until Ava had been absentmindedly playing a riff, clearly off in her own world of thought, did they start getting anywhere. When the others enquired what she was playing, she offered to play it to them, saying that it was a song she already knew. </p><p>As Ava started playing, it quickly became clear that <em> I can carry a tune somewhat </em> had been a gross understatement. In fact, Beatrice was in awe. She could never have imagined that goofy Ava, who loved puns and had a ridiculously loud laugh for someone so small, who was the <em> opposite </em>of graceful in pretty much every way possible, could create something that sounded so beautiful. Her voice started small but grew rich and strong as the song built, never faulting. It was a voice that drew you in; it didn’t demand your attention, but you granted it willingly. In that sense, perhaps Beatrice should not have been surprised at all, thinking of how everyone, particularly herself, gravitated towards the girl even in everyday situations without even realising.</p><p>“Ava, that was brilliant!” Heidi exclaimed when she was finished. “What was the song?”</p><p>“Long Live by Taylor Swift,” Ava replied. “It’s an old one, but an underrated classic in my opinion.”</p><p>“I did not have you pegged as a Taylor Swift fan,” Charlie laughed. </p><p>“The woman has <em> range,</em>” Ava insisted. “And besides, I like that the song is ambiguous as well,” she explained. “You could be singing about a friend, a lover, anyone, without having to change anything about it. It doesn’t use any pronouns either.”</p><p>The group had danced around the topic of crushes and the such like before, but Ava, for all her confidence and boundless energy, had never really said anything to indicate who she liked. </p><p>“Ava,” Erin asked. “Are you coming out?”</p><p>Ava shrugged. “I guess I am! I’m bisexual.”</p><p>“Hi, Bisexual, nice to meet you!” Charlie laughed. At this, Ava threw a guitar pick at her friend.  </p><p>“Alright, Miss Dad Jokes Over There.”</p><p>“But seriously though, Ava,” Erin then said. “Thank you for sharing that with us. We love, obviously. Group hug!”</p><p>“Well, thank <em> you </em>for being great friends,” Ava replied from the middle of the bundle. “I couldn’t ask for a better bunch of weirdos.”</p><p>“Speak for yourself, Silva!” Heidi retorted. </p><p>As they settled back into their places, Charlie shuffled and looked like she wanted to say something.</p><p>“You alright over there, Charlie?” Ava asked. </p><p>“Well, since we’re on the topic, actually…” she trailed off. </p><p>Part of Ava braced herself.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure I like girls, too.”</p><p>“No way!” Ava exclaimed, overjoyed for her friend. “Just girls?” </p><p>Charlie shrugged. “I’m not sure on that front. There aren’t exactly many of the opposite sex around here are there? And I haven’t shared a classroom with boys since I was eight, so to be confirmed!”</p><p>They all laughed.</p><p>“Anyone else, while we’re here?” Ava asked, looking around the room. Beatrice could’ve sworn that Ava held her gaze a little longer than the others, but not in a way that was expectant. Instead, the look was soft, supportive, as if Ava knew a little more about her roommate than she was letting on.</p><p>Beatrice was grateful when Heidi broke the silence, which must have only lasted a few seconds, but felt like a lifetime for her.</p><p>“Unfortunately, I’m almost certain I only like boys,” Heidi sighed. </p><p>“My condolences, Heidi,” Ava said with a half serious half joking tone, breaking eye contact with Beatrice and patting Heidi’s arm. </p><hr/><p>Later that evening, Beatrice came out of the shower (as it was an accepted rule that she went first now) only to find Ava’s bed empty and the window cracked open. She could hear someone talking outside. She could make out Ava’s laugh when she stepped out onto the fire escape, and found her roommate sitting on the roof chatting in rapid Portuguese over the phone.</p><p>“Tchau, eu te amo mãe. Sim, vou dizer olá para Beatrice por você!” Ava said before hanging up.</p><p>“I hope you didn’t stop on my account,” Beatrice called up.</p><p>“Oh no,” Ava dismissed. “Not to worry. We were just finishing up anyway.”</p><p>“Why are you up there? Is sitting on the bed too mainstream for you?”</p><p>“Come up,” Ava beckoned. “You’ll see why.”</p><p>Beatrice was cautious of the idea at first. Fire escapes were for… well, just that, <em> escaping fire, </em>and roofs were not exactly designed to be sat on, but she put sensibility aside for a moment and joined Ava regardless. As she sat down, gazing across the night sky, sprinkled with stars swimming between wispy clouds, she began to understand what Ava meant. </p><p>“It’s beautiful,” Beatrice whispered, as if speaking any louder would disturb the world around them. Somewhere in the distance, the call of an owl carried through the trees.</p><p>“It is,” Ava agreed, although Beatrice did not notice that she wasn’t looking at the sky. “I come up here when I can’t sleep, or if I want some calm. The roof is to me what the chapel is to you,” she explained, and Beatrice understood. “My mãe says hello by the way.”</p><p>They sat like that for a little while, in the comfortable quiet. When Beatrice started to shiver, Ava beckoned her closer and wrapped her blanket around Beatrice’s shoulders. But, Beatrice didn’t quite relax. She was thinking. A lot. There were things she wanted to say, things she wanted to ask, but the words were stumbling over each other, like Bambi on a frozen lake. </p><p> Ava regarded her carefully. “Penny for your thoughts, Bea?”</p><p>“About earlier,” Beatrice began, forcing her unsteady voice to forge words before she thought better of it.</p><p>“Care to be more specific?” </p><p>“About you being…”</p><p>“Bi?” Ava filled in. </p><p>“Yes. That.”</p><p>Ava’s smile faded, noticing the clipped way in which her roommate spoke. She pulled away from Beatrice a little subconsciously, their shoulders no longer touching. <em> Her parents are strict Catholics, </em> she thought. <em> And they are not exactly known for being open-minded. What if I read all of this wrong, what if she can’t stand to be around me anymore?  </em></p><p>“Beatrice…” Her name nearly got stuck in her throat. “Do you have a problem with that?”</p><p>Beatrice’s heart sank. Ava hadn’t called her by her full name for a while. She was going about this all wrong. </p><p>“No, no,” Beatrice said quickly. “That’s not what I-.” She stumbled. “That’s not where I was going.”</p><p>“Then what’s wrong?”</p><p>“Nothing. Nothing is <em> wrong, </em>I just…” Beatrice buried her head in her hands and let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes so the tears that welled in them seeped out of the corners and down her cheeks. “How are you still able to love yourself?” Beatrice asked quietly, not meeting Ava’s eyes.</p><p>
  <em> What?  </em>
</p><p>“Bea? Look at me.”</p><p>Beatrice did as she was asked and looked up. </p><p>“What’s going on?”</p><p>Beatrice began explaining before she could talk herself out of it. “I was six when I first asked my parents if I could marry a woman instead of a man.”</p><p>
  <em> Oh, God. </em>
</p><p>“My whole life they’ve tried to mould me into something I am not. To make me normal, or at least acceptable. I became skilled in so many things just so I would still have value… despite my flaws. Or what I had been taught was a flaw. Of course, I tried to fit in. But, when you’re punished just for being different, you begin to hate what you are. And what you love, what should make you happy…” Their eyes met, and Ava’s heart broke for her. “Only brings you pain. And hearing you… seeing you be so open and so at ease with who you are, I-” Beatrice choked on her words. “I ask you, how? How are you able to love that part of yourself?”</p><p>In seeing Beatrice like this, without her armour, suddenly everything made sense to Ava. The shyness, the perfectionism. The way she walked sometimes, as if she didn’t want to be seen, as if she was not <em> worthy </em> of occupying the space she did. Why she never seemed to have partaken in the mundane things until relatively recently, the incessant need to prove something <em> more, </em> something wholly unattainable, but somehow always fell short despite being <em> brilliant </em>.</p><p>“I don’t know how to answer that, Bea,” Ava eventually said. “I don’t know what it’s like to have been brought up how you have. All I <em> can </em>say is… our value is not measured by how others treat us, or what other people think of you. I do not know much of God, but I know that He made you who you were always meant to be, regardless of your parents’ stinking attitude. You are worthy of love, Bea, worthy of this life. Who and what you are is enough, nothing more and nothing less. And will tell you that every day until you believe it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you again for reading! Hope you enjoyed, and would be interested to hear your thoughts below! Also. I'm pointing to the updated chapter count and saying nothing... </p><p>Next chapter, I'll be introducing you to Ava's mum. I have a feeling you're going to like her. She's pretty awesome. It's also a Christmas-y chapter, so long as y'all don't mind reading Christmas things at the end of November?</p><p>As always, if you spot any mistakes do let me know. Until next week, take care, stay safe, be kind to yourself and others. All that jazz!</p><p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a><br/>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The talent show arrives and Beatrice meets Ava’s mum, who is the captain of this ship.</p><p>The song for this chapter, obviously, is Long Live by Taylor Swift. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The eve of the talent show was on top of them quicker than they had anticipated. As they waited to be called forward, anxiously waiting behind the thick purple curtain of the stage, Ava made the mistake of taking a peek at the crowd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck,” she said, before bringing her head back again. “It sure looks like more people from up here. I think I peed a little.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice agreed with that sentiment. All her sporting competitions, tournaments and championships had </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>prepared her for this. This was different, more personal. This was in front of their entire school, teachers and even some parents. Beatrice was not one to swear, but found that </span>
  <em>
    <span>shitting bricks</span>
  </em>
  <span> was a suitable description of her current feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll be fine!” Charlie reassured them, although it sounded like she was trying to convince herself rather than the others. She bounced on her toes as she said it, and couldn’t stop twiddling her drumsticks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The calm aura exuding off you right now is really convincing,” Heidi quipped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava flapped. “Okay, okay! Everyone, let’s take a breath…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They breathed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And hands in the middle.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They put their hands in the middle, their arms forming a five-pointed star. Ava’s hand ended up on top of Beatrice’s. She rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb reassuringly and gave her a simple smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pumpkins on three! One, two, three!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pumpkins!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as they shouted, they were beckoned to move onto the stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now let’s go kick some ass and have fun!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a few moments as they set themselves up, Beatrice was a deer caught in the headlights. This kind of attention set her nerve endings aflame. She wasn’t used to performances of any sort being anything other than self-serving, with the anticipated win just the latest demonstration of her worth to her parents. She didn’t know how to be part of team; one smaller part of a whole and not solely responsible for the outcome, be that good or bad. This wasn’t just about her, it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>bigger </span>
  </em>
  <span>than her. Suddenly the weight was almost too much to bear. If she messed up she would not only let herself down, but she’d be letting them all down. Letting Ava down. Beatrice was not known for running from things that were challenging (she had spent most of her life running from her </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings </span>
  </em>
  <span>but that was a whole other thing entirely), but in that moment she felt her flight or fight response kicking in. Her brain was yelling </span>
  <em>
    <span>flight.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>As if sensing Beatrice’s unease, Ava glanced back at her just before they played their first note.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Trust your team, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she mouthed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, against all of Beatrice’s logic, she did. And they were brilliant.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice wished that she could have captured the moment the five of them stepped forward together to bow, putting it in a bottle forever. Beatrice was on the end, her arm slung around Ava’s shoulders as the shorter girl held her around her waist. She beamed at the others, beamed at the crowd, but smiled the brightest at Beatrice. For perhaps the first time, Beatrice smiled back in equal measure.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this what happiness feels like?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It was after they broke eye contact that Ava spotted someone she recognised in the crowd, other than their fellow students.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice heard her say, “</span>
  <span>Mãe</span>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were supposed to exit the stage the same way they had entered, out the back, but Ava was never a stickler for the rules. She wiggled away from the group and ran off the stage, down the notoriously rickety steps and barrelled into the woman, knocking her balance off a little.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once the rest of them had exited the stage (the proper way), Beatrice did not gravitate towards Ava and her mum at first, suspecting that they might like some time for themselves. Instead, she made towards Nancy on the opposite side of the hall, as the others also peeled off to greet their own families. Ava, on the other hand, had other ideas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bea! Come and meet my mom!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How could she say no?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice shuffled her way over, somewhat awkwardly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you must be Beatrice!” Ava’s mum exclaimed. She had Ava’s deep brown eyes, although her hair was several shades darker, and she stood a little taller than her daughter in heels.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s right, Ms Silva,” Beatrice replied, suddenly nervous. Her expression shifted, defaulting into the wooden persona she’d cultivated when meeting her parents’ colleagues. Ever the dutiful daughter.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>She waved her hand and smiled. “Oh please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Lecia</span>
  </em>
  <span> is just fine, Beatrice. I’ve heard so much about you that I feel I already know you! It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” If Lecia noticed that Beatrice winced at this, she didn’t let on, only adding, “All good things of course, my dear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s an honour to meet you too, Lecia,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are your parents not here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice shook her head. As if they would stoop so low to come to something like this. They barely attended her sports tournaments these days, and when they did it was only when it benefited them. “No, they’re busy with work.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia shrugged. “The life of diplomats, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, you’re more than welcome to sit here with us. Unless you wanted to sit with Nancy, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you’re happy for me to stay then I’m happy too,” Beatrice smiled, feeling the tension slipping from her shoulders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me, what plans do you and your family have for Christmas?” Lecia asked once they were seated, making small talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice looked at her feet. “I think Nancy and I will spend it at the house, just the two of us. Our parents will likely be away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia did not fail to notice how Beatrice described her </span>
  <em>
    <span>house </span>
  </em>
  <span>rather than her </span>
  <em>
    <span>home. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lecia seemed to consider her answer for a moment and turned to meet her daughter’s eyes. They appeared to have a conversation without speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well then. Consider this a formal invitation for you and Nancy to come and spend Christmas with us in the Silva household.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice’s eyes widened. “We couldn’t possibly intrude like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense! It’s only Ava and I after all, and we have plenty of space. Back in the States we had an open-door policy; anyone was welcome whatever the time of day, as long as we knew to expect them. It’s a bit harder to do that now what with Ava being here and myself being God knows where most of the time but…” Lecia's face softened. “You’re one of Ava’s close friends,” she told her. “You’re practically family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Beatrice was processing those words, the others came bounding over with their parents.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s such a pleasure to meet you all,” Lecia beamed. Beatrice could see where her daughter got her smile from. “Ava talks about you </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All good things, I hope?” Erin asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia winked at them all. “Mostly,” she laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There were introductions and commendations for their performance all round, but Beatrice only caught snippets of the conversation. Ava noticed this, and nudged her discreetly, raising a quizzical eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” she asked quietly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice nodded, smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re practically family.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And, to top it off, the Rolling Pumpkins ended up </span>
  <em>
    <span>winning. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It was one of the best days in a long time.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>To Beatrice and Nancy’s surprise, their parents took little convincing to let them spend Christmas in Portugal with the Silvas. They flew out to Lisbon on the 23</span>
  <span>rd</span>
  <span> (</span>
  <em>
    <span>Christmas Eve Eve! </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ava had insisted) and Lecia and Ava met them at the airport, before driving the sisters to a penthouse apartment in the Parque das Nações neighbourhood, overlooking the river.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s so many places I want to take you both,” Ava said excitedly after they had unpacked. She was bouncing up and down with excitement. “There’s the Belém Tower, the Avenida da Liberdade, </span>
  <em>
    <span>so many </span>
  </em>
  <span>museums and galleries I won’t know where to start!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ava,” Beatrice chuckled. “We haven’t even had Christmas Day yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m fully expecting you to cry over the biblioteca nacional, too,” Ava continued to ramble. “If you don’t then I will have failed as your best friend. Oh! And there’s an </span>
  <em>
    <span>aquarium</span>
  </em>
  <span>!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But before all of that,” Lecia cut in with a laugh. “I have an important question for you both, Beatrice and Nancy. I understand that your family is Catholic, so we can go to midnight mass tomorrow if you would like.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice and Nancy looked at each other curiously. They’d never been given the </span>
  <em>
    <span>option </span>
  </em>
  <span>before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No need to decide right now,” Lecia added. “Just let me know. There’s this really lovely welcoming church not far from here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, they did go. Nancy had let Beatrice make the final decision, knowing that whenever they went to church they ran the risk of sentiments that were not entirely welcoming. However, Beatrice need not have been concerned, for when they arrived there was a sign outside the front door saying that all were welcome, and there was even a charity collection for the local LGBT centre. It was the first time that Beatrice had ever seen the two worlds coexist in harmony.</span>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“This is a gay-affirming church,” Lecia explained as they weaved towards their seats, greeting almost everyone they saw on the way. “It’s a safe space for anyone who is queer in Lisbon. When Ava first came out to me, back in the States, I finally understood that everything I had been taught about different sexualities growing up Catholic here in Portugal was wrong. By then I had already been burnt by the expectations of my own upbringing; I had Ava young </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of wedlock. My parents…” She trailed off and sighed, a shadow passing across her face. “I haven’t spoken to them since Ava was born. So, I listened to Ava and unlearned my biases. I found myself returning to my Catholic roots because I knew something had to change. I couldn’t stand the idea of young queer people feeling stuck and being forced to choose between their faith and being themselves. I help run a support group here for young queer people and their families.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a wonderful thing to do,” Nancy said. “Everyone here is lucky to have you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia shrugged. “It’s hardly changing the world, but it’s a start. Every journey starts with a single step. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m </span>
  </em>
  <span>just lucky to have such a wonderful daughter who was patient enough to help me learn to be better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After that Beatrice carried a warmth in her chest for the duration of the candlelit service. As the warm hues danced off the towering white stone walls and gave the golden adornments a celestial glow, she felt unbound. Unburdened. There was an unfamiliar sensation, too. It wasn’t until they sang the final carol that she understood what it was, the words resonating deep within her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m weary with my former toil,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Here I will sit and rest awhile:</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Under the shadow I will be</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of Jesus Christ the apple tree</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This fruit doth make my soul thrive</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It keeps my dying faith alive;</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Which makes my soul haste to be</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>With Jesus Christ the apple tree.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Hope. It was </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>When they returned to the apartment in the small hours of Christmas Day morning, Beatrice did not go to bed right away. Instead she stood in the living room overlooking the city, contemplating. She didn’t need to turn around when she heard quiet footsteps padding across the floor towards her. She knew it would be Ava.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I figured you would still be up,” Ava said quietly after joining her. “I’m glad you decided to partake in the matching pyjamas tradition.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice chuckled, glancing between herself and Ava. They were indeed wearing matching Christmas pyjamas, as was tradition in the Silva household. Beatrice had not quite known how to react at first, for such things involving familial bonding were not on her list of life experiences.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I actually have something for you,” Ava said sheepishly, holding a present in her hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ava, I thought we were doing gifts with your mum and Nancy in the morning?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it is the morning!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice rolled her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Besides, this is something…” she trailed off, for once struggling to find the right words. “Mãe and I always have this thing where we give each other matching pyjamas </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>a book on Christmas Eve.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t telling me it’s a book ruin the surprise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava whacked her arm. “Will you just be quiet and let me finish? Jeez.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice laughed. “Yes, okay. Carry on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you. Anyway, pyjamas and a book. I wanted to give it to you earlier as part of that tradition but, </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she put the wrapped present into Beatrice’s hands, “is something I wanted to give to you in private because… well, you’ll see.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice unwrapped it delicately. It was a book about coming out, and the journey to accepting yourself when being a person of faith. Affection swelled in Beatrice’s chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Open it,” Ava encouraged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside there was an inscription. </span>
  <em>
    <span>What you are is beautiful. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really tried to make my writing neat for once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ava…” She was at loss for words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava’s eyes opened wide, fearing that she had overstepped. “Oh no. I don’t like that face. Is it too much? I’m sorry, it was a silly thing to get, but I saw it and I thought of you and I just –”</span>
</p><p><span>“Ava,” Beatrice tried again, a little more insistent this time. “Will you</span> <span>just be quiet and let </span><em><span>me </span></em><span>finish?” she asked, parroting Ava’s earlier words.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Yeah, sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Beatrice looked at Ava in the semi-illuminated darkness, time seemed to slow. She was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>beautiful. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She almost mistook the city lights that twinkled in her dark eyes for the stars themselves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” she finally said. “It’s very kind and thoughtful of you. And for tonight as well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the service wasn’t my idea. That was all Mãe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does she…  know about me?” Beatrice asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava shook her head. “No. That’s not my story to tell. But, I meant what I said back when we first talked about this on the roof. Who are you and what you are is enough. You are loved. And I hope that maybe the book will help you realise that those words are true.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Christmas Day came and went in a whirlwind that neither Beatrice nor Nancy could have expected. It was so unlike the Christmases they spent with their parents, in a large Victorian house that was never quite warm enough to be homely, both in the literal and metaphorical sense. With the Silvas, there was a huge emphasis on everything being done </span>
  <em>
    <span>together. </span>
  </em>
  <span>They made dinner together, played games, watched cheesy movies. One game of Twister grew particularly competitive and was called off when Ava lost her footing and fell into the Christmas tree. By the time evening came Beatrice’s stomach hurt not just from all the food but from all the </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughter </span>
  </em>
  <span>too</span>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this what family feels like?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ve gone into a food coma,” Ava said dramatically, lying down on the sofa. “It’s been nice knowing you all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what you get for eating three portions of roast potatoes,” Nancy laughed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Write that on my gravestone,” Ava told her, peering at the younger of the sisters at an angle that was very unflattering. “Here lies Ava Silva. Death by an overconsumption of roasted vegetables.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I do hope you can hold onto life for the next ten minutes or so,” Lecia called from the kitchen. “Because I have one more present for you and Beatrice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this prospect, Ava rolled onto her side and sat up, although with some overexaggerated difficulty. Lecia motioned for Beatrice to sit next to her daughter and pulled two small presents from underneath the tree.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this?” Ava wondered aloud, giving Beatrice a quizzical look. She shrugged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to open them together,” Lecia explained.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it some sort of joint present?” Ava pondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia shook her head. “Not quite, but you’ll see.” Lecia brought her hands to mouth as she watched the girls unwrap their presents with fondness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They each pulled a necklace out of matching boxes lined with velvet; a sun with an engraved face on a gold chain for Ava and a similarly designed moon for Beatrice, but on a silver chain. When they held them up next to each other, it became obvious that the two pendants fitted together perfectly; two halves of the same whole.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia had put a lot of thought into this gift. She knew from the way that Ava spoke about Beatrice that she was one of the most important people in her life. She had met a lot of Ava’s friends over the years, but her relationship with Beatrice delved deeper than the rest. Ava never explicitly said anything about the intricacies of their friendship, but Lecia was intuitive enough to know that Ava loved Beatrice. She had been concerned at first, having not met her daughter’s best friend until very recently; concerned that Ava felt more for her than what was reciprocated, but she need not have worried. Lecia saw the way they both looked at each other when they didn’t think the other was looking, saw how in tune Ava was to Beatrice’s emotions. She always knew if Beatrice was uncomfortable and could reassure her with nothing more than a soft smile. She brought out the fun and playful side of Beatrice, pushing her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>enjoy </span>
  </em>
  <span>things, but never pushing too much. Beatrice, meanwhile, grounded Ava; tethering her to the earth but not in a way that restricted her. Lecia had noticed a profound change in her daughter since being at Darlington; she was calmer, more focused, better able to step back and appreciate things rather than chase the next thing that excited her. Now she understood that this was Beatrice’s influence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They gravitated together and made each other better. In fact, even after a day Lecia noticed just how strange it felt to interact with either of them alone; the comfort and trust that existed between them palpable. Such a bond was exceedingly rare, and Lecia was old enough to know that many people could spend their whole lives searching for what Beatrice and Ava had. She was never one to believe in soulmates, but watching the two of them made her wonder if the old stories were true. There was a myth that humans were first created as pairs with two heads and eight limbs, but the gods, in fearing their strength, tore them in two and left the new individuals wandering the earth for a lifetime searching for their other half.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia could only hope that they would be strong enough to weather any forces that tried to keep them apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As it happened, such hopes were in vain. Fate is not always kind.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In my defence, I know its only November but it is nearly December? Anyways, hope you enjoyed this Christmas-y chapter, these scenes are definitely amongst my current favourites for this fic! What do we think of Lecia? </p><p>Thanks again for reading and everyone who has left comments so far. Every single one makes my day! And once again the biggest of thank yous to @slythleo, without you this fic would not be everything that it is! If anyone spots any mistakes do let me know.</p><p>Also, if anyone is interested the carol I used in this chapter is Jesus Christ the Apple Tree. It's one of my favourites. </p><p>Next chapter THINGS happen. And by that I mean these two idiots finally talk about their feelings... Until next week, take care, stay safe and love yourselves.</p><p>  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a></p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which these dumbs gays finally talk about their feelings.</p><p>(The song for this chapter is Into the Wild by Lewis Watson. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a> This also contains some swearing, just an fyi.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>One afternoon Beatrice and Ava had a free period that they spent studying in the spot they now called their own; the forgotten attic room. However, Beatrice noticed that something was off about Ava. Though Ava usually respected Beatrice’s desire to work in relative quiet, they would speak every so often, whether it was cracking a joke or discussing a line of argument for an essay. But today Ava was quiet and unfocused. Beatrice hadn’t failed to notice that she had not turned the page of her textbook in the entire time they had been there, and had written no more than the date in the corner of her notebook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice lent back in her chair and put down her pen. “You’re uncharacteristically quiet today, Ava,” she observed. “Is something wrong?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava bit her lip and hesitated, not lifting her eyes to meet Beatrice’s concerned gaze. “I’m fine,” she answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice leaned forward, concerned. Ava was not one to be closed off. If anything, that was her department. “You’re not fine, Ava.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to talk about it,” she mumbled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that, Ava finally looked up, a conflict of emotions battling in her eyes. Beatrice’s brow furrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Teresa from music class asked me out on a date today,” Ava said eventually. Her gaze fell down to her hands as she said the other girl’s name, twiddling her pen between her fingers. Anything to avoid looking at Beatrice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” was all Beatrice said at first, feeling as if a puppeteer had yanked at her heartstrings. She felt herself shrink back a little in her chair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said no,” Ava added.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not? You get on really well with Teresa.” It was true. Teresa and Beatrice shared few classes together, but they were on friendly enough terms to talk whenever they saw each other these days (all thanks to Ava of course). The dark-haired girl met Ava’s energy and humour with an unmatched fervour, and the natural chemistry between them was plain for everyone to see. They were well suited to each other on paper, making Ava’s decline all the more surprising. Beatrice wracked her brains, knowing there must be something glaringly obvious that she was missing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava shrugged. “I just don’t see her like that,” she said quietly. “She isn’t who I… want.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s more to it than you’re letting on. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava sighed. “You know why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the puzzle pieces finally slotted into place, realisation dawned in Beatrice’s eyes. Suddenly, </span>
  <em>
    <span>a lot </span>
  </em>
  <span>of things made sense, things that she had dismissed on an almost daily basis since she and Ava had met. The way that Ava always sought her out, the way it was always </span>
  <em>
    <span>Beatrice </span>
  </em>
  <span>she turned to, whether she was cracking jokes or having a bad day. Beatrice was Ava’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>person.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the penny drops,” Ava said with a weak smile. “Bea, I’m not trying to force anything between us okay? But, you know how I feel about you. I think you’ve known for a while, and I can only avoid not being honest about it for so long.” She sighed. “I just need you in my life, and I’ll be happy with however you are able to be in it as long as you are there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Beatrice scrambled to find the right words, the bell went signalling the start of the next period. She remained rooted to her chair as Ava gathered her things, as she had a lesson next and Beatrice did not. Ava gave her a small smile as she left, half relieved that she had an excuse to leave. In the silence that followed her confession the air had grown heavy, almost suffocating as her ribs closed in on her lungs and rapidly beating heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava hovered at the top of the staircase, faced with the corridor that would take her to class or the one that led back to her room. She glanced at her phone, already five minutes late. She knew she would likely get into trouble for not attending, but she could not face anyone, not now. She would sooner welcome getting detention with open arms than have to pretend that she was okay. In fact, part of her reasoned that detention would mean she could avoid seeing her after </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, though the desire for avoidance was not because she was mad at Beatrice. It was hardly her fault that Ava was head over heels for her. But, rather, Ava wanted to delay the inevitable. She craved a little more time before she had to face the fact that her </span>
  <em>
    <span>stupid </span>
  </em>
  <span>feelings had ruined everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, she returned to their room, absentmindedly fiddling with the necklace her mãe had given her; the sun that shared her moon with Beatrice. She threw her things onto her bed, squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to force back the tears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You idiot!” she hissed, kicking the end of her bed in frustration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava couldn’t stay in their room a second longer. As much as it was their shared space, Beatrice was everywhere. She didn’t quite know when their space as individuals became shared; </span>
  <em>
    <span>our </span>
  </em>
  <span>room rather than </span>
  <em>
    <span>your side and my side</span>
  </em>
  <span>, when that line had started to blur. Ava’s orchid stood on one of Beatrice’s bookshelves rather than her own, simply because the light was better there. Meanwhile, half of Ava’s bookshelves were taken up by Beatrice’s vast array of textbooks because Beatrice didn’t have space for all of them. There were photos of </span>
  <em>
    <span>them </span>
  </em>
  <span>everywhere. It made Ava want to scream.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava was not like Beatrice. When Beatrice was stressed or frustrated she sought comfort in the chapel, where she had run and Ava had followed all those months ago. Beatrice craved the reassuring static of it, the omnipresence of God in the stone walls and glass-stained windows that never changed and only gathered dust. In times like this Beatrice looked up and away from their world to someplace above and beyond, seeking guidance from a higher power as if the answers to all her troubles could be seen more clearly from among the clouds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, where Beatrice sought predictability, Ava found herself drawn to the wild, to nature. Ava’s haven was ever changing, the weather and the seasons carving itself into the landscape and the life around them. Where Beatrice sought answers and normalcy, Ava sought distraction by immersing herself in a world that could not be contained by four walls; a place where she could be unbound. Her feet carried her outside into the rain before she was conscious of what she was doing. Despite the wet earth she soon broke out into a run, away from the school and into the woods and its winding leaf-scattered paths. She weaved in and out of trees like a needle through thread. Before too long she skidded to a stop, having reached her sanctum; a small white gazebo settled in what she supposed had once been a garden, before the woods had reclaimed it for their own. She stepped into the centre of the gazebo underneath the canopy, grateful to be sheltered from the elements. There she stood for a time, looking around and breathing deeply. Nature had a way of continuing regardless of your woes; the sun would always rise in the east and sleep in the west, but no day was quite the same. There was always something new worth discovering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes, focusing on her senses in an attempt to calm her busy mind. She could smell the raindrops clinging to the pine needles that dusted the forest floor, hear the wind whistling through the tree branches, now mostly bare in the depths of the English winter. A few birds sung on bravely despite the downpour. Rain trickled off the roof and onto the ground below. Somewhere over the hills beyond, thunder rumbled softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava didn’t hear Beatrice approach, lost in her own little world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ava?” Beatrice’s voice broke through the comfortable silence, startling her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bea! What are you doing here?” Ava asked, surprised to find her roommate here, out in the rain and the middle of the woods.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice looked at her as if she’d said the dumbest thing she’d ever heard. “Looking for you, of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava regarded her. Beatrice was about as soaked as she was, the bun atop her head now coming loose and hair plastered across her forehead. Her cheeks were flushed red against the cold and raindrops clung to her round glasses.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why?” Ava asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know why.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hearing her own words repeated back to her made Ava’s brain short circuit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know many words in many tongues, and yet I can never quite find the words to describe </span>
  <em>
    <span>you, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ava. Or perhaps more accurately… my feelings for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I’m trying to say, Ava, is that I like you too. Quite a lot, actually. I’d very much like to stay in your life, so long as you stay in mine too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh my </span>
  <em>
    <span>God!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Ava exclaimed. “You like me </span>
  <em>
    <span>back? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Since when?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice chuckled. “Since always.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All this time! And to think that I thought…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought what?” Beatrice prompted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could someone like you possibly like someone like </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice frowned. “I don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bea, you’re brilliant! You have such a kind heart, you’re crazy smart, not to mention that you are </span>
  <em>
    <span>stunning. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And I’m…” she shrugged. “Just me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava nodded affirmatively. “Just me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you realise how crazy that sounds? I could say the same for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you. </span>
  </em>
  <span>You are all of those things too, and so much more.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem very certain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am certain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stood there wordlessly for a time, tiptoeing on the precipice of something </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it was Ava who stepped towards Beatrice first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had touched before of course, mostly light touches here and there; Beatrice’s hands brushing Ava’s as they walked, Ava’s hand placed on Beatrice’s arm when she was howling with laughter. But this was different. Ava dabbed the raindrops off Beatrice’s glasses with the cuff of her sleeve and gently pushed them back up the bridge of her nose. Her fingertips were light as a feather as she traced Beatrice’s cheekbones and brushed her lips with the pad of her thumb, as if Ava wanted to etch the contours of her features into her memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I kiss you?” Ava whispered, searching Beatrice’s amber eyes for any sign of uncertainty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But perhaps Ava underestimated Beatrice, for she answered by bringing their lips together, to Ava’s surprise. The pressure was soft and fleeting at first, until Beatrice’s arms slipped around Ava's waist, pulling her closer into her, while Ava slung her arms over Beatrice’s shoulders. With one hand cradling the back of Beatrice’s head, they came together in a long-overdue crescendo. It was almost overwhelming, the warmth and certainty of Ava’s lips against her own, the way Ava’s eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as she pressed herself into her, but never pushing too far. In those moments, the world continued to spin and paid them no mind, but Beatrice knew one thing for certain. She finally knew what coming </span>
  <em>
    <span>home </span>
  </em>
  <span>felt like.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they finally pulled apart, Ava rested her forehead against Beatrice’s. She breathed in deeply, savouring this moment and imprinting Beatrice’s soft gaze in her mind. She’d never seen someone so beautiful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ava,” she said with her eyes still closed, her voice a little breathless and barely above a whisper. The way she said her name in the afterglow brought her back down from the skies to the earth. As her eyelids fluttered open, a smile creeped into the corners of her mouth, which Ava was quick to kiss again, light and full of promise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no need to rush. They had all the time in the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava let Beatrice guide how open they were about their relationship in public after that, but the truth was that the shift in their dynamic was only subtle. To a casual onlooker they were the same as they always had been, but to those who knew them best, they noticed the little things. The stolen glances between them were not secret anymore, instead hidden in plain sight, met with bashful smiles and flushed cheeks. Beatrice was a little more open, smiled a little bigger and laughed a little more. She could often be found resting a weary head on Ava’s shoulder at the end of the day, seeking the other girl’s touch whenever realistically possible. This Ava was more than happy to indulge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was Lecia who noticed first, during one of the many occasions she rang them to see how her girls were getting on. She had been right of course; they brought out the best in each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mãe has pretty much adopted you, you know. You’re stuck with us now,” Ava told her after one such call.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” was Beatrice’s reply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you ever need someone to talk to, Beatrice, an adult I mean, I just want you to know that you can come to me, okay? Always,” Lecia had told her when they had hugged goodbye over Christmas. Lecia knew what it was like to have a rocky relationship with parents, albeit for different reasons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As it turned out, Beatrice ended up having several such conversations with Lecia, and it was during one such conversation that Beatrice learned that there was more to that particular story.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s always more,” Lecia had said with a heavy sigh. She explained how she had been disowned by her parents when she had become pregnant. “But, living without my parents was not what was most difficult about it. It was knowing that I would be cut off from my younger sister that hurt the most.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice had winced at that. She couldn’t imagine being separated from Nancy in such a way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why found family is just as important as blood, perhaps even more so,” Lecia continued. “For the family we chose, rather than those we are bound to by necessity, are the ones we truly love, not because we have to but because we </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would you ever try and reach out to your sister again?” Beatrice asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will one day, when the time is right.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>One nonchalant lunch time some months later, when the earliest spring buds were about to bloom, one of the other girls pointed out that Ava was wearing Beatrice’s archery team hoodie, with her initials stitched beneath the school emblem on the front.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So I am,” Ava had chuckled with a shrug, the tips of her ears turning pink. “It must’ve got muddled in the wash somehow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The others had shared a look then. They had known for a while of course, given that they’d got to know Ava and Beatrice pretty well as the year had progressed, and were endlessly happy for them, but said nothing. Not every understanding needed to be said out loud.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were exciting the dining room into the entrance hall when Millie Claremont and her gaggle of goons pushed past them. The way the blonde strutted about the school like a peacock ground Ava’s gears to no end, and today was no exception.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ahead, a small girl in one of the lower years made the mistake of getting in Millie’s path, who stopped abruptly and regarded the girl as if she’d insulted the Queen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well?” Millie demanded. “Do you know nothing about the hierarchy at this school? I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>head girl</span>
  </em>
  <span>! Get out of my way, you imbecile!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unsurprisingly, the young girl burst into tears and didn’t move for a few moments. Ava dashed forward to reassure the girl, whilst Millie just pulled a smug face when she ran off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enfia um rojão no cu e sai voando!” Ava hissed at the head girl.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice winced, having learnt several colourful phrases in Portuguese by this point. Sensing that Ava had said something ungodly, but clearly not understanding her, Millie pulled a face and puffed out her chest. Ava didn’t step out of her path and stood her ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry?” Millie said, astounded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava shrugged. “Apology accepted. Although, it’s not me you should be saying sorry to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Millie’s eyes narrowed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh sorry, are you not well versed enough in Portuguese to grasp my meaning?” Ava sneered. “Let me translate into Posh Boarding School Twat for you. Get your head out of your ass, it’s not a hat. Stop being such a dick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Well at least I'm not a lesbian," Millie bit back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava rolled her eyes. "If you’re going to be a bitch about my sexuality at least get it right. I'm </span>
  <em>
    <span>bisexual</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Besides, if it was a choice between being like </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> and being gay, I’d pick being gay any day. Stop saying </span>
  <em>
    <span>lesbian</span>
  </em>
  <span> like it’s a dirty word. It’s not. And what is your point exactly? Is all this bravado to hide the fact that you don’t have enough brain cells to come up with a more original insult?”  She raised her eyebrows expectantly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Millie flustered, clearly not expecting that response. Ava took this to her advantage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You know, it's funny actually. You seem hellbent on being an ass like it’s a badge of honour, but I really am beginning to wonder if it's a tactic to distract the attention away from </span>
  <em>
    <span>you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Don't be ridiculous," Millie snapped, heat rising to her cheeks. A tense quiet had fallen across the entrance hall. Girls of all ages glanced at each other, hesitant, as if they were two lionesses about to pounce.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Is it ridiculous? It actually makes sense. It’s not uncommon for someone who bullies others to be projecting, instead of addressing whatever the problem is. Some are just dickheads of course, but who would suspect the bully? So, I ask you: why do you treat people like such trash? What are you so afraid of?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span> At this, Millie was stunned to silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"We all have our demons, Millie," Ava added, "and secrets that are ours alone. But projecting your pain and inflicting it on other people says more about you than it does those you cast into the dirt. If you want to be respected then you must earn it, not demand it."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this, all saw the tears brimming in Millie's eyes. But, ultimately, she did what Millie Claremont did best; she stormed off. As she disappeared into one of the side corridors, Beatrice was overcome with such admiration of Ava that she stepped forward. One step, another and another, until she was standing at Ava's side. A kaleidoscope of emotions radiated off Ava like the core of the sun, white hot anger mostly, but there was something else, too; a solemness that lingered like morning mist. Beatrice knew no words in any of her spoken tongues that could adequately comfort Ava in that moment, or convey the pride that swelled in her chest, but if Beatrice knew the two of them at all, it was that actions speak louder than words. Physical touch was the love language they shared. So, she reached to take Ava's hand, intertwining their fingers, everyone else be damned. Her thumb drew circles around Ava's knuckle, and their eyes met, a single question passing between them. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you sure? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>In response, the adoration that blossomed in Beatrice’s eyes gave Ava all the confirmation she needed. She wanted to pull Beatrice close, and hold her until the world around them melted away, but she was still conscious of the crowd that had gathered to witness the confrontation. Instead, she just squeezed her hand in return and they stayed there, paused in a moment of history whilst their heartbeats settled. A moment passed, and another, before anyone else moved. As if the day wasn't already full of plot twists, what happened next surprised them both. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everyone around them erupted in cheers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later, in a mess of entangled limbs and bedsheets, Beatrice traced the lines of Ava’s palm and said, “You make me brave.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You always were,” Ava replied. “And you always will be.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Translations:</p><p>Enfia um rojão no cu e sai voando - Stick a rocket in your ass and go fucking flying. A special shoutout to my braincell Mari (<a href="https://twitter.com/schereeer">@schereeer</a> on Twitter) for this colourful Portuguese. If you haven't check out their art already, then you definitely should because it's cute as HECK.</p><p>This is one of my favourite chapters for so many reasons. I'm such a simp for these two and I love writing soft scenes for them. As always, if you spot any mistakes please let me know and I'd love to hear your thoughts for this chapter!</p><p>And if you're wondering when things are going to start to Go Wrong (TM)... That would be next chapter. Sorry in advance?</p><p>Until next week, take care, stay safe, and hug your pets and your people!</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which everything was going so well, until it wasn't (a warning for the homophobia to follow).</p><p>The song for this chapter is Evermore by Hollow Coves. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Several months later was the eve of the Spring Concert, a formal celebration of the school’s musical talent. The Brass Band, the school orchestra and a number of soloists and groups would be performing pieces of all genres to a crowd of students and supportive parents. That night, Nancy was due to perform a violin solo with the orchestra, so naturally their parents would be in attendance to applaud and beam at their daughter’s skill.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if the prospect of having her parents and Ava in the same room wasn’t alarming enough, Ava was also nowhere to be found. Beatrice was beginning to sense that something was wrong, her mind jumping to endless ludicrous possibilities. But, after checking Ava’s usual spots and their room, she eventually made her way back to the hall. It was not wholly unusual for Ava to disappear for hours on end without telling anyone where she was, for she often got so absorbed in what she was doing that time passed in a flash. Yet, it was curious that she would do such a thing </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> of all times. Ava had sworn that she wouldn’t miss Nancy’s performance for the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Beatrice returned to the hall, she found two familiar figures in the entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, there you are, Beatrice. Have you seen Nancy? We can’t find her,” her father said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was that, it seemed. After months of barely talking and he didn’t even ask how she was. The way his lips wrapped around the syllables of Beatrice’s name made her heart sink, though she tried to not to show how it really got to her. How it saddened her that her parents could put in the effort to see Nancy perform, but never came to any of her extracurricular events. Beatrice thought she would have got used to it by now, for they had never been subtle in showing who was the favourite child. It still hurt nonetheless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good evening, Father. Mother,” she said stiffly, although polite. “I expect she’ll be backstage. The orchestra tend to perform first. You may as well take a seat.” She guided them into the hall, where they were soon seated and did not turn again to speak to her. Beatrice knew the idiosyncrasies of her parents’ body language and overall manner perhaps better than she knew herself, having spent years tiptoeing around eggshells in their presence. Always saying enough, but never too much and never the </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing. She knew better than to hang about, instead opting to return to her seat in the student’s section with the others. As she did so, however, a familiar voice called Beatrice’s name and on turning around she was surprised to find herself facing Ava’s mãe.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lecia!” Beatrice exclaimed, before she stepped into hug her without hesitation. “What are you doing here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia looked puzzled for a moment. “I could hardly miss Ava’s performance could I? Plus, the chance to catch up with yourself, Nancy and the others.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice’s eyebrows knotted together. “Ava is performing tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia looked as bemused as she did. “She didn’t tell you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No…” Beatrice trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something twinkled in Lecia’s eyes. “Maybe she wanted it to be a surprise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, the sinking feeling in Beatrice’s heart that had been momentarily dispelled by Lecia’s presence descended further to her stomach. “My parents are here,” she told Lecia by means of explanation. In response, the older woman’s smile soon faded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I see. Which ones are they?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice gestured discreetly, pointing them out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They both look like someone crapped in their cereal.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice chuckled. She couldn’t deny it; it was an apt description.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are more than welcome to spend some time with Ava and I afterwards if you don’t wish to be with them,” Lecia told her, sensing her deep-rooted discomfort. “But we’ll keep our distance if you would prefer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You certainly wouldn’t be missing out on much by not talking to them,” Beatrice sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That I do not doubt.” Lecia squeezed Beatrice’s arm. “Just remember that </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>love you, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice smiled. “I know. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She and Ava had not exchanged </span>
  <em>
    <span>those </span>
  </em>
  <span>words yet, but sometimes actions spoke louder than words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Several sets passed, including Nancy’s, in which she was brilliant, before Ava appeared on stage. She was dressed smartly, as was customary for the formal concerts, in a white button-up shirt tucked into black slacks. She fiddled with her collar as she approached a wooden stool under a single spotlight in the centre of the stage.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know Ava was performing tonight?” Heidi leaned over and whispered to Beatrice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice shook her head, but kept her eyes fixed on her girlfriend. She’d never seen her so nervous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Um, hello,” Ava said, clearing her throat and adjusting the guitar on her knee. “Firstly, I just want to say a massive well done to everyone who’s performed so far, you’ve all been brilliant. I hope you don’t mind me interrupting the flow. This is a little song I wrote … Hope you like it.” She inhaled deeply and bit her lip, searching for Beatrice in the crowd. When their eyes met, Beatrice smiled and nodded once. That was all Ava needed to begin plucking the strings.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I felt it from the start</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It grew inside my heart</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It changed me from that day</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This love I can't contain</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I waited for a sign</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So patient and divine</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>For fate was on our side</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That day I came to find</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That you are all</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was hoping for</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It's you I'll call</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My evermore</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As Ava sung, the rest of the crowd melted away, as if she and Beatrice were the only ones in the room and she was singing just for her. In a way she was. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This </span>
  </em>
  <span>is how it felt to be truly loved.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The garden as our home</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A place where we can grow</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You're planted in my soul</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>To nurture and to hold</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Cause you are all</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was hoping for</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It's you I'll call</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My evermore.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the concert finished, Beatrice was quick to pull Ava into a tight embrace, out of her parents’ line of sight as they spoke to Nancy on the opposite side of the hall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You liked it then?” Ava chuckled over Beatrice’s shoulder, their cheeks pressed together, before they pulled apart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could I not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the others said their congratulations, and Lecia came over to join them, Beatrice met her mother’s gaze. The length of time she had effectively ignored them, despite the fact </span>
  <em>
    <span>they </span>
  </em>
  <span>had initiated the distance, was trailing the borderline of rudeness. Beatrice sighed. She knew she would have to talk to them soon. But, to her surprise, the timing of the interaction was soon taken out of her control as her parents and Nancy made their way over. Ava and Beatrice shared a look as they grew closer, a silent conversation passing between them without words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry,” Ava reassured her. “I’ve got you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Would it be rude to go and fill up my wine now?” Lecia mused aloud whilst they were still out of ear shot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this, Ava chortled. “I think you’re not the only one who’s going to need another glass after this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Thankfully, Beatrice’s parents spent more time boasting of their pride for Nancy than anything else, and became too wrapped up in being introduced to Beatrice’s group of friends to pay Ava and Beatrice much attention. They congratulated Ava on her performance, but clearly thought nothing more of it. When they began to make their excuses to leave the group, likely wanting to seek more civilised conversation, it looked like they had got away with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Almost.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like a snake among daffodils, Millie, of all people, also appeared as Beatrice’s parents exchanged pleasantries before departing. After that, it all happened far too quickly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hello, Mr and Mrs Barnes!” Millie greeted them, all smiles. “It is so lovely that you were able to take the time from your busy lives to support Beatrice’s girlfriend tonight. Ava is very talented.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Poison. Poison masquerading as a well-intended rosy comment. But roses, regardless of their perfume and pretty petals, still harbour thorns. The colour drained from Beatrice’s face as she clenched her fists, and a kaleidoscope of emotions whirled across her parents’ faces.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Behind the calamity that rose in the few following moments of silence, Millie smirked. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>what would happen after those words weresaid. But before Ava could lunge for her throat, as if strangling her would force the oxygen out of her words and erase them, Beatrice’s father opened his mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You would embarrass us like this in front of all these people? Do they </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>know that you are like… </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Mr Barnes spat, aghast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For the first time, among friends and with Ava and Lecia by her side, Beatrice was not afraid of her father’s words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like what? Happy? For the first time in too long?” she retorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her parents looked like they had been electrocuted by Beatrice’s response. They had grown used to their daughter’s silence. Not anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not even denying it now. Did we teach you nothing?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is not something I should have to deny. Your embarrassment is your problem, not mine." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Barnes turned to Nancy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy’s jaw clenched. She didn’t respond, and her silence gave them all the answers they needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How could you not tell us?” she demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is none of my business,” Nancy replied through gritted teeth, feeling emboldened by her sister’s courage. It was high time she defended Beatrice, she had felt too guilty for too long for not doing so until now. “And it certainly isn’t yours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I may,” Lecia tried to step in, willing herself to hold her tongue and keep her voice steady.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mrs Barnes cut her off, shaking her head in disgust. “To think we left our daughters in your care… did you </span>
  <em>
    <span>encourage</span>
  </em>
  <span> this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is hardly something to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>dis</span>
  </em>
  <span>couraged,” Lecia tried to reason, although it quickly became clear that these were not two people who could be reasoned with. At least not without time and patience, but it seemed that both of those things were in short supply.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is not your decision to make.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nor is it yours. Beatrice has her own autonomy,” Lecia told her evenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t talk to me like you know what’s best for her. You are not Beatrice’s mother.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lecia didn’t miss a beat in her response. “Perhaps not, but given the way that you’re talking to her I don’t think you’ve earned the right to call yourself that either.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How dare you!” Mrs Barnes snapped, raising her voice. If Beatrice didn’t know any better, her mother looked like she was about to have an aneurysm. But, by now the heat between them had halted more than a few of the surrounding conversations, and they were on the receiving end of several questioning looks. Beatrice and Ava knew that the unwanted attention was all that was holding Mrs Barnes’ tongue. Appearances were everything, after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mr Barnes reached for his wife’s elbow. “We’re leaving, now,” he said, before meeting Beatrice’s eyes. “This doesn’t end here,” he warned.</span>
</p><p><span>Beatrice maintained her composure until she and Ava returned to their room. It was only once they crossed the threshold that everything hit Beatrice like a tidal wave, uncontrollable sobs threatening to tear her chest open. Perhaps that would hurt less than this. Ava could do nothing but hold her close, cradling her.</span> <span>Eventually, they got changed and climbed into bed (they had taken to sharing Ava’s bed most nights these days, though it was a bit of a squeeze), keen to leave today behind.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Are we going to be okay?” Beatrice asked, her horse voice breaking through the heavy darkness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava didn’t quite have the answer for that. Instead she pulled Beatrice closer to her, pressing a kiss into her forehead as she came to rest her head in the Beatrice-shaped space between Ava’s shoulder and collarbone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s you and me against the world.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Beatrice’s breathing evened and she slipped into a blissfully dreamless sleep, Ava lay awake until morning light. Guilt bloomed an ugly flower between her ribs, more thorns than petals, casting a far-reaching melancholy through her bones. The cavity where her beating heart had once been, beating too hard, too fast on that stage until Beatrice’s gaze had calmed her, was now hollow. She gazed around their room, basked in shadows and silver moonlight. </span>
  <em>
    <span>A place where we can grow, to nurture and to hold. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She almost scoffed. How foolish she had been.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s all my fault, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Ava thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, the following morning Beatrice was having none of Ava’s attempts to apologise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If I had just–”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ava.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stopped and considered that your parents would be there then maybe-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ava</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Beatrice tried again, more successfully this time. “It’s not your fault. Did you make Millie come over and out me? Did you make my parents say those things?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but -”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>but </span>
  </em>
  <span>nothing.” She took Ava’s hands in hers, seemingly studying the way their fingers laced together as if they belonged there. “This isn’t about you,” Beatrice sighed. “It’s not even about me, not really. It’s about them. It’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>always </span>
  </em>
  <span>been about them. Besides, if having a girlfriend who writes you songs is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Ava’s gaze softened, there was a knock at the door. It was one of the runners, girls who were taken off timetable for a day to deliver messages.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mrs Hargreaves wants to see you both in her office as soon as possible,” the young girl said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava and Beatrice shared a look. Her father’s words echoed in the back of Beatrice’s mind </span>
  <em>
    <span>this doesn’t end here. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her breath caught as she inhaled and the runner shut the door again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I suppose we better go and see what she wants,” Ava said. She was trying her best to hide it, but Beatrice knew she was concerned too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The look on Mrs Hargreaves’ face when the two of them stepped into her office did little to reassure them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh good, you’re here,” the Head Mistress said. “Please, take a seat.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As it happened, Beatrice had never stepped inside Mrs Hargreaves’ office before. After all, she was an excellent student and never caused any trouble. Ava had been called in several times before, after what they now referred to only by The Bunsen Burner Incident and the subsequent detentions, but the air around the three of them felt different this time. Ava knew, somehow, that this was something far worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beatrice, there is no easy way to say this,” Mrs Hargreaves began.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice heard the following words as if she was under water, as if her body was preemptively rebooting its age-old coping mechanism; withdrawal. As if putting a vast body of water between her and reality would make it easier, as if drowning was preferable to this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your parents are refusing to pay your fees for the rest of the year. They’re pulling you and your sister out,” Mrs Hargreaves told them, her voice heavy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They can’t do that!” Ava exclaimed, slamming her hands on the arms of her chair. Mrs Hargreaves gave her a sad look. “Can they?” Ava then asked, her voice growing smaller with dwindling hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unless Beatrice and Nancy could come up with the fees themselves… but even then,” she met Beatrice’s eyes. “Legally your hands are tied. Believe me, I wouldn’t have called you in here if I hadn’t exhausted every option under the sun to allow you and your sister to stay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice clenched her jaw. “They just don’t care.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A beat of silence. Mrs Hargreaves didn’t try to entertain the idea that what Beatrice said wasn’t true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What about the scholarships?” Ava wondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Those funds aren’t renewed until the next academic year.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava fell back in her chair and sighed heavily, gazing out of the window. There had to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>something </span>
  </em>
  <span>they could do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava helped Beatrice pack over the next few days, largely in silence, slowly dismantling the little space they had built together. Beatrice didn’t shed another tear. She’d already cried herself dry. Instead she cherished every last moment she had in Ava’s arms, committing everything she could to memory.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the day came, all of the friends, both Beatrice and Nancy’s, gathered to bid the sisters farewell on the front steps of Darlington, flanked on either side by towering stone columns. Among friends, there was nothing their parents could do to prevent Ava and Beatrice from saying goodbye. Not only that, but Mrs Hargreaves also stood close by, prepared to mediate if necessary. They deserved this at least, if there was nothing else she was able to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, they all cried. Ava had been doing her utmost to minimise her tears over the previous days, but with limited success. She did not want to make the ordeal any harder for Beatrice than it already was. But, truth be told, Ava didn’t know how she was going to manage without her, though she knew that Beatrice was set to lose more than Ava could possibly imagine; not just Ava but her friends too, and the place she had come to call home. Her support network was there, at Darlington. They had no idea where Beatrice’s parents planned to send her, only that it was likely someplace far from there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice hugged them all individually, moving along the line as they had gathered on the steps. Some others watched from the onlooking windows, those not close enough to either of the sisters to be classed as their inner circle, but friendly enough to be saddened by the farewell. By then, the removal of the Barnes sisters, mid-term and under such unpleasant circumstances no less, was all anyone was talking about. In the meantime, Millie Claremont appeared to have enough brain cells to give them a wide berth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice hugged her friends tightly in earnest, the weird little family she had come to love, and came to Ava last.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava had seen Beatrice in many forms; weary, jubilant, even a little cold when they first met. But never this. Never so broken. Ava learned something else about Beatrice then; tears made her amber eyes darker, as if this all-consuming preemptive grief had stolen the very light in them she had grown to love.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck. Ava </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beatrice. She’d known for a while of course, she was not wholly oblivious to her feelings, but now, of all times, was a pretty dire time for that particular realisation to come crashing through. For several moments, Ava thought those three little words would tumble from her lips of their own accord, desperate to be free, but in the end she thought better of it. There was something in Beatrice’s gaze that said that she did not need to be told. She already knew, and Ava saw the same reflected back at her.  Instead, Beatrice stepped forward, cradled Ava’s cheeks and kissed her with a new determined certainty, her parents be damned. A hopeful promise blossomed between their lips. This would not be the end of their story, not if she had anything to do with it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come back to me,” Ava said into her lips, only loud enough for Beatrice to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I will,” Beatrice replied. As she pulled away from Ava and opened her eyes, she took her little finger and entwined it with her own, pressing a kiss into her knuckle. “Pinkie promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>During her time in England, Ava had come to love the rain. She had found it dreary at first, wondering how one could not be perpetually miserable in a place that saw hundreds of days of it a year. Yet, in time she came to appreciate it; the way the raindrops washed away the old and allowed something new to bloom in its place, starting afresh. But after she watched Beatrice being driven away Ava never found comfort in the rain again. Thunder rumbled overhead as the car grew smaller and smaller until it became a mere speck on the horizon and finally disappeared. Ava wondered what God was up to, casting a scornful eye upwards at the mockery of pathetic fallacy. The smell of the rain against the gravel and grass laced the edges of Ava’s last memory of Beatrice, leaving a bitter aftertaste where the words of their promise still lingered.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Come back to me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>When they returned to the entrance hall, they were met by none other than the Head Girl who had triggered this sequence of events. Mille had not even opened her mouth before Ava moved to step towards her, only for Heidi to hold her back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not worth it,” Heidi told her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Erin’s eyes narrowed. “Back off, Millie,” she warned. “Haven’t you done enough?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Millie shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava balled her fists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said nothing untoward,” Millie continued. “I hardly asked for this to happen. Besides…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words that followed do not bear repeating, but they made Ava’s blood boil. She would not stand to hear anyone talk about the girl she loved with such vulgarity in any given scenario, let alone one in which she was not there to defend herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava Silva was a big believer in actions speaking louder than words. So, with that in mind, and consequences be damned, she broke free of Heidi’s restraining grasp. She lunged forward, adrenaline screaming in her veins as her fist connected with Millie’s nose, cutting her off mid-sentence. The resulting crack was louder than Ava expected, and she found herself almost gleeful at the exclamation of pain that followed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Good, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Let it hurt.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Unbeknown to all of them, Mrs Hargreaves had not only been standing at the steps to bid two of her best students farewell, but to also greet another parent, though the circumstances of their visit were far from pleasant. As such, Millie Claremont’s mother stood in horror behind the girls and watched the scene unfold, just far enough to remain unseen by her daughter. She had scarcely believed what the Headmistress had told her over the phone, having previously dismissed reports of her daughter’s harsh ways as a lack of backbone from the supposed victims part, but even she could not deny the facts when they were so plain to see. She reasoned that the small girl who had punched her daughter was the aforementioned girlfriend and, to be frank, believed that it was well deserved.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, the Barnes sisters were not the only ones to be removed from Darlington that week. Ava told herself that it was the little victories, as she turned in her bed to face the wall rather than be met with the emptiness of Beatrice’s side of the room. She cried quietly as she pulled the hood of Beatrice’s hoodie over her head, brought the baggy sleeves to her eyes to wipe away the tears. Ava prayed that the smell of her would never leave, though she knew that it would.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it did.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>
    <span>Come back to me. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Those four words spun around and around Beatrice’s mind for the whole silent car journey, and the days that followed. As it turned out, she would have quite a way to travel in order to keep that promise. She was shipped off to one the most prestigious Catholic boarding schools in Switzerland, her parents clearly sparing no expense in at least maintaining the façade that they cared about their daughter’s education. That is if one subscribed to the belief that the money spent on a person equated to the extent of their affection. The school abutted a convent secluded in the Swiss Alps and was surrounded by snow-capped mountain ranges as far as the eye could see. There was limited internet connection, and an even less stable phone signal. As such, months passed with minimal contact from the outside world; not a word passed between Beatrice and Ava and only a handful of letters Nancy penned ever reached her sister.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After days, weeks and then months of this icy solitude, Beatrice began to believe the final words her parents had said to her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You deserve this. This is for your own good. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And so, with little else to occupy what little free time, Beatrice did the only thing she knew to do. She made herself valuable; throwing herself back into aikido, kendo and archery, and mastering many tongues until the point that the only times when her body or mind were not busy were during mealtimes, prayer or when she was asleep. The rational part of her knew that this was far from healthy, but she was presented with no other options. Soon, the harsh-faced nuns focused less on why she was sent to them and more on how she was a shining example of the power of God’s forgiveness.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What the nuns didn’t know was that half of Beatrice’s prayers were asking God to watch over Ava and Lecia, as well as Nancy and the found family she had left behind in England. They never left her mind, or her heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In those rare fleeting moments she had to herself, Beatrice took to seeking the highest and most isolated spot she could find. As the months passed, she took to spending these moments atop the high walls surrounding the convent, where she could cast gaze across the mountains; the rocky valleys and still lakes. Clouds tumbled around the snow-capped summits, sun blazing down upon her skin but never quite enough to warm her. What was a welcome sensation, however, was the necklace she still wore beneath her uniform, the grounding touch of the metal against her sternum, just over her heart. Sometimes it felt like the only thing that gave her comfort during those days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Towards the end of the academic term, Beatrice received a letter from Nancy, which was a pleasant surprise, although the brevity of its contents left her feeling somewhat dejected. Nancy would meet her at King’s Cross station after her flight landed in a few days' time, and they would make their way back to the family home for the holidays.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>I will fill you in on everything on your return. We can’t wait to have you home.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The last sentence troubled Beatrice. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We </span>
  </em>
  <span>could hardly refer to Nancy and their parents. Who then? A hopeful thought blossomed in the back of her mind, though she tried not to entertain the idea. Best not to get her hopes up. After all, seeing her sister for the first time in months would be more than enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>True to her word, several days later, Nancy met Beatrice at the station, running towards her and crushing her into a tight hug the moment she stepped onto the concourse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s so good to finally have you back!” she exclaimed. When she finally let go, Nancy pulled Beatrice towards a nearby coffee shop. “Come on,” she said. “Shall we grab some tea?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice regarded Nancy quizzically. “Do we have time? I thought our train was due in…” she looked up at the notice boards. “Ten minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy grinned mischievously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nancy, what are you up to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was meant to be a surprise…” Nancy trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy looked over Beatrice’s shoulder, eyeing a commotion. At this, Beatrice spun around, confused, with just enough time to register four people bounding their way towards them before she was the centre of group hug. To her surprise, she was met by familiar faces; Heidi, Charlie and Erin. Seeing them all made Beatrice light up like a Christmas tree. As they all grabbed a drink, sprawled around a small table outside the coffee shop, it was like no time had passed at all. Beatrice finally began to feel like herself again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Charlie turned to Nancy. “When is Ava getting here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ava is coming?” Beatrice asked, her heart quickening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy grinned. “She and Lecia timed their flight back from Spain to arrive not long after you. I checked the flight, it’s landed okay with no delays. I expect we’ll hear from them any minute!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except Ava and Lecia never showed. In fact, neither Beatrice, Nancy or any of the others heard from them again. It was as if Ava had dropped off the end of the earth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And in a way she had.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Phew. Okay. Thank you for reading and getting to the end!</p><p>I really wrestled with this chapter. At first I didn't want to go down the classic route of Beatrice's parents pulling a stunt like this, but given what we know of Beatrice's character from the canon I felt it would be an injustice to ignore the facts we do know and the trauma she obviously has. I know that a lot of people relate strongly to her canon character as well, so felt that this is still an important story to tell. One day I hope we will be able to tell stories that are not solely about our queerness, but I hope that I've got the balance okay with this so far, with it being a mix of about that but also not only about that, you know? </p><p>So, does anyone have any thoughts as to what's happened now...?</p><p>As of next chapter we'll be staying in the present and navigating how this past impacts everything in the present, as well as into season two. If you'd be into that, stay tuned! </p><p>Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this, left kudos, comments and all that jazz. Big love to you all. Until next SunGAY take care of yourselves, be kind and spread the love!</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Beatrice finds her way to the OCS, only for her and Ava's paths to crash into each other again several years later under bizarre circumstances.</p><p>The song for this chapter is Rescue Me by Eurielle. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p><p>(Warnings for: very brief mention of a car accident, mention of suicide at the beginning of the second part of this chapter, pertaining to the canon at the end of episode three before Ava is introduced to Camila, for context. All other mentions have been avoided.)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The summer came and went without a word from Ava or Lecia, and so when mid-September arrived, there was nothing for Beatrice to do but return to Switzerland. That was when she heard of the Order of the Cruciform Sword for the first time. The promise of purpose was like a song to her. Promise of distance from her parents, distance from the life she had once known and yet somehow was no longer hers to call her own. The chance to do something good, in the name of a higher order. With nothing left to truly tether her to her old life, she left the world that had abandoned her and instead stepped into the welcoming arms of another. After all, it was easier to slay demons than it was to face her own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice took her vows quickly after turning eighteen and adapted to the life of a sister warrior as if it had been her destiny. She quickly rose through the ranks, and after just a year and a string of successful missions, her name was spoken by her fellow sisters with the utmost respect. She found herself in an inner circle of friendship with the Halo-Bearer, Sister Shannon, Sister Lilith and Shotgun Mary, a bold American woman who had found her way to the OCS through Father Vincent. She never took her vows, and although this caused some friction with the other sisters, there was no doubt that this gave her additional freedom to perform her duties. Mary not only knew her worth, but she exercised it too. Beatrice envied her for that at first, but knew there was more than one way to serve God, and that the path she had chosen was right for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The necklace no longer hung around her neck. Instead, it was tucked away in a little wooden box of keepsakes; echoes of Beatrice’s previous life that she had not quite been able to part with, but also could not bear to look at. </span>
  <span>A rare photo of herself and Nancy, grinning wildly at the camera. Several letters from her sister, including the last one that she had never replied to. In hindsight, Nancy had taken the news of Beatrice becoming a nun well. She might not have understood the decision, but she knew that her sister had to take her own path in life. But Nancy had never imagined that in her taking her vows that she would </span>
  <em>
    <span>lose </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beatrice. She had written for a while, but in time Beatrice’s replies became increasingly vague and brief. She never went home, never visited. One day Beatrice stopped replying altogether, though it was not deliberate. In truth, she had become so wrapped up in this new world, so engulfed in being Sister Beatrice, with a capital S, and had poured so much love into friendships she kindled with her fellow sister warriors, that, in time, she forgot what it meant to be Beatrice, sister of Nancy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, in the same city, though unbeknownst to them both, Ava faced a different version of hell. While Beatrice chased the demons that lurked among us, Ava came to learn that not all demons were ethereal beings from beyond the veil. Some were human.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In those years at the orphanage under the tyranny of Sister Frances, Ava did not wear her necklace either, although not by choice. Frances had long since taken it off her, claiming it was cheap and tacky, and that the only symbol that should be worn around one’s neck was the Catholic cross. So, it gathered dust at the back of the drawers next to Ava’s bed, always close by but just out of reach. She had considered more than once asking Diego to get it for her, but she feared the tidal wave that would hit her if she saw it again, feared the flood of memories of her mãe and Beatrice both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every night, her nightmare returned. It taunted her, a reality that cut too close to the bone after she had woken up from the accident, paralysed and alone. She heard those words over and over again, </span>
  <em>
    <span>you’re lucky to be alive</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and maybe in a different reality, one that didn’t involve St Michael’s and the atrocities that occurred there, she could have come to be grateful, despite all she had lost. Yet sometimes as she lay awake those nights that left her in a cold sweat, she had wished for it to be true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yet the world and fate work in curious ways. Ava’s nightmare did come true, in a sense. She did die, only to be resurrected by an all-powerful ancient holy relic, sacred to the Catholic Church, no less. After Ava woke from an explosion that she had caused, she was met with the kind face of a priest who introduced himself as Father Vincent. With him Ava learnt just how all of this had come to be, of Areala and the gift the angel Adriel had bestowed upon her as she sacrificed her life in God’s name.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying that thing is in me now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Obviously, that was not our plan,” Father Vincent said calmly, although there was a trace of a sigh half-concealed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our plan?” Ava enquired. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Who are these people?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“We belong to the Order of Cruciform Sword. Devout women who’ve dedicated their lives to fighting an ancient evil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Ava thought. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve gone from an orphanage run by sadistic nuns to a convent that’s actually home to a secret order of ninja nuns, all of whom could most definitely kick my ass. God really does have a sense of humour. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Father Vincent explained some more as they walked around the church, seeing groups of young women practicing various forms of hand-to-hand combat. He told her that she was their new champion, the Warrior Nun. Part of Ava thought it sounded ridiculous enough to be a series of obscure manga novels, but weirdly enough, after seeing those possessed</span>
  <em>
    <span>, wraith demons</span>
  </em>
  <span>, being hit by a truck, levitating and suddenly regaining the use of her limbs in what really did feel like some God-ordained miracle, even she had to admit that it made sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That didn’t mean she wanted any part of it, however. She would quite like to live a little bit longer, thank you very much. But she quickly came to understand that she has swapped one prison for another. First it was the constraints of her own body, but now it was towering walls of sandstone and iron gates. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>What Ava didn’t know was that as she walked outside to the courtyard with Father Vincent, Beatrice watched them from high above on one of the walls, a distance too far for Ava to recognise her. She wasn’t not spying on them. She wasn’t. She was reeling from the events of the past few days, her life, and the lives of those around her, thrown into the eye of a tornado. She had so many questions, and no courage to ask them. She had seen the fear in Ava’s eyes that morning, when a burst of energy from the Halo had sent her and Lilith flying across the osmium-lined room. After everything that had happened, she’d never seen Ava afraid. And never thought she would live to see the day that Ava would look at her and feel nothing but pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Emotions tore through Beatrice’s chest like a hurricane. Part of her wanted to be angry, angry at Ava for abandoning her. Angry for never showing at Kings Cross, for leaving her to face the world alone. Yet, it was becoming abundantly clear that there was far more to the story than she knew. She only knew bits and pieces of the narrative that filled in the three-year gap between then and now. But of three facts she was certain. Ava had ended up in St. Michael’s Orphanage, of all places. For that to happen, Lecia must have died. The thought of that wounded her more than she had words to describe, and, as if that wasn’t enough, Ava had died, too. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ava had died. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl she had loved and lost had died and she hadn’t even known. To think that she could have gone the rest of her life without knowing… how could she have not known? How did she not feel it? Somehow? How could the world be so cruel? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, there she was. Ava. Their new Halo-Bearer, resurrected from the dead. That could only be the will of God.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There had been an ache in her chest ever since she had kissed Sister Shannon’s forehead, an acute grief that gripped her heart in a fist. Now it had intensified, not just grieving for Shannon but for Lecia and Ava, too. How strange it was to mourn someone who had died long after they were lost from your life, only for them to return. All those feelings she had long since buried and left where they belonged, in the past, were bubbling back to the surface now, threatening to destabilise the control she had perfected over her existence since those days. Since then she’d done everything by the book. From the broken relic of her old life she had carved herself into a holy warrior, perfected and honed her skills until she was one of the most respected sister warriors of the Order. Nobody pitied her or cast a disgusted gaze in this realm of existence. Except that was just it. In this life, she had been existing. Surviving to serve a higher purpose, devoid of her own desires and dreams. Devoid, almost, of all and any feelings that had no place or use in this line of work. Until now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice turned from the wall and headed back inside Cat’s Cradle, seeking solitude within the room she had been assigned. It was only now she noticed the parallels between this space, and how her room at Darlington had been. Largely empty and lacking warmth, serving only a practical purpose as a place to sleep. That is, before that room had become hers and Ava’s. Theirs. After all this time, that is what had been missing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice needed answers. She felt that she was invading Ava’s privacy as she did so, but Beatrice used the computers in the technology suite to search local news sites for any record of what had happened. As it turned out, just Ava’s name flagged several matches. The ground fell out from beneath her when she saw a news article from the day she and Ava were supposed to meet at King’s Cross three years ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>16-year-old girl orphaned, paralysed after horrific car accident. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Only parts of the article registered. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The girl, identified as Ava Silva, and her mother were on their way to the airport on Monday… Mother proclaimed dead at the scene… with no other known family, Ava has been passed into the care of St. Michael’s Orphanage… doctors have confirmed that she is now paralysed from the chest down.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It had all clicked into place then. Ava hadn’t stood her up all those years ago. She never even made it onto the plane. And by God, Beatrice felt so guilty for how she’d felt back then. Whilst she had cried herself dry, thinking that the girl she loved had abandoned her for good, the reality was that Ava had woken up paralysed and utterly alone. Ava’s nightmare had almost come true, and, in a way, maybe it was worse. Learning this, Beatrice felt nothing and everything all at once. Part of her wanted to run into Ava’s arms, she ached to hold Ava again, to say that she was sorry. To beg her for forgiveness, for thinking that she had abandoned what they had, for never suspecting that something might have gone wrong. Part of her wanted to flee to the quiet chapel, the one where she went to be alone and far from her sisters, much like the one at Darlington, to pray for forgiveness from God Himself, for guidance and deliverance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end she did neither. She threw herself into training, craving the structure and the predictability of it. The repetition; block, dodge, an opening, punch, kick. And again. And again. But somehow her feet found their way back to Ava, and that was how she came to be watching her with Mother Superion and Lilith, observing from the shadows.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Halo acts as an amplifier,” Mother Superion explained to Ava. “It will enhance whatever natural abilities you already possess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava rocked on her heels. Beatrice knew that move, it was as if no time had passed at all. Ava wasn’t letting on, but she was uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I drew the short end on a lot of things, so don’t get your hopes up,” she chuckled, masking her discomfort. Beatrice winced. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It took all but a few minutes for Lilith to lash out at Ava, whacking her with her baton and scolding her language. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re in a house of worship,” Lilith reminded her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where you train killers,” Ava retorted. “Something tells me profanity is low on Hail Mary’s to-do list.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mother Superion inhaled and exhaled deeply. This bubbly girl, who clearly had no respect for the way of the Church, was already trying her patience. Ava almost reminded the Mother of someone she had once known, many years ago in a different life. She pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mental fortitude</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she thought, echoing the very words that had been hissed at her as her body rejected the Halo. She still felt those phantom pains sometimes, the searing of the Halo beneath her skin. How the Halo could have rejected her only to find itself into the body of the non-believer was almost blasphemy in itself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one said you couldn’t fight back,” Mother Superion said with a slight smirk as Lilith continued to hit Ava.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava gesticulated to Lilith. “Well, teach me how to use this thing!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A beat. “It’s a stick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pair exchanged a few blows, before Ava simply began to start phasing through all of Lilith’s advances, which frustrated the older woman to no end. It was Lilith who had been next in line before Ava had been resurrected, and had been for a reason. She was one of the best warriors the OCS had, and had been trained for this life since birth. As such, she was not used to being bested. And, for a Warrior Nun to be phasing with such ease in a combat situation, let alone someone who had no prior training, so soon after receiving the Halo… it was impressive (though neither Lilith nor Mother Superion were going to admit it). Not only that, but when Ava stopped phasing and Lilith continued to hit her, Ava didn’t flinch, as if she couldn’t feel it at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is probably just my synapses being super confused…” Ava laughed, “and totally not a comment on your strength and skill.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eventually, frustration and anger got the better of Lilith as she swung for Ava’s face whilst she was on her knees. Mother Superion threw her cane in front of Ava to deflect the hit, the resulting slap ricocheting through the training hall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next time Beatrice and Ava properly interacted, if the early Halo-induced explosion counted as a formal reintroduction that is, was at dinner that evening. Beatrice had been slowly making her way through her plate of food, the complex grief toying with her heart doing no favours for her appetite, when Ava walked into the room. She initially made to sit on the edge of the bench Beatrice was sat on with two girls between them, before those sisters got up wordlessly and moved elsewhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava shuffled up towards Beatrice before she could consider what she was doing. When she found herself sitting beside her, Ava found herself at loss for words. There wasn’t exactly a guidebook for how to approach your ex-girlfriend who had become a nun, when you had died several days beforehand. So, Ava switched to her default.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I just re-lived middle school all over again,” Ava joked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice sighed. Along with everything else, she had to keep reminding herself that Ava was not the same girl she had left on the steps of Darlington, nor was she the same girl Ava had once known. Too much time had passed and too much had happened for Beatrice to speak to Ava with the familiarity she longed to. And so, Beatrice spoke to her in the only way she could think of. Like a stranger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Life is coming at all of us pretty hard right now. It might help things along if you didn’t treat everything as a joke.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava didn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, I can’t help it. It’s my default.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice almost said, I know. “The Halo wasn’t just hanging around waiting for you to show up. It belonged to someone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava gazed solemnly at her place of untouched food. She was all too familiar with the concept of grief. There were a lot of things she wanted to say, but somehow none of those words felt right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” she said eventually. “I’m sorry. What was she like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice considered this for a moment. “She was intense. Cold at first. Wouldn’t let any of us in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sounds like someone else I used to know</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Ava thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But when she finally opened up… Shannon was a great friend, especially to the new recruits. Loved pranks.” Beatrice laughed then. How Ava had missed that sound. “She really got some of us.” Then Beatrice met Ava’s gaze and held it for a few moments, as if they were seeing each other for the first time again. To Beatrice, Ava looked as if hardly a day had passed, but there was something missing. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. Meanwhile, the first thing Ava noticed, after looking past the habit and coif, was something that had not dawned on her earlier; the lack of glasses. Under the dim light, she could just see the edges of contact lenses around Beatrice’s irises. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice surprised Ava with what she said next. “I think you two would have got on really well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There it was. The first acknowledgement that they were far from strangers, or at least should have been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could have met her,” Ava replied earnestly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice exhaled, smiling weakly. “In the last few months though, something changed. It was like she knew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not her, you know,” Ava said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice shook her head. “I know. No one expects you to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava rubbed her hands down her thighs. “I tried telling him. I’m not a warrior and I’m definitely not a nun. This whole place, everything… just isn’t me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Self-doubt cast a shadow over Ava’s solemn features. That was something else Beatrice struggled to get her head around. In almost all her memories of Ava, except the last few, Ava was smiling or laughing at something. She had hardly expected Ava to take to this way of life like a duck to water, but seeing Ava like this, defeated, reminded Beatrice that she had a cross to bear, too. Ava who had once been so full of life and the embodiment of her namesake, literally meaning life, only for all that remained of that sun to be a small flame. That’s what was missing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Several hours later, Ava found herself back in the osmium-lined room with the nun who had been less than impressed by her earlier combat, Sister Lilith. The sister warrior waltzed around the room and navigated the table of weapons with a practiced ease and a dash of arrogance. Her hard set eyes, sharp cheekbones and tongue gave her an intimidating aura, not helped by the muscles that rippled down her bare arms as she lifted the Divinium sword, cradling it, only to draw blood from Ava’s arm moments later. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What was that for?” Ava complained. “I thought we were bonding!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly there was a sound that set her teeth on edge, and Lilith grabbed a blade from the table, taking a defensive stance.</span>
  <span> A groaning that was too close and too loud for Ava to think of anything but act instinctively. Fight for flight. She ran. Perhaps more accurately, she ran and phased through the wall behind her, only to not quite make it. She tripped and fell hands first onto a polished wooden floor, groaning aloud when she saw her foot still stuck in the wall. She pulled several times before she noticed a second shadow looming above her. Looking up, she found herself at the receiving end of Mother Superion’s disapproving glare. Before either of them could say anything, Lilith walked into the room holding the culprit of the sound. A speaker. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was a test,” Ava realised, followed by a sigh. Ava considered herself to be a reasonable enough individual, but she was liking Sister Lilith less and less by the moment and suspected that the feeling was mutual. “Are you going to help me or are you just going to stand there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To her credit, Lilith did move to help the Halo-Bearer, only for Mother Superion to halt her in her tracks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She got herself into this, let her get herself out,” she ordered Lilith. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I don’t know how.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You did fine just a minute ago when you thought you were leaving me to die,” Lilith snapped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mother Superion sighed, and indicated for Lilith to leave the room. “A moment please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it was just the two of them, the Mother looked down at Ava. Something flickered across Ava’s face that she hadn’t expected. Was it fear?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“In this house, trust is everything. You have to know that your fellow sister warriors have your back. Lives depend on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She deceived me first!” Ava defended herself. “Truth goes both ways, sister.” A beat. “Mother,” she corrected herself. She was learning, at least. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mother Superion tilted her head to one side. “Why did you run?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aside from thinking a giant monster was about to break down the door?” Ava asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It makes no sense, knowing what I know about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava scoffed. “You’ve known me for two days.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Father Vincent brought your file back from the orphanage,” Mother Superion said by way of explanation. Ava gulped, casting her eyes towards the floor. The shift in her countenance was as clear as day, but Mother Superion pushed on regardless, blinded by her own spite. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t trust what you read. Those nuns had it out for me.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>That’s not even the half of it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Facts don’t lie, Ava.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava didn’t like the way Mother Superion’s said her name. It came out sharp, bitter. All too alike another woman of faith she knew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ava demands, trying to push aside the swelling anxiety in her chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words and the accusation that followed register slowly and then all at once, pulling the ground out from beneath her. Somewhere amongst the dagger-like words, Ava’s foot came free and she got to her feet, tears welling in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make up your mind, Ava. Do you want to live, or do you want to die?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Ava cowered from her words, salvation came in the form of Father Vincent, with Beatrice close at his side.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop! Stop this!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava’s lip quivered as she met Beatrice’s eyes, twisting something in the sister warrior’s chest. She had seen Ava cry once, the day she left, but that was nothing in comparison to the torrents of tears streaming down her cheeks. It took every ounce of restraint Beatrice had to keep herself from rushing forward to take Ava into her arms, or to lunge for Mother Superion. She wanted to set fire to the Mother’s words, burn the hurt away. But the damage was already done. Ava looked as if her knees were going to buckle any moment. When Father Vincent stepped towards Mother Superion, Beatrice followed suit, but she did not meet the Mother’s eyes. Not once. Instead, her gaze was fixed on Ava, although Ava had now looked away and fixed her gaze on the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice rested a gentle hand on Ava’s shoulder, knowing there were no words that would be able to comfort her. Ava didn’t respond for a few moments, as if she were trying to hold herself back, but eventually she gave in. The way she folded into Beatrice, like a collapsed origami shape, was reminiscent of years ago when they found themselves in reverse positions, when Ava held Beatrice upright as she cried herself dry after that fateful evening. Ava sobbed into Beatrice’s habit, pressing herself into her, hands gripped around her shoulder blades. Beatrice let her, one arm wrapped around Ava’s ribcage, whilst her other hand hesitated. It found its way to cradling her head, holding Ava as close as possible as the spasms of Ava’s inconsolable sobbing rocked them both.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got you,” Beatrice whispered, only loud enough for Ava to hear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice still smelled the same.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Beatrice found Ava again later, sitting in a quiet candle-lit alcove far from where she was likely to be stumbled upon. In the days when she had known her best, Beatrice always knew Ava to seek the wilderness in times of turmoil, so she was surprised to find her indoors, after spending a considerable length of time looking for her elsewhere. That was something else that had changed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice kept to the shadows as she approached, and paused for a few moments </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Under the soft candle-light, the years they had spent apart were evident. There were shadows about Ava’s eyes now, a hollowness in the way she slouched her shoulders, knees pulled close to her chest. They were but footsteps apart, yet somehow Ava had never felt further away from her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t kill myself,” Ava said, her voice still hoarse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice nodded. She believed her. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m serious.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you remember what happened that night, before you woke up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just watching TV and fell asleep. Just like any other night.” Ava brows knotted together in thought. “She said they found drugs in my system. I spent three years not feeling anything below my chest, why the hell would I need pain meds?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice didn’t scold her language. Now was not the time. “Maybe the medical report was wrong.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does it matter? No one believes me anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this, Ava gave a weak smile. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Progress</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Beatrice thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t let her get to you. She’s messing with your head. It’s what she does. But…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?” Ava prompted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mother Superion was out of line earlier. I’m sorry you had to endure that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava shook her head. “It’s hardly your fault. Thank you for being there for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome. You know, the other sisters call her Cruella de Jesus. I may have started it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds more like the Bea I know,” Ava said. It took a few moments for either of them to notice the slip-up. “Sorry,” she added quickly. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Sister Beatrice</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Ava hopped down from the alcove. “Excuse me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava was gone before Beatrice could stop her. How much longer could they keep dancing around each other like this? As it turned out, the answer was not much longer at all. For after another history lesson with Father Vincent, Ava abandoned Cat’s Cradle, leaving her vest behind. All that remained was a scrawled note. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to live. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And she did. She truly did. But Ava couldn’t decide what was worse; being close to Beatrice or being so far away.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading and reaching the end! We're in part II of this fic now, and have taken a turn into angst-ville. Um. Sorry about that?</p><p>In the following chapters until we get to the Vatican we'll be exploring how Bea and Ava navigate this with a mix of canon and new scenes, as well as getting into the season 2 take, which I am very excited to share with you hehe.</p><p>I'm aware that this is a little heavy and the world is pretty shit rn for a lot of people, so I am trying to work on some fluffy oneshots to counteract the abundance of feels here. So, keep an eye our for those!</p><p>If you're wondering what the other sisters know and make of Ava and Bea's situation, stay tuned for the next chapter.</p><p>Until next week, stay safe, tell your family and friends that you love them and be kind to yourself. </p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Beatrice and Ava learn that the past can only be buried for so long. </p><p>The song for this chapter is Hurts Like Hell by Fleurie. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At Cat’s Cradle, the sister warriors and Mary attempted to strategize how to bring the Halo-Bearer to heel. Ava had not been welcomed by many at the OCS, and during the short space of time she had spent there she had only spoken to the four who had gathered. The dirty looks and the general disinterest of the majority of the nuns following Ava’s arrival said it all. Few were as vocal about it as Lilith and Mother Superion, but the <em>lack </em>of words spoke volumes. </p><p>It wasn’t much, but it was all they had.</p><p>“What of that group of tourists she was with?” Mary mused.</p><p>“One step ahead of you,” Camila answered. “I hacked into the CCTV cameras in the area that they were staying in, but they moved out earlier today. It might take some time to track them down again but I can keep an eye out, see if Ava goes back to them.”</p><p>“That’s a good idea. Well done, Sister Camila,” Lilith praised.</p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p>“And what exactly do you plan on doing if she does go back? Pop over and ask her to come back nicely?” Mary asked sceptically.</p><p>“We don’t have the time for hand-holding anymore,” Lilith stressed. “We need to bring the Halo back to the OCS by any means necessary.”</p><p>“What exactly are you suggesting, Sister Lilith?” Beatrice asked.</p><p>Lilith scoffed. “Could I be any clearer? If she returns to them, we go straight there and draw her away from them if possible. If she does not come willingly, then we will have to take what is rightfully ours.”</p><p>“Lilith,” Mary said, the warning tone in her voice evident. They all knew what <em> ours </em>really meant.</p><p>“We need to be pragmatic about this. The <em> Halo </em>is our priority, not the Bearer,” Lilith insisted.</p><p>“Don’t talk about her like that,” Beatrice replied coldly, her jaw clenched.</p><p>Lilith just looked at her incredulously. “Like what?”</p><p>“Like she doesn’t matter.”</p><p>“She <em> doesn’t </em> matter, Sister,” Lilith tried to tell her. On the opposite side of the table, Mary looked like she was about to put the would-be Halo-Bearer in her place before Beatrice unexpectedly beat her to it.</p><p>“She matters to <em> me,” </em>Beatrice snapped. She did not need to raise her voice. Her tone conveyed everything necessary, but only left more unanswered questions in her wake. Meanwhile, the other sisters and Mary were nothing other than startled. They knew Beatrice. She was never the sister to lose her cool, or lash out at anyone. Even when angry, though the emotion was exceedingly rare, she was calm, collected, her words biting but without malice.</p><p>“Bea?” Camila asked, looking at her with concern. Camila was intuitive. She had suspected that there was more to Ava and Beatrice than met the eye. There was something about how they looked at each other when they thought no one else was looking, but also the way they seemed to be walking on eggshells in each other’s presence.</p><p>“What’s going on, Sister?” Mary followed up. It was clear that whatever this was needed to be let out into the open. After all, they all had their secrets, secrets that were theirs and theirs alone, but in these times of uncertainty trust was all they had. If it affected their collective business, they needed to know. Lying by omission was still lying, regardless of the self-preservation behind it.</p><p>Eventually, Beatrice opened her mouth to explain, but did so in the same clipped manner she described Shannon’s death to Father Vincent, as if it was just another mission report. Retreating into herself was the only way Sister Beatrice knew to deal with such things. As if she was doing everything in her power to distance herself from the harsh reality, as if that would lessen the pain.</p><p>“I ended up at the boarding school in Switzerland because a girl at my old school outed me and my… girlfriend to my parents.”</p><p>There it was.</p><p>“Ava?” Camila sought clarification.</p><p>“Yes.” Beatrice inhaled shakily, avoiding eye contact with all of them. Instead she fixed her gaze on the table, and continued.</p><p>“My sister had arranged for Ava and her mãe, Lecia, to fly back to England the same day I did, to meet me before I went home. But they never made it. On the way to the airport, they were in a terrible accident. Lecia was killed and Ava… she was paralysed. She woke up in that orphanage having lost absolutely everything, and was entirely alone. I didn’t know until yesterday.”</p><p>Beatrice then met Lilith’s eyes with a gaze like stone. “So, don’t you <em> dare </em> talk of Ava’s worth like you know a thing about her or what she’s been through. We will get the Halo back, but there is not a question of <em> if </em>it will be with her or not. The Halo chose Ava for a reason. I do not pretend to understand it any more than the rest of you, but we must have faith that God knows what He is doing.”</p><p>Meanwhile, Ava returned to JC and his friends, though it was short-lived and ill-fated. All the while there was one word spiralling around her mind. <em> Bea. </em></p>
<hr/><p>A crackling voice came through from one of the unconscious guard’s radio as Beatrice frantically searched him for something that would open otherwise locked doors, something akin to a security clearance card.</p><p>
  <em> “The target has been spotted at St Michael’s orphanage. Dispatch team 4A to pick her up.” </em>
</p><p>“They’re talking about Ava, maybe we should-” Beatrice said, before being cut off.</p><p>“On it,” Lilith told her, before sprinting off into the night.  </p><p>Beatrice stood, and called Lilith’s name, but the sister warrior did not stop or turn around. The words <em> bring them both back </em>ultimately went unsaid. Nor would they have made a difference; for Beatrice’s earlier revelations had not changed anything in Lilith’s mind. Her loyalty was to the Church, not to the will of her fellow sister whom she outranked, nor the fossilised feelings that clouded her judgement. They needed the Halo back under their control, and Lilith would do whatever it took to make that come to pass.</p><p>Meanwhile, within the walls of St Michael’s, Ava found Sister Frances hovering over Diego’s sleeping form like a vulture, syringe in hand. She revealed herself to her, stepping out of the shadows and into the narrow beam of light that filtered in through the window from the streetlights outside.</p><p>“You killed me.”</p><p>Frances gripped the cross around her neck. “You’re a devil sent from hell.”</p><p>Ava shook her head. “No, Frances,” she said through gritted teeth. “You’re the devil here.” Ava stepped closer.  “How many?” Another step. “How <em> many </em>have you killed?”</p><p>Frances grinned, that wicked grin that petrified and tormented Ava for all those years. It was the same grin that often followed the words <em> little lamb. </em> How ironic that seemed now, knowing that the nun had perhaps <em> always </em>intended to kill her. Raising her, if her care could be called that, like a lamb for slaughter.</p><p>“I’ve lost count over the years.”</p><p>“You’re a murderer!” Ava yelled.</p><p>“No. I’m a <em> saviour </em>.”</p><p>Ava held out her hand, offering the woman a choice. “Give me the syringe, Frances.”</p><p>Frances lowered her arm. “Fine.” For a moment, it looked like the murdering nun had finally been hit with a wave of humanity, but of course that would have been too good to be true. Frances stabbed Ava in the neck with the syringe then, the one that had been destined for Diego, and Ava felt her breathing reflexes begin to fail. That was until the ringing returned, the Halo burning between her shoulder blades. With a sudden surge of strength, Ava rose to her feet and snapped France’s neck. The nun slid down the wall and crumpled like a rag doll before the Halo had even stopped ringing.</p><p>It was only the words of Diego that stopped the panic from setting in then.</p><p>“Diego!” she exclaimed through sobs. She pulled him close, cradling the boy. “I’m so sorry you had to see that.”</p><p>“You’re an angel!”</p><p>Ava shook her head. “No. Come on, let’s take you to Sister Emilene. She’ll take care of you.”</p><p>“No,” Diego told her, with wisdom beyond his years. “Go, before you get in trouble.”</p><p>“I’ll miss you, Diego.”</p><p>“I’ll see you again, in heaven,” Diego promised, before running down the corridor. It broke her heart.</p><p>But, Ava didn’t leave then, at least not right away. Turning her back to the corpse of the woman who had killed her, Ava took one final glance into the room where she had spent every day and night since she had lost her mãe. The few items she had to call her own were still there, as if she had never left. Her wheelchair stood idly beside the bed, the unfinished Rubik’s cube still gathering dust on the shelf. There was the candle on the bedside cabinet that Frances insisted on lighting every evening, despite the fire hazard it posed, though it had clearly not been lit after her death. On the wall there were still several drawings Diego had done for her over the years, scenes of the two of them together, her in a wheelchair and Diego walking beside her, in the woods, along the beachfront, even exploring the city. Ava did not have much she appreciated during those days, but she would forever be grateful for Diego, for his humour and goofy smile. In a quick movement Ava took her favourite drawing from the wall, folding it up and stashing it in her pocket. She was at the doorway again when something else occurred to her. Something that, until now, she had never been able to reach. She spun on her heels before she could think better of it, stepping towards the cabinet and pulling out the drawer. With the force, something metal clinked, and Ava found herself staring at the necklace. She clenched her jaw, hesitating for a moment. It was stupid, wasn’t it?</p><p>The following day Ava found herself face to face with Sister Lilith again, though she was beaten up and bloody. Lilith tried to grab her, before Ava punched her in the neck and jaw, causing the sister warrior to stumble. Ava had been paying attention after all. Lilith was almost impressed. Almost. Soon Lilith had Ava pinned to the ground, face down, all harsh words and twisted truths. Mary tore Lilith off of her when she saw what was happening, leaving Ava to drag herself to her feet with a Divinium dagger plunged into her back.</p><p>But a ripple in the air caused them all to freeze. Moments later, a Tarask stepped into the mortal realm, leaving them more important things to think about than their petty squabbles. It threw Mary into the windscreen of a nearby car before she could even react.</p><p>As the demon closed in on Ava, Mary knew what Lilith planned to do before she had moved. She knew that look, those hard set determined eyes. What followed seemed to happen in slow motion, as if they were all moving through cement. Lilith charged towards the Tarask with a battle cry, in the vain hope of wounding the higher demon before it could get to the Halo-Bearer.</p><p>“Lilith, down!” Mary yelled.</p><p>But it was too late. The Tarask ran Lilith through with the armoured spike that had been destined for Ava, lifting her into the air like a trophy. As blood trickled down her chin, through gasps of agony, Lilith ordered Ava to pick up the sword. She did so, swinging for the demon in rage, despite her fear, only for both of them to be sucked back to wherever the Tarask had come from.</p><p>The Halo-Bearer did what Ava seemed to do best in those days, then. She fled, leaving Mary injured and alone. Mary sunk to her knees, her shotgun slipping from her grip and clattering onto the concrete. She had called Lilith heartless, and of course she had to go and prove her wrong. Her little family had been torn at the seams. Again.</p><p>A day or so later, after tracking Ava down, Mary and the Halo-Bearer arrived at the foot of the quaint town of Ronda. They stood, Mary’s arm around Ava’s shoulder, at the bottom of the valley, the Puente Nuevo towering over the El Tajo gorge through which the Guadalevín River flowed. Civilisation, the promise of water and food, was a welcome sight for the pair, who had trekked through fields and up the sides of mountains from the city under the scorching sun. Everything about the town was breathtakingly beautiful, but Ava soon learnt that there were unhealed wounds lying just beneath the surface as the locals welcomed Mary with open arms, and Ava by extension. There was a familiarity with their greetings, something that made Ava miss the town and people she had grown up with before she and Lecia had moved to the States. She tried to not let that emotion show, but soon after the bittersweet reminiscence was replaced with a prang of guilt when they mentioned Sister Shannon.</p><p>Ava began to learn an important lesson, then. Not everything was about her.</p><p>Later, when they were eating in a restaurant belonging to a kind-faced man named Mateo, Mary made a call to the OCS and explained what happened. All of it.</p><p>“Vincent said he’d have someone come to get me before the end of the day tomorrow,” Mary informed Ava afterwards.</p><p>“What did you tell him about me?”</p><p>Mary didn’t miss a beat in her reply. “I told him that you got off of the ferry and I haven’t seen you since.”</p><p>“You told him I escaped?”</p><p>“You’ll want to be gone before he gets here.”</p><p>“They won’t find me,” Ava said with certainty.</p><p>“Who?” Mary questioned. “The OCS? The Cardinal? They’re not the only ones looking for you.”</p><p>Ava wasn’t stupid by any means. It didn’t take her long to put two and two together. “Jillian Salvius,” she sighed.</p><p>“She sent a team after you,” Mary confirmed. “That’s who Lilith shut down at the orphanage.”</p><p>“Great.” She knew what she wanted to ask, who she wanted to ask after in particular, but the words wouldn’t come. “Anything else?”</p><p>“I know you think that you can just ignore what you find out there, but I promise you it won’t be that easy,” Mary told her. She wasn’t trying to scare Ava, but she had to be honest. “The world’s an even scarier place when you can see all the things in it.”</p><p>That night, they laid their heads to rest on the pews inside the church of a priest who had been possessed not long ago. When she and Mary interrupted the congregation, Ava saw a side of the OCS she had not been privy to before. The kindness, the gratitude of the people to whom they had given aid, even appreciation for those they had tried to save but couldn’t. The OCS was more than just a band of devout warriors. They were <em> protectors. </em></p><p>Those thoughts, and the still novel sensation of being able to feel her limbs when she tried to sleep, made Ava restless.</p><p>“Are you there, God?” Silence. “It’s me, Ava. Time’s up, big guy. If you’ve got a plan you best let me in on it.”</p><p>Ava stood there for a while, trying to make sense of her thoughts. It wasn’t like anyone was there to hear them, and Mary was asleep. She remembered how her mãe used to speak aloud to God sometimes. How she said it helped give her clarity. Ava figured it couldn’t hurt to try.</p><p>"I didn't die when Sister Frances murdered me," Ava said, half-surprising herself that those were the words that came first. "Not really. I died when I first woke up in the orphanage and realised that I was utterly alone in the world. That just a few months after Bea was ripped away from me that I'd lost my mom too. And now this halo has brought me back from the dead and you expect me to just be ok with it? Well I'm <em> not </em> ok with it. I'm not worthy of this responsibility, and you sure as hell don't deserve my help. You expect me to believe in miracles after all of <em> that? </em> ” Her voice cracked. “I don’t know if I can do this.” She sniffled, and Mary, who was very much awake, suspected that she was crying. “God, I am so, <em> so </em> tired."</p><p>The necklace still felt heavy in her pocket when sleep finally took her.</p>
<hr/><p>The following morning, Ava joined Mateo, Mary and some of the others who had now become familiar faces on the Puente Nuevo. From there they watched as the morning sun climbed higher into the sky, before peeking over the mountains and basking them in a golden sheen. All around them the birds sung like choristers, whilst the people of Ronda watched the day unfold with quiet gratitude.</p><p>“What you said before, about not joining the others. May I ask why?” There was no judgement in Mateo’s voice. If anything, the words came from a place of understanding, with the intent to help.</p><p>“I have some things to figure out,” Ava replied, though she soon realised how empty those words sounded.</p><p>“You don’t want to help them.” It wasn’t a question, just an observation.</p><p>“I… I don’t know.” Those were the most honest words on the matter Ava had yet said.</p><p>Mateo smiled, looking out down into the valley as it became basked in the light of the new day. “I was like you once.”</p><p>“Did you find what you were looking for?”</p><p>“Searching for oneself is a journey of a lifetime,” Mateo told her. “Life is what happens in between.”</p><p>Several hours later, Ava pointed out the possessed man to Mary, who was chatting with friends in the cobblestoned garden outside Mateo’s restaurant, beneath the orange trees. He seemed so normal to the naked eye, but the red wisp about him, like smoke, was unmistakable. It was after the two of them had cornered him, and Mary had been thrown into a display of eggs and hams, that Mary caught her first glimpse of the Halo-Bearer that Ava could be.</p><p>In the moments it took him to realise that he was trapped, Ava was able to analyse his movements. A familiar voice echoed in her mind. <em> Know your opponent. </em> Or, in this case, know your enemy. <em> If you can learn how they move, the way they hold themselves in a fight, then you can predict their next moves. When fighting, wisdom is as deadly as any weapon. </em></p><p>The man had a considerable height and weight advantage over Ava, but that was no matter; for a smaller form made for a smaller target, harder to hit and easier to miss. His moves were all offensive and head-on, relying heavily on brute strength rather than skill and leaving notable gaps in his defence. It was enough to give Ava the edge she needed. Her eyes were set with a quiet confidence, focused and determined in a way that Mary had not expected to see in a Warrior Nun so resistant to her initial training. When the man grabbed a thick-bladed knife, Ava dodged his advances with ease and made use of the items around her; smashing his head against a metal table, hitting him with a large slab of meat and even smacking him in the face with a raw headless chicken.</p><p>By the time wraith had been exorcised, and colour returned to the man’s eyes, Ava scarcely had a scratch on her, and the blood that stained her t-shirt was not hers.</p><p>“Where did you learn to fight like that?” Mary asked her. “It certainly wasn’t at the OCS.”</p><p>Ava pulled her hood over her hair. “Someone I used to know was good at martial arts. She taught me a few things.”</p><p>Mary’s gaze softened. “Was that someone Beatrice?”</p><p>Ava stopped in her tracks. Back at Darlington, Ava had attended more than a handful of Beatrice’s kendo and aikido fights. She had not been a fan of watching her girlfriend getting injured, but during her first match Ava learned that, alike everything else Beatrice set her mind to, she was an excellent fighter. She had paid close attention to how Beatrice moved, admiring the fluidity of it all as if it were a dance, and asked many a question. Beatrice had even taught her some of the basics, and as it turned out those only half-serious lessons had stood her in good stead.</p><p>“You know?”</p><p>Mary just nodded, before glancing at the nondescript van parked at the side of the road some hundred metres away.</p><p>“It’s her in the van, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Ava breathed in deeply, and closed her eyes for a minute.</p><p>“Look. You’ve been through shit, I know that.”</p><p>“Why do I feel like there is a <em> but </em>coming?”</p><p>“But very few people get a chance to rekindle with loved ones they have lost. Most would do anything for that. I know I would move heaven and earth to see Shannon again.”</p><p>“And Lilith?”</p><p>Mary rolled her eyes. “Of course Lilith too, Ava. But I think you’re deliberately missing the point.”</p><p>Ava hung her head.</p><p>“If you truly want to leave, then go. But just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Okay? I hope you find what you’re looking for.”</p><p>“Is she coming?” Beatrice asked when Mary struggled into the passenger seat.</p><p>“No. But she will.”</p><p>“I really hope you’re right.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you as always for reaching the end! Apologies that this update is a little later in the day than usual. I'll admit that this chapter is mostly a filler with a few additional scenes, but I assure you it's all necessary to build up to what is to come! Do let me know what you think, and as always tell me if you spot any mistakes!</p><p>A big thank you to everyone who has read, commented, left kudos and generally hyped this up so far. We're getting closer and closer to some plot twists that I can't wait to share with you! To balance out the general angst of this fic, I've finished up a draft for a figure skater/ice hockey player college AU oneshot, which should be up in the next few days. It's complete crack with rival to lovers Avatrice, as my *happy* Christmas gift to y'all rather than all these feels. So, keep your eyes peeled for that!</p><p>In the meantime, I hope those who celebrate were able to have some sort of a Christmas, and sending all the good vibes to you and your families as this bizarre year begins to come to a close. The next update we'll be in 2021! As always, take care of yourselves and spread the love however you can.</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which three women make three important decisions, and Ava and Beatrice are not the only ones who have a past that refuses to stay buried.</p><p>The song for this chapter is I Know Your Secrets by Katie Garfield. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Lilith’s funeral was a simple affair. A handful of sisters who had known and respected her had gathered in front of a simple altar. But, none of them had ever known a funeral </span>
  <em>
    <span>without </span>
  </em>
  <span>a body. Lilith could not be laid to rest among her fellow sisters in the cemetery behind Cat’s Cradle, where even Shannon now lay. The uncertainty, the disbelief at what had happened, lent itself to a distinct sense of unease and worsened tension that had been building over the past week. It made their stomachs turn.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It's been a while,” Beatrice said in a low voice to Mary, as she sat down beside her after lying a single white rose in Lilith’s name. “If Ava was going to show she would be here by now.”</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“She'll come,” Mary insisted.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“And if she doesn't?” Beatrice asked.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>“She'll be here. Sooner or later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At first, Beatrice had faith that Ava would return. She had not been there in Ronda, and Mary had not said much about the time she and the Halo-Bearer had spent together, but Beatrice trusted Mary’s judgement. That had been enough for her, but as time went on and in the face of reality she found herself doubtful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if the turmoil of the past week had not been enough, Mother Superion dealt another devastating blow to Beatrice in the form of a formal letter, seemingly innocent enough at first. She was paying sore consequences for her words to Duretti. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You can always count on me to remain faithful. To God. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She should have held her tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I've been reassigned. To a convent in </span>
  <em>
    <span>Malaysia.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Vincent’s brow knitted together. “The OCS has no chapter there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mother, please,” Beatrice begged, tears brimming in her eyes. “The OCS is my home too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was happening again, losing her home and her found family. She didn’t know if she could bear it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Beatrice went to return her weapons, a number of knives and bo staffs, she felt like she was giving up a part of herself, as if she had removed a number of her vital organs and laid them on the table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot of people can smile when things go wrong,” Beatrice told Camila, “but it takes a special person to make everyone else smile with them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice wasn't just thinking of Camila as she said those words. Nevertheless, she kept her head held high as she exited the armoury and quickly returned to her room. Word of her reassignment, as well as Vincent and Mary’s, had spread to all the sisters now. They were not subtle in their whisperings or stares. In more ways than one it felt like Darlington all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice started crying the moment she shut her bedroom door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having ventured to Arq-Tech, it didn't take Ava long to realise that Jillian Salvius, alike most of those she had come across so far in this new walk of life, was not someone she could trust. Despite her noble intentions, Jillian pushed her own agenda without considering that Ava may have cooperated even if she knew the truth. If anything, when she was met with the harsh reality of her son, Michael, she saw too much of herself in him. She knew what it was like to be trapped.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, there was one useful thing that came of her brush with science. Oddly enough, it came in the form of Kristian Schaefer, in the midst of describing his journey from a blindly devout man to a seeker of truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is better to put our faith in ourselves and our trust in those who've earned it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something clicked then. There were two people in her life who Ava trusted, at that point. Mary had treated Ava with a kindness and respect that she probably did not deserve, for all the trouble Ava was causing her and the Order. Mary could have been angry beyond words after Lilith had sacrificed herself to save her, could have blamed Ava for what had happened, but she didn’t. Instead, she gave Ava the space to make her own choices. Sure, she’d kicked her off a cliff, but that was by the by. Ultimately, Mary treated Ava as if they were equals, which could not be said for any of the other nuns. Except one. Ava also trusted Beatrice. She had treated Ava kindly, supported her after the incident with Mother Superion, and trusted that she spoke the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <em>
    <span>If you’re going to leave, make sure you do it for the right reasons.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span> So, Ava knew what she had to do. She was going back to Cat's Cradle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve lost everything we’ve ever fought for. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Everyone.</span>
  </em>
  <span> There’s nothing more to lose,” is what Mary said when she told Beatrice of her plan to break back into Cat’s Cradle, with the intention of getting into Shannon’s secret room.</span>
</p><p><span>“Maybe not for you.</span> <span>I joined the Church to save my eternal soul,” was Beatrice’s reply. </span></p><p><span>Mary raised her eyebrows. “Oh, is that the version of the story you're telling?</span> <span>Shannon was </span><em><span>murdered, </span></em><span>Beatrice. Are you seriously going to stand by and let Ava meet the same fate?” </span></p><p>
  <span>Beatrice swallowed hard. “You don't know he would do that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don't know that he wouldn't,” Mary replied tersely, biting her lip. “I don't like the odds.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the end, Beatrice told her the best way to sneak into Cat's Cradle. For a moment Mary had hope that she had talked the younger woman around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, you're coming?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can't. But I'll be praying for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Beatrice gathered her things and moved towards the door, Mary called out. “If you walk out of those doors then you are more a coward than I ever thought you to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice let those words roll over her as she walked into town towards the bus stop. Maybe Mary was right. She sat there for a time, pensive, with her life packed into the duffle bag at her feet. Her civilian clothes felt alien and ill-fitting, too suffocating for the humidity that clung to the air around her. For the first time in years, she considered whether returning home would be preferable to the future that lay ahead of her. The mundane life of a nun, serving God in prayer, vows and charity. That was not the life she had signed up for when she had taken her vows. There was more than one way to serve God, that much she knew, but to pretend that anything other than the OCS was the life for her would be a lie.</span>
</p><p><span>As the bus stopped before her, and a handful of tourists stepped out onto the cobbled street, Beatrice’s earlier words to Camila resonated with a new clarity. </span><em><span>God sends messages to guide us. </span></em><span>She reached into her pocket and drew her thumb across the pendant.</span> <span>What if the pull in her chest, guiding her feet back home, to Cat's Cradle and ultimately to Ava, </span><em><span>was</span></em><span> that message? </span></p><p>
  <span>Sometimes, one must choose between what is right and what is easy. If she stepped onto that bus, she would be turning her back on everyone and everything she cared about. It all would have been for nothing and, if Mary was right, it would not be the end, if only the beginning of Duretti’s tyranny.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice knew what she had to do. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>It was Mary who Ava stumbled into first, pulling her out of the sight of an armed nun prowling the heights of Cat’s Cradle walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Vincent, Beatrice and I have all been reassigned.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re here because…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary gave her a knowing look, and realisation dawned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You knew I’d come back. You like me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary rolled her eyes. “Don’t make me regret saving your ass. We do </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>have time to get into this right now. You’ll be needing this.” She passed Ava the sword. “Follow me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Mary guided Ava to the back entrance Beatrice had suggested, through the crypt, she explained the plan. Shannon’s murder had been an inside job, likely at the hands of Cardinal Duretti. She suspected there was a hidden room on the other side of Shannon’s wall, and wanted Ava to phrase through to see for herself. With a bit of luck, there might be something in there that held some answers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>By some miracle, Mary was right. On the other side of the wall was a secret circular room, basked only in the chilling white light spilling from a bowl of illuminated crystals. The rest of the room was largely hidden among long reaching shadows. On the desk was the Warrior Nun journal.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bingo</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Ava thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Naturally, things went wrong the moment Ava phased back into Sisters Shannon's room. She was met with the bloody scene of Mary fighting a nun who fought like a brute, and who did not think twice before hitting Ava to the ground with her nunchucks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, their saving grace came in the form of Beatrice bursting into the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes you have to lose a battle to win a war. Left hook.” A fist to the face. “Right-handed choke hold.” Another to the neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beatrice is a badass!” Ava exclaimed.</span>
</p><p><span>“Bit of an opening on your left.”</span> <span>Beatrice kicked the nun to the ground. </span><span>“</span><span>My right. Just say when.” </span></p><p>
  <span>The nun moved to grab one of Mary's discarded shotguns. “When.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Ava yelled, darting forwards on rate instinct. She had to come between Beatrice and that bullet. With an ear-splitting ringing Ava released a sudden outburst of energy from the Halo, knocking Sister Crimson off her feet and into the opposite wall, blowing out the window in the process. Ava was thrown backwards, landing in a crumpled and motionless heap by the desk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice, meanwhile, had somehow managed to stay upright. “Ava? Ava!” She ran towards her, heart thumping. </span>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava looked afraid. </span>
  <span>“</span>
  <span>Something's wrong,” she stammered. “I can't move.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you feel my hand?” Beatrice asked, trying to keep her voice calm.</span>
</p><p>
  
  <span>Beatrice's skin burned against her palm. Ava could feel it alright. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p><span>“Maybe you overexerted yourself. It's probably just temporary,” she reassured her.</span> <span>Beatrice didn't hesitate in wrapping her arms around Ava's shoulders, pulling her upright. With Mary's help, they dragged Ava away from the Sister Crimson’s unconscious, but likely not dead, form. </span></p><p>
  <span>They were met with cocked guns and an army of Duretti's rejects. Ava tried to be brave, tried to protect them as their Warrior Nun should, only to be shot in the chest with a crossbow before Camila fired several rounds of bullets into the air, starling the other warriors. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really hope I got God's message right!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The getaway from Cat’s Cradle was mostly a blur to Ava, and largely consisted of her not doing much other than lying on the floor of the van, bleeding. Vincent was at the wheel, driving them down winding roads of the Spanish countryside with a practiced ease, leaving a trail of dust in their wake as the tires screeched against the asphalt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When it was clear that they were not being immediately followed, Beatrice told him to pull over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to stop the bleeding,” she said, stating the obvious. Rationally, she knew that Ava would be fine, that the Halo would heal her, but she feared how her outburst of power might impact the process. That and she had not seen Ava injured before, beyond the cut on her arm Lilith had given her. By anyone’s standards, getting shot in the chest was a serious injury, but Beatrice also supposed that this likely would not be the last time she ended up with Ava’s blood on her hands. After all, to the sister warriors, injuries were very much a part of their daily lives.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The blood that trickled from Ava’s nostrils had begun to dry, frozen red rivers framing the corners of her mouth and staining her lips. She may have been injured, but her dark eyes were as bright as they had ever been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Vincent turned around in his seat to face them. “How is she doing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, she’s smiling,” Mary reported. “I’ll take that as a good sign.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They all knew why.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shannon’s part is at the end,” Ava told her hoarsely.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary’s thumb brushed the pages adorned with Shannon’s handwriting. With melancholy heavy in her chest, she took a few moments to collect herself before speaking the words that were never meant for them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is a secret buried at the heart of the Vatican. A power that anchors demons to our world, but they keep it a secret for their own benefit. Telling him was a mistake. He wants to use it for himself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this, Vincent turned around, but did not meet the eyes of any of them. He feared that if he did, the look in his eyes would betray him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to keep moving,” he said eventually, before pulling back into the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go and be with her,” Beatrice whispered to Camila. Beatrice sensed that, though she wouldn’t show it, Mary needed someone with her. They had all loved Shannon, of course they had, but not in the way Mary had loved her. </span>
  <span>Her grief was still a raw wound, and the journal had unstitched what little had healed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ll be okay here?” Camila asked, to which Beatrice nodded in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice’s hands remained where they were, applying pressure to Ava’s wound, probably longer than was necessary. When she finally took them away to assess if the bleeding had stopped, Ava grimaced.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you in pain?” Beatrice asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava shook her head. “Not pain so much now. It just feels weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like, I can feel myself healing. It’s an odd sensation, especially since I’m still getting used to this whole… being able to feel the rest of my body thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava knew that the Halo had heightened her senses to her external environment, though at that point she did not know to what extent. She could see things she couldn’t see before and shivered when demons were close. But, she did not expect to be so acutely aware of </span>
  <em>
    <span>herself. </span>
  </em>
  <span>As she lay there, she could feel her body repairing itself; nerve endings growing and muscle fibres knotting together, all shrinking the hole that the arrow had made like two sides of a bridge building itself across a canyon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she tried to formulate these thoughts into a coherent sentence, she noticed a silver chain necklace around Beatrice’s neck, just peeking through the unfastened buttons of her shirt. Her eyebrows knotted together, wondering if… could it be? She reached upwards, her curious fingers itching to know, when the pendant slipped out into the open as the van turned a sharp corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava held it between her finger and thumb, surprised at the warmth of it. “You kept it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a light chuckle, followed by a cough, Ava withdrew her hand and pulled her own golden necklace out from underneath her t-shirt. They held each other’s gaze for too long, then.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ava,” Mary scolded. “Can we have less of the heart eyes and can you focus more on healing please?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary wasn’t mad. Not really. She knew that look, after all. She’d seen it in the mirror too many times.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Mother Superion watched the renegade sisters and the Halo-Bearer scramble into a van and make a hasty getaway from the window of her office. She made no move to assist them, but nor did she raise the alarm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shotgun Mary's earlier words playing again in her mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I've seen you stand up to the most powerful forces in the world, human and otherwise. But now? Now you're betraying everything you are. Everything you taught us. For what? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I serve the Church. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Duretti isn't the Church. He's a man. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>On her desk lay an unopened letter. It had arrived at Cat's Cradle several years ago, but in recognising the hand and the name she no longer considered her own, she stashed it away and did her utmost to forget about it. Perhaps she should have burned it. Torn it apart. But, something told her not to. A part of her knew that one day, eventually, she would read its contents. One day her path that followed God would collide with the dusty path of her past she had tried so hard to forget. Whether she wanted them to or not, there was an inevitability to it. She had suspected for some time now, knowing all too well that if things seemed too much of a coincidence chances are they were. She cared deeply for the sister warriors, but of late she had let her own wounded pride cloud her judgement, tarnish her behaviour. She had a duty of care. Even to those who had escaped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She opened the letter, and her eyes began to brim with tears even as she saw the first two words. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dear Mara,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It has taken me too many years to write you this.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometime later, after reading its contents several times, Mother Superion rested the letter on the table. By now the sun and long since dipped over the horizon and the moon had risen in its place, spilling silver light through the window. A chill ran down her spine. She knew what she had to do. She just hoped that God would forgive her for the things she had said and done whilst she wilfully ignored the truth, even when it was staring her in the face. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Now, as you know, I am a sucker for the meaning of names. Apparently, Mara means both bitterness and strength, which I feel suits Mother Superion pretty well. A massive thank you to @slythleo for coming up with this, you’re a legend.</p><p>Thank you for reading as always! Do let me know your thoughts, I'd be particularly interested to know any of your theories about what's up with Mother Superion... Let me know if you spot any typos.</p><p>I mentioned on Twitter earlier this week that there is a slight chance that updates may slow down soon. I'm currently writing chapter 13 and finding getting the season 2 take aspect of this fic a little more challenging than I expected. I'm taking more time to do the story justice and make it the best it can possibly be, whilst trying to do something that hasn't been done yet. We're okay for a few more weeks of updates, but I just wanted to give you a heads up. Will keep you updated!</p><p>Until next Sungay, I hope the New Year has been as peaceful for you as possible, and sending all the good vibes your way for 2021. Take care!</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In which Ava and Beatrice continue to gravitate towards each other and Lilith struggles to remember what happened to her.</p><p>The song for this chapter is The Crown by Wildwood Kin. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Before too long, Ava healed and the five of them, she, Beatrice, Mary, Camila and Vincent, gathered around a small wooden table in an empty church. There they pored over the details of the Warrior Nun journal and came to the staggering truth; that the bones of the angel Adriel anchored demonkind to the mortal realm and, in doing so, ensured that the Church would always be relied on. Even more alarming, all theories seemed to lead to the same conclusion; that Duretti likely sought the power for himself. The fact that none of them truly questioned this said a lot about his character.</p><p>There was just one small problem.</p><p>“Ava, the wall is 11.5 dirra thick. That’s nearly twenty feet, and a long way to phase,” Beatrice said, concerned.</p><p>“I got in and out of Shannon’s secret room, remember?” Ava countered.</p><p>Beatrice raised an eyebrow. “Remember when you got stuck in two feet of Cat’s Cradle wall?”</p><p>“So, I’ll train, Sister Photographic Memory.”</p><p>It was Ava’s idea to return to ArqTech, hoping that their resident turncoat might be able to shed some light on where Adriel’s tomb could be. After all, Vatican City was hardly small, and centuries of dirt and actively <em> discouraging </em>people from finding it would make it all the more difficult. It was also Ava who suggested that the bones of Adriel could be used to power the Arc, when asked how this benefited Jillian Salvius (she was a generous woman after all, but she had limits). It was a dangerous gamble, handing the bones of a sacred being to a woman branded as a heretic, but they had to be pragmatic. Between Jillian and Duretti, the fair-haired woman seemed amenably preferable.</p><p>To Ava’s credit, she took to phase training, courtesy of Jillian’s mysterious Giant Brick Guy, with enthusiasm.</p><p>“How far was that? Eight feet?”</p><p>“Four.”</p><p>Ava shrugged, giving Beatrice one of her trademark grins. “Still. You know I crushed it.”</p><p>It became clear that the distance was going to be a problem when Ava did not re-emerge from the eight feet wall. When she finally stumbled out, facing a wholly different direction from the way she had been heading, she quickly doubled over, panting heavily.</p><p>“I think I peed a little.”</p><p>“What happened in there?”</p><p>When Ava rose to her feet, she gulped. “Basically… it <em> really </em>sucks after a few feet. I got disorientated and bailed.”</p><p>Beatrice considered this for a time. The cogs in her brain whirred, searching for a practical solution. “What if I could find a way to guide you?”</p><p>That’s how she and Ava ended up with the earpieces. Beatrice quickly learned that, somehow, hearing Ava panicking within the stone, where she was wholly unreachable and Beatrice was utterly helpless on the other side, was worse than the silence. She called Ava’s name several times, but was not met with a coherent response - only gasping that grew more and more erratic. Beatrice’s heart rate spiked.</p><p>“Ava!”</p><p>With an unglorified <em>thud, </em>Ava tumbled out of the other side of the stone onto all fours. Beatrice was beside her in a shot, hands everywhere. Pulling Ava by the shoulders so she was upright, <em>because</em> <em>it’s easier to breathe sitting up, </em>Beatrice reasoned. Hands cradling her cheeks, holding the back of Ava’s head. Beatrice didn’t have a logical explanation for the last two, but they seemed to have the desired effect. Seeing Beatrice hovering by her side, looking down at her, began to soothe the fire burning under Ava’s skin. Her breathing began to even out. Likewise, having Ava close, where Beatrice could <em>hold </em>her, did wonders for her own stuttering heart, although now it beat fast for an entirely different reason. </p><p>“Thank you,” was all Ava managed to say at first, her voice small though her thoughts were loud. She struggled to a seated position. “I don’t know what happened. It’s like the longer I’m in there…”</p><p>“You lose power,” Jillian finished, rushing into the room with Camila hot on her heels. “Unfortunately, in this case if you lose power…” Jillian trailed off.</p><p>“I get stuck in a fucking wall,” Ava finished through gritted teeth. Instinctively, Beatrice lay a gentle hand on Ava’s back. There it was again, something that had long since been absent between them. <em> Touch. </em></p><p>When Ava swore next, directed at Jillian this time for <em> lighting her up like a fucking Christmas tree, </em>Jillian was met with a hardened thunderous gaze from Beatrice. She knew very well just how capable Sister Beatrice was with inflicting injury, having recognised her as the warrior who had taken out her security team a week ago. Jillian almost considered it odd, for someone so petite and seemingly mild-mannered. Though, with the week she’d had, perhaps she shouldn’t have been surprised. She needed to tread carefully.</p><p>But before the conversation could continue any further, another nun appeared in the doorway, saying Ava’s name before she collapsed onto the floor.</p><p>Lilith.</p>
<hr/><p>The stone was forcing its way through every conceivable space in Ava’s being, between every bone, every fibre, every atom. Pushing harder and harder, squeezing the oxygen from her lungs. Crushing her organs. Clutching her heart and splitting her skull into more than two. Suffocating her.</p><p>"I don't have enough energy!" Ava exclaimed, panic rising in her voice like a tidal wave.</p><p>"That's not it."</p><p> "Yes, it is, Beatrice!" </p><p>"That's a physical limitation,” Beatrice told her. How could she seem so <em> calm </em>? “It's not what's in your soul.”</p><p>"Yes, it fucking well is!” Ava hissed. “Because if I drain the Halo I go back to being paralysed."</p><p>Beatrice faltered then. "That's what you're afraid of.” Her voice was softer than she had expected. “Paralysis."</p><p>"That's not what scares me.” Ava’s voice on the other end of the comms seemed smaller somehow, further away. “What scares me is being alone. Abandoned in some sick bed with no one to… With no one."</p><p>"But that will never happen,” Beatrice reassured her. “It wouldn't matter if you were quadriplegic, festooned with boils or a talking head in a bag. You would still have us. And we will never leave you."</p><p>The <em> I won’t leave you again </em>went unspoken, but Ava heard it.</p><p>"You mean that?" Ava asked, her voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>"You know I do."</p><p>When Ava came tumbling out of the stone, twenty feet of it this time, she did so straight into Beatrice’s arms, who was there ready and waiting for her. The unexpected force of the impact guided them to the floor, where they stayed on their knees.</p><p>“You made it!”</p><p>Beatrice smiled the brightest Ava had seen yet in this new lease of life. Her hands cradled Ava’s face as if they were finding their own paths home, a thumb tracing the line of her cheekbone. Fingers brushing rogue hairs off her face.</p><p>“Only thanks to you.”</p><p>Beatrice’s gaze flickered to Ava’s lips momentarily, her smile gone and replaced with something else that was not quite readable. Before Beatrice could clear her throat, pull away and file the moment swiftly under <em> let’s pretend that didn’t happen, </em>Ava tightened her grip on Beatrice’s arms. She held Beatrice’s gaze, studied those eyes she had been in love with once, taking all of her in. The freckles beneath her eyelids, the curve of the end of her nose, the mark in the white of her eye. Unlike Beatrice, Ava did not try to conceal how she felt, the longing and pull in her chest plain for Beatrice to see.</p><p>“Don’t,” was the only word Ava said. <em> Don’t pull away. Don’t leave. </em></p><p>For a few seconds Beatrice thought Ava was going to kiss her, and her brain short-circuited at the thought. Instead, Ava pulled her towards her and met Beatrice halfway, pressing their foreheads together, but nothing more. Ava would never ask for more than Beatrice could give.</p><p>Beatrice did not close her eyes at first. Ava’s long eyelashes were tantalisingly close to brushing her cheeks, but somehow still so far away. Her breath was warm against her lips.</p><p>“Thank you,” Ava whispered, before pulling away. Beatrice sighed at the sudden loss of contact.</p><p>“Do you think you’re up for a few more times?” Beatrice asked, bringing reality crashing back down on them.</p><p>“Only if you’re there.”</p><p>Beatrice smiled. “I’ll be there every step of the way.”</p>
<hr/><p>After several further attempts of phasing, Ava was physically exhausted, and the Halo throbbed in her back. She had returned to the room where Beatrice had read her the story of Sister Melanie, collapsed onto the sofa and fell asleep almost immediately, sitting bolt upright with her head resting on the back of the seat, her mouth slightly agape.</p><p>When there was no reply to her knocking, Beatrice expected to find the room empty, and sought to carve out a little quiet away from it all. But when her gaze fell on Ava’s sleeping form something swelled in her chest. It was that overwhelming surge of affection that she had been trying to fight off for days, that same magnetism that had pulled her back from the bus stop to Cat’s Cradle to Ava’s aid.</p><p>Beatrice stood in the doorway for a moment, deliberating. Eventually, she approached the sofa and sat in the opposite corner, pressing herself into the arm. She opened the Warrior Nun journal in her lap and tried to concrete, distract herself from her busy mind. Yet it was not the focus of the journal that calmed her. It was having Ava next to her, knowing that she was safe and that she could protect her if needed, that soothed her. The steady rise and fall of her chest, the predictability of her breathing. In another life, another Beatrice would rest her head on Ava’s chest in these moments and listen to the thumping of her heart. Amongst many other things, she had never told Ava that.</p><p>There were a myriad of feelings inside Beatrice's chest, fluttering like a dove trapped in a cage, that she wanted to translate into words. As she struggled to find them, she found herself thinking of the last time that watching Ava had made her feel this way. It was three years ago at Darlington, the evening of the ill-fated Spring Concert and the song Ava had written. Written for her. For them. She’d never forgotten it.</p><p>
  <em> I waited for a sign </em>
</p><p>
  <em> So patient and divine </em>
</p><p>
  <em> For fate was on our side </em>
</p><p>
  <em> That day I came to find </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em> That you are all </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I was hoping for </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It's you I'll call </em>
</p><p>
  <em> My evermore. </em>
</p><p>Beatrice shifted unconsciously, and was jolted out of her reverie when she realised that her movements had unbalanced Ava. Her head lolled forward, and she tipped sideways into Beatrice’s shoulder. Ava mumbled something incoherent at the change in position. Beatrice breathed in sharply, holding her breath, but Ava did not wake. As if she was acting on muscle memory, Beatrice shifted a little again, guiding Ava’s head into her lap. <em> For comfort, </em> Beatrice told herself. Nothing to do with the butterflies in her stomach as Ava curled into her, seeking her warmth even in the depths of her slumber. Nothing to do with how Ava let out a content hum when Beatrice allowed herself to bury her fingers into her loose curls, brushing the back of her head with her thumb. Nothing to do with <em> any </em>of that.</p><p>She knew something was wrong when Ava’s feet twitched, her toes curling. Beatrice had slept with Ava in her arms enough times to know that it was her tell. She was having a nightmare, and the Halo glowed faintly, growing hotter.</p><p>Beatrice placed a careful hand on Ava’s shoulder and shook her gently in an attempt to wake her. The Halo-Bearer did not wake, only curled further into herself, into Beatrice, gripping her skirts in a fist. Her breathing became heavier, brows knotting together, thought not quite in pain but something else entirely.</p><p>“Ava?” Beatrice repeated herself several times before Ava shot awake, eyes flying open, wide and alert. </p><p>“We need to stop this,” were the words Ava said as she woke, climbing off the sofa and walking hurriedly into the room that held the Arc. </p><p>“What?” Beatrice asked, bemused and more than a little concerned.</p><p>“We need a new plan.”</p><p>“Please tell me what you’re doing,” Beatrice pleaded as Ava unsheathed a Divinium dagger.</p><p>“I need to see if I can use the Halo to destroy Divinium.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because if I can, then maybe I can destroy the Relic of Adriel.”</p><p>“That’s not the plan,” Mary tried to reason, having followed Beatrice into the room containing the Arc when she saw Beatrice running. “We’ll find the bones, expose Duretti and the OCS can get back on mission.”</p><p>“The mission is the problem! Warrior Nuns dying one after the other.” Ava faltered, imploring Mary to see the logic in her words. “Who’s next after me?” She met Mary’s eyes, who gave her a look of disbelief. After, Ava shifted her gaze to Beatrice, her voice cracking this time. “You?”</p><p>The look in Beatrice’s eyes gave Ava all the answers she needed.</p><p>No. She couldn’t let anyone else bear this burden. She refused to surrender herself, and those who would follow, to be just another Nun in a long succession of women dead before they had the chance to <em> live. </em></p><p>“We have to destroy the bones. No more demons. No more Warrior Nuns. The cycle of death ends. We can stop this. <em> I </em>can stop this.” </p><p>The Halo flared in Ava’s back, basking her in a holy golden light as the blade melted between her fingers.</p><p>“I’m going to be the last Warrior Nun.”</p>
<hr/><p>The blinding pain began when Lilith tried to remember what had happened, after Camila informed her that they all thought she had been dragged to <em>Hell. </em>Bolts of it shot from behind her eyes, snaking across her skull like forked lightning among storm clouds.</p><p>When the pain subsided and she was finally left alone, Lilith tried again to remember, although she approached it more gently this time, less like a failing fist trying to grab smoke. Instead, she channelled the training that had meant to prepare her for the Halo. Mental fortitude. She quietened her mind, tuned out the incessant beeping of the machine beside her that traced her heart rate. She posed a simple question, clear and concise, releasing the words into the dark void that was the gap in her memory. She <em> knew </em> there had to be something there. She could feel it, could make out the smudged edges of an unfathomable shape. Then there was more. The shape did not lend itself any further clarity, but there was a <em> voice. </em>It was muffled at first, scarcely clearer than radio static. Lilith breathed in deeply again, focusing a little more, reaching for the voice, reaching for the answer. Soon it became clear that the voice was saying one word over and over again.</p><p>
  <em> Lilith. </em>
</p><p>The first thing she became aware of as the memory slowly became clearer was the smell. Fire and ash. Then she was conscious of the fact that she was moving, but could not feel the ground beneath her feet. She was being carried, by someone or <em> something </em> with a heavy step. Shockwaves rippled through her body with each <em> thud, </em>her limp form rocking side to side.</p><p>Lilith continued to concentrate and slowly an image came to her, blossoming like ink dropped into clear water. In the sky above her, at least what she <em> thought </em>was the sky, the sun shone with a dim light, as if it had been drained. Enough energy to give light but not enough for warmth to reach her skin. A shiver ran up her spine.</p><p>Then came the most alarming detail of all. As her eyes refocused, Lilith realised exactly who was carrying, or perhaps rather <em> what </em> was carrying her <em> . </em>She lay there helplessly in the arms of the Tarask, its burning gaze glancing down at her. Its skin, if it could be described as such, was not aflame now, instead black as charcoal with the tips of its protruding spikes glowing orange. The demon did not snarl as Lilith gained consciousness, or display any sign of malice. Instead, it simply looked down at her, adjusted her position and continued to walk. The Tarask had Lilith’s whole body balanced on one forearm, whilst the palm of its other hand was pressed into her side, where it had wounded her.  </p><p>Lilith did not try to run. She was not stupid, she knew that an injury like the one she had sustained could easily kill her, and for all her knowledge the pressure of the demon’s hand was the only thing that was stopping her from bleeding out. She would not get very far. And who was to say that the demon wouldn’t finish her off, properly this time, if she tried?</p><p>Lilith did not know how much time passed before she noted a change in the terrain, bronze dust giving way to stone. The Tarask’s hooves clomped as it climbed up a winding flight of stairs, before coming to a door that creaked open. She was too weak to take in many of the details of the building, her sight hazy with pain, but she saw row upon row of towering columns made of black marble, braziers lining the walls and holding flames that burnt a ferocious red that was hard to look at.</p><p>The Tarask came to an abrupt stop, bending to the ground and resting Lilith on the floor before stepping away. There Lilith came to lie her eyes on the most terrifying and beautiful creature she had ever seen; beautiful for the perfect symmetry of their features that looked like they had been carved by God Himself, and terrifying for how human they appeared, but clearly were not.</p><p>The being’s tall form was framed by a pair of wings with feathers as black as onyx but riddled with burns and scars. Under the reddish light of the hall, their deep bronze skin glowed, complimenting tendrils of dark hair that fell in corkscrew curls about their face. They stepped forwards, down a set of small steps towards Lilith, moving with elegance that was wholly unhuman, one that boasted of great strength and power lingering just beneath the surface.</p><p>They squatted to their knees, regarding Lilith like a museum curiosity. Their irises were a golden yellow, framing slitted pupils like a snake’s. Yet, they had a depth to them, holding entire cosmoses, as well as the power to destroy them.</p><p>“How interesting,” the being said. Their voice was like velvet, deep and resonating, with an ethereal quality to it unlike Lilith had ever heard. “I haven’t seen one of your kind in a very long time. Well, not alive at least.” They sighed heavily through their nostrils. “But you are not the Bearer, are you?”</p><p>Her confused silence seemed to give the would-be angel all the answers they needed.</p><p>“I told you to bring me the Halo,” the winged being growled, standing to their full height and towering over Lilith, before turning to the Tarask. “Was I not clear enough? Golden thing? Circular? Has a hole in the middle?”</p><p>The Tarask appeared to say something in response, a series of sounds that seemed ear-splitting, although the golden-eyed being did not wince as Lilith did. They rolled their eyes and did not entertain the Tarask with any further comment.</p><p>“What is your name, child?”</p><p>“Lilith,” she stammered, forcing the syllables out from between her teeth.</p><p>The being raised an eyebrow. “How ironic,” they mused. “Well, <em> Lilith. </em>I guess you’ll have to do.”</p><p>
  <em> Lilith. Lilith. Lilith. </em>
</p><p>Before she could get any closer, the pain returned. This time it radiated from the wound in her stomach, where she had been speared by the Tarask. A wound that she knew should have killed her. When she pulled back her gown to inspect it, it <em> glowed </em>as if lava flowed beneath her skin.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Boom. I've been itching to share that last scene with y'all for so long! As of next chapter, we'll be fully into the season 2 aspect of this fic, with non-canon scenes only. All I can say is you're not ready. Oh BOY do I have some plot twists in store for you! </p><p>Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this and are still reading and commenting. I'm looking forward to hearing what you make of this chapter. As always, let me know if you spot any mistakes.</p><p>I hope that the first week of the new year has gone as well as it can for all of you. Sending good vibes to you wherever you are! See you next Sungay, and take care :)</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ava and Beatrice have a heart to heart before the battle of the Vatican. After that... well. You'll see. Warning ahead for descriptions of violence.</p><p>The song for the second part of the chapter is Arise by The Siege. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>That evening, Mary, Camila, Beatrice and Ava retired early. They had spent the rest of the day planning the intricacies of their mission and how they would infiltrate the Vatican, steal the bones and slip away without being detected. There were many facets to the plan, each with their part to play, and would be setting off for Rome in the early hours of the following morning, under the cover of darkness. </span>
  <span>Jillian would be on stand-by if anything went wrong and the sisters needed to fall back.</span>
  <span> However, whilst getting a good night’s sleep before such a critical mission was paramount, both Ava and Beatrice found themselves sleepless in the small room Jillian had given them to share. Camila and Mary were sharing a room further down the hall, where they could be closer to Lilith.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In Ava’s defence, she had tried to sleep, but found herself tossing and turning with to avail. Eventually she found herself lying on her side facing Beatrice. She watched the nun for a time, while Beatrice remained wholly oblivious. She lay staring at the ceiling intensely, as if she were searching for the answers to all her questions in the pattern of plaster. Moonlight spilled in through the window, framing her in silver. It was still strange to see Beatrice like this, seemingly ordinary, in pyjamas that were a little too big and her chin-length hair not tucked underneath a wimple. It was almost as if nothing had changed. Almost.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can come here if you like,” Ava said quietly, her voice crossing the gap between them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” Beatrice asked, jolting from her reverie. She turned her head, meeting Ava’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t closed your eyes this whole time,” Ava observed. “I can hear your thoughts from here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are they saying?” Beatrice wondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not too sure yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice hesitated. “Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t. Let me comfort you for once. You’ve been doing more than your fair share of holding me up of late.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice deliberated for a few moments. In truth, she wanted nothing more than to have Ava close, to listen to her heartbeat and fall asleep its predictable </span>
  <em>
    <span>boom ba boom. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Something made her hesitate. Did Ava know that she had fallen asleep in Beatrice’s lap earlier that afternoon?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava raised her eyebrows. “You are allowed to just say </span>
  <em>
    <span>no, </span>
  </em>
  <span>you know,” she said. “It was just an offer.” She hoped that the low light masked the trace of disappointment in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was nothing in her vows that forbade her from sharing a bed with someone, strictly for sleeping purposes, Beatrice reasoned. But, half way through the thought she had climbed out of bed and padded across the floor anyway. The pull of Ava was not something she had ever been able to resist. Beatrice was but a mortal woman, after all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re cold!” Ava yelped when their feet brushed, shuffling to try and get comfortable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not all of us have a Halo to keep us warm,” Beatrice grumbled sleepily, though she found herself grateful for the warmth that radiated from Ava.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to keep it that way, if it’s all the same to you,” Ava joked, before noting the look in Beatrice’s eyes. “Something is on your mind. What’s bothering you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In truth, there were a lot of things that were </span>
  <em>
    <span>bothering </span>
  </em>
  <span>Beatrice in that moment. The lies that were buried at the heart of her faith. Sister Lilith returning from a place that no one should be able to return from. Whether she was still a nun at all at that point, considering everything. Ava’s insistence that she was to be the last Warrior Nun. But, the thing that was on her mind the most was none of those. There was never going to be a good time to say it, Beatrice reasoned, so it might as well be now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” was what Beatrice said after several moments of contemplation, trying to string her words together into something coherent.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your worst fear is being alone. I’m sorry that I abandoned you, Ava. I’m sorry for the part I might have played in that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t understand.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never looked for you. Never considered that something might have gone wrong when you didn’t show in London. I’m sorry for assuming what </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> thought was the worst scenario, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>had left </span>
  <em>
    <span>me, </span>
  </em>
  <span>when that had nothing to do with. I’m… sorry that you spend all those years in the orphanage alone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t quite alone. I had Diego.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Still.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava sighed. “I appreciate the apology, Bea. But, you have to know that you not looking for me is only a small part of that fear. I’ve always feared being alone, ever since I started getting those damned dreams about dying. It’s worse now, with Mãe…” Ava paused. She broke Beatrice’s gaze for a moment, biting her lip and swallowing hard. “Gone. But, there is no use dwelling on the past and what could have been different. We can’t change that. What matters is that we’re both here now, for better or for worse. What matters is the choices we make now about the things that we </span>
  <em>
    <span>can </span>
  </em>
  <span>change.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice studied Ava then. “When did you become so wise?” she mused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava scoffed. “I’ve always been wise. Just, selectively so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice raised an eyebrow, thinking back to the countless stupid things Ava had done in their time at Darlington, but also the number of times Ava </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>seemed wise beyond her years. Her wisdom did not come in the form of academics, but in the way she was with others; not in the least the empathy, patience and kindness she had given Beatrice, and given willingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There wasn’t a lot to do at the orphanage, even less so for me,” Ava went on to explain. “I listened to a lot of audiobooks, a lot of podcasts. Watched a lot of TV. I may not have experienced the world directly in those years, not seen the things you have seen or been to the places you have been, but I did plenty of </span>
  <em>
    <span>thinking.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Big questions, mostly. Why the things that happened to me did, what I did to deserve them. But, I came to realise that there were no answers to those questions. At least I didn’t think so until all of this happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t deserve what happened to you, Ava,” Beatrice told her. “Of that I am certain.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. But that doesn’t make it any easier to bear.” Ava sighed. “Bea?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to be okay, right? The mission I mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“As long as everything goes to plan, we’ll be fine,” Beatrice reassured her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Worry nagged at the back of Ava’s mind. “And if it doesn’t?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then trust your team. Whatever happens, we have your back and you’ve got ours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I seem to remember I said those words to you first before that talent show.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice smiled, remembering it fondly. “Maybe you were always wise after all.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>To say that things did not go to plan would have been an understatement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s no angel. He’s a devil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if on cue, Adriel prowled across the courtyard then like a bloodthirsty beast, tossing aside citizens and Swiss Guards alike in his wake as if they were rag dolls. He did not attack right away, instead halting in the centre of the courtyard, basking in the dramatics of his arrival. He regarded the sister warriors and Vincent with an unblinking gaze. His eyes were black and empty; devoid of all the things that made a human, and in the chasm that was left behind was a burning hunger. Bloodlust for one thing, and one thing only. The Halo. Ava had not had the chance to tell the others that he had tried to rip the thing from her still beating chest only minutes earlier. As was becoming a common occurrence of late, Ava found herself afraid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adriel’s lips quirked wickedly, almost as if he were snarling, when Vincent broke away from them and approached him. Guilt weighed down Vincent’s footsteps. The priest tried to reason with Adriel, but he was not bound by the laws of morality and logic that governed the human world. He would stop at nothing, do whatever was necessary to claim his prize. He had stolen the Halo before, and would not allow it to slip from his possession again. He would not be making the same mistake twice. Adriel silenced Vincent with a mere few whispered words, disarming him of any fight he had left.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps unsurprisingly, Adriel did not succumb to the wounds he sustained during the sisters’ initial onslaught. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With an exclamation of </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck that, in this life, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mary tore into the horde of possessed like a tornado, and was soon buried beneath a pile of bodies. They all burst into action then. Lilith cut through those attempting to suffocate Mary with her claws, snarling. Camila and Beatrice bolted in opposite directions, skirting around the edges of the courtyard, trying to hold back the encroaching tidal wave of possessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>To wound, not to kill. </span>
  </em>
  <span>That had always been their mantra, but there were too many of them to coordinate a mass exorcism. After all, the sister warriors did not have the sight of the Halo-Bearer, and were forced to slash blindly into the air once a possessed soul’s human eyes returned. Ava successfully sent a number of wraiths screaming back to Hell, adrenaline and terror like fire in her veins, but even she, God’s Champion, couldn’t be everywhere at once. For every one that fell another rose, like the heads of a hydra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was unclear how long this continued. Time became an illusion, an endless blur of bruises and blood. Perhaps it was minutes, moments, maybe even hours. All the while Adriel stood in the centre of the courtyard untouched, basking in the glory of the calamity he had created.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a fleeting moment, as Ava spun around to dodge yet another attack, she met the devil’s eyes. The smile she got in return was bloodcurdling. Ultimately, she knew what she had to do. To put an end to this, would have to to slay the heart of the beast. The Halo sung with Ava’s newfound determination as she quickly weaved in and out of the possessed, seeking Adriel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t defeat me, Ava,” he told her when they finally came face to face. No demon had stood in her path to reach him, not really, as if he were </span>
  <em>
    <span>willing </span>
  </em>
  <span>them to let her come and face her doom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Watch me,” she hissed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava lunged with a ferocity that she did not know she had, momentarily catching Adriel off-guard. They fought for a time, exchanging well placed blows, but it quickly became clear that Ava was no match for Adriel. With more training, years of it, and a string of missions, perhaps she would have held her ground for longer. Perhaps then luck would have been on her side, but she was too reliant on the Halo. She needed the otherworldly strength it gave her to simply defend herself against Adriel’s attacks, let alone cause any lasting damage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adriel grinned, blood trickling down his cheek and spilling onto his teeth, staining his lips. “I know your weakness.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shiver ran down Ava’s spine. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Focus, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she told herself.</span>
  <em>
    <span> Don’t get drawn into his games.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Instinctively, Ava’s eyes searched for Beatrice amidst the chaos. That was all the momentary distraction Adriel needed to disarm her. Adriel slammed his foot into Ava’s chest, knocking the wind out of her and sending her flying backwards several paces away from him. In the fall, the Divinium sword slipped from Ava’s grasp, only to be snatched up by Adriel. He lunged forwards and moved to thrust the Divinium sword into Ava’s chest while she lay helpless, only to be followed by a cry of </span>
  <em>
    <span>no! </span>
  </em>
  <span>that came from neither of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice had broken away from the possessed she had been locked in battle with, only to see Adriel trying to skewer the woman she still loved. She tore a knife from her chest and hurled it towards the devil with startling accuracy. The blade met its mark, severing Adriel’s hand at the wrist. The limp hand fell through the air, splattering into the dust, shortly followed by the sword with a clatter. In the howl of pain from Adriel that followed, a wraith demon descended from the sky and tore towards Beatrice, ripping through her chest and sending her hurtling backwards into a stone column.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And if things don’t go to plan?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Trust your team.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava took a frantic look at Beatrice’s crumpled form, took in the blood splattered across the stone and Adriel’s severed hand. Every bone in her body screamed at her to run to Beatrice’s aid, but she had but a few seconds grace before Adriel regained his bearings and his hand likely grew back. Ava knew she would never overpower him by playing her own game. He was an ancient being of untold power, driven by the rage of being caged in stone for centuries, whereas she had but a few sessions of basic combat training. To beat him, Ava would need to become something </span>
  <em>
    <span>more.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything that followed seemed to happen in slow motion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ava scrambled to her feet, scarcely pausing to take a breath before stepping forward to reclaim the sword. Then she charged. As she did so, something changed. The Halo burned in her back with a white hot </span>
  <em>
    <span>rage, </span>
  </em>
  <span>screaming with the voices of hundreds of fallen Warrior Nuns, lives that had been cut short – and for what? This would be their vengeance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A blinding white light pulsed across the courtyard with a force that knocked all off their feet. All except Adriel and Lilith. Adriel stumbled forwards, covering his eyes with his good arm, while the other was clutched to his chest. Meanwhile, for Lilith, this moment was one of starling clarity. Suddenly, her mind was clear. She remembered her journey to </span>
  <em>
    <span>the other side, </span>
  </em>
  <span>as Adriel put it, perfectly. All that had occurred there, the being with the golden eyes, the plans and promises she had made. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>there was a reason why she had been compelled to go after her sisters, </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>there was a reason why she tried to stop Ava going into the tomb. Deep in her subconscious she has known that they would find Adriel there. The first plan, to stop Adriel from escaping the tomb, had failed. Now, there was only one option left. It had to work, or Adriel would stop at nothing to bring Hell raining down on earth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Ava continued to charge forwards, Lilith felt a static in the air, like electricity. The ground beneath their feet began to rumble. Behind Adriel the very air began to warp and soon a portal stuttered into life. It would be stable enough to pass through for a matter of seconds, no more. This was their only chance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Lilith saw something reach through the portal, trying to grab Adriel, she ran forwards after Ava. She bolted across the courtyard with a speed that would have alarmed her, had the fate of the world not been hanging in the balance. She clattered into Ava unceremoniously, grabbing a fistful of her jacket in one hand and pulling Adriel by the hair with the other. Another pair of hands from the portal grabbed Adriel by the shoulders, and the three of them were dragged through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bright white light emitting from the Halo vaporised from sight, and the portal snapped shut.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A heavy silence fell across the courtyard, one that was almost too heavy for the sisters’ shoulders to bear. Above them, the sky hung like gallows. It was over, and neither Lilith, Ava nor Adriel were anywhere to be found.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary was the first to get to her feet, eyes searching wildly for Vincent, for the man that had betrayed them. For the man who had gotten Shannon killed, and now had the blood of the Halo-Bearer and Lilith on his hands too. She found him cowering in a corner, and a shadow fell over him as Mary towered above him. She knocked him unconscious with the butt of one of her shotguns before he could speak a word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Beatrice came to, with Camila and Mary by her side, she looked around the courtyard frantically. “Where’s Ava? And Lilith?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary swallowed hard, tears brimming in her eyes. “They’re gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice’s lip quivered. “No. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*laughs nervously* So yeah. That happened. Don't hate me too much?</p><p>Thank you all once again for reading, commenting and leaving kudos. Truly, seeing your comments and hype for this even though this is getting hella long now makes my day. Special thanks to those of your who've been kind enough to highlight a few typos in recent chapters! Oh, and if you think the battle descriptions in this chapter would warrant updating the archive warnings for graphic descriptions of violence please let me know. </p><p>So far I'm still on track to keep updating weekly, but I will let you know if that changes. Things are getting a little busier for me these days, but all good things thankfully. In the meantime, see you next Sungay! Sending peace and positivity your way, take care &lt;3</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The aftermath of the Vatican. </p><p>The song for this chapter is In Freedom's Name by Eurielle. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The three sisters stood looking around the courtyard in a daze. They were surrounded by bystanders who, not a moment before, had been possessed automatons. Some stumbled as they found themselves in control of their bodies again, while others sat up in the dust that had been stirred up by the battle. To all but the trio, all that had just transpired was ineffable. Even the Swiss Guard, famous for their composure, staggered like drunkards. Possession had made fool of them, their Renaissance stripes more akin to the garb of a jester than the protectors of the Catholic faith.</p><p>“We need to get out of here,” Camila said hurriedly, her voice unsteady.</p><p>Mary gestured to Vincent, who was slumped unconscious against a nearby wall. “What are we gonna do with him? I’m not happy about letting him out of my sight.”</p><p>“Mary’s right,” Beatrice agreed. “We can’t leave him here. He’s the only one who has answers…”</p><p>“And the only one who might be able to lead us to Lilith and Ava,” Mary finished. “I dunno about you two, but I am in no fit shape to carry him alone.”</p><p>“Then we do it together,” Beatrice reassured her.</p><p>“The safe house on Via Giovanni Sechi is not far from here,” Camila explained. “We should go back there, get our bearings and figure out what to do next.”</p><p>“Won’t that be the first place they look for us?” Beatrice mused.</p><p>“Do you have any better ideas?” Mary asked.</p><p>Beatrice sighed and shook her head. “You take his legs.”</p><p>Mary gritted her teeth. “No, you take his legs. I don’t want to have to look at his face, or I might just end up shooting him to be done with it.”</p><p>As they moved towards Vincent, they found themselves surrounded by Swiss Guards on all sides. Those who were of higher rank were armed with halberds and partisan polearms; long spear-like weapons topped with deadly blades. The rest, lower rank guards and officers were equipped with crossguard swords, rapiers and rifles. They were outnumbered and poorly armed themselves; Mary had long since run out of bullets, Camila’s crossbow was nearly empty and Beatrice was down to a single knife. The sisters did not move.</p><p>“You need to come with us,” one of the younger guards said. His hand hovered over his sheathed sword, the bridge of his nose bruised, blood and quite obviously broken. Mary recognised his face, having hit him earlier with the butt of her shotgun. Had that been moments or hours ago? But now, getting a closer look at him, he appeared barely older than some of the OCS’s youngest recruits; he was barely a man, youth still cradling his now battered features.</p><p>“On whose orders?” Mary demanded.</p><p>“His Holiness the Pope. And your Mother Superion.”</p><p>At this, the sisters exchanged a glance. It seemed that unless they could fight their way through the Guard, they didn’t have much choice.</p><p>Mary put her shotguns back in their holsters, and briefly raised her hands. “Okay. But, you’re going to have to restrain <em> him </em>,” she pointed to Vincent, “somehow. I suspect your pope is going to have a lot of questions for him.”</p><p>So, with that, they were escorted inside, flanked on all sides by the Guards as if they were criminals. Vincent was also carried in by, though taken elsewhere. They were shown wordlessly into a small furnished room, with a row of south-facing bay windows that looked out over Vatican City. There they were left alone for several hours, their throats growing dry. Soon the afternoon sun gave way to dusk, the skies blooming in a mosaic of soft colours that felt out of place as the moments in that room dragged on, imbued with a complex twisting sense of dread. Below, streetlights and those in windows blinked in the dark, the cityscape framing the night. The red and blue lights of ambulances and police shot up and down the Italian streets, their accompanying sirens wailing. The reality of the disruption that they had partially triggered began to sink in, weighing down their shoulders heavy with guilt. It was only when Mary’s voice broke the silence that they were able to exchange any words, too shaken to string sentences together.</p><p>“Are we going to talk about what the <em> fuck </em>just happened?” Mary said, a concoction of frustration, anger and confusion adding a sharp edge to the syllables and misdirecting these emotions at her sisters.</p><p>“I was unconscious when Ava and Lilith disappeared, so you tell me,” Beatrice replied curtly. She turned to Mary from where she had been staring aimlessly out of the windows. “How could you let that happen?”</p><p>“Hold up a minute. How could you possibly think that we <em> let </em>them disappear? Are you hearing yourself?” Mary snapped.</p><p>“Guys!” Camila exclaimed, grabbing their attention. Tears brimmed in her eyes. “Please. Haven’t we done enough fighting today?” She glanced between her sisters. “Will you let us explain, Bea?”</p><p>Beatrice hung her head sheepishly. “Yes. I’m… I’m sorry,” she said, her exhalation shaky. They all sat down.</p><p>“One minute we were fighting,” Camila began. “Then you got thrown against the pillar.”</p><p>“Adriel was going to kill Ava,” Beatrice explained. “So, I threw a knife and cut his dominant hand clean off.”</p><p>Mary raised her eyebrows. “Damn. Was that what that severed hand in the courtyard was?”</p><p>Beatrice nodded. “Unless someone else also lost a hand.”</p><p>“Right,” Camila continued. “After that… I don’t really know how to explain it.”</p><p>Mary took over. “There was the massive burst of light from the Halo, unlike anything I’ve ever seen Ava do before, or Shannon for that matter. It exorcized all of the possessed at once.”</p><p>Beatrice’s eyes widened. “All of them?”</p><p>Mary nodded, whilst Beatrice leaned back in her chair, slowly processing this new information. Beatrice thought of Sister Melanie then, and found herself in awe of the power that Ava had managed to conjure.</p><p>“What happened next?”</p><p>Camila shrugged. “That’s even harder to explain. You see, the Halo was practically blinding. We could barely see anything, but Ava charged at Adriel.”</p><p>“Then Lilith went after Ava,” Mary added. “Whether to help her fight Adriel or what, I don’t know. But, the next thing we know the light from the Halo has gone.”</p><p>“Along with Lilith, Ava and Adriel,” Camila finished.</p><p>Beatrice looked between the two of them. “I don’t understand. They just disappeared?”</p><p>“It looked like it. But…” Mary trailed off.</p><p>“But what?” Beatrice prompted.</p><p>Mary exhaled sharply. “We know that both Lilith and Adriel can create portals, right?”</p><p>“Yes,” Camila mused. “Lilith portaled here from ArqTech, and Adriel tried to portal her away when she approached her before the battle broke out.”</p><p>“So, I think they were portaled somewhere,” Mary finished.</p><p>“The question is then, by who?” Beatrice asked.</p><p>Camila nodded in thought. “Maybe Adriel? To separate Ava from the rest of us?”</p><p>“But if it was Lilith… why?” Beatrice wondered.</p><p>“I’m not sure I like my possible answers to that question,” Mary admitted. Camila and Beatrice looked at her curiously. “We can’t pretend that Lilith was herself while she was here. We already know that wherever… she went changed her. Adriel described it as <em> the other side, </em>for God’s sake.”</p><p>Neither of the other sisters had it in their hearts to scold Mary’s language.</p><p>“You don’t think…” Camila trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. What if she was possessed? What if she had turned sides, to whatever the <em> other </em>side was?</p><p>Beatrice bit her lip anxiously. “I don’t think we should rule any eventuality out, at this point.” She rubbed the back of her head and winced, bringing her hand away to find blood. Her stomach twisted vision beginning to swim. </p><p>“Are you alright, Bea?” Camila asked.</p><p> Beatrice groaned, putting her head in her hands. “I think I have a concussion.”</p><p>“I’ll bet,” Mary said. “That was quite a hit you took. Knocked you clean out.” She suddenly got to her feet, frustrated. “You need medical attention, dammit. Where the <em> hell </em>are Duretti and Mother Superion?”</p><p>As if on cue, the door soon opened, and in stepped Pope Duretti in his regal white attire, followed somewhat sheepishly by Mother Superion. Whilst Duretti stopped in his tracks, clasped his hands in front of him, holding a tablet, and regarded the group with a sigh, Mother Superion rushed over. Beatrice had registered that they were no longer alone, but did not open her eyes or lift her head. Mother Superion had seen them all in various bedraggled states following missions and battles, but the state of them still alarmed her.</p><p>“They are injured and exhausted, your Holiness,” she said after sitting next to Beatrice and examining her wound. “My girls are in no fit state for an interrogation.”</p><p>“Perhaps they should have thought about that before they blew up the Holy City,” Duretti replied sharply. “Look at this.”</p><p>Duretti put the tablet down and grabbed the TV remote from the table, the screen on the back wall flickering to life. The news channels were showing blanket coverage of the hijacked inauguration of the new Pope, including interviews from bystanders and grainy footage from mobile phones. The media had branded the battle as a terrorist attack against the newly elected Pope, with the man responsible, though the sisters knew him to be Adriel, yet to be identified. Even on mobile phone footage, Adriel’s menacing demeanour and wicked smile were plain for all to see.</p><p><em> “As of yet, it is also unclear who these warrior women, as they have been dubbed, are,” </em> one news reporter rattled on. <em> “Who do they work for? Are they part of Vatican security? All these questions remain unanswered, as the Vatican is yet to respond to our request for a comment.” </em></p><p>“You have jeopardised the exposure of your sect, caused untold damage to the Vatican and injured countless numbers of innocent citizens –” Durretti began.</p><p>“You saw the footage!” Mary protested. “They were attacking us, they were possessed!”</p><p>“Do you want to explain to me how <em> this </em>…” Duretti paused the live footage on an image of carnage in the courtyard. “Came to be?” he invited, frustration evident in his voice.</p><p>The sisters glanced between them, unsure of where to start and how much to tell the Pope. It was becoming increasingly evident that he had played no part in Sister Shannon’s death, but that did not suddenly mean that they trusted him. Mother Superion, seated next to Duretti and outside of his direct line of vision, seemed equally unsettled.</p><p>It was Mary who broke the heavy silence. “Did Sister Shannon speak to you before she was killed, about Adriel’s tomb and its contents?”</p><p>“No, of course not,” Duretti replied. “Why would she do that?”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“Do you believe me to be a lying man, Miss Delacroix?” Duretti challenged.</p><p>In response, Mary rubbed her temples. “I don’t know who or what to believe anymore.”</p><p>Meanwhile, the cogs in Camila’s brain were turning. “The journal,” she said suddenly.</p><p>Beatrice turned to her. “What about it?”</p><p>“Sister Shannon said it was a mistake to tell <em> him. </em> We…” she trailed off, glancing at the Pope. “Assumed who that meant. But what if by <em> him </em>she meant Father Vincent?”</p><p>“Father Vincent? What are you talking about?” Duretti demanded.</p><p>Mother Superion sighed. “Tell him,” she told them. “Tell him everything.”</p><p>And so they did. With Beatrice’s concussion symptoms worsening, Camila and Mary spoke the most. They explained their suspicion of the bones anchoring demons to their world, though they omitted that they thought that the Church had been aware of this for centuries. Explained that, contrary to belief, Lilith was alive and had appeared out of nowhere - they couldn’t avoid telling Duretti that, for Lilith was clearly visible on the news footage. Explained that Ava had not met a pile of bones in the tomb, but a living being, who had then escaped.</p><p>“How do you expect me to believe any of this?” Duretti demanded. “How do you expect me to believe that the angel Adriel… is a demon?”</p><p>“You saw what he did in that footage,” Mary countered. “That’s not exactly angelic behaviour is it?”</p><p>Duretti considered this but did not reply. “Do you think Sister Lilith may have been possessed?” he asked the sisters, who exchanged nervous looks.</p><p>“Not by a wraith demon,” Beatrice replied.</p><p>“What makes you so sure of that?” Duretti wondered.</p><p>“Ava would have sensed it,” Camila answered. “Sister Lilith certainly wasn’t herself, but…” she trailed off.</p><p>“But what?” Duretti prompted.</p><p>Camila was lost for words, shrugging helplessly. “I don’t know.”</p><p>Duretti glanced at Mother Superion before looking back at them. “Were you aware that Sister Lilith killed Sister Crimson?”</p><p>“What?” Mary and Camila said together. Even Beatrice looked between Mother Superion and the Pope quizzically.</p><p>“Is this true?” Mary asked Mother Superion, who only nodded. Mary slumped back into the sofa. This did not bode well. They had all seen Crimson’s crumpled form as they fled the tomb, but had not considered that she might have been dead. Frankly, they had more pressing matters, but now the facts were plain to see. Camila chewed her thumb anxiously.</p><p>Duretti picked up his tablet. “Let me show you something,” he said carefully, tapping several times before turning the screen for them all to see. It was clear they were looking at security footage from the courtyard, with the camera positioned behind Adriel and slightly to one side. Duretti un-paused the video and let it play. The footage had been slowed down several times, and was not particularly clear, but there was one thing that was now glaringly obvious, something that the sisters had only speculated about until now.</p><p>Behind Adriel, a portal emerged, and Lilith dragged Adriel and Ava through.</p><p>Duretti let the footage play several more times before asking the sisters what they made of this, carefully watching their responses. He was convinced that the sisters had lied to him, and that the whole fiasco had been a step up to undermine his authority.</p><p>“Where has Sister Lilith taken the Halo-Bearer and your so-called demon?”</p><p>“We don’t know. If we did, we wouldn’t be here,” Mary shot back.</p><p>“Would it not be a perfect diversion to delay the search for your friends?”</p><p>“What exactly are you suggesting?” Mary demanded. “That this was all some part of an elaborate plan? To what end?”</p><p>“You tell me, Miss Delacroix.”</p><p>Mary threw her hands up in exasperation, but it was Beatrice who stepped in, her words firm but not rude.</p><p>“We told you all we know, your Holiness. Father Vincent had been working with Adriel somehow. He orchestrated this, manipulated us and weaponised our trust in him against us.”</p><p>“I cannot believe that a man sworn to protect you by oath could be capable of such a betrayal,” Duretti replied.</p><p>“And yet our vows of honesty and pledges to the service of the OCS stands for nothing?” Mary countered.</p><p>“Is there additional security footage from other cameras in the courtyard?” Camila suddenly asked.</p><p>Duretti regarded her carefully. “You believe there is evidence to show Vincent’s involvement with Adriel?”</p><p>Camila nodded. “Without a doubt, your Holiness. May I?” she gestured to the tablet. Duretti hesitated, but passed the tablet over. She spent several minutes navigating recordings from several different angles until she found what she was looking for. She had to go back to before the battle began, just after Adriel had appeared. She turned the screen to face the Pope and pressed play. The following footage clearly showed Vincent approach Adriel first, having a brief exchange before stepping to one side to allow the demon to advance.</p><p>“I must have missed that,” Duretti muttered. “It seems that Father Vincent too should be questioned. If what can be implied from this footage is true… then he has made a fool of us all and has a committed heresy of unknown bounds.” The Pope sighed heavily. “However, that does not excuse some of your behaviour. Sister Beatrice and Mary. You both disobeyed direct orders regarding your reassignments and dragged Sister Camila into your madness.”</p><p>“With all due respect, your Holiness,” Camila countered. “My actions were my voices. I alone take responsibility for them.”</p><p>Duretti stood and smoothed down his robes. “I will have decided what to do with you all by the morning, after Father Vincent has been questioned. Go and get some rest. Do not make any attempts to leave. This is an order, and it is strongly in your interests to obey on this occasion. You have done enough damage today.”</p>
<hr/><p>The following day, in a different safe house to the one they had taken up residence in when they arrived, the three sisters sat around a small square wooden table, dumbfounded.  Excommunicated from the OCS and the Church on the Pope’s orders, they were without direction and without a plan. Vincent had apparently been questioned and his story married up with their narrative, but this had not been enough to clear their names. The sisters were not sure quite how the Vatican had managed to get the truth out of him, or what new information he had provided. They had been removed from Vatican City and placed under surveillance before they could ascertain exactly what had been said, or what would happen to the disgraced Father next.</p><p>In front of them sat three envelopes, containing a generous wad of cash and plane tickets that would return each of them to their country of residence; Beatrice to London, Mary to Chicago and Camila to Madrid. They were due to fly out from the Roma-Fiumicino airport the following day. They sat there in silence, in various states of fractured despair. Mary took up the most space, sticking one leg out whilst the other was crossed on her seat. With her jaw set she stared at the envelope with a gaze so intense it could have lit the paper on fire. Camila was hunched over the table, her hands clasped in front of her mouth as if in prayer, gazing off into nothingness. Beatrice meanwhile sat bolt upright, hands clasped in her lap. She might have appeared poised and collected, but the fire in her eyes gave her away. Inside she was seething.</p><p>The three of them were jolted out of their thoughts when Mother Superion reappeared, having left several hours before to <em> attend to some business </em>, as she had described it. Such business, it turned out, involved acquiring four large duffle bags with contents that thudded heavily against the table.</p><p>“What’s all this?” Mary asked.</p><p>“Supplies,” came Mother Superion’s short answer. She too had been excommunicated from the Church for her involvement with all that occurred, but had not revealed her name to the sisters. Out of her holy attire, she looked as uncomfortable as a fish out of water.</p><p>“Supplies for what?” Beatrice questioned.</p><p>“Whatever may lie ahead.”</p><p>“And you weren’t seen?” Mary asked, conscious of being watched. </p><p>“No. I made sure of it,” Mother Superion replied.</p><p>Each of the women opened their bags and peeked inside. They were met with enough supplies to leave them fully equipped for a mission; spare clothing, battle gear, weapons, medical supplies, burner phones. Camila’s bag included portable technology that would allow her to hack into systems remotely, and Mary’s contained her shotguns that had been confiscated the previous evening. She didn’t ask how Mother Superion had got them back.</p><p>Camila’s eyes widened. “Mother… how did you get all this? The Vatican stripped us of all our weapons.”</p><p>Mother Superion was quick to reply. “I pulled a few strings. It is as I suspected; not all charters of the OCS are content with Duretti’s election. We have some… sympathisers.”</p><p>“Well, ain’t that reassuring,” Mary mused.</p><p>“You’re not expecting us to go quietly, then,” Beatrice said, an observation rather than a question. </p><p>Mother Superion gave them all a pointed look. “You were thinking of doing as Duretti told you, were you?”</p><p>“Hell no,” Mary answered. “We have to get Lilith and Ava back.” </p><p>Mother Superion nodded once. “Then, if we are all in agreement, we should plan our next moves.”</p><p>“Where do we even start?” Camila asked. Even she who was known for her optimism was struggling to hold onto even a shred of hope.</p><p>“I might have an idea,” Beatrice offered. “It isn’t much of one, but…”</p><p>“Let’s hear it,” Mary encouraged.</p><p>“We all saw the portal on the security footage,” Beatrice began, earning nods from the others. “We don’t know how it got there or why. The only person who <em> does </em>know about such things, who is more than capable of opening and closing them at will, is Jillian Salvius.”</p><p>“Are you saying you think she opened a portal in the Vatican all the way from Andalusia?” Mary wondered, somewhat sceptical.</p><p>Beatrice considered this possibility for a few moments, but ultimately shook her head. “I doubt it. You saw the amount of equipment and the quantity of Divinum needed to power the Arc.”</p><p>“Even so, Dr Salvius may have means of detecting that kind of energy signature,” Camila continued. “If so, we might be able to track where Lilith and Ava were taken to.” She gulped before adding, “If they’re in this world, that is.”</p><p>“That’s good thinking, Camila,” Beatrice praised, though she did not wish to dwell on the latter point; in fact, none of them did. That was not something they could comprehend in that moment.</p><p>“These are a lot of <em> what ifs, </em>” Mary pointed out. “What if we get there and Salvius can’t help? </p><p>“What if we get there and she <em> can </em>?” Beatrice countered, though not in a way that was provocative.</p><p>“Visiting ArqTech and Dr Salvius may be our best option at this stage,” Mother Superion agreed. “Though I do not approve of the work she has been doing, undermining the Church.”</p><p>“At this point, I don’t think Salvius’s blasphemy is our concern anymore,” Mary admitted, though it pained her to speak so candidly. She knew what the Catholic faith meant to the older woman. They all did.</p><p>Conflict flickered in Mother Superion’s eyes and she sighed deeply, leaning back in her chair. “I think you’re right, Mary. We must utilise the resources and allies we do have.”</p><p>“When do we leave?” Camila asked.</p><p>“As soon as nightfall comes,” Mother Superion answered. “The quicker we can put distance between ourselves and Duretti the better. And we need to contact Dr Salvius as soon as possible so she knows to expect us.”</p><p>“You don’t trust Duretti?” Mary asked.</p><p>“Of course not,” came Mother Superion’s response.</p><p>As it happened, they were right not to trust the Pope. Duretti got word that the former sisters and Mother Superion had been spotted fleeing the city, and not boarding the coach that was meant to take them all to the airport the following morning, he turned to the sister warriors who were still faithful to him. In the wake of Sister Crimson’s death, they were all too eager to enact revenge.</p><p>“Kill them, and make it look like an accident.”</p><p>“One step ahead of you, your Holiness,” one nun said with a wicked grin. “We’ve already put the necessary measures in place.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! When did this hit 6k? Damn. Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and let me know if you spot any mistakes. Sending peace and positivity your way, until next Sungay!</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Vatican show no signs letting the fugitives get away without a fight and there are some... interesting developments.</p><p>The song for the second part of this chapter is Too Far Gone by Hidden Citizens and SVRCINA. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a>.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>By the early hours of the morning, the sisters had made good progress, with a considerable distance between them and Rome. They headed north, avoiding the main roads between cities where possible, and had passed signs to Bologna not too long ago. Mother Superion and Mary took turns driving, sleeping between shifts, whilst Camila set herself up to hack into necessary systems, including the OCS and Vatican mainframes, to keep a close eye on their activities.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Away from the polluting city lights, the winding country roads were shrouded in a thick cloak of darkness. The only source of illumination, other than the van headlights, were the twinkling stars and moonlight that tumbled through the branches of the trees lining the sides of the road.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a palpable tension in the van, the tangled sort that builds as the number of unknowns on the horizon grow closer and multiply, like flies gathering to a carcass. Mary gripped the steering wheel far tighter than was necessary and stared at the road almost unblinking. Camila sat sprawled across the seats immediately behind Mary, typing away on her laptop intermittently, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>tap tap tap </span>
  </em>
  <span>of the keys breaking through the heavy silence. Her surveillance of the Vatican and OCS demanded every drop of focus she could muster, and was a welcome distraction from the dread that weighed down her young shoulders. Mother Superion, still as of yet to provide a more suitable name for an excommunicated woman, drifted in and out of restless sleep in the back row of seats. Meanwhile, Beatrice sat bolt upright in the middle row by one of the windows. As much as she tried to will her weary bones into sleep, Beatrice remained wide awake, sleep eluding as if she were trying to grasp smoke with her bare fingertips. With little else to occupy herself, besides the anxious thoughts bouncing around her skull like a stray bullet, she counted the stars and searched for familiar constellations to calm the turmoil in her chest. She chewed her thumbnail anxiously, a habit that, in another life, her parents had scolded her for. An unbecoming habit. Without the Church, she dared not think about her limited options, and the sickening potential of having to return home. No. With Ava and Lilith missing, there were far more important concerns. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Missing. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Not gone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a time, everything was going smoothly. Almost too smoothly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila inhaled sharply, the sudden sound making everyone but her jolt. “Oh no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What? What is it?” Beatrice asked, learning forwards over the seats.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila remained quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cam,” Mary called from the driver’s seat. “I don’t like that tone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong?” Mother Superion demanded from the back of the van, now very much awake. She made her way to step into the narrow aisle and moved towards the sisters with an unsteady gait.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re being tracked,” Camila replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mother Superion’s eyes widened in alarm. “Tracked? How?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know,” Camila said frantically, an edge of anxiety evident in her voice. “I don’t understand how the Vatican slipped a GPS tracker in right under our noses.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been double-crossed,” Mother Superion concluded, realising that all the items she had obtained for her and sisters had been from so-called sympathisers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How can you be sure?” Beatrice wondered, squinting at Camila’s screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just uncovered a mission logged with our names as targets. It was surprisingly easy to find,” Camila explained. “Fortunately, this does give us an indication of how far away our pursuers are.” She pointed to a blue dot on the screen, some distance from a red dot, which Beatrice assumed was them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unfortunately, it doesn’t give us a way to get them off our tail,” Mother Superion finished. Camila pulled a grim face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How far away are they?” Mary asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila punched a few buttons. “About twenty-five kilometres, give or take.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary gritted her teeth. “I don’t like those odds,” she mumbled. “We’re in no fit state to fight and the nearest town is over forty kilometres from here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we need to find that tracker,” Mother Superion reasoned. “Where could it be?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would need to be concealed,” Beatrice wondered aloud. “Somewhere we wouldn’t stumble across it accidently.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Check all the burner phones,” Mother Superion suggested, already digging through the duffle bags and tossing each one to Beatrice. “Camila, check your tech too. Don’t leave a stone unturned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, Mother,” Camila replied on instinct, though the older woman winced slightly at this address. There was on time to approach that topic delicately now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could the tracker be in the van itself?” Mary queried. She’d put her foot on the gas by now, and they were hurtling down the bumpy, but mercifully empty road, at several times the legal speed limit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a good call,” Mother Superion praised. She got up and was soon on her hands and knees searching under all seats and looking for any nooks where a small tracker could be hidden. She toppled as Mary hurtled over a particularly nasty bump. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t speed up too much,” Camila warned, holding the laptop to keep it from flying across the van. “That could alert them to us knowing something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell do you want me to do, Cam? Pull over at the side of the road and wait like sitting ducks?” Mary snapped out of frustration, though she quickly apologised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ll think of something,” Camila insisted, pulling open the back of her laptop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we better think fast,” Mary replied, nervously checking her mirrors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing inside the burner phones,” Beatrice reported several minutes later.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s one good thing, then,” came Mother Superion’s voice from somewhere between the rows of seats. Her head soon reappeared. “Phone Dr Salvius, Beatrice, while I check up the front. It looks like we’re going to be needing her help after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Guys…” Camila trailed off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do I get the feeling you’re about to give us more bad news,” Mary said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila looked up from her screen. “We’re wanted,” she replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wanted? What do you mean?” Beatrice asked as she waited for Jillian to pick up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Vatican has branded us as co-conspirators of Adriel’s. There’s an international arrest warrant for each of us, and a promise of reward for anyone with information to come forward. We’re wanted on suspicion of terrorism.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary hit the steering wheel. “Fuck! That </span>
  <em>
    <span>bastard </span>
  </em>
  <span>Duretti, I’m going to throttle him next time I see him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pray that isn’t too soon,” Beatrice responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” a voice came from the other end of the phone. Jillian. Beatrice never thought she would be so relieved to hear the voice of a woman whom she had believed to be a heretic just days ago. How the tides had turned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jillian? It’s Sis-” Beatrice stumbled. She wasn’t a nun anymore. “It’s Beatrice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Beatrice. I assume you’ve seen the news about your… status.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Jillian, we’re being tracked. We’re in no fit state to fight whoever the Vatican are sending after us,” Beatrice spoke hurriedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, luckily for you, I am one step ahead of you. After you rang yesterday, I flew a plane to Italy should you need extracting. I’m not far from La Spezia on the west coast. Put me on speaker.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice obliged, learning forwards to hold the phone in the middle of their huddled group. Beside her, Camila had practically dismantled her laptop searching for the tracker.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary answered, leaning backwards but keeping an eye on the road. “We’re driving parallel to the SR445 and have just passed Roccalberti.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, that’s good news. I’m not far from you. You need to find that tracker, but don’t destroy it. Throw it out the window. Make it look like you’re heading into one of the nearby towns for petrol or something, and head in the opposite direction. Find an open space that is largely concealed from the road, hide the van and give me your coordinates. I’ll come and get you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary breathed heavily. “Okay. We can do that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And be quick about it,” Jillian added before hanging up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Camila exclaimed in delight. She held up a nondescript small black plastic square between her fingers. “I’ve found the tracker!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank God. Cam, there’s a turning off towards Colle Aprico coming up on your right shortly. Open the sunroof and throw it as far as you can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On it,” Camila replied, clambering on top of the seats. When the time came, Camila hurled the thing into the night, down the road and off to one side slightly. Checking her laptop again, she saw that it landed in a field. As Mary drove off in the opposite direction, it became clear that they were no longer being tracked. Beatrice let out a breath that she didn’t know she had been holding, whilst Mother Superion sat down heavily in the front passenger seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometime later, Mary veered off the road just outside the village of Cascianella towards some farmland. It suited their needs perfectly, large enough for Jillian to land, and flanked on all sides by dense trees, concealing it from the main road. They made haste after Mary parked and they concealed the van as best they could in the limited time they had. They knew it would be found eventually, but they removed the number plates in the vain hope that it would not be tracked to them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The wait for Jillian’s arrival felt like the longest minutes of their short lives. Heartbeats ran fast and adrenaline made them all jittery. When the quiet night air was disturbed by the unmistakable rumble of a heavy engine and whizz of propellers, they moved into position. The sisters used torches that Mother Superion had packed to provide as much light as they dared so that Jillian was not landing in complete darkness. Even with the sparse illumination it was an almost impossible challenge, but Jillian was nothing if not a determined force to be reckoned with. The landing of the white Piper PA-42 Cheyenne plane was impressively quiet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jillian wasted no time in clambering from the cockpit, opening the door and quickly beckoning them inside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In their initial relief at Jillian’s arrival, and the whispers passed between them, the renegades did not pick up on the sound of approaching vehicles. Lights burst into view from the lane that snaked towards the farmland. Lights that were not their own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re here,” Mother Superion gasped. “Quickly!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The others ran towards the plane and tumbled inside, but it was in that moment that a wave of nausea and dizziness hit Beatrice like a tidal wave. The aftermath of her concussion. Blood thumped in her ears and the world spun. By the time the others realised that something was wrong, that Beatrice had not followed them, screeching tires, shouts and slamming doors could be heard from the field entrance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice stumbled to the ground when she tried to step forward. Seeing her sister floundering, Camila ran back towards her, fuelled by fear screaming through her veins. She skidded to a stop in the dry dirt as she reached Beatrice’s side and pulled her to her feet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Bea!” she urged, grabbing the duffle bag and throwing it over her shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Forget the bag, run!” Mary yelled. “I’ll cover you!” She fired several shots around the pair as Camila dragged an almost catatonic Beatrice away from their encroaching pursuers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From the cockpit, Jillian punched the necessary buttons and flipped several switches. The engine rumbled. She had to remain calm. They were relying on her. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>get these women out of there alive. She had to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The split second she heard the word </span>
  <em>
    <span>go! </span>
  </em>
  <span>they sped off across the field, far earlier than was safe for any of the passengers. The ex-nuns were not seated and the goddamn door wasn’t even </span>
  <em>
    <span>shut, </span>
  </em>
  <span>but Jillian would be damned if she put protocol ahead of getting them away from being shot at. She did what she had to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was nothing short of a miracle that they escaped with minimal damage to the plane. Some cosmetic damage to the paintwork, Jillian suspected, but nothing that would prevent them from getting back to ArqTech in one piece. Maybe God was watching over them after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whilst Camila tended to Beatrice, Mary hoovered in the entranceway to the cockpit. “You sure know how to make an entrance. Where did you learn to fly like that, Dr Salvius?” Mary asked, evidently impressed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jillian waved a dismissive hand. “Oh please,” she replied. “I think we’re past formalities now. Call me Jillian. And, if you must know, I served in the RAF for a time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem surprised,” Jillian commented.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary shrugged. “I didn’t have you pegged for the type to take orders.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jillian laughed lightly. “You’re not wrong. That was one of the main reasons I left. That and I was never one for fighting battles that I did not believe in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That makes two of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How is Beatrice?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila stood up from beside Beatrice, who had fallen asleep at long last. “She is as okay as she can be,” Camila responded in earnest. “She took a nasty blow to the head at the Vatican,” she went on to explain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jillian nodded in understanding. “Concussion. We’ll make sure she is well rested when we get back to ArqTech.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe she came to get us personally,” Mary later whispered to Camila.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right? She cares about us,” Camila reasoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary, whilst she was immensely relieved that they were not back in the clutches of the Vatican, was more sceptical. “She has a vested interest. How are we going to tell her that she’s gone to all this trouble and we don’t have the bones?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think she may have already reached that conclusion.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hope you’re right, or else we’re gonna have a very interesting conversation when we get back to ArqTech.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After the younger women had fallen asleep, Jillian briefly turned around to catch Mother Superion’s gaze where she sat in one of the seats closest to the cockpit. “In all of this madness, I never caught your name,” Jillian said quietly, not wanting to disturb the others.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mother Superion met Jillian’s eyes briefly, before staring ahead aimlessly. She inhaled deeply before replying. “It’s Mara.” The syllables of her name felt dry in her mouth, like sand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just Mara?” Jillian wondered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mara looked at the sleeping forms of the young women she had sworn to protect. She noted how much younger Camila and Beatrice appeared out of their habits. Camila with her short cherub-like curls, how much smaller Beatrice’s form appeared without knives strapped to her chest. Even Mary’s features softened with sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mara sighed heavily and put her head in her hands, a rare sign of almost defeat. Despite the immense gratitude she felt that Camila, Beatrice and Mary were safe, she knew that Lilith and Ava were likely not. She wouldn’t let it show, but the weight of possibly losing them both for a second time was almost too much to bear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, as they flew over the borders of France and edged closer to Andalusia, Jillian bit back her own tears. The rescue had been the perfect distraction from the ghosts that now lingered at ArqTech. A ghost in her son’s empty bed, in the unfinished drawings. Despite her valiant efforts to rescue the ex-nuns, it did very little to outweigh how she had failed him. Mothers were meant to protect their children. She should have stopped him running into that portal. The doctors had been right; she was never meant to be a mother. Maybe this was why.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Time became an abstract concept in the days that followed their return to ArqTech. Battered, beaten and exhausted, they sat in limbo, asking more questions than any of them could provide answers to. Jillain ran test after test, the sisters poured over the Warrior Nun journal and drilled out every conceivable piece of information from Kristian possible. All to no avail.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One morning, Mary, Camila and Beatrice stood in front of the Arc. Beatrice looked at it intensely, her arms crossed. Mary and Camila had tried to insist that she stayed in bed and rested, as Jillian had told her to do, but Beatrice’s stubbornness got the better of all of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There has to be something we’re missing,” Beatrice mused. “There </span>
  <em>
    <span>has </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cough. “Excuse me?” a British accent said from behind them. “You can’t be in here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary and Camila turned around first, and were met with the sight of an Asian girl, who barely looked over the age of eighteen, dressed in a navy company fleece, arms pushed up to the elbows, a polo shirt and cargo trousers. She carried a laptop and a tangled mess of cables in one hand and a plastic briefcase-like toolbox in the other. Her long black hair was tied up in a lopsided bun on top of her hand with a pen stuck through the middle. She regarded the two of them curiously, but her gaze lingered on the back of Beatrice’s form the longest. Then she shook her head, a small movement as if she were dismissing a ludicrous thought. Stranger things had been happening around her work as of late. What was up with all those giant bricks at the beginning of the week? Where had they </span>
  <em>
    <span>gone?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl huffed, putting the toolkit on the ground and reaching for a radio attached to her hip. “Do I need to call security or are you going to move?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Camila was quick to apologise. “We’re… colleagues of Dr Salvius.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Uh-huh. Aren’t we all?” She sighed. “Look, just show me your security clearance cards and be on your way. I’ve got a lot to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, about those…” Mary trailed off. “We don’t have them. Left in the office.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Which office?” the girl countered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary pointed left, the direction they had come from.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl’s eyes narrowed. There was something in her expression that felt familiar to both Mary and Camila, though they could not place it. “There is no office that way,” she told them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary took a step forward. “Look, contact Jillian and she’ll tell you that we’re allowed to be here,” she said defensively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The girl looked sceptical, but contacted Jillian directly anyway. After a brief exchange, the girl determined that they were telling the truth, or at least part of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, fine,” she grumbled. “I’ll know for next time. But, seriously, please go somewhere else and do whatever it is you’re doing. I need to work and don’t want an audience.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright then,” Mary said, nudging Beatrice in the side. She hadn’t turned around once during the exchange, only stared into the Arc as if she were looking for gaps between the molecules in the air.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Camila put a kind hand on Beatrice’s shoulder. “Come on, Bea. You still need to rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At hearing Beatrice’s nickname, the girl visibly tensed and took half a step backwards. Mary gave her a strange look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Beatrice?” the girl spoke, her voice small.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice spun around with a speed that made her head throb. “Nancy?” she stammered in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her younger sister took everything in, the cut on her cheek, the hollow look in her tear-stained sunken eyes “What the </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell </span>
  </em>
  <span>have you gotten yourself into? Why do you look like you’ve been beaten to an inch of your life?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary looked back and forth between them several times before turning to address Nancy. “I’m sorry, who are you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy clenched her jaw before meeting Beatrice’s eyes. “Do you want to explain or shall I, sister?” she asked bitterly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary turned to Beatrice. “Hold up. Sister? You have a sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead, it was Nancy who answered. “She did once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like that, Beatrice’s stomach dropped, like the fissures of an iceberg finally giving way and sending shards of ice crumbling into the unforgiving ocean.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Phew! That was a bit of a ride wasn't it? As always thank you so much for reading and sticking with this story! The fact that people are genuinely still interested in this blows my mind every time. </p><p>Certain creative liberties have been taken with this chapter. Don’t ask me how Jillian landed a plane in the dark with virtually no lighting and please ignore any possible errors with my Italian geography. I spent far too long starting at Google maps trying to figure out the logistics of this. Also, I know nothing about planes so just take my word for it on the model name I mentioned. Thank God for Wikipedia.</p><p>What do y’all make of Nancy’s return and this season 2 take so far? Let it be known that I do take on board your thoughts and comments, so don't be shy :D</p><p>Anyway, until next Sungay, sending all the good vibes your way. Let me know if you spot any typos. We're still on track for weekly updates for the time being, I'll let you know if anything changes. Take care!</p><p>
  <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>
</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Beatrice and her sister talk. It hurts. </p><p>The song for this chapter is tolerate it by Taylor Swift. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a>.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At the end of the working day, after she had finished her work in the Arc room, Nancy got up to find her sister hovering in the doorway. After three long years of no contact, she had expected to spiral into a kaleidoscope of conflicting emotions after seeing Beatrice again; expecting a concoction of anger, frustration, maybe even relief. But none of that came. Instead, she felt numb as if her brain refused to process the situation.</p><p>“Nancy, can we talk?” Beatrice asked quietly. “If now is a good time.”</p><p>Nancy looked at her watch. “I just finished my shift. I guess now is as good a time as any,” she half-answered. She slumped into one of the computer chairs and gestured for Beatrice to do the same. For a few agonising moments, neither sister was able to say anything.</p><p>“How did you find yourself here?” Beatrice ventured.</p><p>“IT internship,” Nancy answered. “I couldn’t stand being in England and dependent on Mum and Dad any longer.”</p><p>“I didn’t know that was really your thing.</p><p>Nancy shrugged. “Yeah, well. A lot can happen in three years.”</p><p>“Nancy,” Beatrice began to say, only to be cut off.</p><p>“Beatrice,” her sister said carefully. “If we’re going to have this conversation there is one thing you should know. I don’t go by the name Nancy anymore.”</p><p>Beatrice raised her eyebrows. “Oh, I see. What do you prefer, then?”</p><p>She smiled. “Drew. In fact…” She dug into one of the pockets of her trousers to pull out a plastic card, and passed it to Beatrice. It was her company ID bearing a new name, new to Beatrice at least, which she studied carefully. </p><p>“You took our grandmother’s maiden name.” </p><p>Drew nodded. “Yeah.” </p><p>Beatrice hesitated. “May I ask why?” </p><p>Drew considered this for a time. “Lao lao was kind to us when we were kids,” she began. “She was the only one who ever loved us unconditionally, you know?” </p><p>Beatrice nodded in agreement, a melancholy warmth settling in her chest as she thought of those early memories. </p><p>Drew leaned back in her chair. “Leaving England allowed you to put distance between you and our parents,” she continued. “It gave you a certain freedom, though I know you did not go willingly at first. Changing my name was my way of establishing that distance. To be the person I wanted to be rather than what they expected.” </p><p>Beatrice nodded. “I understand. Though I can’t imagine they took that too well.” </p><p>Drew rubbed her hands down her trousers, shifted and inhaled sharply before letting out an uncomfortable chuckle. “No, they did not. There is a reason I’m here and not in England. Well, several reasons. That’s one of them.”</p><p>Beatrice returned the ID card, before saying her sister’s name out loud for the first time. “Drew,” she repeated. “It suits you.” </p><p>“Thanks,” Drew replied, somewhat stiffly.</p><p>“How did you settle on Drew?” Beatrice asked.</p><p>Drew let out a small laugh, genuine this time, and glanced to the floor briefly. “You know, it’s funny actually,” she began to explain. “It was Ava who came up with the idea. An inside joke of sorts.”</p><p>Beatrice connected the dots. “As in Nancy Drew?”</p><p>Drew’s gaze returned to meet Beatrice’s. “Exactly.”</p><p>“When did this happen?”</p><p>“Whilst you were in Switzerland the first time,” Drew explained. “I may have been sent to another school but Ava and I spoke most days. Lecia too. I was going to tell you once you got home but…” she trailed off, her smile fading. “Things got in the way.”</p><p>For Beatrice, hearing Ava and Lecia’s names said so casually, without acknowledging all that had happened between then and now, felt like a punch to the gut. Did Drew even know?</p><p>Beatrice inhaled deeply. “Lecia and Ava,” she began to say, compelled to tell the truth. However, instead of encouraging her to continue, Drew cut her off.</p><p>“I know,” she said glumly.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I know what happened. About the accident.”</p><p>There were a thousand questions on the tip of Beatrice’s tongue, but one burnt stronger than the rest. “How long have you known?”</p><p>“Since that autumn,” Drew answered simply, whilst Beatrice found herself almost lost for words at this revelation.</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me?”</p><p>Drew stared at her incredulously. “You think I didn’t try?”</p><p>Slowly, the pieces of the puzzle started to slot into place, though Beatrice remained quiet. This was the aftermath of her choices. She could blame the distance she forced between them on her vows, that the Order was strict on minimal or no contact with family, but that would be a lie. It was not wholly unheard of the sisters to visit or have contact with family, though the nature and secrecy of their work made this challenging. Not only that, but most women who found themselves at the doors of the OCS tended to be of a certain sort. They all had their stories, and fraught family ties were not uncommon.  </p><p>“I wrote you so many letters,” Drew continued. “I even rang your school, though it was a nightmare trying to connect. By the time I finally got through to someone, they told me that you had taken your vows and moved on. That you hadn’t left a forwarding address.” She clenched her fists in her lap. “You would have known had you bothered to remember that you still had family who cared,” she finished bitterly, before falling silent and regarding Beatrice carefully. She sighed, and when she spoke again her voice was softer. “You sound like you only just found out,” she observed.</p><p>Beatrice nodded wordlessly, the sting from Drew’s earlier words lingering still.</p><p>Drew let out a shaky breath, knowing that the following words would be difficult to say. “I went to the orphanage last week.” She stared at the floor again. “I figured that if I turned up they wouldn’t be able to turn me away. I tried countless times over the years to reach Ava. All I ever got was some Sister called Frances telling me that Ava wasn’t accepting contact. I never quite believed that. But, when I got there…” she trailed off, tears falling from her eyes.</p><p>“Ava isn’t dead,” Beatrice was quick to assure her, without thinking that such a statement would obviously require an explanation.</p><p>Drew wiped her tears away. “What do you mean?” she stammered. “The nuns… They told me that she died in her sleep.”</p><p>Beatrice bit her lip and shook her head. “That’s not quite true.”</p><p>“Not quite true?” Drew repeated. “What is that supposed to mean?” When her sister didn’t answer, she pushed again. “Beatrice, what’s going on? Please don’t lie to me.”</p><p>Beatrice sighed, wincing at the uncertainty that lingered at the end of the story. Yet, she proceeded to tell Drew everything. The OCS. The demons. The Halo. Ava, and how she came to be the Warrior Nun. The Vatican. To Drew’s credit, she did not interrupt Beatrice as she explained, soaking up the information like a sponge. But, the deeper Beatrice took her into the labyrinthine story, the more the Drew’s countenance hardened.</p><p>“Sister Frances <em> murdered </em>Ava?”</p><p>“Yes,” Beatrice confirmed.</p><p>“And then Ava killed her,” Drew continued.</p><p>Beatrice nodded. “In self-defence,” she reiterated.</p><p>“And now, Ava and this… Lilith are gone.” Suddenly, Drew got to her feet, unable to process the onslaught of information while sitting down any longer. She wondered towards the Arc, learnt against its exterior and looked through the empty space, before casting her gaze back into the room. Considered that Beatrice and Ava, one once a sister by blood and the other by choice, had been under the same roof, her <em> workplace, </em>a matter of days before. All the while, Beatrice braced herself. She may have missed three years of her sister’s life, but the tension in Drew’s jaw, in her shoulders and the way she held herself upright, was as clear as day.</p><p>“You mean to tell me that this whole time, you’ve been here in Spain, risking your life and fighting <em>fucking</em> demons? You could have written, or even called. <em>Anything </em>would have been better than the silence you left me with. When did you stop caring, Beatrice? <em>When?” </em>Drew demanded.</p><p>“No! I never… I never stopped caring about you. You’re my sister.”</p><p>“Really?” Drew raised her voice, her face red with anger and eyes tearful once again. “Because you sure have a funny way of showing it. Your lack of contact spoke loud and clear. Aren’t sisters meant to look out for each other? You didn’t let me be there for you when you needed me. <em> God, </em>I tried so hard that summer, but you pushed me away.” She pressed her palms into her temples, forcing her eyes shut with frustration. “I know why you couldn’t stay. You… needed to find yourself, or something like that. I don’t resent you for leaving,” she admitted. “But I resent that I was collateral damage in the process. That you were so wrapped up in yourself that you didn’t stop to think that maybe leaving England didn’t have to mean cutting me out of your life.” She sighed again, a rasping rattling breath. “There were times when I needed you, too,” Drew added quietly.</p><p>At this, Beatrice’s face fell.</p><p>Drew scoffed. “Don’t look so surprised. You think it was easy being the kid who was left behind? Who do you think Mum and Dad took everything out on after you left?”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” were the only words Beatrice was able to find. They did not feel enough<em> . </em></p><p>Drew sighed, and for the first time Beatrice really saw the three years she had missed in her sister’s features. It made her heart ache.</p><p>“It’s not your fault; you are not responsible for their behaviour,” Drew said, sounding surprisingly reasonable. “But, tell me something, Beatrice.” Drew took several steps back towards her sister but did not sit back down. “You say Ava came to possess the Halo because its previous bearer, your friend Shannon, was killed on mission. I can’t help but also notice that Camila and Mary are also both young. Why do you only speak of <em> sister warriors </em> , as you call them, who are all about your age? It’s because you all die on mission, isn’t it?” Drew paused momentarily, her bottom lip quivering as her words grew sharper. “Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me there isn’t a steady influx of new blood to replace what is spilt and never seems to stop. Tell me you didn’t choose a life where you put yourself in danger day in day out and couldn’t be bothered to keep in touch? You could have been <em> killed </em> before you ever spoke to me again. What kind of sister does that?”</p><p>Beatrice tried to find the words, but found herself too stunned by the harsh reality of what her sister was saying.</p><p>“Tell me I’m wrong. See?” Drew threw up her hands in defeat and reached down to snatch her fleece. “You can’t.” By now, tears pooled in her eyes and threatened to spill over, a dam pushed to breaking point and ready to burst. But as Drew became more animated in her anger, Beatrice retreated into herself.</p><p>“I never asked you to be perfect, Bea. I never wanted you to be. All I wanted was for you to be my sister. To still be in my life. But I guess you made that decision for me. I stopped chasing you eventually and mourned while you were chasing demons. You know, people stopped asking about you eventually. When everyone at my new school assumed that I was an only child, and I didn’t correct them. I got on with my life. What else was I meant to do? So, you know what <em> Sister </em>Beatrice? Fuck you.”</p><p>Drew stormed out of the room, turned the corner sharply and did not look back. As she did so, she narrowly missed colliding with Mara in the corridor. The older woman stepped out of the way at the last moment, noting that the ArqTech employee was not paying attention to her surroundings. Drew gave a stumbling apology when she noticed Mara, cane in hand, but the colour drained from her features when she looked the former nun in the eye. There was a recognition there, as if the young girl had seen a ghost. Before Mara could wonder what on earth that was about, Drew had hurried off, and she stepped into the room containing the Arc. There she found Beatrice still as a statue, her form so fragile it might crumble with the faintest breath of wind.</p><p>“Come,” Mara beckoned, causing Beatrice to look up at her with red eyes. “Let’s see if Camila can’t brew us some of her sweet nettle tea.”</p><p>Mara took Beatrice to the kitchen and sat her down with a fresh steaming mug of Camila’s trademark brew. Camila and Mary tried to determine what had happened, but Mara ushered them out with a polite request to leave them alone for a time.</p><p>“Who was that?” Mara asked calmly.</p><p>“My sister.”</p><p>Mara didn’t let her features betray her thoughts, but considered this new information carefully. It was not uncommon for her warriors to rarely speak of their families, but Beatrice had always been more private than most on the matter. She had respected this and not pushed further, having tainted family relations of her own, but found herself surprised nonetheless.</p><p>“Would I be correct in assuming that you two don’t get along?” Mara ventured.</p><p>“That would be a reasonable assumption under the present circumstances.”</p><p>“The shouting is a new development, then?”</p><p>“It’s complicated,” Beatrice answered, growing defensive.</p><p>“Is it?” Mara questioned.</p><p>Beatrice stared glumly into her mug, fingers interlocked around it. “Whatever it is you want to say,” she began, only to be cut off.</p><p>“Let me give you the advice I wish I had been given when I was in your position,” Mara surprised her by saying. Beatrice met her eyes and stayed quiet, allowing her to continue. “I devoted my life to the Order, until it encompassed every fibre of my being. I left my family behind, made some choices and said things that I’m not proud of. By the time I realised the hurt my selfishness had caused, it was too late to make amends. Not everyone gets the chance to rekindle with loved ones they have lost. It does not do to dwell on our love for God and forget about those who love us in this life. You care deeply for your sister. You love her, that is plain for anyone to see, or you wouldn’t be so upset. Sometimes the ones we hurt the most are the ones we love the most. We’re human. We make mistakes, and fate isn’t always kind. But, you and her have been brought back together for a reason. Maybe it’s His will, maybe it’s not, but don’t let that run away from you. Don’t wilfully live with the regrets I do. They are a heavy burden to bear.”</p><p>As Beatrice sat there listening to the former Mother Superion’s candour, and the heartache evident in her voice, the cold aura about her fell away. It was as if Beatrice was seeing her in a new light, almost seeing her for the first time. There was something in the way that she spoke, something about the soft but sorrowful look in her eyes that reminded Beatrice of a conversation she’d had with someone else three years ago.</p><p>
  <em> It was living without my sister that hurt the most. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Would you ever reach out to her again? </em>
</p><p>
  <em> When the time is right. </em>
</p><p>Beatrice chose her next words carefully, not wishing to pry on information that the older woman may not be ready to share. “Mara, who are you really?”</p><p>The older woman sighed, but did not break Beatrice’s gaze. “I have a feeling you already know. Go and talk to your sister, Beatrice. Don’t make the same mistake I did.”</p><p>To her credit, and despite the twisting anxiety in her stomach, Beatrice did try and find Drew again after that conversation. She looked high and low, searched as much of ArqTech as she dared and even asked Jillian for her help to track down one of her interns. As for explaining that they were sisters, that was a strained conversation. Yet, it was in vain. When they were children, Drew had been alarmingly good at hide and seek. Beatrice knew better than to keep searching when it was evident that her sister did not want to be found.</p><p>However, Drew had not left ArqTech. Somehow, she felt compelled to stay, wedging herself into an uncomfortable compromise between being too close to her sister and too far away. She found herself returning to the room that held the Arc, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the vast machine and twirling a pen absentmindedly through her fingers. Only after the sun had long since set and the room was half-basked in shadow did she realise that staring through the Arc’s empty centre was fruitless. Her anger had been quelled, yes, but she could still see no way forward. No idea how to approach Beatrice again, though walking away would feel worse. No idea what to make of the dangerous new world she and Ava had been flung into, no idea what she could do about getting Ava back. She was not Beatrice. She could not fight, was not a warrior. She was an IT intern. A bloody good one mind, but if Drew had learned anything that day it was how she and her sister lived in very different incompatible worlds.</p><p>That was until she stumbled across the room with its door slightly ajar. Drawings adorned the back wall, and after turning on the light she realised that she was looking at the designs for the Arc in their infancy. Some designs were merely more than scribbled shapes, marking out the shape of the Arc itself, whereas others were complex mathematical equations drawn in crayon. Then, there was what looked like computer code, of all things, written in the lopsided hand of a child. It was only upon studying the code up close that she noticed something amiss. Something that didn’t fit in, something that would not have stood out as odd unless you knew about the founding of the OCS, which Beatrice had explained before Drew had shouted at her.</p><p>
  <em> Areala. </em>
</p><p>Suddenly, Jillian appeared in the doorway, caught unawares by the young intern’s presence at such an ungodly hour.</p><p>“Drew!” she yelped, before her gaze turned hard. “What on earth are you doing here? You’re not permitted to be in here.”</p><p>Drew bent down to the floor to pick up the notebook and pen she had dropped when Jillian startled her. “I’m sorry,” she fumbled over an apology. “It’s just…” she trailed off, looking down at her notes and then to the wall.</p><p>Jillian’s eyes narrowed. “What is it?” she demanded.</p><p>“Dr Salvius, I think I’ve found something. Something that might help us find Ava and Lilith. Something that might lead us to Michael.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Phew. Sorry about that emotional whiplash! </p><p>Thank you as always for reading, and to everyone who has left kudos and continues to leave comments. I cherish each and every one! I'm really interested to hear what you think about the twists in this chapter. Things are beginning to heat up again!</p><p>Until next Sungay, take care of yourselves.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>.</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thanks to Drew's help, there is a shocking revelation about Ava and Lilith's whereabouts.</p><p>The song for this chapter is Astronomical by SVRCINA. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a>.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The following morning, Jillian summoned Beatrice, Mary and Camila to her office. Mother Superion, whom they had come to know by her given name now (although Beatrice had kept the revelation of the woman’s connection to Ava to herself), meanwhile was attending to what she described </span>
  <em>
    <span>urgent matters</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For someone who appeared vocally anti-religion, there was a surprising amount of religious imagery adorning the office space. On the wall hung a collection of four photographic prints of an angelic statue and a ceramic depiction of Jesus stood on one of the coffee tables.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jillian wasted no time the second they stepped across the threshold into her office. “Good, you’re here,” she said, springing from her chair. She was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, dark rings weighing down her eyelids. She clearly had not left ArqTech, in fact they were beginning to wonder if she ever did, but despite the visible signs of no sleep something energised her. The sisters had seen through fractures of Jillian’s collective demeanour since they had returned, but now her movements were frantic and all attempts to maintain a calm aura had clearly been thrown out of the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s this about?” Camila asked, her voice still heavy with the remnants of sleep. Next to her, Mary stifled a yawn. None of them were sleeping well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jillian’s eyes brightened. “We’ve found something,” she replied mysteriously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice’s eyes narrowed slightly in confusion. “Who is </span>
  <em>
    <span>we</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your sister,” Jillian answered without skipping a beat. “It seems she has quite a brilliant mind.” She moved towards the door that led to the room that held the Arc and beckoned them to follow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The three of them exchanged curious glances, shortly after which Mary and Camila appeared to reach the conclusion that this development was not the craziest thing that had happened to them of late. They moved into the next room hastily, with no time for Beatrice to collect herself before facing her sister again. Under any circumstances Beatrice would not have known what to expect from this encounter, even less so with the knowledge that Drew appeared to be helping </span>
  <em>
    <span>her. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Helping all of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They found Drew perched on a chair surrounded by several haphazardly arranged computer monitors, facing the Arc. Pushed against the nearby wall was a glass whiteboard on wheels, every conceivable space filled with equations and goodness knows what else. Mary pulled a face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Jillian announced their presence, Drew jolted and spun around on her chair to face them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” Drew said nervously, getting to her feet. “Allow me to introduce myself properly this time. I’m Drew.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary and Camila replied politely, introducing themselves. A tentative silence followed, which Mary was the first to break, growing impatient. She gestured to the surrounding chaos. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now we’ve got the pleasantries out of the way, do you want to explain to use what all of </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span> is?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew leapt at the opportunity to avoid addressing the elephant in the room between herself and Beatrice.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. From what we know, and what Jillian has explained to me about Michael’s behaviour following his treatment with Divinium, it seems plausible that Adriel used his connection with the metal to communicate with Michael. The construction of the Arc was almost solely based on Michael’s drawings and calculations. Therefore, the Arc is exactly what Adriel intended it to be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn right,” Mary agreed. “A portal to God knows where.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly. But…” Drew trailed off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But?” Camila prompted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jillian explained to me what you overheard from your backstabbing priest and Adriel. He seeks to return to his realm, yes, but he also wants the Halo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you getting at?” Beatrice asked, breaking her silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I found code hidden in Michael’s drawings. It was a particular word that caught my attention. Areala.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once again, the former sister warriors glanced at one another, stunned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The name of the first Warrior Nun just happened to crop up in Michael’s drawings? That’s not a coincidence,” Camila reasoned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew nodded. “Exactly. I recognised the word from the crash course of the history of the OCS Beatrice gave me the other day, whilst she was explaining what she’s been doing for three years.” She paused and a tense silence followed before Drew dismissed that train of thought. She shook her head. “Anyway. The word </span>
  <em>
    <span>Areala </span>
  </em>
  <span>led me to specific sequences of the Arc’s core programming. Part of the programming that is currently switched </span>
  <em>
    <span>off.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve lost me,” Mary admitted. “What’s your point?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If my understanding of what I’ve seen is correct, the Arc doesn’t just function as a portal. It’s a scanner,” Drew explained. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For what?” Beatrice asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Otherworldly energy signatures. Specifically, the Halo. I ran some preliminary tests, models, if you will, of how the Arc’s software would respond to different known energy signatures. No luck. But, then I ran the signatures that Jillian recorded from when she tested the Halo’s energy output last week.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice’s eyes narrowed, meeting Jillian’s gaze. “When you quote </span>
  <em>
    <span>lit her up like a Christmas tree</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew pointed to Beatrice knowingly. “Yes, exactly that,” she confirmed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what did your model show?” Camila encouraged.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It worked,” Drew replied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what’s the issue?” Mary asked, confused. “It if worked then why haven’t you told us where Lilith and Ava are?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Slight problem.” Drew beckoned them closer to her largest monitor screen. “We need a final password.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary groaned. “Are you kidding me? Adriel has his tech password protected? Did you know about this?” She directed the question to Jillian, who sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Jillian replied. “I had no idea.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, passwords are easier enough to crack,” Camila pointed out, the prospect of the challenge exciting her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Under normal circumstances, you’d be right,” Drew agreed. “But, there’s a built-in fail safe. A self-destruct, basically. Presumably embedded in the code to prevent anyone like us using the Arc to our own ends. Entering in the wrong password would blow the entire system and then we’d be stuck with no scanner </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>no potential to open a portal.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you say </span>
  <em>
    <span>blow, </span>
  </em>
  <span>what do you mean exactly?” Beatrice asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew bit her lower lip. “At best, the whole system will fry and the Arc will be rendered useless. At worst, the whole thing could literally blow up. I don’t know much about the explosive properties of Divinium.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary became visibly uncomfortable. “We do. It’s not something to play around with.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew nodded glumly. “I figured as much.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary sighed. “So, we have one shot at guessing what Adriel’s birthday is?” </span>
</p><p><span>Drew shook her head. “I don’t think it’s a number. Look.” They all leaned in to inspect the screen. Two underscores, followed by a space, and then seven underscores. “See the space? I think that indicates two </span><em><span>words. </span></em><span>The</span> <span>first word with two letters and the second with seven.”</span></p><p>
  <span>“Does anyone have any bright ideas?” Mary asked. Camila and Beatrice shook their heads. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We should talk to Mother Supe– </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mara </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Kristian, see if they have any ideas,” Camila suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good idea,” Beatrice answered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wish we still had access to the library at Cat’s Cradle,” Camila sighed. “I miss it,” she added quietly. The prang of homesickness that followed struck a chord for Mary and Beatrice too. Meanwhile, Drew yawned loudly, her eyes watering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you sleep at all?” Beatrice wondered, her older sister instincts kicking in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope. I’ve been staring at this for the last…” Drew checked her watch. “Five hours? Seven?” She blinked hard, before turning to Jillian “I don’t suppose you’d give me permission not to return to the IT department today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At this point, Drew, consider yourself removed from your intern duties entirely,” Jillian answered. “You’re part of this team now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew grinned. “Does that mean I get a pay rise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure we can come to an agreement in due course. Go and get some rest.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should follow your own advice,” Drew said pointedly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jillian blinked several times. “You’re probably right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We can keep an eye on things here,” Mary reassured them. “We’ll wake you if anything happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew didn’t need telling twice, not when the promise of sleep beckoned. “Sounds good to me. Just, don’t touch anything. I mean it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary mock saluted. “Message received and understood.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the three of them were alone again, Mary met Camila’s gaze and they appeared to have a silent conversation. After they seemingly reached an agreement, Mary turned to Beatrice. “Do you want to talk to us about what happened between you two?” she asked softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t mean to pry, Bea,” Camila added. “And we will respect you if you don’t want to talk about it. But, this whole situation is already a minefield of unknowns.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We just want you to know that if you want to talk to us you can,” Mary said. “We all need to be there for each other if we’re going to get through this and find the others.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice sighed and stared at her feet. She was quiet for a few moments, and soon came to the realisation that her own pride was holding her back. She had perfected herself with the OCS, was never short of exemplary in everything she set her mind to. She was a skilled fighter, a brilliant strategist, firm but fair. Now, the prospect of admitting to her fellow sister warriors that she was far from perfect felt like an ugly confession. Logically, Beatrice knew that this thought was deeply flawed; her chosen family did not demand perfection from her the same way her parents had and would never unfairly judge her for things she could not change. Yet still she found herself unable to meet their eyes as she broke her silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The truth is that I was a terrible sister.”</span>
</p><p><span>It took some time, but soon Beatrice had explained to Mary and Camila everything that had happened, sparing no details. None of the things Beatrice feared might happen did. They did not look at her any differently or say anything overly harsh. Instead, they listened and took the information for what it was; the truth, and nothing more. At the very least it did explain why Drew had been so angry, though they did find themselves somewhat surprised at how reasonable she had been since. Both Camila and Mary hoped that the tension would not bubble up again in a way that would jeopardise their mission, for it was becoming abundantly clear just how much they would be needing Drew. Jillian may have been the one to build the Arc, but it was Drew who had made more progress</span> <span>in a matter of hours than any of them had in days.</span></p><p>
  <span>Later, Mara reappeared and was filled in by the younger women. In turn, she told them of the intel she had gathered. It seemed that the various factions of the Order spread out across the globe were in disarray. Some demanded for their unconditional surrender whilst others even dared to vocally condemn the Pope’s manhunt, arguing that insufficient time and resources were being put into finding the Halo-Bearer. After all, Ava’s abilities were essential to coordinate efforts to defend their worlds from demons, and the OCS had already gone too long without their Warrior Nun. They could only fight enemies they could not see for so long. Yet, reports of demon activity had plummeted to unprecedently low levels, to the extent that things were eerily quiet. If anything, given that Adriel had vanished with Ava and Lilith, this was putting all charters on edge more so than if activities had remained the same or worsened, regardless of their allegiance to the new Pope. It felt all too like demons were building up to something, that Adriel was planning an onslaught from the shadows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Meanwhile, Mara also had deep concerns about the Vatican realising where they were hiding. With their faces and names now plastered across every international news channel, they had been smuggled into ArqTech with the greatest caution. In more ways than one, they were lucky that it had been Drew who stumbled across them in the Arc room and not another employee who likely would have ratted them all out to the authorities. Not only that, but Mara reminded them that the man who would have mostly likely pieced together their whereabouts was in the clutches of the Vatican. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We cannot trust Vincent to keep our arrangement with Jillian a secret. I fear it is only a matter of time before Duretti either extracts that information from him or puts it together himself,” Mara explained.    </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mary gritted her teeth. “We should have killed him when we had the chance,” she spat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We couldn’t have known this was going to happen,” Camila reminded her. Despite the truth in her words this didn’t make any of them feel better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whilst Mara, Mary and Camila continued to discuss their options, Beatrice’s mind wondered. She found herself staring at Drew’s monitor again, those two and then seven blank spaces taunting her. Time was not on their side. They either needed to figure out if the Arc worked in the way Drew speculated it would or come up with another plan. And fast.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if on cue, Drew and Jillian soon reappeared looking marginally more rested than they had a few hours before, although that was not saying much. As Drew sipped coffee from a large mug, holding it with both hands, Mara passed on what she had gathered to the pair of them. She </span>
  <span>emphasised the precarious situation that Vincent being held in the Vatican put them in, and even considered the possibility of an open assault on ArqTech jeopardising the safety of all Jillian’s staff. There was no telling how far Duretti would go to silence them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It still seems so bizarre,” Jillian said. “When the priest approached me with a deal to hand over the shield if I backed off Ava, he seemed so reasonable.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He fooled all of us,” Camila replied. “Even the Pope.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait,” Drew suddenly said, putting her mug on the table. “This priest who betrayed you. Do you think he would know the password?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The others considered this. “It’s not impossible,” Mara reasoned, regarding Drew steadily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not seriously suggesting we go back after him, are you?” Mary ventured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew glanced back at the monitor, eyes narrowing in thought. “We may not need to. What was his name again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vincent,” Mary replied venomously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Vincent,” Drew pondered, before meeting her sister’s gaze. Something clicked then, their train of thought reaching the same destination. </span>
</p><p><span>“Derived from the Latin </span><em><span>vincere…</span></em><span>” Beatrice</span> <span>said. </span></p><p>
  <span>“Meaning </span>
  <em>
    <span>to conquer</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Drew finished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two words,” Jillian echoed. “First with two letters, the second with seven. But, it can’t be that simple, can it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe that’s exactly the point,” Camila wondered aloud, eyes brightening at the possibility. “To be able to operate the portal, or activate this scanning component you believe it has, you would have to know that Vincent was conspiring with Adriel. The chances of having that information </span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>having access to the Arc would be slim by all other accounts.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew turned to Jillian. “What do you think?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jillian sighed heavily. “I think it’s the best shot we have at figuring out where your people, my son and this monster are. With your reports, Mara, I fear that we are running out of time.” The scientist regarded each of them in turn. “If any of you have any objections or brighter ideas, now is the time to make them known.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nobody said anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the interest of caution, Jillian and Drew took additional time to establish a remote connection to the computer. That way, Drew could enter what they all hoped was the password at a safe distance. Mara suggested staging a fire drill to get as many people out of the building as possible, in the event that it went wrong. When they were certain that the majority of ArqTech’s employees were safely out of harm’s way, they had a short window of time before the test would be over. Jillian ushered them all into the safety of her office, putting a heavy-duty door between them and the Arc. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew’s hand hovered over the tablet that was remotely connected to the computer in the other room. She breathed out heavily before shrugging. “Here goes nothing.” Carefully, she typed those nine letters that might just seal their fates. Instinctively, Beatrice muttered </span>
  <em>
    <span>in this life or the next </span>
  </em>
  <span>under her breath. Camila crossed herself. Mary appeared to brace herself to run. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing happened. At least, nothing exploded and that was something in of itself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew exhaled and looked down at the tablet. “Oh wow. I think it actually worked.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really don’t like the surprise in your voice,” Mary muttered, before noting the look of confusion on the young girl’s face. “What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew shook her head in disbelief. “That’s impossible,” she exclaimed, before hurriedly telling Jillian to open the door. She rushed to the computer and practically threw herself into the chair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were all met with an unnerving sight. It seemed that Drew had been right in her belief that the Arc could also detect otherworldly energy signatures. The screen lit up like a Christmas tree, red dots scattered across a vast expanse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are those…” Camila trailed off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Demons?” Mara finished. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew nodded, before zooming in. With the Arc appearing as a concentrated beacon of energy, she was able to pinpoint their location on this new complicated map with ease. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think the demon energy that is being picked up by the Arc is </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Drew said. “If they were, we’d be completely surrounded. Look.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean not </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Beatrice asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hold on…” Drew punched some buttons, separating out two different layers on the screen and presenting them side by side. One landscape appeared barren, all except for the signature of the Arc. The other, meanwhile, was an entirely different story. “Oh, my God.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Jillian demanded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were right. There’s another realm </span>
  <em>
    <span>right </span>
  </em>
  <span>next to us. On </span>
  <em>
    <span>top </span>
  </em>
  <span>of us.” A few more buttons were pressed. “That! There, do you see?” Drew pointed to the screen; a yellow dot distinguished from the rest. “That must be Ava. The energy signature is unique.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beatrice regarded the screen in dismay; Ava’s unmoving yellow dot in a sea of red. “Surrounded by demons.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Drew brought her hands to her mouth in shock. Camila crossed herself again. Mary stood there frozen, wide-eyed and dumbfounded. Beatrice felt like her knees were about to give out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jillian,” Drew said quietly. “You didn’t build a portal to heaven. You found Hell.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Dun dun duuuun!</p><p>As always, thank you so much for reading! Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments, reading them honestly makes my day every time. Let me know if you spot any mistakes. YUntil next Sungay, happy Valentine's/Galentine's/Palentine's to you and stay safe!</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>.</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ava wakes up.</p><p>The song for this chapter is It's A Long Way Down by Katie Garfield. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a>.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ava slipped in and out of consciousness in fits and bursts, though never fully came to. It was like she was floating precariously on the edge of consciousness, only to be dragged back under before she could try and make any sense of what had happened and her surroundings. She lost count of the number of times this cycle seemed to repeat itself, hearing only a high-pitched ringing and her own breath rattling her lungs. But there was more… voices hovering over her, oddly reminiscent of when she first woke up in Cat’s Cradle. </p><p>“You know as well as I do that she needs time, Lilith. The first trip is always the worst.”</p><p>
  <em> Lilith?  </em>
</p><p>“I know. But what if she doesn’t wake up? I don’t think I can face returning without her.”</p><p>“You won’t have to,” the other voice reassured. Their voice was difficult to place. It was unfamiliar to Ava, that much was clear, but there was an otherworldly richness to it, the kind with the strength to command armies and whisper soft words in the same breath, that she had never encountered before.</p><p>“So, we just sit and wait?”</p><p>“Yes. You know where to find me if anything changes.”</p><p>With that, footsteps faded into the distance, and Lilith began pacing up and down in front of Ava’s bed. It took some time for Ava to build up the strength to speak, let alone open her eyes.</p><p>“If you keep pacing, you’re going to wear a hole in the ground,” Ava eventually said, though she hardly sounded like herself; groggy and weak. Lilith darted to Ava’s side, sitting on the edge of the bed carefully. Ava groaned, slowly pushing herself up to a seated position. The room she found herself in was sparsely decorated; little more than the single bed she lay in and a chair beside it. There were no windows and the walls were bare, giving Ava no inkling of where she was.</p><p>“Why do I feel like my organs have been squeezed through a very small gap and rearranged backwards?”</p><p>“The crossing will do that to you,” Lilith replied solemnly. Free of blood splatters, dust and her habit, Lilith looked vastly different to when Ava last saw her. The grey hair was still a shock, one that would take some getting used to, but she looked remarkably well.</p><p>“Seriously, Lilith, what the hell is that meant to mean? Where are we?”</p><p>Lilith chuckled, a rare sight indeed. “Funnily enough, <em> hell </em>is pretty accurate.”</p><p>“Meaning?”</p><p>“Welcome to the Underworld, Ava.”</p><p>“What the fuck?” This time, Lilith did not scold her language. “How is that possible? How on earth did we get here?”</p><p>“It was you.”</p><p>“Me?” Ava exclaimed incredulously. “What do you mean <em> me </em>? I didn’t do anything!”</p><p>“Ava, will you be quiet and let me explain?”</p><p>Ava clamped her mouth shut and nodded.</p><p>“You went after Adriel at the Vatican. Your rage unlocked something elemental in the Halo, something no Warrior Nun has ever done. You exorcised all of the possessed…”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Ava asked in disbelief. She barely knew how to fight, let alone use the full extent of her abilities. </p><p>“Yes, I’m certain. I was there.”</p><p>“Right. Carry on.”</p><p>“But you did more than that. You ripped a portal in the fabric between the realms, allowing me to bring you here.”</p><p>“Hold up, you brought us here on purpose?” Ava threw back the covers and leapt out of bed, causing Lilith to leap up in alarm and take several steps backwards. “Why the fuck would you do that?”</p><p>“Ava, it’s not what you think-”</p><p>“Isn’t it? Because right now it looks like you’ve changed sides. If you’ve betrayed us as well at least have the balls to tell me the truth to my face.” </p><p>Ava took a fighting stance and balled her fists. The Divinium sword was nowhere to be seen, but there was something about that place… it made her feel strong. She could feel the power radiating from the Halo in a way that she never could before, making her nerves sing. She was suddenly confident that she could take down Lilith if she needed to. </p><p>As it happened, that did not come to pass. To Ava’s right a door flung open, and someone impossibly tall stepped into the chamber. They spoke before Ava could process who, or what, she was looking at.</p><p>They threw their hands up in alarm, casting Lilith a concerned look. “Woah, woah. Underworld Orientation is <em> not </em>going well then?”</p><p>“As always you have appalling timing,” Lilith snapped back. “A little help?”</p><p>They took another step into the chamber lowering both their arms but keeping one hand slightly aloft, gesturing to Ava. They wore a deep purple velvet sherwani reaching their knees, the material so dark that it was almost black and iridescent under the orange glow of the chamber. Gold embroidery swirled across their chest, shoulders and upper arms. Between their clothing, tall stature, and commanding presence it was clear that this was not someone to be messed with. At first, between the bronze skin, chiselled cheekbones and breathtakingly symmetrical features, Ava almost mistook them for a human. But, when she registered their eyes, ethereal gold with cat-like pupils, and a pair of vast black feathered wings protruding from their back, she took a step backwards.</p><p>“Ava,” they said. “I’m more relieved than you know to see you awake.”</p><p>“You have wings,” Ava blurted out. </p><p>Their wings fluttered gently, a barely noticeable movement in the same way a human might shuffle their stance whilst talking. “A keen observation.”</p><p>
  <em> Shit. That was out loud.  </em>
</p><p>“Who the hell are you?” Ava hissed through gritted teeth, pulling herself back together and still keeping an eye on Lilith.</p><p>They chuckled. “I’ve had many names,” they replied. “But the one you would probably know me best by is Lucifer.”</p><p>Ava faltered. “Lucifer,” she repeated. “<em> The </em> Lucifer?”</p><p>Lucifer pulled a face. “Is there another? I am not one to pray, but I would pray for any soul with the misfortune to have me as their namesake.”</p><p>Ava’s head spun. “Well, at least you answered the question.”</p><p>Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “I suspect you have many.”</p><p>“I was in the middle of trying to explain –” Lilith protested, before being cut off. </p><p>“Perhaps we should try a different approach,” Lucifer suggested. “You must be hungry, Ava. Perhaps Lilith and I can explain over sustenance. How do you feel about breakfast food? We have a surprisingly good line of pancakes and waffles here.”</p><p>As if on cue, Ava’s stomach growled. </p><p>Ava eyed Lucifer with caution. “Isn’t there a myth about getting caught in the Underworld if you consume its fruits?”</p><p>Lucifer huffed. “Hades and those bloody pomegranates,” they grumbled. “I’ve never quite been able to rebuild our cuisine’s reputation after that, even after all these years.” </p><p>As seemed to be becoming a frequent occurrence, it took a second for Ava to understand the implication of those words, despite the casual manner with which they were delivered. “Wait. Are you telling me the gods are real, too?”</p><p>“Real is a matter of belief,” Lucifer explained as they opened the door and invited Ava out of the chamber. “If it is believed in, then it is real by default. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Do you prefer crêpes or American-style pancakes?”</p><p>Ava was still wary of the situation, but between the growing pang of hunger in her stomach and Lilith’s small reassuring smile she decided to put aside caution for a moment. After all, if she later concluded that Lilith and Lucifer could not be trusted, at least she could fight her way out with a full stomach.</p><p>The three of them weaved between sandstone-like walls that reminded her of Cat’s Cradle, with Lucifer walking a little way ahead and Lilith walking beside Ava. </p><p>The banquet hall had the grandeur one would equate with the exquisite halls of Versailles, were the palace to have a gothic make-over in black marble. It was overwhelming to the eye. The walls stretched high above their heads, curving into ceiling adorned with ornate paintings that Ava could not quite make the details out of at first. Towering columns flanked either side of the hall, which in turn framed windows looking out into the Underworld. Ava had been tempted to crane her neck to peek outside before she spotted the spread of food laid out on a long wooden table in the centre of the room, with three seats prepared for them. The sight made her mouth water; for the sheer volume of food was nothing short of a feast.  </p><p>Despite the protests from her stomach, Ava waited for Lilith to start eating before she even touched the food on her own plate. Lilith raised an eyebrow, and once she was content that she was not about to be poisoned, Ava tucked in, scarcely stopping to breathe between mouthfuls. Lucifer had not been wrong in that regard. Frankly, she could have eaten everything laid before her to herself, and then some. </p><p>Lucifer and Lilith sat in an uncomfortable silence for a time whilst they waited for Ava’s initial hunger to be sated. She had a mouthful of croissant when she asked for more to drink, only to have a Tarask, who wore a small apron around its waist, step forward to refill her goblet. Across the table, Lilith did not seem fazed. Ava considered for a moment if she was dreaming, but came to the conclusion that even her wild imagination would not have conjured up something so ridiculous.</p><p>The Tarask looked down at Ava and grunted. Ava blinked several times, and after a few beats of confused silence, Lucifer leaned forward. “Oh, of course you don’t speak their language. Apologies. Niko is asking if there is anything else you’d like.”</p><p>“Um, no thank you,” Ava replied, offering a small but still somewhat alarmed smile to the greater demon, who appeared to nod once before stepping away again. “So, care to explain to me what’s going on?”</p><p>Lucifer inhaled deeply, taking the time to choose their next words carefully. “You may have guessed by now that one cannot simply describe the Halo as a heavenly object. At least, not in the sense that your people believed it to be.” </p><p>Slowly, Ava began to connect the dots, her eyes widening in realisation. </p><p>“The Halo was mine,” Lucifer continued. “The only part of the heavens I maintained possession of after I… fell.”</p><p>“The Halo of a fallen angel,” Ava whispered. <em> That certainly complicates things </em>, she thought.</p><p>“Exactly so. In the Underworld, the Halo still had power, but it grew to become power of a different kind as I too changed. I became the Underworld’s monarch as God always intended me to be, it turns out. Bound to rule over the dead and demons alike. There’s a reason why bearing the Halo gifts you the sight and abilities that your fellow sister warriors do not. It is those things one needs to control demonkind. It was only a matter of time before someone tried to take that from me, to dethrone me and seize control of the Underworld.”   </p><p>Ava clenched her jaw. “Adriel,” she said.</p><p>Lucifer nodded. “Adriel was my second in command, but he was never satisfied. He was hungry for war; against the heavens, your kind, it did not matter. </p><p>He could not accept the natural balance of things, that Heaven and Hell, to put it in simple terms, must co-exist. Each needs the other, but Adriel believed that we were the rightful rulers. That <em> he </em>was the rightful ruler of all. He believed that accepting my fate after the Fall was cowardice rather than wisdom. He played the long game for millennia. Watching, waiting for the opportune moment. That moment was in the midst of the first Crusade. The Underworld was suddenly busy and the sheer volume of souls crossing the veil was unparalleled. I couldn’t keep as much of a close eye on him as I had been able to in the past.” Lucifer’s golden eyes darkened, clouds of thunder blocking out the sun. “He ripped the Halo from my back whilst I slept.”</p><p>Ava flinched as those words brought back raw memories from the tomb, when Adriel had tried to do the same thing to her.</p><p>Lucifer regarded her carefully. “He tried to take it from you too, didn’t he?”</p><p>Ava nodded wordlessly.</p><p>“I didn’t know that,” Lilith said, her voice barely a whisper. </p><p>Ava swallowed. “There wasn’t exactly time to fill you in on that detail.”</p><p>Lucifer’s nostrils flared, and for a moment Ava saw a flash of hot rage dance across their eyes. “In light of that, Ava, before I continue, I wish to make something very plain. So there will be no doubt in your mind. I do not intend to take the Halo from you by force, or at all.”</p><p>Ava shuffled uncomfortably. </p><p>“I know you have no reason to trust me at present, I’d consider you a fool if you did. But that is the truth nonetheless. It chose you for a reason.” </p><p>A pause. Ava remained quiet.</p><p>“The Halo always chooses the bearer, Ava. I know that this has not exactly been a comfort to you, but the two of you are one. I know better than to tamper with that. Are you familiar with the concept of the ghost limb?”</p><p>Ava nodded.</p><p>Lucifer shifted in their seat, moving their shoulders. “I can still feel it sometimes. More so now you are close.”</p><p>Ava grimaced. “That’s not comforting.”</p><p>“It isn’t exactly a pleasant sensation for me either, but one I’ve grown accustomed to. The Halo has autonomy and is sentient, to an extent. I can feel what it feels. It has no intention of leaving you, and I respect that.”</p><p>Lilith gestured for Lucifer to continue with the story.</p><p>“Anyway. I nearly caught him, but Adriel escaped to your realm. Hid the Halo in the body of a non-consenting warrior.”</p><p>“Areala,” Ava filled in, though she did not elaborate further. Instead she found herself momentarily lost in the first Warrior Nun’s memories, reliving the searing agony she experienced in that moment as the divine metal made contact with mortal flesh for the first time.</p><p>“Your kind had already displayed a propensity for cruelty and evil before Adriel breached the veil, bringing with him a hoard of wraith demons when he escaped. Wraith demons thrive on barbarity, it allows them to breed. So as humans built civilisations and tore them down, breed they did. That is why the need for the OCS arose in first place. He created the problem they sought to solve, perpetuated it, all the while masquerading as an angel. Areala was smart, though. She never quite believed him, never quite trusted him. Just as she started to put the pieces together, he had her killed, and the next-in-line was none the wiser. She found her way here.”</p><p>“Areala ended up in Hell? That’s a bum deal,” Ava observed.</p><p>“No. All souls come to the Underworld, Ava. This isn’t just a place of punishment.”</p><p>“So, she went to Heaven?”</p><p>“Not quite. Areala was stuck on the banks of the Styx for quite some time, unable to make peace with the world she’d left behind. During that time, she came to see the aftermath of the Halo’s absence here. She already knew that the Halo didn’t belong in her world, that it was a burden to those who bear it. Eventually she realised that her and I ultimately had the same goal, so she stayed.</p><p>Areala used her connection to the Halo and future Bearers to warn them of Adriel’s true nature, but the moment they understood too much he would have them silenced. It wasn’t until several incarnations of the Warrior Nun later that Adriel was finally imprisoned under what would become Vatican City. The Halo-Bearer tricked him, and sought to keep him in a place only she could reach until she could harness enough power to bring him here, as you did. But even with Adriel contained, the Halo-Bearer faced adversary from within the Church. No one was safe from Adriel’s influence. They did not question his lineage. They wanted power, and he could grant it. He promised to keep demons rooted to their realm as long as they disposed of the odd Warrior Nun here and there to keep their secret.</p><p>But they feared him in equal measure. They concluded that by keeping him locked away people would still turn to the Church in the wake of demonic influence, but the Church, in turn, would also be safe from him. In time it became a secret, one that was buried under centuries of stone. After that, it was virtually impossible for Areala to reach any of the Warrior Nuns. Without the Halo my control over the Underworld was slipping further and further away. More wraith demons escaped into your realm, the remaining demonkind and souls here grew more and more restless. We had to resort to sending Tarasks across the veil, or sooner face a mutiny that could decimate the Underworld unlike anything that your realm has ever seen.” Lucifer sighed heavily, their countenance genuinely remorseful. “You must understand that the intention was never to kill the Halo-Bearers. The Tarasks’ orders were always to bring the Halo-Bearer here alive to try and reach a compromise. Far more of them died at Adriel’s hand, or his associates, or by your own kind, but… Some of them did perish. In the long line Halo-Bearers there was only one wise enough to truly listen.”</p><p>“Sister Shannon,” Ava realised. </p><p>Lilith’s nostrils flared. “Only Vincent got her killed.”</p><p>“And so, the Halo came to you.”</p><p>The explanation that followed made Ava’s head spin even more so than it was already. As it turned out, being dragged to the Underworld had been part of the plan. Well, one of the plans. </p><p>After returning to the mortal realm Lilith had teleported to the Vatican knowing with absolute certainty that she had to stop the Halo entering Adriel’s tomb. She knew it was linked to her journey to the other side, as she referred to it, but could not remember why. </p><p>“How convenient that your only memories painted me in the worst light possible,” Lucifer grumbled. “You couldn’t possibly remember the part where I saved your life, could you?”</p><p>Lilith shot the fallen angel a glare then. “If you had coordinated the whole thing properly then I wouldn’t have needed saving.”</p><p>“On that we can agree,” Lucifer mused. </p><p>“I’m sorry, could we backtrack a moment? You’re the one who healed Lilith?”</p><p>Lucifer nodded. </p><p>“That’s why I am… what I am now,” Lilith said. Ava wanted to ask further questions, but, for once, held her tongue. Seeing Ava’s restraint, Lilith’s expression softened. “You can ask, you know.”</p><p>“What are you exactly?” Ava asked slowly. </p><p>“We’re not entirely sure. It’s a work in progress,” Lilith answered.</p><p>“Demon magic is not meant for humans,” Lucifer added. “Frankly, I’d almost say that it was a miracle that it worked at all.”</p><p>“I was the only one who had any hope of getting to you on time and in one piece,” Lilith went on to explain. “The Tarasks can only be anchored in our world for brief periods of time, as you know.”</p><p>“And I couldn’t risk leaving the Underworld as unstable as it was on the surface without a monarch. Even my wife, the original Lilith, was busy in the deepest depths of Tartarus trying to quell an uprising there. I didn’t have a choice.”</p><p>“Tartarus?” Ava asked. </p><p>“The Underworld’s maximum-security prison,” Lilith paraphrased. </p><p>“It’s where we deal with the worst of sinners.”</p><p>Ava gulped. She did not want to know what <em> deal with </em> meant, though she could hazard a guess. “But the plan didn’t work. I entered Adriel’s tomb,” Ava said.</p><p>Lucifer sighed. “No, it didn’t. Thankfully, plan B came together.”</p><p>“Was there a plan C?” Ava wondered.</p><p>Lucifer’s eyes darkened. “You don’t want to know.”</p><p>Ava nodded. “Right. So, explain to me how one minute we were fighting Adriel, and the next minute I’m waking up here in the Underworld?”</p><p>As it turned out, Jillian had not been entirely wrong when she thought that the Halo could power the Arc. Lucifer explained that, under the right circumstances, the Halo could stabilise the Higgs field and open temporary portals between the realms. When Ava supernova-ed, the field was stabilised long enough for such a portal to form, but as she and Adriel battled they moved too far away for Lucifer to pull them through. In the middle of all of this, Lilith’s memories had returned to her, and seeing that portal would not stay open forever, ran and pushed the two of them through, stumbling in herself. </p><p>“Is Adriel…” Ava trailed off. She wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence. </p><p>“He is being dealt with,” Lucifer assured her. </p><p>“What does that mean exactly?”</p><p>“He has been judged, and is being punished by means that fit the extent of his crimes. I will spare you the details for want of not putting you off your food.”</p><p>At this Ava swallowed hard. Instead of pushing the matter further, she asked a different and arguably more pressing question. “What happened to the others?”</p><p>“We’re not entirely sure,” Lilith answered. “They’re on the other side.”</p><p>“Do they know we’re here?”</p><p>Lilith shook her head. “It’s unlikely. They’d be as clueless as you were when you woke up.”</p><p>“However,” Lucifer cut in. “I was able to gather some information by… other means.”</p><p>Ava regarded the demon curiously. “Are they safe?”</p><p>Lucifer pursed their lips. “I’m not sure <em> safe </em>is the word I would use, but I know they got away from the Vatican.”</p><p>“How do you know that?”</p><p>Lucifer took a sip from their goblet. “Have you wondered about how Adriel was able to communicate with Vincent, even whilst buried under the Vatican?”</p><p>“There hasn’t really been time to ponder that,” Ava replied. “Besides, I’m not exactly the ideas guy.” <em> Beatrice is </em>, she thought. </p><p>“Vincent’s tattoos were laced with extracts of Tarask bone, Divinium as you call it. Through that Adriel was able to… manipulate him.”</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“Adriel and I are brothers,” Lucifer revealed. “Because of that we possess some shared abilities.”</p><p>“Wait, is Adriel a fallen angel too?”</p><p>Lucifer shook their head. “No, but we’re both children of God. It’s complicated.”</p><p>Ava pulled a face. “You don’t say.”</p><p>“I was able to… access Vincent in a similar way. He was imprisoned in the Vatican, still is as far as I’m aware. When he was questioned, I forced him to confess his betrayal. I had naively hoped that said confession may lighten any punishment of your sisters at the hands of the Pope. Unfortunately, I don’t think that was the case. Later, after possessing Vincent again I overheard his guards talking. That they had got away and escaped the Vatican.”</p><p>Ava grimaced. “That doesn’t sound good.” She met Lilith’s eyes. “We have to get back to them.”</p><p>“We will,” Lilith assured her. </p><p>“I don’t want to keep you here any longer than absolutely necessary,” Lucifer added. “But there are a few things we need to sort first. I will have a better idea of the situation once my… diplomats return. They shouldn’t be too long now.” Lucifer wiped their mouth on a napkin before standing up. “I will leave you to finish your food. Niko will be on hand should you need anything. In the meantime, Ava, please rest. You’re going to need all your strength to make the crossing back home.”</p><p>And with that, Lucifer departed, leaving Ava and Lilith alone once again. Ava turned to Lilith, leaning forward. “What did they mean by diplomats? I don’t like the way they hesitated when saying that.”</p><p>“Some of Lucifer’s right-hand people were sent to Tartarus to make sure that Adriel is… secure.”</p><p>“And receiving five-star treatment, I take it?”</p><p>“You could say that.”</p><p>Ava shuffled in her seat, her leg bouncing under the table. She was getting fidgety, and rest was the last thing on her mind. “I know Lucifer said to rest, but I don’t think I can just lie down in that chamber again. Could you show me around?” Ava ventured. “I’d like to actually know where I am.”</p><p>To Ava’s surprise, Lilith did not protest. “Okay,” she said, standing up. “Follow me.”</p>
<hr/><p>Sometime later, after an extensive tour, Ava sought solitude. Despite the vast expanse of Lucifer's palace, the walls felt constricting and Ava felt overwhelmed, growing ever restless. There were well-tended gardens (though Ava could not fathom how anything grew) and tiled courtyards, but even those open spaces did little to soothe her mind. Before she knew it, Ava found herself climbing a winding stone staircase to the top of the tallest tower of the palace. From there, in the open air but somewhat limited space, Ava took in the world that stretched out below. The Underworld. It stretched out almost infinitely in all directions. The air was never warm enough to be pleasant, nor cold enough to be unpleasant. It just was. A river cut across the terrain before them, its banks lined with the lingering grey forms of the dead. On the opposite river bank there was a path, barely visible, that snaked downwards towards rocky mountains and then disappeared into the cliffs themselves. Beyond that was more of the same; a desert of rust-coloured dust, bare trees dotted here and there, the occasional swamp or small buildings that appeared as mere specks.</p><p>“Ava?” Lilith said from behind her, having reached the top of the stairs. </p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“I thought I’d find you here. Are you okay?”</p><p>Ava shrugged. “As okay as I can be after everything you just told me, I suppose. You?”</p><p>“Much the same. Just glad that you’re okay, physically at least.”</p><p>Ava shuffled her feet. “I never thanked you, you know.”</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>Ava raised her eyebrows. “For saving my life.”</p><p>Lilith smiled. “I should have been at your side from the start. You’re my sister, too.”</p><p>Ava grinned. “Awh, are we finally bonding?”</p><p>Lilith rolled her eyes. “Don’t get too used to it. There was actually another reason I came up here.”</p><p>“Oh, so you weren’t just checking up on me? To think that we were just making some progress after your whole sister declaration.”</p><p>“There is someone else who wanted to speak to you.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>Lilith popped her head around the opening to the staircase, and Ava realised that whoever this person was had been hovering. Lilith gestured for them to come up, and Ava found herself facing someone awfully familiar. </p><p>“Shannon?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading!</p><p>I've been sitting on this chapter for so long and have been itching to share it with you all for months! Hope you enjoyed, and would be interested to hear your thoughts about the various revelations of this chapter. Let me know if you spot any typos.</p><p>Until next Sungay, take care of yourselves and sending good vibes your way as always. </p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>.</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Ava and Shannon talk, and for better or worse some other familiar faces return.</p><p>There are two songs for this chapter. The first is a song for Shannon – The Sleep of Death by Jessica Curry. The other is for the second scene – Man or a Monster by Sam Tinnesz and Zayde Wolf. Alternatively, if you want a more non-lyrical atmospheric feel for the second scene Arce Underworld by Jesper Kyd sets the mood really well. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a>.</p><p>Just a heads up that things do get a little dark and violent in the second scene, but only temporarily.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ava had to blink a few times before she could process what, or rather <em> who </em>she was seeing. She had built a picture of who Shannon was in her mind through the traces she left behind; in the photographs, the bedroom and its unfinished drawings, the stories she’d heard from the others. Then she had seen her, dreamt of her, though Ava now understood that it had been much more than that. The only time she had seen Shannon she had sobbed so hard that she had sunk to her knees, and vapourised in a plume of black ash.</p><p><em> We all meet, eventually. In this life or the next. </em>Ava never considered quite how that might play out. And yet there Shannon was, in the flesh. Standing before her.</p><p>“Hello, Ava.”</p><p>Ava continued to stare, dumbfounded and almost convinced, not for the first time that day, that she was dreaming.</p><p>Lilith reached for Shannon’s arm and squeezed. “I’ll leave you to talk,” she said, before stepping away and retreating down the spiral staircase of the tower.</p><p>“You’re really here,” Ava said, her voice barely above a whisper.</p><p>Shannon nodded. “You’re not dreaming this time, I promise.”</p><p>“Noted.”</p><p>“I’m sorry about that, by the way,” Shannon added. “It must have been unnerving.”</p><p>“It wasn’t the strangest thing that happened,” Ava replied. “Definitely up there though.”</p><p>A silence fell between them, though oddly enough it did not feel uncomfortable. It was the sort that settled between friends, almost an echo of what could have been if fate had taken them down different paths.</p><p>“Sorry,” Ava apologised. “I’m still processing all of this.” She gestured to the world that stretched out below them. “I only woke up this morning,” she explained, before scrunching her brow in thought. “Wait, was it morning? Is time even a thing here?”</p><p>Shannon leaned against the stone wall that separated her and Ava from the tower and the plummeting depth to a courtyard below. “In a sense, yes,” she answered. “Time still exists here, but it passes more slowly. We don’t have day and night.”</p><p>“That must be strange.”</p><p>Shannon nodded. “I’m still getting used to it.”</p><p>Ava hesitated and was met with an understanding look.</p><p>“You have something you wish to ask?”</p><p>Ava regarded her predecessor carefully. She held herself with the assurance of a leader, but not in a way that was boastful. At first glance, she looked so <em> alive </em>, but the somewhat cold hue of her skin and lack of light in her eyes told a different story. Her chestnut brown hair was tied back off of her face, and she was still wearing the battle habit and chainmail she had been when they first met, in the strange realm of dreams. She spoke as softly now as she did then. When Ava noticed the small OCS symbol above her heart, she realised with a start that Shannon was still wearing the clothes she had died in. After all, not much time had passed between then and now, despite all that had happened.</p><p>“How are you here?”</p><p>Shannon tilted her head. “How much has Lucifer told you?”</p><p>“They explained that the Halo was theirs, and how it really came to be…” Ava faltered. “Ours, I suppose. How Areala came to be on Lucifer’s side to try and get the Halo back, and that you were the only Warrior Nun she was able to get through to.”</p><p>“Do you mean to ask then why I am <em> here </em>rather than…” she trailed off, gesturing away from them. “Out there?”</p><p>“I guess so.”</p><p>“After I… died, Lucifer and Areala did not need to try and convince me to stay. I already knew what needed to be done.”</p><p>Ava didn’t miss how Shannon struggled to say a particular word in that sentence. Oddly enough, it was a trauma that they both shared, though Shannon had not been so lucky as to have a second chance. Such was her sacrifice, in a way, so that Ava could. It made the younger woman’s head spin.</p><p>“Stay,” Ava repeated, turning the word over in her mind. “By that you mean, not go forward with whatever usually happens when people arrive here?”</p><p>“That is an apt way of putting it. I could not make peace with leaving my sisters behind with the mess that I did. I knew that it was only a matter of time before Vincent and Adriel went after Lilith as next-in-line and the rest of my family.”</p><p>“What you wrote in the journal. <em> It was a mistake to tell him. </em>You were referring to Vincent after all?”</p><p>Shannon nodded. “Yes. I thought it was my telling him that turned him. But, it turns out he was already beyond saving. When I get my hands on him…” She clenched her fists, her knuckles turning white, before standing upright again. She let out a shaky breath. “Anyway. I didn’t come here to talk to you about all of that.”</p><p>“You didn’t?”</p><p>Shannon shook her head. “No. I came here to thank you.”</p><p>Ava faltered, her eyebrows knitting together. “I don’t understand. What for?”</p><p>“For several things. For listening to me, first and foremost. You understood what I was trying to say when I visited you, and you did not hesitate to act. You succeeded where the rest of us failed. Where <em> I failed. </em>”</p><p>“You didn’t fail,” Ava was quick to counter. “You were the first to listen to Areala. She visited you the same way you did me, right?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“<em> You </em> were the only one of all the Warrior Nuns before you who listened to her. You didn’t fail,” Ava reiterated. “Without you we wouldn’t be standing here. Not like this anyway.” Ava thought back to the Warrior Nun journal, to the countless entries and seemingly never-ending list of names. How short those stories were. The promise left unfulfilled. “I still can’t believe that out of all of them, you were the first. There were so many of them.”</p><p>Shannon sighed heavily, resting her chin on her palm. “I’d disagree. It is wholly believable. We were blinded by our faith, too righteous and wrapped up in the mission to see the bigger picture. I wonder whether the reason you were so quick to believe the truth was because you were already an outsider to the OCS from the beginning - to the Church as a whole. Your judgement was not clouded.”</p><p>“You mean I saw through the bullshit?” Ava offered.</p><p>Shannon chuckled. “You are eloquent. But yes.” She smiled then, softly. “I’m proud of you, Ava. I wouldn’t have wanted to trust anyone else with my family after I was gone.”</p><p>“But you’d never met me properly until now.”</p><p>“I didn’t need to. Your choices spoke for themselves. You didn’t have to go back for the others, didn’t have to help them. But you did.”</p><p>Ava considered this. “I think it was inevitable really,” she said eventually. “Going back to Cat’s Cradle, I mean.”</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“I think I knew subconsciously that I wouldn’t be able to leave them behind. Mary saw that before I was even able to admit it to myself.”</p><p>Shannon smiled then, with that quiet unassuming melancholy of remembering someone who had made you happy, the loss of them still raw. “She always was able to see through people like that. How…” Shannon faltered. The pause said a thousand words. “How is she?”</p><p>“She misses you terribly,” Ava answered honestly. “They all do. They never stopped fighting for you, you know.”</p><p>“Hmm. They always were all too stubborn for their own good.”</p><p>“I never would have made it this far without them. In a way, they’ve become my family too.”</p><p>Shannon paused. “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>Ava smiled. “Sure. That’s what this whole conversation is about, right?”</p><p>“What made you listen to me? After the dream. I wasn’t exactly forthcoming, yet you seemed to understand anyway.”</p><p>“I couldn’t stand by and let any more of them sacrifice their lives for me, get hurt because of me.” Ava sighed heavily, her words smaller after. “Especially when I realised that Beatrice was next-in-line. To think that if <em> I </em>failed that she would be burdened with this too. I couldn’t have done that to any of them, but especially her.”</p><p>Shannon understood almost immediately the implications of Ava’s words, feeling them all too keenly. Yet, she didn’t push, instead leaving a silence that gently encouraged Ava to say what she needed to. Ava hung her head, kicking at the dust. In the Underworld, it seemed to coat every exposed surface.</p><p>“In Adriel’s tomb I almost gave up the Halo to him. Before I realised what he really was. I really thought I could protect them. Protect her. Even if it meant sacrificing myself.”</p><p>“You’d do that for Beatrice?” Shannon asked gently.</p><p>Ava bit her lip. “I still would.”</p><p>“You love her,” Shannon said, an observation rather than a question. Her heart ached for the young Halo-Bearer, she knew this feeling all too well.</p><p>“I’ve loved her for a long time,” Ava admitted. Her eyes widened. “Wow. I’ve never actually said that out loud before.”</p><p>Shannon’s brow furrowed in confusion. “A long time?” she repeated. “How can that be?”</p><p>“Beatrice and I went to school together, long before any of this.”</p><p>“It sounds like there is a bit more to it than that,” Shannon replied.</p><p>“Ha.” Ava rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. “You’re observant.” Shannon, meanwhile, raised a questioning eyebrow. “We, um. We were together. Briefly, that is.”</p><p>Shannon raised her eyebrows. “Oh, I see.”</p><p>“You sound surprised.”</p><p>“A little. Beatrice never really never talked about her past. She always was a little more closed off about that than the rest of us. She never really said how she came to find us. If anything, what she didn’t say said more.”</p><p>“That sounds like Beatrice. She probably just said that she wasn’t falling into line, so her parents sent her away,” Ava mused.</p><p>“Funnily enough, that’s exactly what she said.”</p><p>Ava breathed out heavily through her nose. “Her parents are dicks.”</p><p>Shannon pulled a face. “Somehow this doesn’t surprise me.”</p><p>Suddenly the air rippled beside them and Lilith appeared where she had not been seconds before.</p><p>“You’re never going to use the stairs again are you?” Ava laughed, before taking note of Lilith’s expression. “Wait. What’s wrong?”</p><p>“You both need to come to the throne room,” Lilith said hurriedly. “Now.”</p><p>“Why? What’s going on?” Shannon demanded.</p><p>“There’s no time to explain,” Lilith insisted. Before Shannon or Ava could protest, she grabbed each of them by the arm and teleported them half-way across the palace. When they reached their destination, Ava stumbled and doubled over.</p><p>“Jesus Christ, Lilith,” Ava hissed, her stomach churning. “Warn a girl next time, will you?”</p><p>Shannon gave the Halo-Bearer a sideways look, she too a little worse for wear after the sudden movement. “You may want to be careful about saying that name,” Shannon warned lowly. “They can be a bit tetchy here.”</p><p>Ava straightened up. “Duly noted.” She tried to get a bearing of their surroundings, her head still spinning. “Where are we?” she asked.</p><p>“The throne room,” Lilith hissed in response. “I did tell you that.”</p><p>Ava took in the vast space before her. “I’m not sure you can describe this as a <em> room </em>. This place is huge.”</p><p>If anything, the throne room made the banqueting hall they had eaten in earlier look like a cupboard. The vastness of it made the air colder than it was in the rest of the palace, causing Ava’s skin to erupt in goosebumps. Pale light filtered in through rows of small windows that lined the very tops of the dark marble walls, so far above their heads that they almost appeared as specks. Pairs of chandeliers hung from long chains at even intervals from the ceiling, their bearings and ornate structures fashioned from obsidian. The candles they held burnt with white flames that were harsh on the eye, but did little to chase away the shadows that lingered in every crevice.</p><p>It took several moments for Ava’s eyes to adjust to the dimness. Initially, the throne itself appeared to be nowhere in sight, but when Ava heard a curious noise coming from above her, a strange incomprehensible whispering, she looked up and behind where she, Lilith and Shannon were standing. There she found Lucifer sitting on their throne, fashioned from a dark stone-like material laced with red, as if the stone itself held lightning. Next to them was a second throne, upon which sat a woman clad in equal finery. Ava reasoned that such a position could only be held by Lucifer’s wife, the original Lilith.</p><p>The whole structure hovered in the air on a small platform of what looked like rock at first, descending downwards from the throne and eventually forming a point several metres above the ground. Swirls of mist seemed to be tumbling from the base, twisting into the immediate space surrounding the Underworld royals and cloaking them in an ethereal shroud. It was only when Ava squinted, looking closer, did she realise that base was not made of rock, but of something far more sinister; bones. Some whole skeletons, not all of them human, but mostly skulls. It was from the mouths of these skulls that the mist and whispers came. Ava shuddered.</p><p>And as if all of that and the general atmosphere was not unsettling enough, lining the walls, trading what Ava presumed were whispers and jostling, were more demons than she hoped to ever see gathered in one place. There were crowds of dark creatures in forms and distorted shapes that Ava could not even begin to describe. There were clearly more species, if you could call them that, than just the OCS was familiar with, more than just Tarasks and wraiths. Some were humanoid, those of pale flesh and heads without eyes, sprouting additional limbs from strange places. Others were more animalistic; she saw creatures that a younger version of herself would have dismissed as myth, hybrids of scales, fur and feathers, sporting hooves, talons and fangs. The ugliest and most malformed of them were nothing short of terrifying, but there were some that held a certain dark beauty, almost graceful in their forms. One of these was an oversized black stag, sporting antlers that appeared to release tendrils of grey smoke, with a face so dark that its features were wholly obscured, all except a pair of unblinking sockets that held a pale blue glow. </p><p>“Can you see them?” Ava asked Shannon and Lilith. </p><p>Shannon nodded. “The laws of sight are different here,” she explained. “Nothing is hidden.”</p><p>Ava leant towards Lilith. “So, you know when I said that The Exorcist was real and you insisted that it wasn’t?” she whispered.</p><p>Lilith pulled a face, clearly as on edge as Ava felt. “I may need to retract that statement.”</p><p>“Don’t be unnerved by them,” Shannon said reassuringly. “They won’t hurt you.”</p><p>Ava was already sceptical of this before her gaze landed on a particular demon that instilled fear. It was the red smoke that caught her attention at first, recognising the trademark sign of a wraith demon. There were a number of them scattered in the gathered crowds, some standing alone and others in small groups. They looked like they had once been human; little more than grey animated skeletons with hollows where skin and organs should have been. The red smoke cascaded from such crevices and pooled at their feet, yet some of these demons seemed more whole than others. It was one that was particularly malformed, missing half its head and a good portion of its ribcage, that locked its gaze with Ava. It tilted its head to one side slowly, regarding her curiously. Ava’s blood ran cold. Beside her, Shannon noted the spike in discomfort. She followed Ava’s gaze, and realisation dawned, though there was an acute sadness there too. </p><p>“The extent to which the wraith demon is deformed is indicative of the type of sin it can possess people to commit,” Shannon explained slowly. “And the type of sin it can smell on people.”</p><p>Colour drained from Ava’s face. She gulped. “Smell?”</p><p>Shannon nodded. “That’s a murder wraith.”</p><p>“Wonderful. Just bloody brilliant. I forgot that I requested a side order of a demon judgement with my breakfast.”</p><p>“We have all done things to protect the people we love,” Shannon replied. As she said this, Ava realised that the demon was regarding each of them in turn. That knowledge didn’t make her feel any better.</p><p>“I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not spend any longer here than we have to.” Ava turned to Lilith again. “Seriously, what is going on?”</p><p>Before Lilith could answer, Lucifer rose from their throne and stepped off the edge. Instead of falling, their wings beat slowly, guiding them to the ground where they landed light as a feather.</p><p>The room abruptly fell silent, the resulting tension all but a strike of a match away from setting alight.</p><p>Lucifer didn’t raise their voice, knowing their words would carry far in the eerie stillness. “I will be plain with you,” they began. “The rumours are true; the insurgent Adriel has been defeated and is being punished in the deepest pits of Tartarus.”</p><p>There were some murmurs from the gathered demons.</p><p>“However, it seems that some of you need reminding of exactly what we do to traitors.” Lucifer gestured to the two Tarasks diligently guarding the doors to the hall. “Bring him in.”</p><p>Lucifer’s hands flourished as the heavy wooden doors swung open with a creak, causing white flames of the braziers and candles of the chandeliers to suddenly grow brighter. The sudden illumination cast an intensified bright light across the room, dispelling the shadows that would have otherwise shrouded the newcomers. There was a collective gasp as all those who had gathered realised that the small chained figure being dragged unceremoniously across the tiled floor, clearly too weak to stand, was none other than the Adriel himself.</p><p>Adriel was but a shell of the demon he once was. He wore little more than bloodied rags over his form, which did little to conceal the horrors on his skin, or what was left of it. He was riddled with burns, many of them fresh and weeping. A trail of fresh blood was left in his wake as he was brought closer and closer to Lucifer. When his captor finally came to a halt before the demon king, the Halo burned beneath Ava’s skin. It took a few moments of studying his captors face, a woman with tumbling dark hair and angry eyes, to realise that the Halo’s reaction was one of recognition, not just of fear at seeing Adriel again.</p><p>The captor was Areala. She yanked Adriel’s chains forward and passed them to Lucifer wordlessly, before walking towards them and stopping to stand on the other side of Shannon. She met Ava’s eyes briefly and nodded once before locking her gaze back on to Adriel.</p><p>Lucifer pulled Adriel’s chains upwards. “Get up,” they hissed.</p><p>To Ava’s surprise, Adriel managed to pull himself to his feet, though his limbs shook from exertion. But Adriel did not meet Lucifer’s red-hot gaze. Instead, he looked past the monarch to where Ava, Lilith, Shannon and Areala were standing. When he met Ava’s eyes, he grinned. Ava flinched, and Shannon gripped her arm, squeezing it. The gesture was one that acknowledged their mutual fear, but reassured Ava that she was not alone. On Ava’s other side, Lilith turned her head slightly to look down at the young Halo-Bearer, reassurance in her gaze.</p><p>Although Lucifer could not see Ava, they felt the spike of fear in her, felt the fear of the Halo. Lucifer turned their head and followed Adriel’s line of sight, meeting Ava’s eyes. There was a barely perceptible shift in their eyes, hardened by a sudden vengeful resolve, before they turned back around. Wordlessly, Lucifer plunged their fist into Adriel’s chest, ripping through already raw skin. Then, just as Adriel had wrenched the Halo from Lucifer’s back a millennia ago, and subsequently tried to do the same with Ava, Lucifer tore out Adriel’s heart. The disgraced demon let out a blood-curdling scream. Blood splattered across Lucifer’s furious countenance, up their clothes, across the floor. </p><p>Ava responded as anyone who had not been desensitised to violence would; she gagged and looked away. The sounds she heard and the sudden pungent smell of demon blood alone were more than enough to overwhelm her senses. Meanwhile, Lilith and Shannon looked on unfazed, almost hungrily, and Areala’s eyes held their own vengeful hellfire, satisfied at last. </p><p>Ava’s stomach twisted with guilt. Guilt for the relief that washed over her, guilt for believing that Adriel deserved the pain, even though the rational side of her knew this to be true. Yet, was it also not dishonourable to those he had felled, Shannon and the countless other Warrior Nuns, to feel even a little bit bad for the pain she knew that she had a part in bringing to fruition? </p><p>But, in reality, the Underworld in its entirety, and all that occurred there, was not a black and white place. There was no wrong or right way to respond. In that sense, Ava’s response was wholly human; messy and valid despite all of its conflicts. In time she would come to understand that some, a rare few, deserve the fate that awaits them in the afterlife. Yet she was no more or less for her feelings towards such things.</p><p>When Ava summoned the courage to look back, the heart still pumped, albeit fruitlessly, in Lucifer’s hand, limp at one side. It seemed that the act did not kill Adriel, but rendered him in unbearable agony. Lucifer gripped Adriel’s face then with their free hand, long fingers curling over his skull. They squeezed, the sound of crushing bone ricocheting off the stone walls. The demon king then pushed the traitor away from them, causing Adriel to drop with a clatter onto the floor like a sack of discarded bones.</p><p>“Do you know what the beautiful thing about immortality is, little brother?” Lucifer sneered.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>“Every second of your pitiful existence from now until the end of time will be spent in unspeakable torment. You will beg for the pain to stop, beg me to release you into the ether, beg me to show mercy. I will <em> never </em>yield.”</p><p>Lucifer held the heart out before them. Flames erupted from their palm, engulfing the heart and earning a series of ear-splitting screams from Adriel as he was dragged away again by a pair of Tarasks.</p><p>Even demons were not immune from pain.</p><p>“The same fate will await any of you who utter a single whisper in favour of Adriel,” Lucifer spoke as Adriel approached the far end of the room. “And anyone who dares threaten the stability of the realm <em> we </em>built from the ashes. Do I have any volunteers?”</p><p>The large wooden doors slammed, the sound echoing. Again, there was silence from the gathered demons.</p><p>“I didn’t think so.”</p>
<hr/><p>Sometime later, Ava found herself in a seemingly endless strategic meeting to discuss what the future of the Halo-Bearer would look like, taking into account the necessary duties in the mortal realm and the Underworld. After a number of hours had passed, Lucifer called for respite, pinching the bridge of their nose. They had made good progress, but if they all did not already have a headache, they soon would.</p><p>“Let’s reconvene in a few hours. Thank you for all your input so far. I’m confident that we are not far off a fool-proof plan. But, even immortals need their coffee. Or maybe I need something stronger,” Lucifer mused.</p><p>Ava exchanged a curious look with Lilith, who shrugged.</p><p>Meanwhile, Lucifer chuckled. “Come now, Ava. You can’t surely expect me to have this job and be willingly <em> sober. </em>” They shuddered, as if repulsed by the very notion of such a thing.</p><p>“Can demons even get drunk?” Ava mused aloud before she could stop herself.</p><p>“Who do you think invented alcohol?” Lucifer replied with a grin. “Hardly holy water, is it?”</p><p>Ava contemplated this. “No. I suppose not. It certainly tastes bad enough to have been invented here.” She pulled a face, remembering the single sip of alcohol she’d had back in the bar in Andalusia. Before, well, <em> everything. </em></p><p>“Your mortal stuff certainly does,” Lucifer retorted, wrinkling their own nose. “I don’t understand why you insist on drinking paint stripper. Proper alcohol mixed with nectar, however, that is an entirely different matter. It is far sweeter and tastes a little different to each drinker. I wonder if…” they trailed off, only to me met with a hard stare from the Queen Consort.</p><p>“Don’t even think about it,” the older Lilith chided.</p><p>“What?” Lucifer protested. “I didn’t even say anything.”</p><p>Lilith rolled her eyes. “You didn’t need to. You are <em> not </em>testing whether the Halo allows Ava to tolerate nectar.”</p><p>“All I’m saying is that it would be interesting,” Lucifer began to reply with a twinkle in their eyes. It earned a much-needed chuckle from Ava and Shannon at least, which was the aim really. It was not lost on Lucifer that this had been a heavy day. Ava, for one, was still not wholly confident that she would be able to keep food down if she attempted to eat.</p><p>Lilith grabbed Lucifer by the shoulders and steered them away from the table they had gathered around and towards the door, before casting the others an apologetic look. She paused in the doorway. “Let me get them out of your hair for a while. You know that you only need to call if you need anything, but I’m sure that the other girls can make you feel right at home, Ava.”</p><p>With that, there remained an odd collection of women in the room; the current Halo-Bearer, two ex-Warrior Nuns (Shannon and Areala) and a former next-in-line who had subsequently become part demon. Or something along those lines. They were still working on those particular details.</p><p>Areala rose from her chair. “I will leave you three to spend some time alone. You must have much to discuss.” To Ava’s surprise, she moved towards her then and spoke to her in the mother tongue they both shared, Portuguese. “Eu estava cética sobre você, no início, Ava,” she told her, though her countenance soon softened. “Você pode ser jovem, mas é confidante e tem um bom caração. De todas as mulheres que o Halo escolheu através dos séculos, eu sou grata por ele ter encontrado o caminho até você.”</p><p>
  <em> I was sceptical of you at first, Ava. You may be young, but you are sure of yourself and have a good heart. Of all the women the Halo has chosen over the years, I am glad it found its way to you. </em>
</p><p>And with that, Areala left the three of them alone.</p><p>“She’s…” Ava trailed off.</p><p>“Intense?” Lilith offered.</p><p>Ava scoffed. “You’re one to talk. Our first interactions did you absolutely no favours,” she reminded her.</p><p>Shannon raised an eyebrow, inviting one of them to explain.</p><p>“Lilith here had far too much fun hitting me,” Ava continued.</p><p>Shannon nodded in understanding. “Ah. Some things do not change,” she chuckled.</p><p>“And she made me get stuck in a wall!”</p><p>Lilith glowered. “You got yourself stuck in that wall and you know it.”</p><p>“Same difference,” Ava retorted. “Although Mary did push me off a cliff too. Now I think about it, maybe violence is how you lot show your affection.”</p><p>“She did <em> what? </em>” Lilith and Shannon exclaimed in unison.</p><p>“In her defence, I was being a pain in the ass,” Ava admitted.</p><p>“Are you not always?” Lilith remarked.</p><p>Ava swatted her arm. “Hey!” she protested. “It's part of my natural charm.”</p><p>“Sure. Keep telling yourself that.”</p><p>“Anyway,” Shannon cut in, rolling her eyes and barely suppressing a laugh. How good it felt to feel elated again, how almost normal it all felt. “I have an idea about how we can occupy ourselves for a bit.”</p><p>Ava’s eyes lit up. “Ooo. Is there a secret arcade? Or a theme park? I’m a beast at bumper cars.”</p><p>“Not quite,” Shannon replied. “But there are puppies.”</p><p>“Puppies?” Ava squealed. “Show me. The Halo-Bearer demands to be shown these doggos of the Underworld.”</p><p>“Come on, then,” Shannon beckoned, leading the way. She took them outside into one of the nearby courtyards. They were met with the sweet smell of well-tended flowers, vines heavy with blossom scaling the walls and trellises. In the centre of the courtyard was a beautiful fountain carved from white marble, the water crystal clear and calming to the ear. If she closed her eyes, Ava could almost imagine that she was back in the mortal realm. She was too lost in this little haven among the calamity of that day to register the bundle of fur that bounded towards her and would have swept her off her feet had she not phased on instinct. That didn’t stop the creature though, who then proceeded to jump up on its hind legs and place its paws on Ava’s knees. She was met with three impossibly cute faces, beady black eyes and glossy dark fur. She was even more surprised when she realised that these were not three separate puppies, but rather a single three-headed one.</p><p>“Oh<em> , </em>” she said, her eyes widening as all three heads fought for her attention. “Okay, hello you three. Wow. You really have three heads, huh?”</p><p>They panted and licked her fingers enthusiastically. Meanwhile, Shannon stepped around the fountain, scooping something up that Ava couldn’t quite see. She thought it was another puppy at first, but the squeal of delight that followed was unmistakably human and a head of sandy blonde hair became visible.</p><p>“Ava’s here,” she heard Shannon say, followed by an excited exclamation in a voice she recognised.</p><p>“Michael?”</p><p>Michael ran forward. “Nyx!” he called the dog. “Get down, come here.” Once the puppy was back on all fours, Michael was quick to hug Ava.</p><p>“Ava! I’m glad you are okay. You were asleep forever.”</p><p>“Was I?” Ava asked, looking down at him. She noticed the distinct lack of blue glow about him. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I came here through the Arc,” he replied simply. “I gave everyone quite the shock.”</p><p>“What? Were you hurt?”</p><p>Michael shook his head, stepping away and bending down to pet Nyx who now demanded his attention. “No. Shannon caught me before I could fall.”</p><p> Ava cast Shannon a concerned glance. “I’ll explain later,” she offered.</p><p>“But I am here now,” Michael went on. “Lucifer is helping me get better.”</p><p>“Better?” Ava wondered.</p><p>“I’ve been having treatments that stop me from glowing. So that the bad angel cannot talk to me anymore.”</p><p>Ava winced at hearing this for the first time. “How are you feeling?” she asked, instead of asking further questions on that front. She remembered how sick Michael had been, not even well enough to go outside his sanitised room, let alone travel to the Underworld.</p><p>“I feel good,” Michael reassured her. “I can go outside now, and I have Nyx. Oh! And I’ve been working on something, come and see.” Michael moved excitedly to the opposite end of the courtyard, with the puppy close at his heels. He pointed to the ground, and Ava saw that many of the cobblestones had been removed. In their place, Michael was making a mosaic, splatters of colour on the otherwise pale ground that formed faces of people familiar to Ava. Jillian, Shannon, both Liliths, Lucifer, even herself. </p><p> “I like not having to just use pencils anymore,” Michael said.</p><p> Shannon squinted at her mosaic self. “Hey,” she protested. “My nose is <em> not </em>that big.”</p><p> Michael stuck her tongue out at her. “Yeah it is!”</p><p>“I’ll get you for that,” Shannon warned with a grin, before proceeding to chase him around the courtyard.</p><p>For a few moments, Ava watched the scene before her. In a way, what he was experiencing then was akin to Ava’s first night with the Halo, able to explore and touch and feel all the things that had otherwise been out of reach. Her heart warmed for the boy, but she couldn’t help but wonder what this meant for him ever being able to return home. But, before Ava could dwell on this much further, let alone articulate those thoughts to Lilith, the air about them was suddenly disturbed. There was a frightful call of a bird, a <em> caw </em>of a type of corvid. From one of the windows some distance away, the bird responsible shot towards them with a speed that should have been impossible, shooting through the air like a bullet. Ava tensed, preparing herself for a fight, while Lilith beside her made no such preparations, though she visibly paled.</p><p>Before the corvid could land, its form twisted into a plume of swirling black tendrils, which ultimately revealed the demon consort Lilith. She wasted no time with pleasantries.</p><p>“We need to get you back to the mortal realm immediately,” Lilith said hurriedly.</p><p>“Why?” Lilith demanded.</p><p>The Underworld Consort looked worriedly between them, then at Shannon and Michael who stood a few paces away. Shannon had a protective hand placed on Michael’s shoulder.</p><p>“Your family is in danger.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WELL. That was a monster of a chapter, the longest yet! Thank you as always for reading, I hope you enjoyed getting to see more of the Underworld. Is it too early to call Ava, Lilith and Shannon the Underworld Trio? Looking forward to hearing your thoughts! As always, let me know if you spot any mistakes.</p><p>I'd also like to say a massive thank you to my good friend Thamy for helping me out with the Portuguese in this chapter, you're a legend &lt;3</p><p>Also a little announcement regarding the update schedule. Until recently I’ve been able to keep several chapters ahead of updates, so weekly updates have been manageable. However, for a number of reasons I haven’t been able to write as often as I would like to. In light of that I’m now going to try and aim for bi-weely updates. Hopefully this should give me plenty of time to deliver chapters to the standard I want them to be. I also appreciate that this particular cliff-hanger is the worst™ place to introduce longer breaks between chapters… blame my brain for not cooperating and past me for thinking that adding more and more chapters that just got longer and longer was a good idea. Hope that’s okay with you all. This fic will get finished and these characters will get the endings they deserve, I promise! </p><p>Anyways, see you on 14th March! Until then, take care and sending good vibes your way as always :)</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>.</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Adriel may be defeated, but back in the mortal realm the sister warriors face a different kind of threat. </p><p>The song for this chapter is Warfare by Katie Garfield. Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a>.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Meanwhile, back on Earth, Drew had been studying the Arc readings from the Other Realm, as she was calling it, for several days since the first discovery. Camila had offered her expertise too, and so they worked in shifts to ensure that someone was always monitoring the activity, though no one was exactly sure what they were looking for. They painstakingly tracked every movement Ava had made, tried to decipher the logic of the movements of other demon signatures, but it was near impossible. It was clear that Ava was alive, at the very least, but that was where the good news started and abruptly ended. Meanwhile, Lilith was untraceable, which they presumed was due to her newly gained demon-like attributes. Trying to locate Michael appeared equally fruitless. This baffled Drew and Camila, having assumed that the Divinium in his system would register as a similar but weaker demon signal. </p><p>“What do you mean you can’t track him?” Jillian demanded when Camila and Drew reluctantly delivered the news.</p><p>“It’s just that,” Camila answered, her shoulders slumped. “We can’t distinguish his signal in the same way we can Ava’s. We can’t locate Lilith either.”</p><p>“No,” Jillian insisted vehemently. “That can’t be. You must be missing something.” </p><p>“We will keep trying,” Drew said quietly. “But this will make finding him a lot more difficult.”</p><p>“Then try harder!” Jillian raised her voice, though she immediately regretted it. Meanwhile, Drew clenched her jaw, her eyes narrowing. Beside her, the outburst took Camila by surprise too, though Drew was the first to respond.</p><p>“We all have other people on the other side of that portal we want to bring home,” Drew reminded her, her tone stern. She had almost wanted to remind the scientist that had the Arc not been built in the first place then they might not be in this situation, but Drew held her tongue. Such distribution of blame, regardless of its truth, would not help any of them. Jillian later apologised, but the strain and lack of answers despite the initial promise was beginning to get to all of them. Even Beatrice was becoming increasingly agitated with the building sense of hopelessness, and Camila’s initial optimism was waning thin.</p><p>“We can’t just sit here and do nothing,” Beatrice insisted one day as she paced up and down in front of the Arc.</p><p>Drew’s gaze hardened, gesturing to the mess that surrounded her. “Does this look like doing nothing to you?” she snapped. </p><p>Beatrice looked at the Arc. “Ava and Lilith are on the other side of that portal. Why aren’t we going to them?”</p><p>Drew scoffed. “Have you not listened to anything Cam and I have told you? You are not going through the goddamn portal without a plan!” she exclaimed. “If you go in there now, you’ll have no idea of where you are, what or who you might be facing, where Ava and Lilith actually are, and no means of communicating to us or getting back to this realm. You’d jeopardise absolute everything. What help would any of that be to Ava or Lilith, exactly?”</p><p>“We all want to be doing more,” Mary stepped in, placing a hand on Beatrice’s arm. “And as much as I hate to say it, Drew is right. Do I really need to also point out that you’re still concussed?”</p><p>“We are all frustrated,” Camila added. “Let’s not take it out on each other.”</p><p>Drew slumped back in her chair and huffed, resting her chin on the heel of her hand and avoiding staring back at the scene. There had barely been any changes since she last looked; as expected, Ava had moved by a few steps. </p><p>“What can we do to help?” Mary asked. </p><p>From there the group worked on task delegation. Mary took over from Camila in her monitoring duties, whilst Camila focused on working with Jillian to try and re-purpose Arq-Tech’s existing communication devices to handle cross-realm disturbances. Much to Beatrice’s dismay, she was ordered to rest as much as possible, after an examination from Jillian demonstrated that she was not recovering from her concussion as quickly as they had hoped.  </p><p>“I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier,” Beatrice said to Drew later that day.</p><p>“And I’m sorry for being short with you as well,” Drew replied. She looked across to her sister. “But I meant what I said. I’m not letting you go through that portal without being properly prepared. I may not have wholly forgiven you yet, but I just got you back. I’m not losing you again.”</p><p>Beatrice was about to say something in response when Mary rushed into the room.</p><p>“We’ve got company,” she said hurriedly. </p><p>“What sort of company?” Beatrice demanded, jumping to her feet and suddenly alert.</p><p>“Duretti. He’s got the building surrounded. Him and those bloody rejects.”</p><p>Drew dashed towards a nearby monitor, one that Camila had previously had the foresight to hook up to ArqTech’s security cameras as a precautionary measure.</p><p>Beatrice looked anxiously at Drew, coming to the stark realisation that she too was now in danger. Someone else she needed to protect.</p><p>Camila shook her head. “We’re in no position to fight, not when we’re this outnumbered.” She narrowed her eyes in concentration. “Wait, where is Duretti? I don’t see him.”</p><p>While Drew and Camila frantically searched through the ongoing security footage, the others attempted to devise a plan. Jillian quickly joined them followed by Mara. </p><p>“There’s gotta be a way we can get out of this,” Mary insisted.</p><p>“It’s a bit late for that,” came an unfamiliar voice bursting into the room. </p><p>They all snapped their heads around to be met with the sight of Duretti leading a sizeable number of rejects. They wore countenances of unnerving smugness as they pointed their guns at them. Beatrice glanced anxiously at her sister who had grabbed a nearby screwdriver, as if that was going to help fend off the warriors who were armed to the teeth in comparison.</p><p>Before any of them could offer a retort, or Duetti could begin another monologue, the Arc suddenly began to whir behind them, bursting into life with a force that made them all jump out of their skins.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Duretti demanded, trying not to look unnerved.</p><p>Drew cast Jillian an alarmed look. It quickly became clear that this was not their doing. </p><p>“We’re not doing anything,” Jillian insisted. She raised her voice as the ground beneath their feet began to rumble. “Everyone back away!”</p><p>“Don’t move!” Duretti ordered. </p><p>It took but a few seconds before everyone seemed to be shouting. Meanwhile, a light spilled from the Arc, coming to life of its own accord. Three ill-defined shapes appeared to be approaching them through the portal. </p><p>“What in the hell – ” Mary began to say, before she was cut off by sparks flying from the Arc and a blinding gold light.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Some time earlier. </em> </b>
</p><p>Back in the Underworld, the three women moved to meet Lucifer back inside the palace, but Michael grabbed Ava’s hand before they departed. He looked up at the Halo-Bearer, fear evident in his young eyes. “Keep my mummy safe,” he told her. “Please?”</p><p>Ava exchanged a concerned glance between Lilith and Shannon, unsure how to respond without making promises that she might not be able to keep. </p><p>It was Shannon who stepped in. “Ava and Lilith will do everything they can, Michael.”</p><p>“Do you promise?”</p><p>Ava and Lilith both nodded, the unease that had settled amongst the group palpable. Meanwhile, the older Lilith rested her hands on the boy’s shoulders whilst standing behind him. </p><p>“Go and do what you need to do,” she told them, her eyes barely containing their anger. “I’ll look after him.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Shannon questioned. </p><p>Lilith nodded. “Quite sure. Your expertise is also going to be needed, Shannon. Lucifer will tell you more. Now, go.”</p><p>With that the three of them hurried into the palace. Ava followed behind the other two, weaving in and out of corridors, doorways and arches until they found themselves in the room they had been in earlier. There Lucifer was pacing up and down frantically, seemingly muttering to themselves, whilst Areala stood frozen at the table, her palms pressed hard into the surface. </p><p>“What happened?” Lilith demanded. </p><p>Lucifer skidded to a halt and faced them. They wasted no time before they began explaining, the lines of concern etched into their features twitching. “I possessed Vincent again, on the off chance that I could get some more intel about your family. But… when I got there, so to speak, he was talking to the Pope.”</p><p>Ava’s eyes narrowed. “Duretti,” she growled. </p><p>Lucifer nodded. “Vincent told him where he thought your family are hiding.”</p><p>“What?” Lilith and Shannon exclaimed, while Ava swore loudly. “Why would he do that?” Lilith continued. “Has he not done enough?”</p><p>“From what I could gather,” Lucifer answered. “Duretti offered him some kind of deal for further information. I didn’t catch those particular details.”</p><p>“Where are they?” Ava asked, though she suspected that she already knew. </p><p>“ArqTech,” Lucifer replied.</p><p>Lilith ran her hand through her hair. “Of course.” With potentially all of the OCS hostile, including safe houses and Cat’s Cradle in particular, it was the logical place to go.</p><p>“And you believe that Duretti is going to go after them?” Ava pushed. </p><p>“Of that I am certain. He confirmed as much whilst I still had hold of Vincent.”</p><p>“You didn’t think to try and stop him from talking?” Lilith demanded. At this, Shannon gripped Lilith’s arm, as if holding her back, whilst Lucifer looked almost hurt. However, they maintained their composure as they responded. </p><p>“He had already given up that information before I got there. You know that if there was anything I could have done I would have, Lilith.”</p><p>“So, what do we do? We have to go back and help them, right?” Ava said.</p><p>“I think that’s your only option,” Areala replied, lifting her head to meet Ava’s worried gaze. “The Pope seems to be willing to do whatever is necessary to get his way. The last thing he wants are any… how do you say?”</p><p>“Loose ends?” Shannon suggested. </p><p>Areala nodded. “Exactly. Your family and the truth they harbour threatens his papacy. But, between the two of you,” she gestured to Lilith and Ava, “you may be able to stop him in the likely event that he does not listen to reason. His title cannot protect him from your power.”</p><p>“Then I will go with you to Earth,” Lucifer said with resolve, surprising them all.</p><p>Areala raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure that is a good idea?” she asked Lucifer honestly.</p><p>Lucifer exhaled heavily. “I have stayed in this realm long enough whilst your sisters have fought my battles, and it was my failure that burdened you all with the Halo in the first place. I think it’s time that the Underworld tied up some loose ends of its own.”</p><p>Ava rocked on her heels. “Can’t argue with any of that.”</p><p>Shannon, meanwhile, also did not look so convinced. “I don’t like it but… perhaps a joint visit from the Halo-Bearer and the Devil is the kind of threat Duretti needs.” </p><p>Lilith voiced her support. “On that I agree. But that does not solve the issue of how we’re going to get back. We hadn’t exactly got that far in our preparations.”</p><p>“I had an idea about that,” Areala offered. “The site where Michael came through is where the veil between the realms is at its weakest, by Adriel’s design. I think we might be able to use that to our advantage to get you home.”</p><p>Ava gazed between them all. “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”</p><p>“Whilst you were at the Vatican,” Shannon began to explain, “the Arc opened. That was how Michael was able to cross to the Underworld.”</p><p>Ava paled. “He said that he nearly… fell?”</p><p>Shannon nodded glumly. “The portal opened at the very edge of Tartarus. He nearly fell down, but it was nothing short of a miracle that I happened to be nearby.”</p><p>Ava gulped. “Yikes. So, we go to the edge of Tartarus and what? Somehow re-open the Arc from this side?”</p><p>Areala nodded. “At full power we know that Ava is able to create a tear in the veil between the realms. Theoretically, doing so should be easiest at a site where the veil has already been torn by the Arc.”</p><p>“Theoretically,” Ava echoed. She shuffled uncomfortably. “Listen, that’s a great plan and all but I still don’t know how I managed to do what I did at the Vatican. I don’t know if I can just tap into that on a whim. What about Lilith?” She turned to face the grey-haired woman. “You can teleport.”</p><p>“My… abilities,” Lilith faltered, “don’t work in the same way yours do. The portals I can generate are less stable and suited for intra-realm travel, not cross-realm travel.”</p><p>“Lilith’s portals are more akin to that of the Tarasks in that they are short lasting,” Lucifer added. “I’ve been suspecting such issues of stability were the reason Lilith had issues with her memory.” </p><p>“<em>Issues</em> is a mild way of putting it,” Lilith huffed. This was met with a glare from Lucifer before they continued. </p><p>“Yours, however,” Lucifer addressed Ava, “we know is stable enough to take at least two people for cross-realm travel.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ava countered. “And it knocked me unconscious for far too long. How am I going to kick Duretti’s ass if I’m out for the count?”</p><p>“She has a point, Lucifer,” Shannon admitted. </p><p>“Are you not able to teleport?” Ava asked Lucifer. </p><p>They shook their head. “No. That’s a specific gift bestowed by the Halo. I have not been able to teleport since I lost it. Believe me, I’ve tried.”</p><p>Ava considered this, casting her mind back to Sister Melanie’s entry in the Warrior Nun journal. “Can you give me a crash course? Tell me how you were able to channel its power to do that?”</p><p>“That may be our only option. I fear we don’t have much time.” </p><p>After that there was a flurry of activity, as if they were preparing themselves for war. In a way, they were. Ava, Lilith and Lucifer had no idea what to expect when they crossed back into the mortal realm, and if Duretti intended to fulfil his promise to go after the others, they strongly suspected that the Pope would not opt for diplomacy. Lucifer cleaned Ava’s armour and laid out for her in the room she had woken up in, but on the bed beside it laid several other pieces, all her size. </p><p>“What’s all this?” Ava asked as she pulled on her combat boots, hearing someone else coming into the room.</p><p>“Lucifer thought you might like to have the option to wear something a little more substantial. More in the way of protection,” came Lilith’s voice. When Ava looked up, she was met with Lilith unlike she had ever seen her. Unlike Ava, she had not been wearing her sister warrior battle habit at the Vatican, so she was decked out head to toe in Underworld armour. Oddly enough, it suited her better than anything else Ava had seen her in, though it had only been training sweats and various habits up until now. She wore shoulder guards that curved into spikes that framed her form, a seemingly light but sturdy plackart over her torso and vambraces on her forearms. The armour itself was fashioned from a strange black metal that appeared to shimmer under the light, as if it contained stars. </p><p>Seeing Ava’s puzzlement, Lilith offered a brief explanation. “It’s called asfetium. It’s a celestial metal of the Underworld, one that we don’t have in our realm.” She gestured to the pieces of armour that looked similar to hers on the table. “You’re better off wearing that. This is designed to protect you from more than our measly bullets.”</p><p>“Even ones made of Divinium?” Ava wondered. </p><p>Lilith nodded. </p><p>Ava shrugged. “Well, I guess that settles that then. Will you help me put all of this on?”</p><p>Lilith smiled. “Of course.”</p><p>“Where’s Shannon?” Ava asked as Lilith fastened on Ava’s armour perhaps a little more roughly than was necessary, but understandably given the current need for urgency. </p><p>“She’s making some last-minute preparations for us and sorting out our weapons,” Lilith replied. </p><p>“I suppose she can’t come with us.”</p><p>Lilith shook her head, a distinct sadness washing over her features. “You suppose correctly. Shannon will never be able to return home with us.”</p><p>Ava hung her head, sighing heavily, before looking up again with a new determination. “Then let’s go and do what we do best.”</p><p>“And what is that?” Lilith asked as they exited the room. </p><p>“Protect what matters.”</p><p>When they found Shannon, Ava was returned the Divinium sword, although understanding the truth of its origins gave it a different weight. She secured it onto her back, the handle sticking over her right shoulder and easily in reach. She was also given two pistols, which she strapped to each of her thighs and Shannon gave her some brief safety instructions. Lilith, meanwhile, was handed a pair of elongated sai. She held them as if they were an extension of her body, twisting them between offensive and defensive grips with ease. She slipped them into scabbards attached to either thigh in one fluid motion, before also slinging an A-15 rifle over her shoulder. </p><p>“The Underworld has guns?” Ava mused. </p><p>“We have everything here,” came Lucifer’s voice as they entered the room. “We are prepared for all eventualities.”</p><p>If Lilith’s armour, and Ava’s too by extension, was impressive, then Lucifer was quite another site to behold. They wore their black and gold armour like a second skin, leaving no room for doubt about their royalty. Interestingly, they had shifted their form to appear smaller and more human, their yellow irises replaced with those of more seemingly natural shade of amber and their wings nowhere to be seen.</p><p>“Where are your wings?” Ava wondered. </p><p>“Hidden, for now,” Lucifer replied simply, adjusting one of their bracers. “I figured it would be easier to transport someone of a smaller stature compared to my usual height.” </p><p>“Let’s hope so,” Ava replied. </p><p>From there they made haste, and were met by Areala in the corridor. There was little time for pleasantries.</p><p>“You have everything prepared?” Lucifer asked. This was met with an affirmative nod, and Lucifer took her hands in theirs. “I entrust the Underworld to my wife and yourself in my absence. Do what you must. Consilio et animis.”</p><p>“What does that mean?” Ava whispered to Lilith. </p><p>“By courage and wisdom,” Lilith replied. </p><p>Areala nodded, her eyes less consumed with rage now and instead replaced with a steady resolve. “Consilio et animis,” Areala echoed. “Protect them.” At this, Lucifer bowed their head; a silent promise.</p><p>Areala quickly departed after that, leaving the four of them alone.</p><p>“Which way to Tartarus?” Ava asked. </p><p>“Shannon will lead the way,” Lucifer answered. </p><p>Despite the urgency of their mission, they decided to walk to Tartarus rather than have Lilith teleport them there, in order to conserve energy for whatever they might come up against on the other side. Ava was surprised when Shannon did not guide them out of the palace, instead taking them through a seemingly never-ending maze of corridors. Eventually they began to descend a steep slope that took them deep beneath the palace foundations. Their footsteps echoed against the stone, and the only other sounds disrupting the ever-warming air were their own breathing and the clomping footsteps of the Tarask guards. The greater demons circled the premises in a convoluted shift pattern that left no corner unmonitored for scarcely a second. </p><p>The change in the air as they grew closer and closer to Tartarus was difficult to explain. The heat, for one, grew more intense with every step, bringing with it a twisting nausea and beads of sweat formed in Ava’s hairline, trickling down her neck. There were those whispers again, alike those she had heard in the throne room, but this time their source was unclear and out of sight. </p><p>After a short while, the group reached the bottom of the slope and the ground began to level out. Ava gasped when she saw what lay ahead, partly in awe and partly in terror. </p><p>The tower ahead appeared to be made of the same red-veined stone of Lucifer’s throne. Here those veins glowed with a more sinister hue and appeared to flow of their own accord, as if the tower were alive with a circulatory system of its own. With its foreboding presence and the ever-mounting sense of dread that built as they drew nearer, there was no doubt in Ava’s mind that this was the place that contained the worst of humanity.</p><p>Lucifer had a brief exchange with the Tarasks guarding the door in a glottal tongue, the sounds and syllables almost indistinguishable to Ava’s untrained ear.</p><p>“This is not a place for the faint-hearted,” Lucifer warned, their voice low as one of the Tarasks moved to open the doors. “Focus on me, and not the voices. They will play on your fears and darkest desires. Do you understand?”</p><p>Shannon appeared to know the drill, whilst Lilith and Ava exchanged an uncomfortable glance. </p><p>Ava grimaced. “Then let’s get this over with.”</p><p>Nothing could have prepared Ava for the voices that ripped through her psyche once they were inside. They crashed through whatever mental barriers the Halo-Bearer had with ease, like the waves of a tsunami reaching land and tearing down the walls of an unsuspecting slumbering town. Every doubt, every insecurity, every fear amplified; the resulting concoction almost unbearable and nearly bringing Ava to her knees. Beside her, Lilith winced and struggled to put one foot in front of the other as if she were wading through quicksand.</p><p>Suddenly, Shannon came to a halt. They stood at the very precipice of the pit, staircases carved into the rock circling down its walls into the halls of eternal damnation below. One wrong step could send any of them tumbling down, and the distance below seemed so great that Ava was not convinced that the Halo would be able to heal the injuries of such a fall. </p><p>Ava turned to Shannon. It took a great deal of effort to formulate the words. “You’re sure this is the right place?”</p><p>Shannon nodded glumly. “Absolutely certain.” Here, this close to what could only be described as actual Hell (with a capital H), the former Warrior Nun looked the most undead Ava had seen her.</p><p>“This is as far as I can go.”</p><p>“You will be okay here?” Lilith asked Shannon. </p><p>Shannon nodded once, before pulling her sister into a tight but brief embrace. “Be safe, Lilith,” she said over her shoulder, eyes squeezed shut to try and hold back tears. As they pulled apart, she took Lilith’s hands and squeezed them between her own. “In this life.”</p><p>“In this life,” Lilith echoed. </p><p>Ava gulped as she stared in front of them. The voices swirled around her, their words cruel. Doubt began to seep into her bones. “I don’t know if I can do this.”</p><p>“Focus,” Lucifer instructed. “May I take your hand, Ava, if you would be comfortable with that?”</p><p>Almost to her surprise, Ava nodded. She thought of how Lucifer had reassured her that the Halo was hers, what they had done to Adriel when he so much as looked at her. Now, they would not touch Ava without her consent. Ava never thought that she would be one to trust the Devil, of all things, but there was no trace of uncertainty in her agreement. On her other side, she took Lilith’s hand too, after raising an eyebrow in silent question.</p><p>“Close your eyes. Own your fear and channel it,” Lucifer said, their voice slow and calm, a stark contrast to the atmosphere around them. “Now redirect that energy. Remember who we were going back to, and why. What drives us to do the things we do? At the heart of it all, what allows us to conquer our fears?”</p><p>A still calm washed over Ava, coming with it a sense of clarity. “Love,” she answered. </p><p>Lucifer smiled. “Exactly. Love is a formidable force; its power knows no bounds. Use that to take us home. After all, what is love if not persevering, especially in times of fear?”</p><p>Before them, the air rippled, barely visible at first and almost mistakable for a trick of the light. But it was no trick. Ava clenched her jaw, the Halo beginning to burn and ring behind her. Its bright golden light penetrated her eyelids, almost making her wince, but she persevered. She thought of her sisters; of Mary’s unwavering faith in her, of Camila and her kindness with ferocity in equal measure, Lilith and the newfound bond they had forged. Thought of Beatrice and how having her close finally made her feel whole again. Thought of her mãe. Ava had already lost so much. She refused to lose anyone else.</p><p>The building resolve and power finally burst from the Halo-Bearer, ripping the fabric of the veil between the worlds apart. With a final glance back to Shannon, who beamed with pride and offered a reassuring smile, Ava stepped forwards and pulled the three of them back into the mortal realm. Back home.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>When the blinding light finally dwindled, everyone was shocked to see Ava, Lilith and a mysterious individual clad in regal black and gold armour standing where there had previously been a hole between the worlds. </p><p>“What kind of trick is this?” the Pope demanded, clearly as stunned as the rest of them but desperately trying to maintain his composure. His holy teachings could have never prepared him for anything like this.</p><p>Ava stepped forwards down from the Arc’s small podium, coming to a stop a metre or so in front of the others. She met all of their eyes briefly, relief flooding through her and surprise at seeing Drew there too, though there was not time to dwell on that. Jillian stood next to Drew, who positioned just in front of the younger women as if protecting her. Mother Superion was hardly recognisable out of her habit standing next to Beatrice and there was flicker of recognition in Ava’s eyes before a distinct click from one of the reject warrior’s guns caused her to snap her gaze away. Beside the Halo-Bearer, Lilith smirked while Lucifer maintained a neutral expression, but their eyes held a fire that threatened to ignite without a moment’s warning.</p><p>Ava raised her chin in defiance, drawing her sword. “Your time is up, Duretti. Mess with my family and you’ll have to go through me first.” </p><p>After recovering from the initial shock, Duretti looked furious and shot a dirty look at Mary, Beatrice and Camila, their mouths hung agape in disbelief at this sudden turn of events.</p><p>“You have been working with the Warrior Nun this whole time!” Duretti accused, the gazes of the warriors surrounding him hardening at his words. “You lied to me at the Vatican. It was all a ploy to distract me from your nefarious schemes.”</p><p>When none of the three women were able to voice a response, Duretti took this as a sign of defeat. He took a step forward and the reject warriors followed, puppets strung along by their master.</p><p>“Don’t take another step,” Ava warned. Heat began to build in her back.</p><p>“It is my duty to keep this world safe, Ava. You have all clearly demonstrated which side you are on,” Duretti spat. “I am just exercising God’s will, as His humble servant.”</p><p>Lucifer scoffed, the first sound they had made since stepping into the mortal realm for the first time in many millennia. “Humble? Don’t kid yourself. Humility is clearly not a requirement on the job description or else you wouldn’t be standing here. You only seek to serve yourself.”</p><p>Duretti’s eyes narrowed, clasping his hands in front of him. “And who are you exactly to talk to me like that? I am your Pope.”</p><p>“I’m <em> your </em> worst nightmare, Francisco,” Lucifer said with venom. “And you’re not <em> my </em>anything.”</p><p>Duretti rolled his eyes and sighed. “Stop wasting my time,” he said, before tilting his head to his sister warriors. “Do what must be done.”</p><p>The reject warriors pulled the triggers of their guns, itching for justice for their fallen Sister Crimson and the glory that would undoubtedly come from doing the Pope’s bidding. But, the bullets never met their marks, for Lucifer raised their hand suddenly and the Divinium-cased shells froze suspended in the air. </p><p>“<em> Enough </em>,” Lucifer snarled. There were a few beats of silence as the rejects exchanged panicked glances. Lucifer twisted their raised hand slowly, power sizzling beneath their skin. The bullets mirrored the movement, turning to face those who had fired them. </p><p>“You humans never learn do you? Never underestimate the things you don’t understand. The sheer hubris of your kind is almost laughable.” Then Lucifer began to laugh, the kind of laugh that came from those who knew they had the secret upper hand. It quickly turned sinister, making the warriors’ blood run cold, before there was a sudden tense silence. </p><p>Lucifer snapped their fingers and the bullets shot past the rejects, skimming past temples and shoulders close enough to rip through clothing and graze skin, but not enough to cause any lasting damage. When a number of the warriors attempted to fire another round, Ava released the swell of energy that had been building between her shoulder blades, knocking them all, including Duretti, off their feet and blowing the door from its hinges. Ava stumbled, but did not collapse as she had with such previous outbursts of power. Another sign she was stronger than ever.</p><p>When Lucifer saw Duretti struggling to recover and get to his feet, they growled and pounced. Duretti’s eyes widened in alarm before he could attempt to move away. Lucifer shot over to where he was laying, the sudden movement causing several of Drew’s papers to scatter over the floor. Lucifer changed form as they moved, reverting back to their tall, winged self. Except the changes didn’t stop there. Their stature continued to grow, until gnarled horns protruded from their forehead, the dark feathers of their wings morphing into scales and blood red irises blooming like ink dripped in water. </p><p>Lucifer bent down to the ground and pulled Duretti off the ground by his cassock. The contact seemed to burn the Pope, but Lucifer gripped tighter as he to wiggle free. They pulled the small man close to them, their breath hot against the his skin. </p><p>“Consider this your one and only warning, Francisco.” Their voice was no longer one of a deep otherworldly richness. It was grating like nails down a chalk board. This was not the sort of voice that was respected willingly, rather one that demanded obedience out of fear. “You do not wish to make an enemy of me. I know all about you and your sins; I can smell them on you. You should know that my Father is not so forgiving of men who lust for power as you do. Your place on this Earth is one that is meant to represent the goodness that is at the heart of your faith. Do try and prove me wrong about you. Because, make no mistake, I am the Devil, and I am not known for being merciful.”</p><p>Duretti began to splutter words in Latin, which only earned a chuckle from the demon. “Your prayers will not help you now. It’s just you and me. I’m giving you the choice. Either do as I say or risk an afterlife in damnation. Choose wisely.”</p><p>Lucifer released their grasp on the Pope, who finally stumbled away. He regarded the demon in disbelieving horror, and was met with the barely contained fury of the sister warriors standing behind them. He briefly glanced at his own warriors, many of whom were lying conscious where they had fallen, though they appeared unharmed. The few that were conscious were sitting upright but frozen in terror, scarcely able to process what they were hearing and seeing. Suddenly the promises the Pope had made in return for their loyalty did not seem worth crossing paths with the Devil over.</p><p>Seeing that he had little other choice than to obey, Duretti pulled his burned arm to his chest and turned up his nose. “What do you want?” the Pope spat. </p><p>Lucifer smiled. When they spoke again, their voice had returned to normal. “That’s more like it. That wasn’t so hard after all, was it?” Lucifer straightened their posture, adopting a more neutral and less threatening stance. “There are a number of things that will need to be discussed in due course, but I have several immediate things in mind. First, call off your attack on these sister warriors and their associates and retract the arrest warrant. They pose no threat to you so long as you aren’t trying to kill them. Second, you will formally pardon them and publicly admit that you went after the wrong people. Lastly, you will turn over the traitor who calls himself Vincent to me. It is time he was punished aptly for his crimes, since you clearly cannot be trusted to bring him to justice yourself.”</p><p>Duretti looked as if he was about to protest, before Lucifer took a step forward again. “You will do well to remember that you are in no position to negotiate with me, lest you wish to dig your grave any deeper.”</p><p>At this, Duretti visibly paled. </p><p>"Take your people and leave immediately.”</p><p>Duretti did not need to be told twice; he hurried out of the room without a second glance back at the reject warriors he supposedly valued. They were left to drag themselves to their feet and carry their unconscious sisters out of the room without assistance. Once they were out of sight, Lucifer transformed back into the form that Ava and Lilith were most familiar with. They cleared their throat, rubbing their neck in discomfort.</p><p>“You’re letting him get away?” Mary protested before she could think better of it, watching Lucifer cautiously after the words could not be taken back.</p><p>Lucifer regarded her steadily. “There is nowhere in this world he can go that I will not be able to find him. Allowing him to think he has some free will left in this situation will make him more... pliable.”</p><p>Mary did not look convinced, but a reassuring glance from Lilith, who was yet to say anything, calmed her momentarily. A few beats of silence followed, the sort that does in the aftermath of such an event, the shockwaves still dissipating.  </p><p>It was Jillian who ended up speaking first, her voice cracking as she did so. “Where is my son?”</p><p>Lucifer gave a small smile. “You must be Jillian,” they said. </p><p>Jillian nodded, and asked her question again, her voice growing more strained and tears prickling in her eyes. </p><p>“He is alive. Is there some place we can go to talk more privately?”</p><p>Jillian sniffed and nodded. “This way,” she beckoned.</p><p>Lucifer turned to Ava and Lilith. “I’ll leave you both to your reunions. Take all the time you need. Are you both okay?” They regarded Lilith and Ava in turn, the care for their well being evident for all to see. </p><p>Ava and Lilith nodded, although it was Lilith who answered for both of them. “As okay as we can be, I think,” she said honestly before glancing at the others. “Just glad to be home.”</p><p>Lucifer nodded. “Alright. Just take it easy, particularly you, Ava, okay? No crazy business.”</p><p>Ava smiled. “You got it, boss.”</p><p>“See you all in a bit, then. We can do formal introductions then.”</p><p>And with that Lucifer swooped out of the room, the grace of their movements returned in their more human-like form. The silence that followed was an odd one. A myriad of emotions moved between the women; relief, apprehension, confusion, but it was Mary who spoke first.</p><p>“I’m gonna hug you both before I whip your asses for disappearing on us like that, okay?” </p><p>Lilith chuckled. “I think that seems reasonable enough.” Just as she swung the automatic rifle off her shoulder, Mary barrelled into her and held her close. </p><p>“Don’t ever do that to us again,” Mary hissed, squeezing her eyes shut. </p><p>“I’ll do my best,” Lilith replied, embracing Mary equally tightly. </p><p>The reunion that followed passed in a haze of hugging and tears intermingled with chuckles. Lilith lifted Camila off the ground slightly when they hugged. Ava expected a scolding when Mary turned to her, but was met with none and a bear-crushing hug instead. Drew briefly explained to Lilith that she was Beatrice’s younger sister, that it was a long story but, in short, she had found herself working with the sister warriors to bring her and Ava home. Ava was equally surprised to see Drew there, but was nonetheless delighted to learn that she did indeed go by the name that Ava had suggested all those years ago on a permanent basis. </p><p>“Did you change your pronouns in the end?” Ava asked quietly while the others exchanged snippets of what happened since the Vatican. </p><p>At this, Drew shook her head. “No. I’m still navigating that, I think.”</p><p>Ava smiled. “Sure, no problem. It looks like I’ll be sticking around now, so you know you can always come to me, right? Just like before.”</p><p>Drew hugged Ava again. “God,” she said. “It’s so good to have you back. I missed you.” When they pulled apart, Drew spotted Beatrice over the Halo-Bearer’s shoulder. Drew gestured Ava’s attention in her sister’s direction. </p><p>“Hmm?” Ava spun around, following Drew’s line of sight. When she met Beatrice’s gaze, the world seemed to stop spinning altogether. The thread that had once tied them together, and had become endlessly and impossibly knotted and tangled over the years, finally fell loose, guiding them back together once more. It was not clear who ran to who, but they clattered into each other like colliding stars, nearly knocking each other off their feet, but somehow managing to stay upright.  As they settled in each other’s arms, Ava released a breath that she did not know she had been holding, as if finally breaking the surface having been held underwater for too long. Beatrice wrapped her arms tightly around Ava’s ribs, lifting her up ever so slightly as she pulled her close, leaving Ava on her tiptoes. Beatrice pressed herself into the crook of Ava’s neck, a space she had once called her own. Meanwhile, Ava buried one hand in the hair on the back of Beatrice’s head and wrapped her other arm around her shoulders. She gripped the fabric of Beatrice’s t-shirt between her fingers, fearing that if she did not hold tightly enough that she should slip from her grasp. They stood like that, clutching each other in an overwhelming joy, for some time before Beatrice set Ava down. </p><p>“You came back,” Beatrice said quietly, hardly believing it. They were still holding each other’s arms. </p><p>Ava grinned. “Of course! Couldn’t leave Mary to annoy you alone, could I?”</p><p>At this, Beatrice couldn’t help but laugh lightly, her shoulders vibrating and the corners of her mouth twisting upwards as she looked down briefly, shaking her head. How Ava had missed that sound and revelled in it. </p><p>All the while, Mara lingered on the fringe of the reunion. She was relieved to have the girls back, and exchanged a little with Lilith, but mostly allowed things to evolve organically around her. In truth, she had no idea how to face Ava again, having almost lost her so quickly after truly learning who she was. The older woman had so many questions, wondering if Lecia had even told her daughter about her estranged sister at all. Part of her wanted to run. Perhaps she might have, had Ava not spotted her over Beatrice’s shoulder, just as the pair seemed to be on the precipice of something <em> more </em>.   </p><p>The relieved joy etched into Ava’s features fell away and was replaced with something almost unreadable. When Beatrice realised what was happening, she waited by Ava’s side patiently, waiting for her to piece the puzzle together. </p><p>When realisation dawned on Ava’s face the way one falls asleep, slowly and then all at once, </p><p>she saw her aunt smile for the first time. Of course Lecia had told her about her older sister. Mara. Mara with whom she had a difficult relationship with as they grew older, their different approaches to their faith driving a wedge between from which they never truly recovered. Mara devoted her life to the church and became a nun, while Lecia sought to run as far as possible in the other direction. </p><p>Ava had long ago renounced herself to the fact that she would likely never meet her aunt. Sometime after the accident, Ava had stopped dwelling on it altogether, instead grieving for those she had lost rather than those she had never had. But in that moment, Ava’s eyes widened in disbelief. Suddenly so many things that had passed Ava by while she was caught up in the whirlwind of the Vatican and this new lease of life grew a startling new clarity. </p><p>Someone told me you were a miracle of the highest order. I should have listened. </p><p>The truth had been there all along, hidden in plain sight. The way she fought against Duretti’s warriors and Sister Crimson, the way she was so willing to put herself in harm’s way. At the time, Ava had thought it was just to protect the Halo, as was her duty, but it was more than that. The way she’d guided Ava away from the warriors in the Necropolis with a steady hand to the shoulder. The way she had told Ava that she was worthy of the Halo, how there seemed to be a thousand other things she wanted to say but time had not allowed it. The way she said give them hell, and the pride and mischief that had twinkled in her eyes as she said so. </p><p>Ava stepped gingerly towards her. “Mara?” The name felt strange on her tongue.</p><p>“Hello, Ava,” the older woman replied with a warmth that surprised Ava. “Lecia would be so proud of you.”</p><p>Tears pooled in Ava’s eyes, and she pulled Mara into a bone-crushing hug. It took a beat for her to respond, but she soon wrapped an arm around Ava’s shoulders, whilst the other and her cane kept her balance.</p><p>“And I am proud of you, too.”</p><p>It did not change the things that had been said or done, but it was at least a start. Fate may not always be kind, but sometimes it has a way of surprising you. </p><p>Drew waved her hands in the air dramatically not long after Ava had gravitated back to Beatrice’s side. “Okay, okay. This is all great and everything, but seriously what the hell just happened?” </p><p>“I second this,” Mary supported, looking between Ava and Lilith. “You both have a lot of explaining to do.”</p><p>At this, Ava met Lilith’s eyes and chuckled. “What the hell indeed.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>See? Didn't I say that everything would be okay? Don't worry though, this is not the end there is still plenty of Avatrice in store. We'll be focusing back more on them in coming chapters. I'm eager to hear your thoughts in the comments! As always, let me know if you spot any mistakes. </p><p>I honestly didn't think I'd make this deadline, but here we are! I want to say a special thank you to my wonderful beta @slythleo for being super encouraging and supportive as always, as well as beta-ing this at the very last minute. I appreciate you endlessly. And to everyone on Twitter who put forward ideas for Lilith as a duel-wielder, and to Socks in particular for suggesting the sai. You're awesome. </p><p>I'll aim for another two weeks again for the next chapter, so see you on the 28th! In the meantime, take care and sending all the good vibes your way as always.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>.</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the aftermath of the Arq-Tech showdown, some difficult conversations are had and Beatrice keeps a promise. </p><p>The songs for this chapter are as follows:<br/>Scene 2 - Let Go (Beau Young Prince), Beauty in your Brokenness (Wildwood Kin)<br/>Scene 3 - Echoes of the Roman Ruins (Jesper Kyd)</p><p>Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a>.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some warnings for this chapter. In the second scene there are brief mentions of Ava’s trauma relating to the accident, the orphanage as well as brief description of a panic attack. If you don’t want to read this, then no worries and feel free to skip to the next scene (marked by the line).</p><p>The updated graphics description of violence warning is for previous chapters by the way, figured it would be better to have it than to not! There's no more fighting in this fic :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As it happened, explaining took quite some time. There was a lot to catch for both groups to catch each other up on. After Lilith and Ava had shed their armour, leaving them in the t-shirts and slim fitting trousers, they all sat around a table in the Arc room. The pair listened in alarm as they were told how Duretti had excommunicated the others and sent his warriors to pursue them across Italy. Ava looked particularly concerned when she learned about Beatrice’s persistent concussion. When Lilith and Ava explained about the Underworld, the three sisters, Drew and Mara stared at them in utter disbelief.</p><p>“Hold up,” Mary cut in, interrupting Ava and Lilith’s explanation. “You’re tellin’ me that you’re suddenly besties with Lucifer? And Hell exists?”</p><p>“The Underworld,” Lilith corrected. “Though Hell exists, too.”</p><p>Mary nodded. “Huh. Figures, I suppose.” Mary broke Lilith’s gaze and stared out of the window, biting her lip. There was one burning question on the tip of her tongue, <em> someone </em>in particular that she wanted to ask about but somehow could not quite bring herself to. </p><p>It was Ava who seemed to pick up on the unspoken question in Mary’s eyes. </p><p>“None of this could have worked out if it weren’t for Shannon’s help.”</p><p>“Ava,” Camila said slowly. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Ava went on to explain how Shannon’s dream visit had been what changed the tides, ultimately achieving what Areala had failed to do with all the Warrior Nuns who had come before Shannon. </p><p>“Obviously, letting Adriel break out of the tomb was not part of the original plan,” Lilith later added. “I did not get to the Vatican quickly enough.”</p><p>Ava nudged Lilith with her shoulder. “You were doing the best you could with minimal memories,” she reminded her, before inhaling sharply. “Thankfully, it all worked out.”</p><p>“Do we want to know what might have happened if you had not been able to pull Ava and Adriel through the portal?” Beatrice asked Lilith. </p><p>In response, the grey-haired woman shook her head. “No. Some things are best left unsaid. For now, at least.”</p><p>Shortly after, Lucifer swooped back into the room. They too had removed their armour, leaving them casually clad in black sweats not too dissimilar from Ava and Lilith. They still elected to keep a human-sized wingless form. The sisters were taken aback. After their earlier demonic outburst, the monarch of the Underworld looked so <em> normal </em>. </p><p>“Am I interrupting?” Lucifer asked. </p><p>Ava shook her head. “No. You’re good.”</p><p>“We just finished explaining everything,” Lilith added. </p><p>Lucifer clasped their hands in front of them. “Excellent.” They turned to look at Mara. “Mara?”</p><p>The older woman looked up, clearly disconcerted at being addressed by the Devil by name. Of all of them, she seemed to be the one most unnerved by all that she had been told.</p><p>“Yes?” she answered simply. </p><p>“Jillian would like to speak with you, if that’s okay.”</p><p>In response, Mara simply nodded once, got up and left the room without a word. It seemed she could not get out of there quick enough. </p><p>Once she had gone, and the tapping of her cane against the ground had faded, Lucifer addressed the remaining group. “Can I join you?” they asked politely. </p><p>“I suppose you better,” Ava answered.  </p><p>Lucifer paused, waiting to see if any of the others would protest. When they were met with none, they moved towards Mara’s vacated chair and moved it to sit at the head of the table.</p><p>“If any of you have anything you wish to ask, now is a good time to do so,” Lucifer offered. </p><p>There were a few beats of silence before Mary was the first to voice her thoughts.</p><p>“I can’t believe you didn’t order Duretti to step down,” Mary said. She had expected a gruff response from the demon, but she was surprised to be met with a grin.</p><p>“All in good time. I don’t think my order will be necessary to achieve that,” Lucifer replied. “I have a strong suspicion that his resignation will happen far more organically once his actions are brought into question.”</p><p>Mary leaned back in her chair. “You seem very certain of that,” she observed. </p><p>“I am; I’m rarely wrong. When you’ve known humans as long as I have, they tend to become predictable.”</p><p>Lilith rolled her eyes. “Humility is not exactly Lucifer’s strong point either.”</p><p>At this, Drew barely suppressed a laugh, while Beatrice looked thoroughly alarmed at the causal banter between the pair. She half expected Lilith to burst into flames for insulting the demon. As it was, Lucifer’s response merely consisted of a good-natured shrug. </p><p>“A simple thank you wouldn’t go amiss, Lilith,” Lucifer retorted. </p><p>“I’ll thank you when this is all over. You’re the one that got us into this mess,” Lilith reminded them pointedly.</p><p>Lucifer brought a hand to their chest. “You wound me. Is she always like this?” they posed the question to the rest of the sisters. </p><p>“Pretty much,” Ava answered, earning a glare from Lilith.</p><p>Meanwhile, Camila and Beatrice, in particular, didn’t quite know what to make of the dynamics between the trio.</p><p>“In all seriousness, however,” Lucifer said, the humour gone from their tone. They leaned forwards. “I am well aware of my responsibilities in this situation. I am in this realm with every intention to finally make all of this right. You have my word that I will do everything in my power to make it so, and that I am on your side.” They met the eyes of the others individually. “I hope that, in time, I can gain your trust in that regard.”</p><p>Ava raised her hand. “I have a question, actually, going back to the original topic.”</p><p>“Yes?” Lucifer prompted. </p><p>“Can you have a vote of no confidence for a Pope?” Ava asked. </p><p>It was Beatrice who answered. “No. There are only a handful of circumstances by which a new Pope is elected. Death is the most common.”</p><p>Ava pulled a face. “How democratic.”</p><p>“What is the plan, exactly?” Camila asked, addressing the most pressing question of all.</p><p>Lucifer smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It’s Camila, isn’t it?”</p><p>The youngest sister warrior nodded. </p><p>“At present, the basic outline is as follows. We get our hands on Vincent. It is highly unlikely that he and Adriel were working in isolation, rather I strongly suspect that Adriel had a number of… sympathisers on this side of the veil. Those who supported him in my realm are presently being questioned, and I have good hope that will give us some idea of where to start looking. Unfortunately, this ultimately means that all OCS charters must also be investigated as well.”</p><p>Beatrice’s eyes widened in alarm. “You can’t be serious,” she said. </p><p>“I don’t say that lightly,” Lucifer pointed out. “For Adriel’s plan to have got as far as it did, and to have remained undetected for so long, Vincent cannot have acted alone. What he managed to pull off would have required an entire operation. Potentially a syndicate.”</p><p>“Or a cult,” Ava grimaced. </p><p>“We cannot afford to turn a blind eye to your own,” Camila reasoned, though the weight of those words weighed heavy on all of them.</p><p>“How do you propose to widen the search beyond the reach of the Order?” Mary asked. </p><p>“I am aware of several underground organisations that also deal with… otherworldly matters,” Lucifer answered. “My suggestion would be to start with them.”</p><p>“There are other groups who deal with demons?” Ava asked, though she did not find this information particularly surprising. </p><p>Oddly enough, it was not Lucifer who answered. </p><p>“The OCS does not help everyone,” Camila said quietly. “There are… others who fill that void that creates.”</p><p>Lucifer tilted their head, regarding Camila carefully. “Quite so,” they agreed. “One of my many issues with the Order, if I’m perfectly honest, but we do not need to get into that now. It sounds as if you’re speaking from experience, Camila.”</p><p>She nodded. “I have… ties with such a group,” she answered vaguely. “I could try and reach out to them.”</p><p>Sensing Camila’s discomfort, Lucifer did not push any further. “That would be great. We can discuss that later. In the meantime, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am famished. What passes for food around here? Do you have waffles?”</p><p>Ava chuckled, the tension in the room lifting a little at the sound. “I’m not sure about waffles, but I did spot a Mexican place across the street last time I was here.”</p><p>Lucifer grinned. “I’ll never say no to tacos.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Several days later, Beatrice and Lilith had been busy liaising with the remaining loyal sister warriors at Cat’s Cradle in an attempt to devise a plan of action. They had been away from the others for most of the day in one of Arq-Tech’s empty offices, mostly juggling endless phone calls. It was the evening by the time they returned to their designated quarters, for it was not safe to leave Arq-Tech just yet without a formal pardon from the Pope. They had been assured that it was a work in progress, but quite what was causing the hold-up was anyone’s guess.</p><p>“Have you seen Ava?” Beatrice asked Mary when they bumped into each other in the corridor. </p><p>Before answering, Mary frowned. “Not for several hours,” the older woman replied carefully. “You missed a fair bit when you were with Lilith.”</p><p>“How so? Is everything alright?”</p><p>Mary shook her head. “Not really. Ava and Mara sat down to have a big talk, about <em> everything </em>I suppose, but Ava ended up shouting at her.”</p><p>Beatrice’s brow furrowed. “What? That’s not like Ava at all.”</p><p>“Hmm. That’s what I thought. But… I overheard some of what Ava said. It was hard not to.”</p><p>“And?” Beatrice prompted, concern evident in her gaze.</p><p>Mary seemed at loss for words for a moment. “I don’t think any of us have really appreciated how hard all of this must be for her. Particularly with how the Order treated her in the beginning, especially Mara.”</p><p>Beatrice cast her mind back to when she found Ava reduced to tears by Mother Superion’s words. Beatrice came to realise that those were not just tears. What Mara had said to her, and Beatrice had not caught all of it, had broken her. Beatrice’s heart clenched in her chest.</p><p>“Ava stormed off after that,” Mary continued. “I don’t know where she went.”</p><p>Beatrice cast her gaze to the encroaching twilight outside. The city buildings beyond were enveloped in shadows, the light dwindling and clouds a blood red against the darkening sky. It would be night soon.</p><p>“I think I know where she might be,” she said quietly. </p><p>Mary did not ask where Beatrice had in mind. “I think you might be the only one of us she’d wanna talk to right now.”</p><p>“Thank you, Mary.” </p><p>“If either of you need anything, you know where we are. And Beatrice?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Be gentle with her.”</p><p>Beatrice nodded in understanding before searching for a way to the roof, grabbing a blanket on the way. She found the Halo-Bearer shortly after she stepped out into the cool evening air, huddled up against a small concrete wall and gazing aimlessly out over the cityscape. She was wearing a hoodie, the hood pulled over her head, and had her knees pulled close to her chest. </p><p>“Hey,” Beatrice said quietly.  </p><p>Ava sniffed and looked up, her eyes red raw from recently shed tears. “Hi,” she croaked. </p><p>Beatrice glanced down at the bundle of her arms. “I brought you a blanket. I thought you might get cold.”</p><p>Ava’s lips formed a small smile. “Thank you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “How did you know where I was?”</p><p>Beatrice looked skywards, observing the night as the clouds parted to reveal a starry sky, though many of the constellations Ava had taught her about once upon a time were obscured by the pollution from the city lights. “You always did find comfort in the stars.”</p><p>Ava sighed. “It’s been years since I was last able to stargaze properly. It’s not quite the same here but… close enough.”</p><p>“Would you rather be alone?” Beatrice asked. </p><p>Ava considered this for a few moments, before eventually saying, “Not really.” She bit her lip. “Though I am not the best company right now.”</p><p>“You don’t need to be,” Beatrice said softly. “Here.” She crouched down to wrap the blanket around Ava’s shoulders before sitting down beside her. She left a reasonable gap between them, not wanting to crowd Ava’s space. Seeing her like this, face half basked in shadow and form burrowed beneath the folds of the blanket, Ava looked so small and vulnerable. </p><p>Ava stared out to the cityscape unblinking. “You know, that just now the first time anyone has actually asked what I wanted during all of this.”</p><p>Beatrice was taken aback. “Really?” </p><p>“Yeah.” She sighed heavily, rubbing her eyes. </p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Beatrice ventured, though she wasn’t sure that she was prepared for what Ava might say. </p><p>“Do you think talking about it will make me feel better than shouting at my aunt?” Ava asked, though it was a genuine question rather than combative sarcasm. </p><p>“I don’t know,” Beatrice replied in earnest. </p><p>“I don't want to burden you with my problems,” Ava added. </p><p>“You could never be a burden to me, Ava. I meant what I said when you were practicing phasing. And I intend to keep that promise.”</p><p>Ava pulled the blanket closer around her, before meeting Beatrice’s eyes for the first time in several minutes. “Are you cold?”</p><p>“A little.”</p><p>Ava pulled one side of the blanket open, beckoning Beatrice closer. “Here.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>Ava nodded. “I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”</p><p>With that, Beatrice shuffled closer until there was barely a millimetre between them. There was silence for a time before Ava let out a shaky breath and rested her head on Beatrice’s shoulder. </p><p>“I don’t know where to start,” Ava confessed.</p><p>“What did you and Mara talk about?” Beatrice suggested. </p><p>“About my mãe, at first. And her family. It turns out that the Silvas have history with the OCS.”</p><p>This shocked Beatrice. “What? Lecia never said anything that suggested that.” </p><p>“Yeah, that’s what I thought at first. But the more Mara explained the more it makes sense. Mãe and Mara were both born in Portugal, but moved to Italy when Mãe was still quite young. There’s a few years between them. It turns out that my avô became a Catholic priest and served in one of the OCS charters there.”</p><p>“Your grandfather was a priest?” Beatrice repeated. </p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“Interesting,” Beatrice mused. “It is uncommon for Catholic priest to be married.”</p><p>“That’s what Mara said. Apparently he converted after she and Mãe were born, already married of course.”</p><p>“I see.”</p><p>“Anyway. It seems he was quite… radical. He became obsessed with his daughters being inducted into the Order. In his mind there was no greater way to serve God.”</p><p>Beatrice grimaced. She could see where this was going.</p><p>“Mara got swept up in it all, but Mãe… not so much.”</p><p>“That doesn’t surprise me.”</p><p>“Me neither. Mãe wasn’t having any of it. That was what initially drove a wedge between her and Mara, and her father.</p><p>“What about your grandmother?” Beatrice wondered. </p><p>Ava pulled a face. “It seems that she wasn’t allowed to have much of an opinion.” </p><p>“Oh.” </p><p>“Yeah. So, Avô is not exactly painting himself in the best light at this point. Then I learn about <em> this </em>.” Ava reached into the front pocket of her hoodie and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She passed it to Beatrice. “Read it.”</p><p>Beatrice hesitated. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“It’s one of the only things I am sure about right now.”</p><p>Beatrice recognised the sloping handwriting immediately as Lecia’s. Even though it had been years since they had last spoken, Beatrice could still hear her voice as she read. Tears brimmed in Beatrice’s eyes, threatening to fall and stain her words.</p><p>
  <em> Dear Mara,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It has taken me too many years to write this. I don’t know if you will ever read it, or if it will ever reach you. I may not believe in miracles, but I do believe in second chances.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I hate how we left things, and I am sorry for the words I said and the part I played in the fallout. We were both still so young, ignorant and foolish. Our upbringing led us to see the world in two very different ways, ways that seemed incompatible at the time. You could not understand my desire to leave and experience the world beyond our faith, and I could not understand how you could pledge your life to serving the Church. But, I’m hoping that all these years have made us better, wiser women now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I strongly suspect that Pai and Mãe never told you the real reason they disowned me. To save you the heartache I suspect, to minimise the shame for the family, the embarrassment. The truth is that not long after I started university, I fell pregnant. The father was long off the scene by the time I realised. I begged them for help, for support, but I was met with silence and a thick wallet of legal papers. But, I thank God every day that I decided to keep her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> It has taken many years of patience and eventually rekindling our faith to understand that there is more than one way to be with God. It has taken me sixteen years of being a mother to a wonderful daughter to understand what God is to me. God is love. And for all the bad blood between us, Mara, I still love you. You’re still my sister, and you always will be. I hope that you can forgive the choices I made, as I have forgiven yours, because I would very much like my little girl (though she is not so little anymore) to meet her aunt one day. Maybe there is hope for us to be a family again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Her name is Ava, and she’s taken our family name. Nothing prepares you for being a mother, let alone a single parent. I won’t pretend that raising Ava alone hasn’t had its challenges; bringing up any child under any circumstance does one way or another. But, we have made the best of it, and we are happy. Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve a daughter like her. There is not a day that goes by where she does not amaze me with her enthusiasm for life. She is still young, but seeing the woman that she is growing to be, getting to be a part of that… It’s an honour. I have never been more proud of anything in my life. She is so good, Mara, so full of life. Every day with her is an adventure. She’s the sun to my days, the stars to my nights. She’s made me see the world in an entirely different light, one that is full of hope.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> There is nothing more in the world that I would love more than for the three of us to be a family. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Your little sister, now and always,  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Lecia.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Look at the date,” Ava said. </p><p>When Beatrice did, she realised it was the same day of the accident. Her stomach twisted.</p><p>“She posted that just before we drove to the airport,” Ava clarified. “I remember it like it was yesterday.” Her voice cracked as the memories suddenly hit her like a tidal wave, knocking the air out of her lungs. Crushing metal. Glass shattering. Her ears ringing, muffled voices speaking indistinguishable syllables.</p><p>Feeling Ava tense beside her, Beatrice wrapped her arm around Ava’s shoulder instinctively.  She remembered the number of times Ava had woken from her nightmares back at Darlington, and how best to guide her through the panic. Steady breaths. Touch. This was not the same, not by a long shot, but it seemed to have the desired effect. Beatrice said Ava’s name several times before she was pulled back out of her memories and into reality. They sat there in stillness until Ava’s rattling breaths evened out.</p><p>“Mara didn’t even know I existed,” Ava said quietly. “Apparently, she didn’t open the letter until the day we got away from Cat’s Cradle. And I just keep thinking maybe… Maybe if she’d opened this then things could have been different. Then maybe I wouldn’t have been left in that orphanage thinking I was alone.” She tried to hold back a sob. “Then maybe I wouldn’t have had to go through what I did.”</p><p>Beatrice swallowed hard. She had inferred that Ava’s years at the orphanage were far from rosy after what Sister Frances had done, but hearing Ava explicitly refer to how she had been treated for the first time made Beatrice’s blood boil.</p><p>“Then Mara started saying that I was blessed to have received the Halo, regardless of its true origins, and I just lost my shit, Bea.” Now Ava pulled away from Beatrice, sitting up. Her eyes had turned hot and angry. “She might have seen it as a gift, you all might have, but it isn’t. Not to me. I don’t have to be grateful. The rest of you… you chose this life. I didn’t. I had this goddamn thing shoved into me and then the Order demanded that I did what they expected of the next Warrior Nun. I didn’t owe them anything. I was a complete stranger, and they treated me like shit. I went from being paralysed, having my life be made a <em> living </em>Hell at the orphanage, to being murdered and resurrected only to be imprisoned at the OCS. First I was trapped by paralysis, then by the gates of Cat’s Cradle. For the first time in years I could feel my body, walk again. I thought that maybe, just maybe, that the Halo could let me be free again, but the Order denied me that autonomy and everything at Cat’s Cradle just reminded me of St. Michael’s. No one ever asked what I wanted or how I felt. I fucking resent that with everything that I am. And for Mara to have said to me what she did… I don’t know if I will ever be able to forgive her.”</p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t do more to protect you when you arrived, Ava,” Beatrice replied a few moments later. “I should have done more.”</p><p>Ava looked back at Beatrice, her anger dissipating. “I appreciate that, Bea. But it wasn’t really you. You were the only one who came looking for me after Mara said what she did. It was everyone <em> but </em>you. And Mary too, actually. I should make a point of thanking her for that.” Ava sighed heavily, leaning back against the concrete wall behind them and closing her eyes. “I know I made things difficult in the beginning. I know that you were all grieving. I just… I can’t apologise for thinking that I didn’t owe the Order my loyalty when they only pushed me away.” She sighed in frustration. “I understand why Mara felt the way she did about me, but…”</p><p>“It’s a reason, but not an excuse,” Beatrice continued, her jaw set. “Trauma does not absolve someone from the responsibility to treat people fairly.” She shook her head. “If Lecia knew what she’d said to you... she would have flipped too. I don’t think shouting at Mara will have helped anything, but I think it was justified.”</p><p>As it happened, Beatrice wasn’t just thinking about Ava and Mara when saying those words. </p><p>Ava buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Beatrice’s brow furrowed, gazing at her. “What for?”</p><p>Ava looked up. “It’s not all about me. You’re hurting too, you all are.”</p><p>“Ava, look at me.” Ava looked up, meeting Beatrice’s tender gaze. “Our pain can co-exist. One does not negate the other, okay?”</p><p>Ava nodded reluctantly. “Okay. How are you, though? Really?”</p><p>Beatrice grimaced. “That’s a big question.”</p><p>Ava bumped their shoulders together. “We’ve got time.”</p><p>Beatrice considered her answer for a time. “Lost, mostly,” she replied eventually. “I don’t know what any of this means for all of us, for the Order. All I know is that I am relieved to have our family back together.”</p><p>“Including Drew?”</p><p>Beatrice nodded. “Of course, but…” She faltered. “I don’t know. I never was much of a sister. I wasn’t then and I’m certainly not now.”</p><p>Ava pursed her lips. “I think that’s being overly harsh on yourself, Bea.”</p><p>Beatrice sighed. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”</p><p>Ava regarded her carefully. “Is there something I don’t know?”</p><p>Beatrice hesitated momentarily, before explaining that she had not had any contact with Drew since she left for Switzerland. Until now. </p><p>Ava was taken aback. “Oh. I see.”</p><p>Beatrice nodded uncomfortably. “Yeah. She’s still angry, understandably so. I’m… trying to work on earning her forgiveness.”</p><p>A beat. </p><p>“I hope you don’t think any less of me for that,” Beatrice added quietly.</p><p>Ava shook her head, before breaking her initial silence. “Of course not. Don’t get me wrong, I think that was a pretty poor decision on your part, but…” Her gaze softened. “Acknowledging that you need to be forgiven at all is really important. You’re trying. I’m sure Drew sees that too.”</p><p>Beatrice smiled weakly. “I just hope that Mara will come to understand that she needs to earn <em> your </em>forgiveness, too.”</p><p>“Hmph.” Ava exhaled. “God,” she said. “What a pile of shit this all is.”</p><p>Beatrice couldn’t help but chuckle, half in despair. She didn’t have it in her to correct Ava’s language this time. “That’s one way of putting it.”</p><p>“What are we going to do, Bea?”</p><p>“I don’t know. But, I do know one thing.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“That we’ll all do it together.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>About a week later, the Pope began to begrudgingly deliver on his promises. He formally pardoned those he had excommunicated and was gracious enough to welcome them back to the Church (though the façade was evident to anyone paying close attention). In reality, they all knew that he would sooner be rid of them were it not for Lucifer’s warning and the scrutiny regarding his conduct from his peers, as Lucifer had predicted. With mounting discontent within the Vatican as well as the global press questioning his motives and competency, the prospect of Duretti’s resignation seemed increasingly likely. </p><p>The Pope also delivered on his promise to hand over Vincent. The sisters formed a security detail to transport him from the Vatican to Arq-Tech, after it was decided that the Underworld would be the most secure place to hold him and that returning there via the Arc would draw the least attention. Whilst the others returned to Italy, Beatrice remained in Andalusia, given that she was still on strict orders to rest. Drew stayed with her and continued to make necessary adjustments to the Arc’s systems to better fine-tune its functions according to their needs. She also tinkered with a prototype communications earpiece she and Camila had begun to develop that would allow cross-realm communication. It was hoped that this would reduce the need for intra-realm travel, which would ultimately fall on Ava and Lilith’s shoulders as the only humans physically capable of making the crossing <em> and </em>returning. Not only that, but it would also give Jillian means of speaking to Michael, something that Lucifer reassured the scientist was a priority of theirs. As it turned out, Michael would not be able to return to the mortal realm. Learning this, Jillian insisted that Lucifer allow her to cross, and damn not being able to return. After all, her son was her world, and without him on Earth there was little keeping her there. Lucifer was incredibly reasonable and sympathetic. Eventually, the two came to an agreement that would ultimately allow Jillian to join her son in time, once the necessary work had been completed on Earth. After all, Jillian was a woman of remarkable intellect and a great asset to Lucifer’s vision for cross-realm relations, despite her inadvertent hand in making an already dicey situation a thousand times worse. However, quite what this vision would entail and how long the work in the mortal realm was going to take was an ever-evolving discussion. Despite this, the certainty of being reunited with Michael, no matter how long it would take, renewed Jillian’s fervour for her work.</p><p>Several days later, Vincent was dragged into Arq-Tech through a back entrance and Beatrice was met with a man she barely recognised. His glasses were gone and a strange mask-like contraption was strapped across the lower half of his face, beneath his nose; muzzled like a feral dog. Meanwhile, the exposed skin of his face was an impressive collection of bruises, which she had a strong suspicion were Mary’s handiwork. Beatrice was not a violently inclined woman, despite her training and immense skill in combat, yet, when seeing the man responsible for Shannon’s death and all that had followed, it took all the strength she had not to strangle him. </p><p>Not wanting to waste time, they soon gathered in front of the Arc and Vincent was tranquilised. </p><p>“He will be easier to transport unconscious,” Lucifer explained as they lifted the limp man over their shoulder with ease. By now the Underworld monarch had donned their armour again, but remained in their human-sized form. “I’m ready whenever you are, Ava. Feel free to take a moment with the others whilst Jillian makes some final preparations to the Arc.” </p><p>“Are you sure about this?” Beatrice asked, not wishing to have Ava pulled away from her into the Underworld again. She understood that it was necessary, but that did not mean that she had to like it. It had been agreed that one of Ava or Lilith should accompany Lucifer back to the Underworld and oversee the transition. In a move that had surprised them all, Ava happily volunteered. After she and Beatrice had spoken on the roof, Ava had taken the time to better communicate her necessary boundaries to the other sisters, which were met with understanding and sympathy.</p><p>“I’ll be back before you know it,” Ava reassured her. “I’m needed.”</p><p>“I’m more than happy to go in your place, Ava,” Lilith jumped in, saying so for the umpteenth time.</p><p>“I know, and thank you for the offer. But, I promise I’ve got this. And…” Ava trailed off, her brow knitting together. “I feel like I need to go back. I can’t explain it. Do you trust me?”</p><p>Lilith and Beatrice both nodded. </p><p>“Of course,” Beatrice said. </p><p>“Try and make contact with us when you get to the other side,” Camila said as Ava adjusted her earpiece. </p><p>“Will do.”</p><p>And with that, Ava stepped away from them and to Lucifer’s side. </p><p>“Ready?” they asked. </p><p>Ava shuffled on her feet, stretching. “As I’ll ever be,” she replied. </p><p>“Okay. Let’s get this over with.” They turned to Jillian. “Fire it up.”</p><p>Jillian nodded and typed in several commands into the computer system that was linked to the Arc. Immediately, the device began to whir into life. </p><p>Ava glanced back at her family one last time. She smiled and nodded once before stepping through the portal after Lucifer. This time, when relying on the Arc’s technology and not the power of the Halo, the trip was considerably more bearable. When they stepped out of the other side of the veil, Lucifer and Ava found themselves just outside the walls of Tartarus. It seemed that the additional tweaks that Jillian and Drew had made to the Arc’s projection coordinates had allowed them to avoid the entrance to Hell, and the voices that haunted it.</p><p>They were met by Shannon, Areala and a pair of Tarask guards waiting diligently for them. There was little conversation between them, with nobody wanting to waste unnecessary time. </p><p>They began up the slope, away from Tartarus and back towards the palace, wordlessly and Ava tried the earpiece. </p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Ava?” came Beatrice’s voice. </p><p>Ava grinned. “The one and only.”</p><p>“Is everything alright?”</p><p>“Yep. All arrived okay. I’ll check in again later with more updates.”</p><p>“Okay. Be safe, please.”</p><p>“Always am,” Ava insisted. </p><p>“I’m serious,” Beatrice replied. </p><p>“So am I!”</p><p>“Will y’all stop hogging the line, dammit?” came Mary’s voice. At this, Ava chuckled. “Just hurry up and get back to us, Ava.”</p><p>“Roger that.”</p><p>“In this life,” Beatrice said.</p><p>“In this life,” Ava echoed. After hanging up, she met Shannon’s eyes, seeing a concoction of emotions within them; a mixture of grief, relief and longing. Seeing this, Ava jogged to Lucifer’s side, who by now had parred off the unconscious Vincent to one of the Tarask guards.</p><p>“Hey,” she bumped their shoulder. “So, I was wondering if I might ask a favour.”</p><p>“What do you need?”</p><p>“You know that you and Jillian agreed that she could speak with Michael?”</p><p>Lucifer nodded. </p><p>“Can Shannon talk to the others?”</p><p>Lucifer seemed to contemplate this for a few moments, but quickly made up their mind. They met Shannon’s quiet gaze and smiled. “Of course.”</p><p>Sometime later, once everything had settled and the immediate things that required their attention had been addressed, Ava removed the earpiece and showed Shannon how to operate it. Once Shannon understood and had it secured over her ear, Ava stood to leave, feeling the need to stretch her legs.  </p><p>“I’ll see you in a bit? Don’t forget that Michael is adamant that we play Mario Kart with him later.”</p><p>“I haven’t forgotten, don’t worry,” Shannon replied. </p><p>“I still find it hard to believe that Michael managed to convince Lucifer to get an entire video games system.”</p><p>Shannon chuckled lightly. “That boy has Lucifer wrapped around his finger. The only one who seems to have not noticed this is them.”</p><p>“This is true. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it.” As Ava reached the doorway, Shannon called her name. The young Warrior Nun spun around.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Thank you for this.” Tears brimmed in her eyes. “This means more to me than I know how to say.”</p><p>“You’re welcome, Shannon. What are sisters for?”</p><p>A little while later, Ava found herself at the top of the tower that had become her sanctuary. Somehow, the world that sprawled out below was not as daunting or as disconcerting as it had been originally. She was alone for a time, contemplating many things and entirely lost in her own thoughts when she realised that Lucifer had appeared beside her, having clearly not noticed their arrival. By now Lucifer had resumed their original form, tall, winged and regally dressed, but their eyes still held the same respect for Ava that they always did.</p><p>“I thought I might find you here,” Lucifer said, their voice soft. “How are you doing?”</p><p>“Okay, thanks. Just… thinking.”</p><p>“About?” Lucifer prompted. </p><p>Ava sighed heavily. “About my mãe, actually. I don’t know how to explain it. Somehow I feel closer to her here.”</p><p>“That is not an uncommon thing to experience,” Lucifer reassured her. </p><p>“So, she is here?”</p><p>Lucifer looked about them. “Not here, strictly speaking. She is not in this part of the Underworld. She is not being punished, if that is what you are trying to ask. Here.” Lucifer gestured for Ava to stand a little closer to them. “Let me show you something.”</p><p>Ava looked at the demon quizzically. </p><p>“Look out onto the horizon,” Lucifer instructed. “Stretch your gaze as far as it will go, and focus on the haze that you find. Look beyond.”</p><p>Ava was sceptical, but did as Lucifer asked and looked beyond to the horizon. There she focused, searching for something within the haze. She was just about to give up when she saw it. A vast gleaming city appeared to rise from within the sky itself, glistening with a hopeful promise. </p><p>“You see, there are places for rest and peace here too.”</p><p>“Is that Heaven?”</p><p>“Heaven is a difficult concept to define,” Lucifer explained. “You will see what you want to see, what you believe. That will be slightly different for everyone, but if that is what you wish to call it, then yes. That is Heaven.”</p><p>“Is my mãe there?”</p><p>“I imagine so, though exactly where amongst the cities of the skies I could not say. Such knowledge is beyond my jurisdiction.”</p><p>Ava nodded. “I understand.” She paused. A burning question formed on her tongue, but she feared that asking such a thing would be a step too far. </p><p>“Is there something else you wish to ask?” Lucifer encouraged. </p><p>Ava fumbled over her words for a moment. “Would it be possible… to see her?”</p><p>Ava found herself surprised by Lucifer’s answer. “If you wish it, I could help you find her.”</p><p>“I sense there is a <em> but </em>?”</p><p>Lucifer chose their following words carefully, although they were as honest as ever. “If you chose to go to her, you would not be able to return to the mortal realm. After all, this is a place for the dead, not the living.” Lucifer cast their gaze to the riverbank. “You would need to make peace with the world and life you would be leaving behind, as they are doing. When you were ready, you would cross the river and enter the mountains and go beyond. If that is truly what you want, then I could make it so. I owe you that much at the very least.”</p><p>Ava considered this. “Does it hurt? Dying, I mean?”</p><p>“I would not know, for I cannot die. But, from what I have seen, for those who welcome it, it is as peaceful as falling asleep.” Lucifer regarded Ava carefully then, acutely aware of the weight of their words. “You need not decide right away. You have time. Will you be joining us for mealtime later?”</p><p>Ava nodded. </p><p>“Then I shall leave you alone to think. You need only call if you need anything.”</p><p>“Thank you, Lucifer. For everything.”</p><p>“You’re very welcome, Ava.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It really does seem that I’m incapable of writing short chapters these days. Oh well. Sorry it got a bit heavy there for a minute. I really do feel strongly about Ava’s feelings being acknowledged, okay? Would be interested to hear what you think!</p><p>Now, whilst I could develop on how the sisters approach uncovering the remnants of Vincent and Adriel’s network, but that’s not where I want to go with the rest of this fic. I really do want to focus this back on Avatrice and how their relationship develops from here. However, with regards to Camila’s mysterious ties outside of the OCS, I am considering a little spinoff Camila backstory/character study fic once this is done. Possibly a oneshot or a short multi chapter (famous last words). If that’s something you’d be interested in reading, let me know in the comments! </p><p>As always, if you spot any mistakes do let me know. I’ll see you in two weeks again (11th April) for some much needed fluff! In the meantime, take care :)</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>.</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“You still haven’t had that conversation, have you?” Mary asked, though it was less of a question and more a statement of obvious fact. </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ava huffed. </p><p>“Yeah, you do,” Mary retorted. “The massive elephant in the room called you and Beatrice are obviously head over heels for each other but refuse to do anything about it.”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Songs:</p><p>Hiking scene(s): Ready Now – Dodie, Enchanted – Taylor Swift</p><p>Restaurant scene: Granada – Issac Albeniz, Simon Dinnigan</p><p>Final scene: Tracking Aeroplanes – The Echelon Effect</p><p>Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=uDtyGLqEQW2lk0WtrcKOWQ">here</a>.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ava did return to the mortal realm, obviously. But, knowing that Lecia was still out there somewhere, someplace not so far away, provided Ava with a comfort that she did not know she needed. It was not a question of if she would see her again, but rather than when. “<em> In this life or the next </em>” rang poignant and true. And so, in an effort to make the most of this strange second life she had been granted, be it by fate or the will of God, Ava chose to live. In time, she came to heal from her past and made peace from whence she came. It was not a linear process and more of an odyssey, for such things are never simple. It took a long time for everything to be okay; there were good days and bad days and days in between. Time lent a sepia haze to the memories of Lecia, growing to be more memories of feelings rather than faces, but they never left Ava. Not really. The day she, Beatrice and Drew visited Lecia’s resting place was one of the hardest days of all, but it gave them all the closure they needed and carved out a little space for them to grieve. There had been nothing in the way of support for Ava at St. Michael’s, something that Ava’s therapist was later appalled to discover, and, in more ways than one, Beatrice and Drew were as much Lecia’s children as Ava was. After all, a family forged by choice, in many ways, transcends those of blood.</p><p>During this time, Mara came to understand that Ava was many things. She was more than just the Halo-Bearer, more than the burden she had come to bear, despite all that Lecia had done to try and protect her from that life. Ava was stubborn, a fiercely loyal friend, a joker. Deserving of patience and deserving of better treatment than she had received in the past. At the core it all, though, Mara began to see something she did not expect, though she should not have been surprised. Ava was a far better person than Mara had ever been; she shone as bright as the sun. She was kind whenever she was able to be to those who deserved it and loved as fiercely as she fought, perhaps even more so. There was so much of Lecia in Ava, and yet the young woman was as much herself as the next person. It took time for Mara to see Ava in this way, in a light that was beyond her own envy and complicated past with the Halo. But time, patience and hard work heal almost all wounds.</p><p>As the OCS steadily began to rebuild, on the back of the revelations about the Halo’s origin, the sisters found that they did not remain in one place for any great length of time. Ava, for one, was relieved to not return to Cat’s Cradle. Instead, they found themselves travelling across the world to flush out the network of sympathisers that Lucifer suspected Adriel and Vincent had. The Underworld monarch had been right of course, a fact which kept them all very busy. Those of the OCS who remained loyal to the cause, despite all that had happened, were an undeniable asset to such efforts, meaning that the monstrous task was divided and coordinated efficiently. One particular breakthrough came from Camila’s mysterious connection to an underground syndicate that operated outside of the OCS’s jurisdiction. The trip involved a trek to the west coast of Scotland where the sisters met Camila’s family, in particular her mother, who was famous for swearing by whiskey, prayer and sweet nettle tea. </p><p>Months later, the five of them returned to Andalusia. Ava, Beatrice, Mary and Lilith did not return to live at Cat’s Cradle, though they were on site when needed. Instead, the four resided in Ronda, its residents more than welcoming and insistent that they took advantage of their hospitality in return for all they had done for them. The OCS gave each of them a reasonable allowance, not one that permitted luxury but it was enough to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. Mary and Lilith rented a flat above Mateo’s restaurant, while Ava and Beatrice shared a place of similar size just down the street. There had not been much discussion about the pairings, but simply occurred naturally. They were close enough to pass a paper plane between the two balconies that overlooked the cobbled street below. They knew this because Ava succeeded in landing one in Mary’s morning coffee once, much to the younger woman’s amusement and Mary’s short-lived irritation.</p><p>Camila meanwhile returned to Cat’s Cradle. She insisted that it was not the same without her sisters, and subsequently spent most weekends and some weekday evenings in Ronda with them. At the OCS she helped set up a surveillance department, a collaboration with Arq-Tech that used elements of the Arc’s technology to monitor for demon activity as well as allow communication with the Underworld. Drew and Jillian were a big part of this and became regular faces around Cat’s Cradle. In time, it was hoped that similar technology may be rolled out across several other charters, though the new allegiance with the Underworld was in its infancy and peace with the Vatican was still tenuous at best.</p><p>The day that the four had moved into their respective flats was one of an organised chaos. Camila helped them, dashing back and forth across the street carrying various things, but between them they made short work of it. After all, after months of living on the road and out of various backpacks, they did not have many material belongings. After they had settled, Mateo invited them to dine at the restaurant that evening, a sort of proper introduction into the community as themselves, rather than just warriors. In particular, Mateo was keen for them to meet his son, a young boy who had recently been adopted. </p><p>“My wife and I had been planning on adopting for years,” Mateo had explained to them, standing on the cobbled street in the late afternoon sun. “But, you know how it is. Life just seemed to get in the way. After what happened I didn’t think that I could be a single father, but it always felt like something was missing. Now I can’t imagine life without him.”</p><p>They were all surprised to find out that Mateo’s son was none other than Diego, the boy who had been Ava’s roommate and only friend at St Michael’s. The reunion was one of utter delight, bone crushing hugs and Ava ruffling Diego’s hair. He had shot up since she had last seen him, and could now look Ava straight in the eyes without any trouble. Since then, between Diego’s schooling and what Ava called work, the pair spent a lot of time together. They did all the things that they had not been able to do at the orphanage; they explored the surrounding area, played video games and baked terrible cookies that left a lot to be desired, but they had fun anyway. In more ways than one, it was almost like Mateo had ended up adopting <em> two </em>kids.</p>
<hr/><p>In a move that seemed to surprise each of the sisters, none of them renewed their vows, including Mara. Beatrice had deliberated the longest, something that she discussed at great lengths in her own therapy. She had mostly made up her mind when Mary said something particularly poignant. It was a sunny day in late spring, and they were sitting outside Mateo’s restaurant during one of Mary’s lunch breaks. She had taken up a chef’s position there, a role that fit her like a glove.</p><p>“You know that there is more than one way to serve God. Is the pursuit of your own happiness not honouring Him also, and making the best of the life He gave you?”</p><p>“When you put it like that…” Beatrice trailed off. </p><p>“I know what your faith means to you, Beatrice,” Mary said, her eyes soft with understanding. “But your faith and duty to the Church do not have to be as intertwined as you have been led to believe. I know our work gave you a purpose when you needed it most, but you can’t wholly live your life for someone else. You deserve to be happy, and if you know that vows ain’t gonna give you that. Well. You know what you need to do.”</p><p>“Thank you, Mary,” Beatrice replied earnestly. At this, Mary smiled warmly, before she was called back inside. Just before she disappeared, Ava came skidding into the courtyard. </p><p>“Shit, am I late?” she panted. None of them scolded her on her language anymore.</p><p>Mary chuckled. “Right on time, Baby Halo. I’ll catch you both later okay?”</p><p>Ava nodded enthusiastically. “Of course. I can’t wait to try this new special of yours this evening. Are you sure you can’t give us a tiny hint about it?”</p><p>Mary shook her head. “Nah. Top secret I’m afraid.”</p><p>Ava shrugged. “Oh well. Worth a try.” She turned to Beatrice, who was yet to stand. “Are you ready for our hike?” she asked. Realisation dawned on Beatrice’s face. Meanwhile, Ava frowned. “You forgot, didn’t you?”</p><p>Beatrice nodded. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Ava waved a dismissive hand with a good-natured smile. “Don’t worry about it. Do you still want to come?”</p><p>“Of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”</p><p>Ava’s face lit up. “Awesome. Why don’t you pop back to the flat and I’ll see you back here when you’re ready? There’s something I wanted to chat to Mateo about anyway.”</p><p>Beatrice rose to her feet. “Intriguing. Now who’s the one keeping secrets?”</p><p>“It’s nothing particularly exciting, Bea. I promise I’ll tell you all about it later anyway.”</p><p>“Alright. See you in a bit.”</p><p>As Beatrice made to leave the courtyard and back to their flat, Ava stepped inside the restaurant with Mary. The older woman raised a teasing eyebrow. </p><p>“What?” Ava demanded. </p><p>“You still haven’t had <em> that </em>conversation, have you?” Mary asked, though it was less of a question and more a statement of obvious fact. </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ava huffed. </p><p>“Yeah, you do,” Mary retorted. “The massive elephant in the room called <em> you and Beatrice are obviously head over heels for each other but refuse to do anything about it </em>.”</p><p>“You’re being especially blunt today,” Ava grumbled. She did not deny it, of course. It was plain enough for anyone to see. </p><p>Mary shrugged. “I’m always blunt, especially when you need to hear it.”</p><p>“Why am I the only one getting this treatment?” Ava protested.</p><p>“Who’s to say I haven’t spoken to Beatrice too?”</p><p>At this, Ava just groaned as heat rose to her cheeks. “Don’t you have actual work to do or something?” she asked, swiftly changing the subject.</p><p>“Always, but you know I’ve always got time to annoy you.”</p><p>“Ugh, I hate you!” Ava called out towards Mary’s retreating back as she headed back into the kitchen. </p><p>“Love you, too!” she shouted back in response.</p><p>Back in the flat, Beatrice consulted the very specific itinerary Ava had left for her. It mostly consisted of food to pack in a cool bag, everything already labelled <em> bring me! </em> in the fridge in Ava’s messy hand. Writing, and many other fine motor skills, was something that the Halo-Bearer was continuously working on, slowly relearning to do all things her muscles had long forgotten. Beatrice knew that Ava found her slow progress with these things frustrating, even embarrassing at times, but even those little notes were a demonstration of trust that brought a warm smile to Beatrice’s face. </p><p>Beatrice found Ava again in the courtyard of Mateo’s restaurant, lying on a wooden bench and basking in the early afternoon sun, eyes closed. She regarded Ava for a few moments, almost not wishing to disturb the peace that bloomed across her features. Ava had been spending a lot of time outdoors, the sun lightening her hair a golden hue and giving her a deep tan. She was glowing. </p><p>“I can feel you watching me, Bea,” Ava said suddenly, her eyes still shut. </p><p>“How did you know that I wasn’t someone else?” Beatrice countered as Ava sat up. </p><p>“Call it spidey senses,” Ava replied with a shrug, not missing the heat that had risen to Beatrice’s cheeks. Ava was not about to confess that the Halo was finely tuned to Beatrice’s presence by now and hummed softly whenever she was near. </p><p>“So,” Beatrice said as they made their way along the public footpath out of the town and towards the mountains. “Where are we off to today?”</p><p>Ava grinned. “It’s a surprise.”</p><p>“Oh? Very mysterious.”</p><p>Ava wiggled her eyebrows and took a swig of water. “I can be mysterious. I’ll have you know that I’m excellent at keeping secrets.”</p><p>Beatrice burst out laughing. “Ava, you’re terrible at keeping secrets.”</p><p>“Am not,” Ava protested. </p><p>“It took you less than twenty-four hours to confess to me that you had a secret snack stash in the flat,” Beatrice reminded her, raising an eyebrow. </p><p>“I felt bad!”</p><p>“Plus, you didn’t hide it very well. I found it before you even told me.”</p><p>“What? You said no such thing before.”</p><p>Beatrice shrugged, laughing lightly. “I really was just testing to see how long you could go before telling me.” </p><p>Ava turned her nose up at the other woman as Ronda retreated in the distance, growing smaller with every step. “You’re a mean woman, Beatrice Yang.” </p><p>No one had batted an eyelid when Beatrice had explained that she would be changing her surname to match her sister’s. If anything, they all saw it as a positive step away from who Beatrice had once expected to be and towards who she chose to be. </p><p>Soon the pair fell into a comfortable silence as the bustle of the town faded, replaced with the buzz of insects and a light breeze drifted over the landscape. They climbed upwards into the mountains, overlooking the Spanish countryside; patches of green, bleached brown and yellow speckled across a largely dusty and dry land, hills of all shapes and sizes rising jagged from the earth while far off heights were obscured by clouds. Above their heads, birds of prey called to one another, their shrill cries carrying in the wind. Before too long Ava guided them off the beaten track, high into the mountains where the ground became more rock and less dirt. The steep incline began to be a test even for Beatrice’s legs, while Ava strode along beside her, hopping up and over rocks with ease.</p><p>“The Halo isn’t meant to be used as a stamina reserve, you know,” Beatrice grumbled, sweat evident in her hairline. </p><p>“Who says I’m using the Halo?” Ava grinned, whilst Beatrice raised a sceptical eyebrow. “What? Is it so crazy that I might be more used to hiking around than you these days?” </p><p>It wasn’t so crazy, not really. After they had moved to Ronda, Ava spent whatever time she could outdoors. After years of not being able to be outside at her own choosing, she was finally able to reconnect with nature. At first the others were sceptical of this, wondering whether Ava’s flight over fight instincts were kicking in again, but Beatrice knew her better than that. Ava had always sought solace and peace in the outdoors, and this was no different. Beatrice understood that the wealth of hospitality and kindness of the townsfolk sometimes overwhelmed Ava, though she tried not to show it. Being among people who treated her well by default and equally expected nothing of her was going to take some getting used to, but little by little Ava grew more comfortable in her place there.</p><p>When time allowed, Ava wandered into the mountains or down into the valley and explored everything possible. She rediscovered the world through touch; the trickle of the river through her fingertips, the brushing of long grass against her legs, dusty earth beneath her feet. She was the first one outside when it rained whilst everyone moved in the opposite direction, allowing the rain to soak through her clothes just because she could. Much to Beatrice’s disdain, she had returned to the flat from such downpours and dripped water everywhere. Ava found a particular love for storms, gleeful with the feeling of electricity building in the air, and learned that when birds fell silent a storm was on the way. Ava was alone more often than not in these explorations before, but in time she invited the others to explore the sites she had discovered around the place they now called home. She had found a secluded spot away from the beaten track where she and Lilith continued to train, and where they explored Lilith’s new abilities without risking accidently hurting anyone or damaging property. But, on the day in question, Ava had wanted to show Beatrice her favourite spot of all, somewhere she had shared with anyone else until now.</p><p>Ava bumped into Beatrice’s shoulder, knocking her sideways several steps. “Or are you just grumpy that I’m out matching you for once?”</p><p>“This better be worth it,” Beatrice huffed. By now, they had come to an area that was mercifully shaded by Spanish firs and other trees, giving them respite from the sweltering sun, unforgiving even when the height of summer was a way off yet. The roar of flowing water could be heard up ahead.</p><p>Ava’s eyes lit up. “It will be. Trust me.”</p><p>When they finally reached the brow of the hill, the view that spread out below them took Beatrice’s breath away. Beside her, Ava watched as she took it all in, her eyes widening in wonder. The sound of the water was a tumbling waterfall, crashing earthwards down a rockface worn smooth by the elements and time. Ivy, moss and other hardy plants clung to the rocks that formed a small cavern into which the water fell, then flowing outwards into a lake, its waters azure blue and crystal clear. Ripples spread across its surface from the current, considerably slower than the velocity of the waterfall itself, edged along by a gentle breeze. </p><p>“Ava…” Beatrice breathed, gazing around and soaking it all in. The fresh air, twittering birds, the breeze through the leaves of the trees. “This is beautiful.” </p><p>“It is,” Ava said quietly in reply. But, she wasn’t looking at the scene before them. She was looking at Beatrice. When the other woman turned to meet her eyes, heat rose to Ava’s cheeks. </p><p>“Let’s go!” Ava suddenly exclaimed, bounding off towards the edge and hopping downwards onto a rock shelf below. Within moments, she was much closer to the ground, a mere step away from where the rock gave way to the mossy earth that framed the edge of the lake. </p><p>“Ava!” Beatrice called, raising her voice over the sound of the waterfall. “Not all of us are invulnerable!” She put her hands on her hips and scowled. </p><p>Ava gazed up at her and realised that she had definitely overlooked this small detail. </p><p>No matter, she thought. Ava put her backpack down where she stood and scaled back up the path she had descended, pulling herself up and hopping between ledges of rock with ease. Soon she was back where she started, at Beatrice’s side. </p><p>“It’s not that bad, I promise,” Ava began to say. </p><p>“For someone who could survive the fall, perhaps!” </p><p>“What if I carried you down?”</p><p>Beatrice blinked. “You’re not serious.”</p><p>“I can be serious! I am serious. It would be a piece of cake. You’re not very heavy.”</p><p>“It’s not your strength that I’m worried about. What if you slipped?”</p><p>Ava scoffed. “I’m not going to climb and carry you.”</p><p>“Then what exactly do you have in mind?”</p><p>“I’ll levitate us down.”</p><p>“Oh.” Beatrice wasn’t sure if this was better or worse than the possibility of being carried.</p><p>“It’ll be fine, I promise. Quick and painless,” Ava insisted with a trademark grin. </p><p>Beatrice sighed. “Fine. What do you want me to do? Cling to your back like a koala?”</p><p>Ava laughed. “Nope, I had something easier in mind.” With that, she stepped forwards and swooped Beatrice off her feet. With one arm snaked around her thighs and another around her back, Ava held Beatrice close to her. She grinned down at Beatrice, who’d turned pink, more than just a little fazed by Ava’s obvious demonstration of strength. </p><p>Ava grinned. “Hold tight.”</p><p>Beatrice drew her arms around Ava’s neck a little closer. “Ava, if you drop me, I will never let you hear the end of it. You’ll be on laundry duty forever.”</p><p>“I’m not going to drop you,” Ava insisted. “What sort of an idiot do you take me for?”</p><p>Beatrice raised a questioning eyebrow. “Do you really want me to answer that?”</p><p>“Nope. Point taken. Just, trust me okay?”</p><p>Beatrice yelped when Ava stepped off the edge, expecting them to plummet downwards, but no such thing occurred. Instead, true to her word, Ava floated them down the rocks with a grace that left Beatrice thoroughly surprised, as if levitating were suddenly second nature to her. The landing was so soft that Beatrice barely felt the impact, and Ava set her down with ease. They stood with hardly an atom between them for a time, their eyes locking for a moment before they awkwardly stepped apart. Such moments were becoming increasingly frequent of late, something that the others had not failed to notice. Even the people of Ronda had begun to give them knowing looks. The florist, who always had a stall in the square on market Saturdays, had even remembered that Ava always stopped by to purchase a bunch of flowers for a <em> special someone </em>. For a while it had been sunflowers, for they were bright, happy, and apparently reminded Beatrice of the sun (not specifically someone who was her sun, of course, not at all).</p><p>Beatrice cleared her throat. “You’ve been practising.”</p><p>Ava nodded. “Yeah. That’s what I’ve been doing here actually. Although, I haven’t quite mastered <em> actual </em>flying yet.”</p><p>“Actual flying?” Beatrice repeated, putting her bag down where they had walked several paces and had begun unpacking.</p><p>Ava nodded. “Horizontally. You know, Supergirl style. That requires ab strength and spatial awareness that I apparently don’t have.”</p><p>“Why do I feel like there’s more to that particular story…”</p><p>“I may have crashed into a tree.”</p><p>“Just the one?”</p><p>“Make that several trees.” Ava sheepishly glanced to the other side of the lack where, low and behold, there were several trees sporting Ava-sized dents in their thick trunks. Beatrice then recalled about a week prior, when Ava had returned from a hike with several twigs caught in her hair.</p><p>“Well, that does explain a lot at least,” Beatrice chuckled. </p><p>The trek to the waterfall had left the pair ravenous and thirsty. Between them they unpacked the food Ava had prepared, which turned out to be nothing short of a feast; cooked meats, freshly baked bread, cheeses, an elaborate salad of leaves, dressing, seeds and all sorts. They tucked in hungrily, spread across a blanket by the lakeside, slipping into a comfortable silence whilst the world continued about its day around them. </p><p>“There was something I wanted to ask you, actually,” Ava said all of a sudden. </p><p>“Oh?” Beatrice popped another strawberry into her mouth, and tried to ignore the way her heart suddenly started to pound in her chest.</p><p>“It’s kind of embarrassing.”</p><p>Beatrice gave Ava a questioning look. </p><p>“I… could you teach me to swim?”</p><p>A beat. </p><p>“You want me to teach you to swim?” Beatrice repeated, caught off guard. Of all the things she could have expected Ava to ask, that was not one of them.</p><p>Ava nodded, rubbing her hands down her thighs. “I trust you. It’s an important skill that I never really got the chance to learn.”</p><p>“Is that why you said to bring swimming costumes?” </p><p>Ava nodded in response. </p><p>“I did think it was a little odd when you said that,” Beatrice mused.</p><p>“Is that a yes?” Ava asked sheepishly.</p><p>Beatrice smiled warmly. “Of course. It would be an honour.”</p><p>“Don’t speak too soon. You know I’m a terrible student.”</p><p>“Terrible isn’t the word I’d use,” Beatrice replied, thinking back to the classes they had once shared together. How long ago that seemed, like some distant memory when in reality it was only a few years prior. So much had changed, and yet there they both sat. Together still. </p><p>Ava hopped to her feet, having made short work of her share of the food, and dug her swimming costume out of her bag. “I may surprise you yet. Just popping off to change. No peeking!”</p><p>Beatrice just rolled her eyes at the prospect. “Are you sure there’s no one else around?”</p><p>Ava nodded. “Crystal. I’ve never seen a soul around here.” With that, Ava disappeared into a clump of dense foliage where the area around the lake morphed into woodland. When she returned, Beatrice had a hard time keeping her jaw from hanging open. She could look respectfully. She was just appreciating Ava’s form (she wasn’t). It wasn’t that the bikini was overly revealing, but Beatrice was only human. And gay.</p><p>“My eyes are up here, Bea,” Ava teased. At this, Beatrice flushed the deepest shade of red Ava had ever seen on her. It made her smirk. </p><p>“I’m beginning to think this was just a cunning ploy of yours, Silva,” Beatrice managed to retort, once she remembered how to breathe and formulate words. </p><p>“Who says it wasn’t?” Ava grinned, before turning serious again. “But, I really do need to learn how to swim. I’d rather not need rescuing again.” She grimaced briefly, casting her mind back to the last time she’d jumped into a body of water, not knowing that the Halo did not magically give its bearer the ability to swim. “<em> This </em>,” she gestured to herself. “Is an added bonus just for you.”</p><p>“You’re going to be the death of me,” Beatrice mumbled as she grabbed her own things and dashed out of sight. </p><p>“I heard that!”</p><p>“Great,” Beatrice muttered under her breath once she was alone. “Pull yourself together, Beatrice. Dammit,” she told herself. </p><p>As it turned out, Ava was equally star struck when Beatrice reappeared. Beatrice too wore a two-piece, but made up of shorts that still left the lengths of her legs exposed and a more sturdy upper half. Beatrice had always been toned when she and Ava had been at school, but soft too. Now she was all hard lines and strength from vigorous training, the definition of muscles across her body well-defined. Ava blinked several times. </p><p>“Shall we get in?”</p><p>Ava nodded and hopped to her feet from where she had been sitting on the bank, dipping her toes into the cool water. A few paces away there was a small slope into the lake, where the water scaled rippled over smooth pebbles. Beatrice strode in first confidently and waded in up to her waist, humming contently at the relief the cool lake provided from the heat. The water was perfectly clear, showing a mosaic of multi coloured pebbles beneath her feet. She itched to dive straight in, swim along the bottom of the shallows and watch the sunlight filter through the water above, but stayed dutifully only a few steps in front of Ava. </p><p>Turning around she asked, “You okay?”</p><p>Ava nodded, crossing her hands over her chest. “It’s freezing,” she complained. </p><p>Beatrice rolled her eyes. “It’s not that bad. Come. You’ll warm up.”</p><p>Soon they were standing side by side. </p><p>“Let's get you comfortable in the water first,” Beatrice suggested. “Can you lie on your back?”</p><p>“What if I sink?”</p><p>“You’re not going to sink,” Beatrice reassured here. </p><p>“But what if I do?”</p><p>“I won’t let you. I’ve got you.”</p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>“Always.”</p><p>With that, Ava shifted her weight and lay on her back, shivers rippling down her spine. She put her trust in Beatrice who, true to her word, held her hands so they hovered just beneath Ava in the water, a sort of safety net. Beatrice looked down at Ava with a soft gaze, watching as Ava’s hair fanned out around her head and the water cradled her face. The spring sun had already given Beatrice a generous tan, complimenting her dark features. The ripples of the water and light reflected in her irises, turning dark brown to gold, and cast dancing patterns across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. She was beautiful. </p><p>“Earth to Ava,” Beatrice chuckled. </p><p>Ava blinked. “Hmm? Were you talking to me?”</p><p>Beatrice rolled her eyes. “There’s no one else here, is there?” </p><p>“Fair point.”</p><p>“I’m going to take my hands away now. Okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>Beatrice retreated a step and then surprised Ava by lying down beside her, floating so that their heads were next to each other but bodies pointing in different directions. </p><p>“This isn’t so bad,” Ava said eventually. </p><p>Beatrice smiled beside her. “Told you.”  </p><p>They pair spent another few hours in the water, slowly building Ava’s confidence but never straying too far from the shallows. One step at a time, Beatrice told her. </p><p>“I wonder if I could run super-fast across the lake,” Ava wondered as she climbed out ahead of Beatrice. “You know, like the Dash from the Incredibles or the Flash.”</p><p>“Maybe let’s not test that theory until you're confident in deeper water,” Beatrice suggested. </p><p>“It would be awesome though, right?” Ava grinned. </p><p>“I suppose it would.”</p><p>As they sat back down on the blanket and dried themselves off, Beatrice finally decided to tell Ava that she had reached a decision about her vows. The excommunication had been a blessing in disguise, liberating Beatrice from the chains that held her back from the things that could make her happy. Ultimately, having her vows stripped had given her clarity about what she wanted. <em> Who </em>she wanted.</p><p>“I made a decision,” Beatrice said suddenly, before she could think better of it. It caught Ava by surprise.</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“My vows.” A pause. “I won’t be taking them again.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Beatrice nodded. “You seem surprised.”</p><p>“Not at all.” Ava smiled. “I just wanted you to make the right choice for you, not anyone else. I would have supported you regardless.”</p><p>“I know. Thank you for that.”</p><p>“So. What now?”</p><p>Beatrice shrugged. “I have absolutely no idea. I thought it would be more scary, not knowing what the future would hold. But…”</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“I just feel… Unbound. Unburdened. Free to just be. I want to do something that is important to me, but I don’t quite know what that is just yet.”</p><p>Ava smiled again then, her eyes brimming with understanding. “I’m proud of you.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Ava nodded. “Of course. I know you, Bea. That can’t have been an easy decision to make. But, for what it’s worth, I think you’re making the best choice for you. Have you told the others yet?”</p><p>Beatrice shook her head. “I haven’t confirmed it with them, but Mary and I were talking about it this morning.”</p><p>“I see. Well, I’m honoured to be the first.”</p><p>As Ava turned away from her to reach for something in her bag, Beatrice noticed the circular scar on Ava’s back for the first time, knowing that the Halo sat just beneath her skin. She was surprised to see how much of the details of the Halo’s own carvings were imprinted on Ava’s skin, forming a maze of swirls and loops, intertwined with each other like ivy. </p><p>When Ava turned back around, she found Beatrice wearing a puzzled look. </p><p>“What?” Ava asked. </p><p>“Oh, sorry,” Beatrice said. “I was looking at your scar from the Halo. I’ve never seen it up close.”</p><p>“You haven’t?” Ava wondered. </p><p>“Well, the nuns didn’t exactly make a habit of being in states of undress around each other,” Beatrice replied by means of explanation.</p><p>Ava chuckled. “Good pun.”</p><p>Beatrice rolled her eyes. “Does it hurt?”</p><p>Ava shook her head. “It used to, but not anymore really. It’s hard to explain. It feels different in different situations.”</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“Different demons make it do different things. For wraiths, it turns cold. For Tarasks it used to burn, but now we know that they are no longer a threat it’s more just a… fizzling heat? And it’s warm when I am happy.”</p><p>“Can I touch it?” Beatrice asked, before realising quite what she had asked. She was about to retract the question, claim that she had not meant to say that out loud before Ava responded with a surprising answer. </p><p>“Sure.” </p><p>Ava turned around, leaving her bare back facing Beatrice, who hesitated at first before curiosity drove her to shuffle forward and reach out. Beatrice’s fingertips brushed Ava’s skin as if she were a fragile antique, impossibly gentle and barely touching her at all, at first. Where Beatrice expected to find rough scar tissue, she was met with an odd smoothness. As she began to trace the patterns imprinted there, half wondering if the swirls and shapes might be an archaic language, the Halo warmed beneath her touch and began to glow. Beatrice quickly withdrew her hand in surprise. </p><p>“Is something wrong?” Beatrice asked, concerned that she may have gone too far. </p><p>Ava’s eyes shot open and clenched her shoulder blades. “Oh. No, it’s just… reacting to my emotions.” Ava let out a nervous chuckle. “No biggie.”</p><p>“Ava, you’re lighting up like a Christmas tree.”</p><p>Ava turned back around. “I have a tendency to do that around you.” Her cheeks reddened. “I’m surprised you haven’t already noticed,” she added sheepishly. </p><p>“I… don’t understand.”</p><p>Ava raised her eyebrows. “Yes, you do, Bea.”</p><p>Oh. <em> Oh. </em> This conversation was happening. <em> Again </em>. </p><p>“Ava…” Beatrice began, before losing herself in Ava’s gaze. </p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p>“Thank God, I thought you’d never ask.”</p><p>The kiss was different from the other first time, years ago. That had been tentative and a little clumsy, but this was slow in a different way, one that retraced once familiar paths as they folded back into each other. Beatrice cradled Ava’s face in her hands, pulling her a little closer as their lips moulded back together again. The Halo glowed, framing them both in a shroud of golden light. The overwhelming emotion that danced between them as they held each other, breathed each other in as Beatrice pressed Ava backwards into the blanket, was relief. Knowing what it is like to lose forges a deeper love for things thereafter. That is, a paradise once lost and later found is loved and cherished more deeply than before. </p><p>Some time passed before Ava pulled away, a little breathless and her lips swollen. Beatrice’s eyes fluttered open, holding a myriad of emotion that Ava had only caught glimpses of until now, in stolen glances that Beatrice did not think Ava could see.</p><p>“I hate to say it,” Ava said. “But we should probably get back. We will never hear the end of it if the others learn that this is why we were late.”</p><p>Beatrice let out a laugh, before looking to the sky. Ava was right. The sun had long since passed its peak in the sky and would be beginning its descent towards the horizon before too long. They could not hide away from civilisation forever, as much as sleeping under the stars would have been impossibly romantic. Maybe another time. They packed up their things wordlessly and began the trek back towards Ronda. It took them a little while to realise that they had been holding hands most of the way. When they reached the town, Ava moved to take a step away from Beatrice, to let her hand go, but instead Beatrice kept her hold of Ava’s hand firm. She was done hiding.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Ava asked. </p><p>Beatrice nodded. “Positive.”</p><p>Ava grinned. “Okay.”</p><p>Nothing was different, of course. They walked through the town as they always had and climbed the stairs up to the door of their flat.</p><p>“Well, this is us,” Ava said. She slipped the key into the lock, letting the door swing open. It felt different this time. </p><p>After they had stepped inside and dropped their bags, Ava found Beatrice smiling. </p><p>“What?” Ava asked. </p><p>“<em> Us </em>,” Beatrice emphasised. “I like that.”</p><p>“I’d be a bit concerned if you didn’t, Bea,” Ava deadpanned in response. </p><p>Beatrice rolled her eyes before she padded across the longue space and opened the door to the balcony. “Are you always going to be like this?” she chuckled. </p><p>“What, the love of your life?” Ava called, joking from the kitchen and grabbing them both a much-needed glass of water. </p><p>“I was going to say insufferable,” Beatrice laughed. “But, yes. That too.”</p><p>At this, Ava paused and looked up from the counter. Her cheeks reddened. “Wait, really?”</p><p>Beatrice gazed at Ava fondly, stepping towards her. She raised an eyebrow. “Is that so surprising?”</p><p>Ava stumbled over her words momentarily. “It’s just different hearing you say it out loud. And so soon. We only kissed an hour or so ago, jeez.” She placed her hands on the counter dramatically. “Oh my God, did we just U-haul?”</p><p>Beatrice laughed with a shrug. “I suppose. We have already moved in together. Again.”</p><p>Ava snorted. “We were never ones for convention, were we?”</p><p>Beatrice stepped in behind Ava and wrapped her arms around Ava’s middle, resting her chin on Ava’s shoulder. “Not at all.”</p><p>Ava paused. “Can you say it again?” she asked quietly. </p><p>“You’re the love of my life, Ava Silva,” Beatrice repeated without hesitating. </p><p>Ava turned to face Beatrice and tucked a rogue strand of hair behind Beatrice’s ear. “You’re the love of my life, too. Just so you know.” </p><p>Ava brought their lips together again, briefly. When they pulled apart, they breathed together wordlessly for a few moments. </p><p>“I could get used to this,” Beatrice smiled.</p><p>“I really wasn’t expecting you to say that, you know,” Ava emphasised again.</p><p>“Ava, I’ve been in love with you since I was sixteen. I’ve waited long enough to tell you, I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you before.”</p><p>Ava shook her head. “It’s okay. We got there in the end.”</p><p>The moment was suddenly broken when their front door flew open unexpectedly, revealing Lilith and Camila.</p><p>“<em> Hello </em>?” Lilith called.</p><p>“In the kitchen!” Ava called.  </p><p>“We did knock several times, but…” Camila defended, before trailing off when she and Lilith noticed how Ava and Beatrice were standing. “Wait. Did you…?” Camila gesticulated between them. Both Ava and Beatrice flushed red.</p><p>Lilith rolled her eyes. “No, Camila,” she deadpanned. “They’re just <em> really </em>good friends.” At this, the shorter woman elbowed her in the side. </p><p>“Well?” Camila prompted. </p><p>“You didn’t finish your question,” Ava pointed out, whilst Beatrice simply said yes. </p><p>Camila squealed and rushed towards them, hugging them both tight. “I’m so happy for you both! Wait until I tell Mary!”</p><p>Meanwhile, Lilith pretended to grumble about the whole thing, claiming that she now owed money to both Camila and Mary. </p><p>“What?” Ava exclaimed. “You bet on us?” She pulled a face. “The audacity. I’m disowning all three of you.”</p><p>This at least finally brought a grin to Lilith’s face. “It doesn’t work like that I’m afraid. You’re stuck with us now whether you like it or not.”</p><p>Ava shrugged. “I reckon I can live with that. How much are we worth though? Spill.”</p><p>When Lilith confessed how much the bet was, Ava whistled. “Well. Drinks on Camila and Mary tonight then!” </p><p>Camila and Lilith agreed to meet Beatrice and Ava at Mateo’s restaurant a little later, for the pair both needed a shower and to change into non-hiking attire. Ava settled on something a little nicer than her everyday wear; a pair of grey slim-fitting plaid trousers, white t-shirt and a denim jacket, one that she insisted on covering in patches from their various travels and other nonsense. Meanwhile, Beatrice settled for a loose shirt made of striped linen, tucked into a pair of jeans. Naturally, they both wore the necklaces Lecia had given them. In fact, they rarely took them off. In that way she was always with them, watching over her girls.</p><p>The restaurant itself was nothing short of alive; abuzz with chatter and laughter. Every conceivable space was filled with grateful patrons. Mismatched chairs were pulled up wherever they would fit, yet no one seemed to mind. The setting sun spilled in through the open windows, casting a pale haze over everything the light touched, from sun-ripened faces to the warm wooden interior of the building. Somewhere, someone was strumming a classical guitar.</p><p>Camila gave them an enthusiastic wave when Beatrice and Ava stepped inside, clad in yellow dungarees and a boldly striped shirt. She sat next to Drew, who had recently cut her hair short and dyed it blue. Somehow, she pulled it off effortlessly. Drew’s eyes widened when she saw Ava and Beatrice hand in hand. She clambered past Camila and rushed to hug them both. </p><p>“I was beginning to think we’d be waiting forever for you two to finally get your act together!” she exclaimed when she stepped back.</p><p>Beatrice groaned. “Is it going to be like this all night?” she asked with a good-natured chuckle. </p><p>“You bet it is,” Drew quipped in response. </p><p>“Well, if that’s the way it's going to be I can think of another certain pair who could do with their heads bashing together,” Ava said, glancing at Camila and giving Drew a pointed look. </p><p>Drew scoffed, but Beatrice and Ava did not fail to notice how the tips of her ears turned pink. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Ava replied. “Sure, you don’t.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Drew hissed as they walked the rest of the way to the table.</p><p>“I’m beginning to think this useless gay thing runs in the family, Bea,” Ava whispered to Beatrice. </p><p>Beatrice glanced at her sideways with a knowing look in her eye. “I’m beginning to think you might be right.”</p><p>Once they were seated, the group fell into natural conversation. Drew caught them up on the work she and Camila had been doing, the collaboration projection between the new era of the Order and Arq-Tech. They were both clearly passionate about their work, engrossed in their explanations and finishing each other’s sentences.</p><p>It wasn’t long before Mary slipped out of the kitchen, bringing with her several large bowls of piping hot paella. It seemed that the paella was all anyone was eating in the restaurant that night, meaning that the Mary’s Special Mondays were a continued success. Lilith was quick to fill Mary in, saying that Beatrice and Ava had finally got their act together. </p><p>“That's a very unromantic way of putting it,” Ava grumbled. </p><p>Mary grinned. “It’s about bloody time! Watching you moon over each other this whole time has been getting painful. But, since when were you a romantic, Baby Halo?”</p><p>Ava shrugged, shovelling another mouthful of food. “For Beatrice, always.”</p><p>“Wow, you two are already at the gross stage then,” Mary quipped. </p><p>Ava threw her arms in the air. “Back me up here, Bea.”</p><p>“Credit where credit is due, it was quite romantic,” Beatrice admitted. “Hike, waterfall, picnic… What more could a woman ask for?”</p><p>“Exactly!” Ava insisted. “Thanks, babe.”</p><p>“Please,” Lilith grimaced. “No pet names in front of my dinner.”</p><p>Beatrice huffed. “What do you think? Could we still ‘Ava good time without pet names?”</p><p>Ava shook her head. “Nah, I don’t think so, Bea-utiful.</p><p>Lilith pulled a face. “I take it back. The puns are worse. I’m going to need more wine if I have to sit through any more of this.”</p><p>Mary put her hands on her hips. “That can be arranged. By the glass or by the bottle, ma’am?”</p><p>“By the bucket at the rate this is going,” Lilith said, before she caved and began to laugh.</p><p>The rest of the evening passed easily, with Mary joining them properly once her shift was over. They barely noticed the time passing until the last call was made. After they had bid Mateo, Diego and the remaining staff farewell, the group slipped out into the cool night. Lilith and Mary had offered their spare room and sofa to Camila and Drew, giving Beatrice and Ava their flat to themselves. </p><p>They did not go to bed right away. They kicked off their shoes and made their way to the balcony, where they stargazed before bed. It reminded them both of somewhat simpler times, of the hours they had passed on the roof of their room at Darlington. Beatrice and Ava had looked at a number of flats when they had all decided to relocate to Ronda, but the deciding factor for them was being able to see the night sky. After years at St. Michaels, unable to watch the stars of her own accord, the balcony was a little haven for Ava. It served as a gentle reminder to her that she was free now. </p><p>They lounged on a small bench that Mary had made them, littered with cushions, with Ava sat upright in one corner and Beatrice nestled between her legs. Their flat was at the brow of a hill, with Ronda spilling out below and the mountains climbing towards the stars in the opposite direction. They sat there content for a time, until the content from their full bellies and wine rendered them sleepy. Just as they were about to move, a shooting star zipped across the sky, leaving behind it a short-lived trail that quickly fizzled into the inky sky. </p><p>“Did you make a wish?” Ava asked. </p><p>“Of course,” Beatrice replied, sitting up. Sleepiness clung to the edges of her eyes.</p><p>Ava raised an eyebrow. </p><p>“I’m not going to tell you, or it won’t come true. That’s the rule, remember?”</p><p>“That’s just boring.”</p><p>“Oh shh, you.”</p><p>Ava interlocked their fingers and studied them for a time, as if she couldn’t quite believe that, after everything, here they were, having found their way back to each other again.</p><p>“Hey, Bea?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>Ava kissed the back of Beatrice’s hand softly. “I love you.”</p><p>“I love you, too,” Beatrice replied with a smile.</p><p>All was well. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I promised you a happy ending and fluff, and so I have delivered! Hope you enjoyed this, the longest chapter yet :) What do you think? You may have also noticed that the chapter count has been updated. There will be one more chapter after this, a sort of epilogue to tie everything up. Thank you all once again for sticking with this fic, your support and every comment means the world. </p><p>As always, let me know if you spot any errors. See you in two weeks (24th April) for the finale! Take care, be safe and be kind.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>.</p><p>If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p><p>[EDIT 26.04.2021]</p><p>Okay well the date for the update has passed but don't worry the final chapter is nearly finished and will be posted ASAP. I've been super busy of late helping to set up the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, so I hope you'll forgive me this one time for missing the update. If you want to find out more about the zine click <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a> . We're open for submissions until 21st May and you can find all the rules, FAQs etc in the thread. See you all soon!</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And so the story finally comes to a close. </p><p>The song for the final scene is I Hope You Find Peace by Jessica Curry, available on the Spotify playlist <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3bT47zaEh9PBr8m6cALyWY?si=FOuD85F_Sj-WdnpWUJM-Ng">here</a>.</p>
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    <p>As Lucifer predicted, it was not long before Duretti was forced to step down as Pope. He was convicted of a number of offenses committed during his short-lived papacy. He always professed that he was innocent despite overwhelming evidence to indicate otherwise and, unfortunately, he still had the support of a number of powerful (and more importantly <em> wealthy </em>) individuals, both within the Vatican and beyond. As such, he was only sentenced to house arrest over supposed concerns for his health and safety in a real prison. It was more than he deserved, but Lucifer personally reassured the sisters that he would get no such preferential treatment in the next life.</p><p>In the following months and years, all the sisters were heavily involved in forging an OCS that was all the things it had not been before, but should have. They rebuilt the organisation from the foundation up, one that grew into a global intelligence agency specialising in demons and matters of the Other World, but beyond the constraints of the Church and the expectations that came with being holy warriors. They fought demons when problems arose, for the mortal realm would never be entirely free of demonic influence. But perhaps most importantly this rebranded OCS helped <em> all </em>people. The organisation valued its operatives and treated them with dignity. Mary joked more than once that this new generation, many of whom had been nuns in previous charters but also many not, were as much warriors as they were, but with considerably more emotional stability. It wasn’t too far from the truth. </p><p>Initially, all of the sisters worked on the ground and often formed a mission team. They were capable of working with others, of course, but they were undeniably at their best when together. Ava had tried to nickname them the A team, but did not seem to catch on (at least, Lilith tried to insist that it didn’t). In time, however, as the OCS grew, they moved away from the field into more senior roles. That was all except Mary. She remained on the ground for the longest, running routine community checks, acting as the organisation’s eyes and ears and gathering intel. It was the work that suited her best, and no one had qualms with it. </p><p>It was of no surprise to anyone when Lilith stepped into leadership. By her late twenties, she was offered the position of director, a choice that everyone firmly supported. Beatrice was predominantly involved in developing and executing the training programme for new recruits, one that prepared them for all they might come across but never once neglected their wellbeing. Ava was the chief liaison between the realms, and an important part of the puzzle of how to transform the ideals and mission of the OCS into something that people would believe in regardless of their faith. It wasn’t long before she became the longest living Warrior Nun, a position that earned her the utmost respect. Her power only grew, as did her wisdom (but not her sense of humour, as Mary was never afraid to remind her). Ava’s natural charm and ability with people also made her one of the organisation’s most valued diplomats, and those working for other intelligence agencies across the world soon learned not to underestimate the young bubbly woman who never seemed to sit still. </p><p>Camila and Drew became a package deal and were responsible for the technology and communications departments. They rolled out the technology they had developed in collaboration with Arq-Tech to all OCS charters, increasing the organisation’s ability to detect demon activity without having to rely on the Halo-Bearer. It was no longer a burden that had to be carried by one individual. In this way, Lucifer also kept their promise to help in whatever way they could. They gifted the sight that usually only the Warrior Nun possessed to several well-deserving and loyal operatives. There would continue to be such individuals long after the new OCS founders had passed across the Veil, and Ava would get her wish. She was the last Warrior Nun, but not before she <em> lived </em>.  </p><p>After a time, a number of years, the new OCS was a well-oiled machine that functioned perfectly fine without the sisters. Camila and Drew remained the most involved, whilst the others took a step back and occasionally were called back on a consultancy basis, though this became less and less frequent. As the dust settled, Beatrice, Ava, Mary and Lilith were faced with a possibility that they had never quite considered, a life beyond serving the OCS. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Ava was the least fazed by this, whilst the others, Beatrice and Lilith in particular, had always imagined that they would die on mission, as sister warriors of the past often did.</p><p>Throughout her time working for the OCS, Ava had attended night classes to get the qualifications that she had been prevented from achieving at St Michael’s. Despite possessing what became a wealth of experience in their field of work, Ava always felt somehow lesser for not having those formal letters on a piece of paper. The others, and her therapist, assured her that her worth was not determined by her qualitificaitons, but supported her regardless in her studies. Ava came to realise that she actually just missed <em> learning, </em>although there were several instances where she found herself frustrated beyond belief.</p><p>“I’m the goddamn Halo-Bearer,” Ava grumbled one evening. “I can levitate, phase through walls and see demons. But I’m defeated by calculus?” She groaned.</p><p>Beatrice leant over Ava’s shoulder and grimaced. “More like <em> cal-kill-us </em>.”</p><p>“Thanks, Bea. Super helpful.”</p><p>Beatrice bumped Ava’s shoulder. “That was a god-tier pun and you know it.”</p><p>Ava wrapped an arm around Beatrice’s waist and yawned. “I know. I love you and your puns.”</p><p>Beatrice kissed the top of Ava’s head. “I know you do. That’s why I keep you around.”</p><p>Ava snorted. “And to think that I thought it was just because I’m a human space heater.”</p><p>“That is another one of your perks,” Beatrice chuckled.</p><p>The flat evolved with Ava and Beatrice overtime; growing from a space once largely bare to one that was warm and well-loved, just as their dorm room had done all those years ago. It was as natural as the turning of the seasons. Every nook and cranny held something that was important to them, with no space left bare. For the first time in a long time Beatrice and Ava had a space to call their own, free of expectations and duties; a place where they could just <em> be. </em></p><p>The fridge was plastered with magnets, including several swear words spelt out in letters, and postcards from places that they had visited. The walls that were not lined with shelves were dotted with art, posters and photographs of their family. There was a tall bookcase that they had bought cheap from a second-hand store, which stood lopsided and never seemed particularly stable. Most of their furniture was mis-matched, lending the cramped space an unintentional charm. It was a labyrinth at times, between the sprawling houseplants, dishes yet to be put away, and the rich smell of coffee, but one that blossomed and was so undoubtedly theirs that Beatrice could never say a bad word about it. Even when she misplaced her glasses for what felt like the umpteenth time that day. </p><p>There was never really a quiet moment, only <em> quieter </em> moments. If it wasn’t the birdsong outside, it was the rain pattering against the windows, or music playing from <em> somewhere, </em> giving the flat a constant steady heartbeat. And if it wasn’t any of that, it was Ava playing music. To help with her fine motor skills, she started playing guitar again. It was clumsy at first, but in time muscle memory returned and with it a part of Ava that had been asleep for so long was suddenly awakened again. Beatrice even taught her to play the piano, before she started taking formal lessons. Beatrice watched as Ava scribbled half-finished melodies on the back of shopping lists, post-it notes, the margins of a book. Ava played hide and seek with these half-remembered thoughts, living in almost constant chaos between a hundred and one different ideas but somehow managed to keep on top of it all. After so long, she was finally able to <em> create </em>again, something that made her heart soar. Perhaps it was no surprise then when Ava chose to pursue a career in music as a composer. She studied at one of the most prestigious music schools in Europe part time, whilst doing consultancy work for the OCS to help fund the venture.</p><p>Beatrice noticed a great many things about Ava during those years, things that she had only seen glimpses of before when they had been at Darlington. The way Ava’s dark eyes glinted when inspiration hit like a sparkler in the night. She was restless in a way that she had always been, in body and in mind, like a never-ending jazz melody. It was perhaps ironic, then, that when Ava sat and played was the time that she was most still. Beatrice watched her in these moments enamoured, entranced by how at home and at peace Ava appeared when enveloped by the bars and chords she created, notes as smooth as stones lying on the river’s floor. She was in awe of how Ava could recreate a scene, a mere fragment of a memory or a thread of emotion and encase it in amber, preserving it on paper without a single word in a slew of scribbled crochets, minims and quavers, and then reanimate it with her fingertips. By then, Beatrice was well attuned to how the Halo responded to Ava’s emotions, but during these times it had a unique soft glow, the colour of the sun’s rays just before sunset. It was barely perceptible unless Ava was wearing something made of particularly thin material, but there none the less.</p><p>As part of her final year project, Ava set out on a joint venture between the music and performing arts schools. She was incredibly secretive about exactly what she was composing, only that they would all be invited to the final performance. As it turned out, the project was a ballet. The story in itself was breathtakingly complex and beautiful, but it was Ava’s classical composition that breathed life and emotion into it. It told the tale of two individuals, with their love for each other evident, pulled apart by fate and then reunited by their own design. There was not a single person in the theatre who was not sobbing by the end, not out of sorrow but because it’s beauty. And seeing Ava there beaming at the end, dressed in a white and black suit as the conductor, Beatrice had never been prouder.</p><p>When many assumed because of its title, <em> Paradise Lost and Found </em>, that the ballet was a reimagining of the fall of the archangel Lucifer and his love for Lilith, they were not wrong, but not entirely correct either. The story worked on many levels, for the lovers did not solely represent one pair. They didn’t even have to be lovers, but whomever the viewer wanted them to be. They could just as easily be seen as sisters, siblings, a mother and her son. It was this, amongst many things, that led the ballet to have critical acclaim, although Ava chose to stay out of the spotlight.</p><p>While Ava found herself occupied with a new purpose during those years, it was Beatrice who drifted the most out of those who stepped away from the OCS. But she was never jealous of Ava for finding something that ignited her passions again, or even for having a vague idea of the person she was beyond being the Warrior Nun. Ava had always been sure of herself in a way that Beatrice lacked, although she learnt in time. Like Ava she worked for the OCS from time to time as a consultant strategist, and worked odd jobs alongside mixed with volunteer work. She trained as a barista and worked in a bookshop with a café and helped with various community projects whenever she could. It was only when the priest at Ronda’s church pulled her aside one day and asked if she would be willing to speak with a family of the congregation whose young son had just come out that things finally began to slip into place. It had taken a great deal of time and effort for Beatrice to reconnect with her faith in a way that was sustainable, not too dissimilar to Lecia’s story all those years ago, but something clicked then. By sharing her experiences, and teaching others that it was not a question of faith <em> or </em>living your truth, but a question of learning to understand that the two could co-exist, Beatrice realised that she could help people. The irony that she was following the same path as the woman she had considered her mum, far more so than the woman who had given birth to her, was not lost on Beatrice, but somehow this reassured her that this was the right path for her. </p><p>And so, Beatrice trained as an LGBT faith counsellor. She eventually set up a small nonprofit aimed at supporting LGBT people of faith and their families in Andalusia, which was more successful and welcomed than she could have imagined. Somewhere, in a place not so far away, Lecia was overwhelmingly proud of her.</p><p>After stepping back from the OCS, Mary returned to work as a chef at Mateo’s restaurant and in time became his business partner. From there she eventually branched out and established a restaurant of her own not too far away, which she named <em> Familia Pequeña </em> , or <em> Little Family. </em>Meanwhile, Lilith took over a vineyard owned by her family in the region and made it her own. </p><p>In the year following Ava’s graduation, and as her career as a composer was taking off, Beatrice insisted that they went away for Ava’s birthday. Beatrice deliberated for quite a time with the planning and trying to keep most of it a secret from Ava was almost impossible, but she somehow managed it.</p><p>The day before Ava’s birthday, Beatrice drove the two of them west of Ronda to Almería along the Mediterranean coastline. They stayed in the city that evening, exploring as they ate ice cream until their legs grew tired. But the following day was<em> the </em>day, for several reasons.</p><p>In the late afternoon, Beatrice drove them out of the city towards Calar Alto, a high plateau in the Sierra de Los Filabres mountain range. What Ava didn’t know, however, until they got there was that Calar Alto was home to the largest astronomical observatory in Europe. And Beatrice had hired out one of the telescopes for the evening. Beatrice also packed a picnic to occupy them before night-time, and to quell Ava’s insatious appetite. It was reminiscent of what they now referred to as their second first date, quite a number of years ago when Ava had taken Beatrice to the waterfall just outside of Ronda. So, there in the mountains, wholly undisturbed by anyone and with only each other and nature for company, Ava and Beatrice watched as the day turned to twilight, dusk and eventually night. Later, when they explored the starry sky through the telescope, seeing planets and galaxies, Ava was star struck into silence (pun intended). It was then that Beatrice knew that it now was the right time.</p><p>Beneath the Milky Way, Beatrice asked Ava to marry her, and of course Ava said yes.</p><hr/><p>The wedding ceremony itself was a simple affair the following year, consisting of just family and close friends and held outdoors in the fine weather of the Spanish spring. Ava and Beatrice did not need it to be anything more.</p><p>The aisle was marked by two rows of dutifully scattered pink blossoms petals. Mara walked Ava down to the altar, an archway formed by two cherry blossoms arching towards each other. After many years of patience and effort from both parties, Ava and Mara had become the aunt and niece that Lecia hoped they could be. No one had ever seen Mara smile so brightly than on that day. Ava stood at the altar for a few minutes, Mary at her side, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. She wore a white suit, paired with pale pink waistcoat and matching floral tie.</p><p>Thankfully, Ava did not have to wait long. Beatrice quickly followed and was walked down the aisle by Drew, who wore a pale blue suit that made the younger Yang sister look impossibly handsome. Beatrice meanwhile wore a dress of white lace, hair cascading past her cheeks and was the picture of radiance. </p><p>Both brides cried when they saw each other and wiped away each other’s tears. </p><p>“We haven’t even got to our vows yet,” Beatrice told her wife-to-be with a chuckle.</p><p>“We can do this,” Ava said with resolve, fanning her eyes with her hands before shedding another tear. “You’re just so beautiful.” </p><p>“As are you, my love,” Beatrice replied, kissing Ava on the forehead. </p><p>“Hey,” Mary chastised. “You’re meant to wait until the <em> you may now kiss the bride </em>part.” </p><p>“You didn’t!” Camila reminded her from next to Beatrice. </p><p>Mary pulled a face. “Fair point. Now, c’mon. Before they start crying again!” </p><p>Diego, now a young man with a stubble whilst his father’s hair was turning grey, carried the rings and hugged both women tight before they exchanged their vows. By now, he viewed them both as his older sisters in all but blood. </p><p>There was a row of empty seats at the front of the set-up, though this was deliberate. It was Mateo’s idea to have a place dedicated to those who had since passed, but otherwise would have been there in a heartbeat. There was a seat for Lecia, Shannon, Jillian and Michael. Jillian had long since crossed over into the Underworld to be with her son, and they occasionally heard updates from her. Yet, more than once in fact, both Beatrice and Ava thought they saw ripples in the air about these seats, as well as weaving in and out of the crowd at the reception. When the newly wedded pair asked Lucifer about this, who was in attendance after assuring them that they would not miss the day for a world, the regent simply smiled, their golden eyes twinkling with the lights and candles that decorated the courtyard for the evening. </p><p>“Those we love never truly leave us.” </p><p>Pretty much the whole of Ronda were invited to the reception and they sang and danced the night away, slowly winding down into the early hours of the morning whilst the stars twinkled above them. It was strange to see Lucifer so comfortable among people, joking and laughing with them. Somewhere along the line, Ava lost her tie and it later reappeared tied around Diego’s head. Lilith ended up in a karaoke battle with Camila, a memory that was immortalised in Beatrice and Ava’s wedding video.</p><p>“I told you a video was a good idea,” Ava would remind Beatrice each year when they re-watched the video on their wedding anniversary.</p><p>Beatrice would inevitably roll her eyes in response, but would rewind the footage just to watch it again anyway.</p><hr/><p>Ava was the first Warrior Nun to be many things, but she was the last as she had always sworn to be. She was the first to bring peace and find it for herself. First to be known for something other than being God’s champion, first to create more than destroy. First to be a wife, to be a mother and the first to grow old. She and Beatrice had adopted a little boy called Theo several years into their marriage, shortly followed by Mei-Xing. Theo grew to be head and shoulders over his mums and sister, much to Mei-Xing’s frequent grumbling, and pursued an academic career as a historian. Mei-Xing, meanwhile, took more after Ava and went into the musical arts as a sound engineer. Both had long since left home and had families of their own but visited often. Those days were loud, full of pattering little feet, water fights and exclamations of all sorts, the most recent being <em> lao lao and avozinha, I found a slug! </em> Said slug had been munching on Ava’s rose bushes. She was not amused.</p><p>Ava and Beatrice had retired to a modest home tucked away in the Spanish countryside, not too far from civilisation but far enough for it to be peaceful. After living more decades than they cared to admit in the area, they had become as much a part of the landscape as the mountains and valleys. They had travelled all over the world during their days with the OCS, and later with both of their careers, but Andalusia had always been the centre of their found family, and so in Andalusia they remained.</p><p>On one quiet day, Ava sat on the porch and penned the final words in the Warrior Nun journal. </p><p>
  <em> When we die, we turn into stories, and every time someone tells one of those stories it is like we are still there. In a way we are. We all become stories in the end.  </em>
</p><p>In time, Ava and Beatrice came to understand that their time in the mortal world had come to an end. Over several years, the Halo had begun to wind down, for even a celestial object of heavens was not designed to prevent the very natural process of human aging. Ava and Beatrice decided to take the crossing together, and did so after they had said goodbye to their loved ones, with a promise that they would see them again in the next life. </p><p>Lucifer came to escort them personally and embraced the now two elderly women like old friends. They guided them across the Veil but found themselves somewhere quite unlike the dusty red Underworld that Ava had recounted. Instead they stood dressed in flowing white clothes and barefoot in a sunny courtyard of white marble, the air about them warm but accompanied by a gentle breeze that rustled the leaves of the surrounding trees.</p><p>“This is me keeping a promise,” Lucifer told them in a gentle voice barely above a whisper. Ava and Beatrice looked quizzically at Lucifer and then at each other. But when they went to look back at Lucifer, the regent had vanished.</p><p>“What are they talking about?” Beatrice asked Ava. </p><p>Ava shrugged. “I have no idea. I guess we’ll find out.” Ava squinted her gaze to the centre of the courtyard, some paces away. “Look,” she said. “There’s someone on that bench. Perhaps they’ll know what’s going on.”</p><p>They did not have to call out before the person on the bench, a woman with her back to them, rose to face them. They were met with a warm gaze, one that was familiar but that they had not seen in many years. </p><p>Lecia pulled the two women into an embrace and held them close. “My girls,” she said. “I’m so, so proud of you both.”</p><p>In this life <em> and </em> the next.</p><p>
  <em> Fin. </em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Apologies that this chapter is a week late, but I hope it was worth it and would love to hear your thoughts. I confess that I cried several times whilst writing this.</p><p>I'm at a bit of a loss for words that this is finally over. Thank you to everyone who has read, commented and stuck with this story to the end, it truly means more than I can say. Thank you for all your kind words and hype, I honestly never expected this to amount to much. Lastly the biggest of thank yous to my beta Leo, I always insist that this never would have got as far as it did without your support because it's true! &lt;3</p><p>You can keep up-to-date with any news about more fics over on <a href="https://twitter.com/avatricefeels">Twitter</a>. If there is something in particular you'd like to see explored more in this world, I'm all ears. Camila backstory perhaps?</p><p>And finally! If you want to find out about the very first Warrior Nun fanzine, check out the Warrior Nun Fan Promo announcement on Twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/WarriorNunPromo/status/1383099195448516616">here</a>. Submissions are open until 21th May 2021.</p>
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